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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Were they right or should I complain?

152 replies

Gauchita · 16/10/2011 16:30

Right, having shed a few tears I'm now calmer and can ask you all about this. I really don't know whether they were right or not, so I'm perfectly open to be told they were and if so I'll just get a grip and forget it.

Today we went shopping as DD needed new pijamas. While we were shopping at a store (don't know if I can name them) DS, who is 6 weeks old, started crying. I had fed him at home so that he wasn't hungry for a little while at least, so I took him out of his pram to check whether it was maybe wind. It wasn't wind, he was hungry so I looked for a quiet area in the store, sat down in a low level piece of furniture and started feeding him. I was very discreet (nothing could be seen), no one could see me, there were only two other ladies in that area. A female member of staff passed by me as I was next to one of those "staff only" doors. She saw me and smiled, didn't say anything.

A few minutes later a member of security approached me and told me, very politely, he had been told I was here and he had been asked to tell me I couldn't breastfeed in the store. DH was near now (he had been queuing to pay), heard him and asked whether he was sure that was right. He said yes, so DH politely asked him to speak to the supervisor.

By now I had already finished feeding DS so we just waited for the supervisor to come. When she arrived she told us a member of staff had told her I was there and that I couldn't breastfeed the baby in the store. To be honest she didn't choose the best approach (tone and manner), we asked whether she was sure that was right and she said yes, that this made customers feel uncomfortable Sad She then changed what she had said a bit and now it hadn't been a member of staff who had told her but a customer who had complained about me breastfeeding. I could see DH's face by now and I was already feeling a lump in my throat so I asked DH to leave it there and to just go.

DH, however, asked her again how things had been then, whether it had been a member of staff or a customer, etc, to be honest I just wanted to get out. She had the lovely idea to speak quite loudly the whole time so I felt people were looking at us, agh! DH asked her for her name so she went away with him and DD to give him a card and meanwhile I started putting DS in his pram. The security guy, who stayed with me, then told me that maybe it had to do with the fact that no food or drinks were allowed in the store Confused And then he said he had been breastfed himself and he had breastfed as well (I think he obviously meant his partner) so he had no problem with it but this was how things were. I could only feel the lump in my throat getting bigger and bigger so I just said "This is really disappointing, to be honest" and started to walk towards the lift.

Were they right? This never happened to me with DD (2.4 now) and in 6 weeks it's happened to me twice at two different stores. Would it have been any different had I not sat down and directly walk around feeding him? Would they have been able to say the same? I clearly remember feeding DD walking around places all the time so maybe things have changed? Should I complain with their head office? I really want to know if they were right so as to not do it again or plan whatever outing I have to do better. I felt horrible and cried from the moment I stepped out of the store, but I'm prepared to be told I'm just being hormonal and overreacting.

Thanks and sorry for the length!

OP posts:
whenskiesaregrey · 21/10/2011 16:10

Hey Gauchita

Thought I would come find your thread!

This is awful. And having met both you and your DH, I am positive you would have been both reserved and polite to the woman in the shop; you did not deserve to be treated to the way you did. Well done to DH also.

Please don't give up, and when you are feeling better, please reply and let them know you are still not happy. This is precisely the reason I avoided feeding DS in public for 14 months!

You have a lot of support behind you in pushing it forward if that is what you want to do! Hope you feel better soon.

sismith42 · 21/10/2011 18:01

A quick google search leads to a Vancover nurse-in in 2008... sounds like H&M are just anti-breastfeeding :-(

I am tempted to send a very disapointed email about their apparently global attitude towards this...

Mummytojessicaandoliver · 21/10/2011 19:36

I am so shocked to read this, makes me so angry!! I have breast fed both my babies, until 7 months with no.1 and still feeding no.2 at 5 months. Although you can never see anything, I am always waiting for the 'excuse me, can you leave' comment. It's never happened, thought I was being paranoid but clearly it does still happen! Genuinely shocked and disgusted at what you have experienced!! Shame on them!

SauvignonBlanche · 21/10/2011 19:44

Unbelievable!! Angry

RogerMelly · 22/10/2011 17:03

oh how weird the only shop that were funny about me feeding in was h&m though I put it down to the fact the staff were young. MInd you I only asked to feed in their changing rooms......

organiccarrotcake · 24/10/2011 08:20

Hi Gauchita. How are you feeling? Hope the mastitis is passing.

Have you made any decisions about whether you'll leave it at this or have another go at getting a better answer?

Mondaybaby · 24/10/2011 12:52

Hi Gauchita,
How are you feeling? I hope the mastitis hasn't got worse.....
I am shocked by the terrible treatment you received in H&M and your post almost brought tears to my eyes (my baby is 13 months so I shouldn't be so emotional!).
You are handling this situation amazingly well. Any improovement to make breastfeeding more acceptable and normal in public is a good thing.

Gauchita · 24/10/2011 16:19

Hello,
Thanks for all the messages. I've been offline since Friday as DS's cold turned into bronchiolitis and we were admitted in hospital that same day. Discharged this morning and fortunately DS doing better.
Bluebeach, mastitis and thrush at the same time, poor you! Not in your area unfortunately, I'm in West Yorkshire. As I mentioned before, I have to go back to that same store one of these days. I need to change some items as I got the wrong sizes!

Whenskies, so nice to see you on the boards again Smile Come back to the thread for a catch-up if you can.
Sismith, I think one of the problems retailers have is that policies sometimes exist and are "in place" but they're not put into practice, sadly.
Roger, sorry to hear it happened to you as well. In the letter I received the other day the lady mentioned their policy was to allow women to bf in their stores and even offer them a comfortable place or a chair/stool. Again, not what you experienced...
organiccarrotcake, mondaybaby, fortunately mastitis has almost cleared completely, only two more tablets to take!

organiccarrotcake, on Friday I replied to the lady. I thanked her for her response but made a few points wrt the gap I mentioned in a previous post and requesting her a public apology so that it would highlight that H&M welcomes bf women at their stores. I also requested an apology from the store supervisor. I might receive a better response from them or maybe not, but at least I tried Smile

OP posts:
organiccarrotcake · 25/10/2011 08:50

You've done a brilliant job, Gauchita. I'm following the FB group as I'm near Leeds and will see what happens. Happy to support you however you want.

Caz10 · 25/10/2011 21:42

Very impressed with your handling of this Gauchita, well done, keep at them! I live in Scotland where we are protected by legislation against this happening- I have had no opportunity to test that thankfully!
Ironically H&M sell really nice nursing t-shirts!

birdofthenorth · 26/10/2011 21:44

I have just emailed Mumsnet to say I think it's a bit unfortunate that their "Mumsnet swears by" email today endorsed H&M in the same week this thread was out! They are far from in my good books yet after the awful way they treated the OP Smile

Elderberries · 27/10/2011 10:16

Not sure if this has already been said....but what about picking a date and having a protest. A mass feed in, in various shops and public places in the country. The publicity would make more people aware of our rights.

Cosmosis · 27/10/2011 13:20

well done for complaining. I'm in Leeds & happy to support if you want to do anything further.

Gauchita · 29/10/2011 12:58

Hello all, here's an update. Lady from H&M replied to my last email. Here it is.

Dear Gauchita,

I am sorry to hear that you and your son were admitted into hospital. I hope that he is now much better?

I just wanted to get in touch again to follow up and assure you that we have taken this matter very seriously and in light of this incident and the valuable feedback that you have given us, we have both investigated the matter and have reviewed the information and training that we had in place for our staff. We have been able to determine that there may have been a misunderstanding at store level regarding how staff should support breastfeeding mothers, and for that we are regretful.

As I said in my last message, H&M believes in the dignity and respect that all breastfeeding women are entitled to and we comply with legislation regarding the rights of nursing mothers and providing access to breastfeeding space.

To ensure that in the future we are able to better support our staff and our customers, including nursing mothers, H&M has taken the following steps:
we have reviewed the policies, health and safety and customer service training that we currently have in place and have issued clearer information in order to better educate and inform our staff how they should approach breastfeeding in their stores and provide a better customer service to nursing mothers. We will now continue to make every effort to ensure that all our staff in our 204 stores in the UK and Republic of Ireland, as well as in our offices, are aware of the company's stance regarding discrimination of any kind, and specifically breastfeeding; that they fully understand our stance and how to apply this in both the stores and the work place; and that they are trained to anticipate and respond to the needs of nursing mums in the best way (and all other customers of course).

Again, please accept H&M's apologies (both from the company and the individuals involved) and assurance that we have taken action to ensure that our staff are better trained, informed and able to support nursing mothers in the future.

Kindest regards and sending my best wishes to you and your son,

XXXXXX

So, more or less the same reply I had received before. In hindsight, I think it was not too reasonable of me to ask for a public apology when the matter had hardly been public. Now, from her apologies both on behalf of the company and "the individuals involved" I understand there will be no apology from the supervisor herself. That one disappoints me a bit, as she evidently had no problem speaking rather loudly and embarrassing me on the day for no reason, and I thought an apology would have been right.

Hopefully everything she mentions will be put into practice and this won't happen again.

Thanks again for all the support offered this past two weeks (I read every single post even though I didn't reply to all of them), I really appreciate it Smile

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 29/10/2011 13:06

Disappointing response. You should have had an apology from the staff in the store.

Graciescotland · 29/10/2011 13:15

I agree that you should of had an apology from the staff in store. Am I the only one who upon reading this type of thread wants to go breastfeed in H & M with a steely glint and a do not mess with me attitude?

EauRouge · 29/10/2011 13:36

Yes, that is a bit disappointing considering what Debenhams did a couple of weeks ago. It would have been nice to get an apology from the staff members in the shop.

GalloweesG · 29/10/2011 13:42

Oh yes Gracie that is precisely what I want to do (except these withered old things dried up at least 12 years ago).

A breastfeeding Flashmob in H&M is the way forward.

StetsonsAreCool · 29/10/2011 16:29

I've been watching this thread, and it is a disappointing second response. The real test will be to go back and do it again Grin

I think I had a close shave in H&M then. Last year when DD was still only a couple of months old she started screaming in H&M because she was hungry. I was looking at the baby clothes section, and there are changing rooms right next to it. As they were empty at the time, I just left the buggy outside and went in to feed her.

One of the shop assistants came over to stop me as I went in to tell me those changing rooms were closed, but I just trilled 'oh, it's ok I'm only feeding her, not trying anything on' and proceeded to get on with it. Poor guy looked so bemused that I hadn't listened and I was playing with my bra that he just backed off looking sheepish. He was very close to telling me not to feed her but I don't think he dared! Poor boy.

Gauchita · 29/10/2011 18:56

StetsonsAreCool, I think mine could have been a close shave too but the member of staff that saw me and also sheepishly smiled at me then went and "told on me" Hmm A test is definitely coming as I still have to go in to change those sizes I think I might go tomorrow.

Gracie, GalloweesG, we'll see if DS gets hungry again while there Wink

Rainbow, Gracie, GalloweesG, glad to know I'm not whimsical unreasonable to expect and have requested an apology from the supervisor. It's a pet hate of mine, I hate hate hate when people don't apologise.

OP posts:
Graciescotland · 29/10/2011 19:32

I love the idea of a breastfeeding flashmob! Sadly I'm in the Netherlands at the mo' where there is no legislation regarding your right to feed in public. I, and a few people I know, have been asked to leave coffee shops/ restaurants for bf in public.

Hope they get things right the second time around Gauchita.

StetsonsAreCool · 29/10/2011 20:37

Hope it goes well. Let us know.

I miss Leeds. We moved back to the Midlands a few years ago, or else I'd come and 'test' them as well Smile

Cosmosis · 31/10/2011 10:38

My ds is nearly 14m and doesn?t feed in the day any more other than exceptional circs. Next time I?m in town I?m tempted to make it an exceptional circumstance in H&M to see what they say to a very vocal and wriggly large boy feeding there Wink

Gauchita · 01/11/2011 12:46

I went again yesterday to get the correct sizes of what I had purchased that day. The supervisor was not there and DS slept while we were there so all quiet Grin

Today I went to a baby cafe near home and one of the volunteers who run it told me one of her friends from Australia had sent her an email telling her about a lady who had been told to stop bfing at an H&M Grin Small world, huh? It might have been one of you? I think I remember reading someone on the thread said she was in Australia.

Stetsons, I think a few mums will be "testing" them in the next few weeks as Cosmosis said Wink

Graciescotland, that is very Sad

OP posts:
LoveBeingAWitch · 02/11/2011 07:47

If they have gone out to all uk staff to reiterate the policy then there must be someone on mn who works for them, defo someone knows someone who works there, maybe a call out for a pm from some who works there?

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