High need baby support thread

[LittleWaveyLines]

Does this sound like your baby?

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

If so - join the club! :)

OCC I get hardly anything out when I express so he'll have formula at nursery and also bedtimes/mornings when I'm on nights. I'm hoping to continue breastfeeding when I can if he still wants it though. I guess it depends how he takes to weaning, I'm going back to work when he's 8.5 months old.

DS has fed at least every 2hrs for the last 3 days and was awake every 20 minutes wanting to be cuddled back to sleep between midnight and 6 last night. Strangely I don't feel too bad today and we've had lots of giggles and smiles from the boy which always makes everything better :)

Hallelujah for finding this thread - I have a 6 hour car journey to do with 6 mo DD and was just looking as to whether anyone else has a baby with car seat / pram / high chair / anything strapped in where mummy can't pick me up.

The story so far - she came out, looked around for 4 hours, fell asleep by herself for a day and has wanted to be held and not sleep ever since! My mum who had 4 doesn't have a clue ('all babies fall asleep in their prams Bub'...!) and has no idea why I am dreading the journey to go and see them and the lack of sleep when we get there ('just out her down, she'll settle herself to sleep'..!!).

I was starting to think it was me being to responsive to her crying as my friends think I am bonkers for ordering my day around her nap times and for getting her out of the pram when she whines and putting her in the bjorne instead where she is always happy.

She has had reflux from food intolerances since she was 5 weeks old (but wouldn't take a bottle to drink the special formula so mummy is on a very restricted diet). I sometimes wonder if I wouldn't be grumpy a lot and want extra cuddles all the time though if I had the 6 months that she has had.

So that's us and pretty please can I join your thread as I am so glad it's not just me!!

Welcome! 6 hours in the car? You have my sympathies. Assuming you haven't waded through all 600 posts, some of us have had a bit of success with dummies. DS would never take one until a few weeks ago, but now he will and it helps. A bit. Not sure how we would manage 6 hours though. Any chance you could break the journey up halfway with a night in a naice hotel somewhere?

DS screamed all the way home from my parents' place. By the time I pulled over, he was dripping in sweat and a right state. Felt terrible. He's fine now we're home now. Snoozing away. On my boob, obvs.

Tickle: I think offering water is pointless tbh!! Ime hvs are too bothered about sleeping thru and routine etc- they seem to want a robot baby!! It would tire you out mire giving water, and he'll only waken an hour later fir food! As you say, he is actually feeding when he wakens, as is my ds, I choose to feed rather than fill an empty tummy with water. Up to you- you could try it and see if it works, but I'd say mama milk is what he still needs at this age.

We've gone backwards a bit too btw, back to cat napping during the day ( thought I had nailed the longer sleeps), and wouldn't go down as easily last night. But I think it's a little tester for consistency, so gonna keep at it

Welcome bub!! We're all in this together- fab place for moan, groan, advice that works, and some that doesnt. To express your endless guilt, dismay and downright fucked-offness. You are safe here!!!-

Ta Mam - I can't bear the thought of filling his rumbly tum with water so I shall ignore, ignore, ignore.

So tired this evening, going to eat something quick and dirty (a Pot Noodle, please don't judge me!) and head to bed for an early night.

Gawd I would give my left ovary for a full night's uninterrupted sleep... One day... Maybe... A girl can dream!

Welcome bub :)

As you're already slinging, you might want to look at some Bjorn alternatives. BBs can get very uncomfortable for both parent and child over 4-6 months (although some people love them, which is fine) and they are not good for the baby in the face-out position as the spine is bent the wrong way and they're hanging on their crotch.

I love my Mei Tai (used it for 2 1/2 yrs with DS1) just as one good alternative. But trying a few, maybe from your local sling meet, would be the way to find out what suits. You may find it a revelation, and our high-needers don't stop needing carrying just because they turn into huge lumps of toddler

tickle with my professional hat on - "a baby who needs milk will not settle for water and is likely to just get more upset. And it's a risk for an unweaned breastfed baby as it will interfere with the protection that breastmilk gives to the gut"

"What a load of bollocks. Water? Yeah, he'll accept that instead of his beloved boobies when he's been away from you during the day and craves your love, warmth and milk".

Now an 18 month old - that's a different story.

Night weaning is working and he's sleeping much better. Or I am at least. I'm in the spare room .

Very excited to find this thread! I had one of these babies! At the time I thought it was just me, but since I've met a couple of others. Even better to find a whole thread-full!

Other mothers from my group would say things like "I'm sitting there in the afternoon working on my novel and then I hear him start stirring and I know I've only got another 15 minutes of peace!" I felt like I must be another species. Mine never napped, and would go from ok to screaming blue murder in 0.15 seconds. I couldn't eat or go to the loo or clean my teeth without him fixed to my chest - working on a novel????

Now he's 5 and still very intense, but no problems at all. Social, happy, clever. So hang in there! For us it got much better after 12 months, and especially once he could sign and talk. It took a good 3 years for his sleep to improve, and he still isn't a great sleeper, but everything else got much easier in the second year. So I don't think they necessarily become difficult toddlers or have eating problems or anything like that.

Baby 2 is completely different. Normal. Naps, only fed 13 times every 24 hours (which seemed like hardly ever by comparison), likes to sit and play with his toys.

"Working on my novel"

Oh I absolutely pissed myself over that one :)

Welcome, iguana and thank you for your story :) I think I had the oldest HN kid on this thread until you came along (he's 18 months) so I've been able to pass on some ressurance of improvement to those still in the first months of hell. Lovely to hear about your 5YO - reassuring to me!!

My oldest is 7 and was like your youngest so I did have the advantage of knowing "it's not me".

Hello carrotcake! Actually, reading some of the posts and thinking about it again, I have to say one of the bad things that has carried on for me is the guilt. DS1 still wants and wants and wants attention and stimulation, and however much I give him, it's never enough. So I struggle with that and sometimes get very frustrated with him.

On the plus side, we had his first parents' evening this term, and his teacher cried - - because he's leaving! (We're moving abroad.) She said "I just can't talk about him going!" and had to get a tissue out.

Hello iguana and bubs. Welcome. Well we've had a nice day today, a bit of screaming but not much. He also didn't want to go to sleep this evening without my boob in his mouth. Every time I thought he was asleep I backed off and he woke up. MIL and DM driving me up the wall. MIL keeps calling DS awkward, difficult. & wicked which really upsets & annoys me. I keep saying that he's none of those things - he's just a baby, but she doesn't really listen.

My DM has been looking after her partners grandson this weekend and rang me to tell me what a fantastic routine he was in, how easy to get to sleep and what a pleasure to look after. She said that his mum has been following Gina Ford and how well it was working. I took deep breaths! I know she was only trying to be helpful and offer suggestions but it made me feel inadequate (again). Oh well. She also keeps telling me that I need to formula feed, get him to sleep in his cot and feed him purée. She rang earlier asking if she needed to sort a cot out for when we're down over Christmas. I politely declined.

Sorry for the rant.

Wishing everyone a great nights sleep.

Oh Titania - how frustrating! :( hope you're having a reasonable night.

It took me 2.5hrs to get DS to sleep and we ended up giving him some calpol in the end. He woke to feed at 12 and 2 then did a mega-crap which led to a complete change of clothes and sleeping bag and is now laying next to me, wide awake and shouting, despite everything I'm doing to try to get him to sleep. I don't know what to do. I thought his sleep was bad 4 weeks ago but it's getting worse. Maybe it's something I'm doing wrong, he stayed at my mums 2 weeks ago and slept from 7-9 then 9.30-5 :(

Is it wrong to have breakfast at this time in the night morning?

Thank you all for your kind words after my meltdown yesterday. Had me in tears! I didn't really manage to catch up on sleep during the day but DP was a star so I did manage to relax. I feel a bit more in control of myself now!

DS slept much better last night, by no means an amazing night, as demonstrated by me posting at this time, but a good few two hour stretches have made a big difference. Unfortunately windy bum DS has decided 4 was time to get up and no amount of boob or rocking is changing his mind. I can't be arsed fighting it so we're downstairs.

Spanner & Titania - hugs
Welcome iguana!

Sorry if I've missed anything, haven't read beyond the last few posts.

Spanner, I should add, you're not doing anything wrong! Apparently, someone thought it would be a good idea to give babies a mind of their own and they have the cheek to think they know best.

I hope he settles soon for you, I definitely do feel your pain.

Oh dear. It sounds like much hugs, arm punches, chocolate, expressos etc are needed.

Tickle I wouldn't dream of giving a baby this age water in the night, even my ff one. He wants you not some manufactured thing.

Jeewhiz you are cut out for this. Because you are determined to do and be what your baby needs. Imagine if baba had a mum who was intent on doing a routine and cc etc? He would be utterly miserable all the time. Instead he has a mum who understands that he is a high need baby. It doesn't make the dark times any lighter I know, or make him any easier to read, and you will still get things 'wrong' but you are doing the best thing for him.

Titania I know what you mean. I was judged for giving ds a dummy, now I'm being judged for still cuddling him to sleep! Why? After all, when it works, it takes less than 5 mins! And I get a lovely sleepy snuggle thrown in free! Routine is for those without enough imagination to go with the flow

Spanner repeat after me - 'it was a fluke' . Seriously, you're doing nothing wrong. You are doing everything right even though sometimes it's hard.

DS is convinced that 5am is party time. It's damn hard, especially when I've been up twice in the night to feed him, but today I'm just going with it. Tomorrow I'll be raging against it again!

Finally - welcome to the newbies - you are part of a very exclusive club. We don't let just anyone in here you know

Argh. How is he not sleepy? I don't understand. Up at 1, 3 then 4 for the day. DH got up with him at 5ish (after much huffing and moaning - I said 'I've been up since 1'. His reply 'it's not a competition you know'. Twat.) Anyway, he brought him back at 7 asleep. Put him down in bed and he woke up of course. Half an hour of nipple chomping later, he was well and truly awake, so I've got up.

So basically, he has been pretty much awake since three, with a couple of ten minute snoozes in between. How is he not tired? I'm exhausted.

DH is off today and we are supposed to be finishing our Christmas shopping. I cannot be arsed. I'm in a mood with both of my boys and really just want a day on my own. But feeling like that makes me think I'm a terrible mother and wife. As does the fact I'm completely ignoring DS now as he munches his way through banana on toast. Thanks for listening, I know you lot understand, at least.

Ah ha. Just done a massive, explosive poo (I mean DS, not me) so maybe that was bothering him. Who knew?! If only they could talk. We're starting baby sign classes in January, perhaps that will help ease the frustration on both sides!

DS has deigned to give us one of his rarer-than-hens-teeth good nights after a couple of real shocking ones. He went to bed at 7.15 and I followed soon after at 8.10.

He woke for feeds at 11.45, 1.30, 5, and up for the day at 7.30. I really, really needed that!

Got my triage appointment with the counsellor this week, not sure how I'm feeling about that but will be good to have a chat about how I've been feeling. DH has 2 days off work this week, am really happy about that!

I popped into London to have a chat with my boss about coming back to work - it went quite well, andhe seemed pretty much ok with my flexible working suggestions and returning part time at first. Now I just need to decide when to go back. At the moment it's January (DS will be 6 months) but I want to extend it to either 7 or 8 months and transfer whatever statutory paid leave I have left to my DH so he can have some quality time with the little man.

I have no idea what decision to make - I'll feel guilty as all hell going back anyway, but I do enjoy my job. On the very hard days with DS, I think that the sooner I can go back, the better, which is horrible :(

Sounds like a few of us had an early start today!

we're starting baby signing in January too Queenkong - I thought it would help with frustration too! I've also signed up for buggyfit classes, I think it'll do us both good even if he does scream all the way round

cross-post tickle - I'm with you on sometimes looking forward to going back to work but feeling guilty about it! Glad you had a better night.

First day back at work is tomorrow. Half day- so depressed, not a clue how ds will manage as he's still lovin the boob!!
To top it all, he's teething badly, and sleep is shite!!!

Oh, Mampig poor you! Eeeek at work! At least I work from my own home so if ds kicks off I just refuse to answer the phone.

I bet he surprises you Mampig.

Baby Kong has just had his first meal out. Nandos. Messy.

Get Babykong and his Nandos!

Baby button and I have just been window shopping for highchairs. I'm rather liking this one It's a bit of a beast but last time I just had one that clipped onto an ordinary chair which was a nuisance as it took up a chair (obv!). And it can go low enough and close enough in to eat with us at the table when ds is bigger. Think we'll pick up on Friday when we've got DH's car to fit it in!