High need baby support thread

[LittleWaveyLines]

Does this sound like your baby?

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

If so - join the club! :)

anyone found any good strategies to cope for when you have a really hard day and there is noone to help with hte baby? some people have told me just sit them in the bouncer so they can see you - they obviously don't understand. or leave them to cry a bit while u calm down - i can't do this and it would just make my baby ten times worse and me far more anxious. i had such a dificult day as baby so unsettled - tried everything and felt like i couldn't cope and just took her to bed for awhile which helped me at least lie my body down lol usually she will nap for a few minutes here or there so i can get a few breathers. when she does sleep on top of me i love it shs so cute and cuddley, we both relax, then i make the mistake of trying to lay her down and its all lost! good luck everyone

Truth I'm so glad carrotcake came back and said all that. It's what I thought was right but I have no qualifications/evidence to back it up. I would be really wary of limiting feeds or pushing baba to wait longer than he wants.

If he's not losing weight then maybe he's just finding his level? I know its terribly hard but do try not to worry. Losing weight is not good but from what I can make out he's not? It's just that his gain has slowed down a bit?

Jan2011 I have people telling me that too. It makes me cross - as if leaving him to cry reduces his stress or mine?! It certainly doesn't give me a break in any way shape or form!

truth - what button said!

Welcome to the newcomers! huntycat, firsttimer & jan feel free to rant/cry/complain etc, we've all been doing plenty of that, and this thread has been great support!

jan - have you tried getting into the bath with your DD and letting her feed and relax with you there? I have only just started to get my 5mo DS to sleep on the mattress (in my bed) rather than on me, which he's done since birth. I think I'd have gone insane if I'd done it any other way as neither of us would have slept! I completely agree with not leaving DS to cry, he doesn't calm down, it just escalates and I end up more stressed than I was in the first place!

queen - biting! DS has been biting me too, no teeth yet thank god, just gums but it feckin hurts! I'm hoping it's just his teething that's making him do it and that he doesn't get into the habit. I really am not ready to give up bf just yet. As others have said there's been lots of threads on here about it, I hope you find the advice you need

Truth - I totally know how you feel with the weight. My DS was born on the 25% and dropped down to the 0.4% by week 4 where he has remained (until 2 weeks ago when he picked up again). There are underlying reasons for my LOs slow weight gain (TT and associated issues). However I still totally understand how it makes you feel when you get them weighed and they're not following the curve.

I can't really offer any suggestions as I'm no expert but just wanted you to know that I know how you're feeling!

Went out with NCT group yesterday who make me feel woefully inadequate. Not only is DS tiny in comparison to their babies, but they're all in cots in their own rooms, sleeping through (more or less). All talking about going out on works Xmas dos. I had a (small) sob to DH last night, but feel much better after coming on here.

With all the posts since I last came on i've lost track a bit - but welcome to newcomers and hope everyone got some sleep last night.

Getting DS weighed this afternoon - I may be back ranting later!!

Oh good grief incredibly clingy baby after yet another awful night - I'm actually having to ignore her crying to post this so please excuse that I haven't read previous posts..

... does anyone else's HNB wake up in the night actually crying out of nowhere- no slow build up, just asleep, then full on crying cos that's what she is doing recently every hour or so.... and doesn't want feeding!

No idea what to do.... any suggetsions? TIA x

Hi LWL. DS never did this until his teeth started making an appearance now does it once every other night or so, while clawing at his mouth. I assume it's toothache related and drug soothe him with Calpol. Seems to work.

truth hope you are feeling better today.

I must confess I'm feeling a bit low today. My 18MO was doing really well but has been unwell for a few days and I'm exhausted. Light at the end of the tunnel for you all was that it does get better, and things were good, but I'm just exhausted today and feeling a bit rubbish!

I do sometimes feel like I'm the world's worst mother. Not because I am comparing with babies who are sleeping through, or who let their parents go out for a Christmas "do" because DS1 was an "angel" baby and I know it's not me. Please take heart, Titania. I feel like an awful mother when I just can't cope with things and I feel like I'm letting him down because I should be able to. Trying to remember we're all human .

Carrotcake you can't be the world's worst mum - that's my title for today.

We had to go out yesterday evening and half way down the motorway I was trying to make ds a bottle when I realised I'd left his nutramigen powder at home - eek! As a total emergency measure we had to buy a carton of aptamil.

Well, his eczema is deadful . At least dh finally believs that the paed might know what she's talking about when she says he has CMPI! I was awake all night beating myself up with a big stick for being such a numpty.

LOL at you all (well, you have to laugh don't you) but at the same time much sympathy to you button. My DS has CMPI and it's been a real struggle. I know you went through hell with BFing IIRC so it must be really tough for you :(

Is it worth seeing if the doc will give you a "spare" prescription that you can keep in your bag/purse in case of emergencies away from home? I don't know if that's possible.

Decided I would be a 'good mum' today and make homemade Xmas cards for family with DS's little foot and 2 hand prints making a reindeer. Ah, how sweet you cry.

Well, DS didn't want to co-operate. Loved squishing his hands and feet around in red paint and kicking up all the newspaper I had laid down to protect the floor, but we couldn't coordinate making the prints on the paper. Had to sort of pin him down to do it. At which point he started moaning and wriggling. Paint everywhere, it looked like I'd slaughtered a pig in the kitchen.

Had to give DS a bath then dress him again (which he hates). Then had to dump him in his playnest and ignore him for ages while I attempted to clean up. He objected to this neglect and screamed blue murder.

To add insult to injury the fucking things look nothing like reindeer. More like I've severed a vein and splattered it on to some paper. I can't send them, people will think they are some kind of suicide note.

And that's why I deserve the crown today.

That would work perfectly except for the fact that pharmacies rarely keep it in stock as it's so expensive (think along the lines of £120 per week ) so is usually an order only item. Still, they've now upped his repeat from 4 tins (a week's worth) to 8 so I might submit one a little early and keep an unopened tin in each car for emergencies.

Thank you carrot - yes, it was hell! I really struggle to understand why it went so wrong 3 times out of 4 when the will and intent was never lacking but most of the time I'm ok with it. I guess we all have our triggers that can make us upset and I think that will always be mine. I think I will always feel desperately guilty for not being able to do something so 'natural'. And if anyone says, 'oh well at least you tried' I might just bop you on the nose!

Or even Queenkong

OMG that's hilarious!!!

I did that once for my DH's wedding anniversary card (DS2 was born a few days before our anniversary). He was tiny, and manageable-ish, but I still did it in my MIL's bathroom. I'm not mad enough to do it in my own house.

I hope I don't offend you by laughing, queen, but honestly, you have cheered me up no end and I really, really needed it. Thank you so much!

No offence taken at all. Glad I could help!

(puts on serious hat)

button yeah, platitudes like that are people trying to help but not knowing what to say and it just Being Wrong. Did you work through why things didn't work out? Forgive me, it's a while since you were posting and I've forgotten the details . I just remember it being awful for you.

We x-posted Queen! I think I might just give you the crown back actually. I can't compete with red paint suicide notes

Which time?!

DC1 had severe reflux and FTT. Despite mixed feeding, at 10wks she had yet to regain her birthweight so I was stopped from bf (I was v v young and felt like I was stopped IYKWIM?). I also had not healed (again - total ignorance) so my body was probably looking after me first? Though I didn't find out that it may have affected my bm until I was pg with...

DC2 who I bf for 6m, though her weight gain was always marginal and always a point of concern. She remains tiny and has little appetite so maybe the fact that I wasn't producing the good stuff didn't bother her as much.

DC3 I bf for 5wks. He never ever settled or was content despite feeding round the clock. We also had thrush which kind of finished me off.

DC4 had TT snipped at 4wks, continued to gain v little weight. Was never content and would feed for 23/24 hours. Now I wonder whether this CMPI was always there and was responsible for the colic, explosive nappies etc and if I had removed dairy from my diet maybe I'd have been more successful?

I don't know really. I've always been a good producer - ie plenty of milk, plenty of wet nappies etc. I wonder sometimes if I'm just not a quality producer? Can there be such a thing?

button :(

Nah, "quality" is always there but the baby has to be able to take it in. Some healing problems might interfere with BM production, depending on what they are, but usually not. Sounds like you're a great producer of good milk, but there may be a mechanical problem where your babies have been unable to actually release it from you successfully. CMPI is a high contender with DC4, for sure. It would be one cause of all those things that you suggest and the TT could cause some of them, too. Self-flagellation is understandable but in the end what you don't know you can't try and from what you now know you're supporting other people on here...

Could DC3 also have a TT?

You mention FTT with DC1. What do you mean?

Sounds like it's possible that TT is implicated all through, potentially. There's certainly a predisposition for it to run in families and siblings. It's a really, really mean thing. :(

She looked like a little famine baby - skinny, disinterested, floppy, no energy. She was 12 weeks before she regained her birth weight of 8lb15oz. I had an internal tear which went unnoticed until 5m where it turned out to be infected and refused to heal for a further 2m. I think TT could be responsible for a lot of it - they've all got similar physiognomy in their mouths but I'm not qualified to tell. DS's was a posterior tie so quite hard to spot.

Maybe that's what it was - I don't know. After his TT snip he had another 3+weeks of bf during which he spent the whole time attached but he continued to fail to gain weight really. I look at photos now and he looks quite frail. Difficult when he was 9lb6 born!

Anyway - time to cheer up. Off to see ds1 in his nativity play. He's a camel. I'm welling up already!

Gosh how awful :( Sometimes a TT snip just doesn't fix things even though technically it should and it's just horrible.

But as you say, on a positive note - a camel! How adorable! How old is he?

4.5. He says he was the 'best camel and the best singer'. He's so modest!

I think all the above though is why I get so het up about bf/ff. You know it's the best thing and I know it's the best thing. And that's cool. And most of the apparent glibness from some successful bf-ers is just the way something is written and unintentional. But sometimes some idiot posts along the lines of 'BF is so easy if you can't do it you didn't try hard enough and now you're ff you're damaging your child' and it's mighty hard to retain your dignity and sense of proportion and rise above it.

Ah well, this topic is done and redone all the time and I never make the best impression as the hurt is still too real for me to be dispassionate. Given that DD1 is 14 I wonder if I ever will!

And I think that I will feel that envy forever too. I envy all of you who can at least calm your babies for a few minutes by offering them the breast. A silicone teat or latex dummy just isn't the same! And I envy you for being able to be utterly responsible for nourishing your baby. Don't get me wrong - there are times when being able to give someone else baby & bottle is great but on the whole I'd sell my soul to have been able to bf successfully for 6months, 1 year, 2 years, who knows. Or even just to not care that it didn't work out. I know it's only one part of motherhood but it feels as though you've let yourself and your baby down somehow - because you can't do what you should be able to Perhaps that's why I'm so supportive of people on here who are thinking of giving up. Sometimes all the 'just feed more' comments etc don't help and you need someone to say 'actually, it IS ok to stop if it's affecting you this much'.

Dear me - what maudlin feelings! The guilt of being a mum starts early and is still going strong 14 years later

Aw buttonmoon, think that's one of the most touching, honest posts I've read on here. You've made me think harder about how difficult it must be for people who can't bf but who really want to and I hope I'll be more sympathetic in the future.

I won't patronise you with more 'but you're a great mum, don't beat yourself up' comments. Can I interest you in a homemade road kill reindeer Xmas card though?

button. I can't think of the right words to try and support your post without sounding stupid so the hug will have to do!

I also don't have the words. Just wanted to let u know I have a good idea how you feel. I managed bf for first tine with ds4, so in trying the prev 3 times, and it not working, I also have all those feelings. I was lucky this time around in managing to get it going. Have to say that I couldn't have done it without mn ladies support and advice- didn't have that the other times. Makes me really appreciate bf now! So I need to stop grumbling tbh . Big hugs to u x