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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Were they right or should I complain?

152 replies

Gauchita · 16/10/2011 16:30

Right, having shed a few tears I'm now calmer and can ask you all about this. I really don't know whether they were right or not, so I'm perfectly open to be told they were and if so I'll just get a grip and forget it.

Today we went shopping as DD needed new pijamas. While we were shopping at a store (don't know if I can name them) DS, who is 6 weeks old, started crying. I had fed him at home so that he wasn't hungry for a little while at least, so I took him out of his pram to check whether it was maybe wind. It wasn't wind, he was hungry so I looked for a quiet area in the store, sat down in a low level piece of furniture and started feeding him. I was very discreet (nothing could be seen), no one could see me, there were only two other ladies in that area. A female member of staff passed by me as I was next to one of those "staff only" doors. She saw me and smiled, didn't say anything.

A few minutes later a member of security approached me and told me, very politely, he had been told I was here and he had been asked to tell me I couldn't breastfeed in the store. DH was near now (he had been queuing to pay), heard him and asked whether he was sure that was right. He said yes, so DH politely asked him to speak to the supervisor.

By now I had already finished feeding DS so we just waited for the supervisor to come. When she arrived she told us a member of staff had told her I was there and that I couldn't breastfeed the baby in the store. To be honest she didn't choose the best approach (tone and manner), we asked whether she was sure that was right and she said yes, that this made customers feel uncomfortable Sad She then changed what she had said a bit and now it hadn't been a member of staff who had told her but a customer who had complained about me breastfeeding. I could see DH's face by now and I was already feeling a lump in my throat so I asked DH to leave it there and to just go.

DH, however, asked her again how things had been then, whether it had been a member of staff or a customer, etc, to be honest I just wanted to get out. She had the lovely idea to speak quite loudly the whole time so I felt people were looking at us, agh! DH asked her for her name so she went away with him and DD to give him a card and meanwhile I started putting DS in his pram. The security guy, who stayed with me, then told me that maybe it had to do with the fact that no food or drinks were allowed in the store Confused And then he said he had been breastfed himself and he had breastfed as well (I think he obviously meant his partner) so he had no problem with it but this was how things were. I could only feel the lump in my throat getting bigger and bigger so I just said "This is really disappointing, to be honest" and started to walk towards the lift.

Were they right? This never happened to me with DD (2.4 now) and in 6 weeks it's happened to me twice at two different stores. Would it have been any different had I not sat down and directly walk around feeding him? Would they have been able to say the same? I clearly remember feeding DD walking around places all the time so maybe things have changed? Should I complain with their head office? I really want to know if they were right so as to not do it again or plan whatever outing I have to do better. I felt horrible and cried from the moment I stepped out of the store, but I'm prepared to be told I'm just being hormonal and overreacting.

Thanks and sorry for the length!

OP posts:
fatbottomgirl · 20/10/2011 11:37

Just watching with interest. Their behaviour was outrageous, I think you have dealt with it in a fantastic way. Let's hope you get a good response from them.

Loopymumsy · 20/10/2011 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gauchita · 20/10/2011 18:21

A little bit more time now between feeds so I'd like to reply to some more posts.

5littleducks, glad to hear they responded to your complain, hopefully it won't happen at any of their stores again. Well done for not caving in to their insane request... cover up Hmm

Eaurouge, I think I'll borrow steal your phrase as well Wink

Bullybeef, hopefully she won't pass this attitude on to her children. You're right, she made things worse with her tone and manner.

Organiccarrotcake, I had a look at your link, did you happen to see the poll below the piece? Some people still think it's not correct for women to bf in public places Sad I wonder what they think you're supposed to do when the baby gets hungry.

Loopymumsy, aw Blush You know, when DD was born all of my nursing tops were from them as well.

Thanks for each and every single post. I really appreciate all the support and advice/suggestions offered. They helped me get the courage to complain about this and not let it blow over.

I realised last night I need to go to the same store again to exchange some items as in all the haste I picked the wrong size of most things, gah!

They've replied, not too convinced about their response (and DH said "oh that's jibber jabber bull". I'll post it in a little (now on phone), let me know what you think.

OP posts:
lavenderbongo · 20/10/2011 19:34

I am really interested to know what their response is. I breastfed both my girls but was often very selfconscious about feeding them when out and about.

marzipananimal · 20/10/2011 19:40

Very interested to hear the response too. Great how your DH stuck up for you :)

josephinebonaparte · 20/10/2011 19:41

Looking forward to the response

3littlefrogs · 20/10/2011 19:48

You know, I breast fed all mine, anywhere and everywhere, 22, 20 and 14 years ago respectively. Never crossed my mind that anyone would object. I never once had a negative comment from anyone.

Are things getting worse, or was I just very lucky?

Ormirian · 20/10/2011 19:50

Yes you should complain. A lot.

Ormirian · 20/10/2011 19:50

Oh you did! Grin

Hurrah!

organiccarrotcake · 20/10/2011 20:02

Yes, OP, I saw that too and couldn't help but feel that it was irrelevent and outdated. Law is what it is, whatever some people think.

Looking forward to the response.

Gauchita · 20/10/2011 21:43

Sorry, haven't been able to post sooner... DS is struggling with a cold now and is feeding almost constantly

DH thinks it wouldn't be ok to c+p their reply (and I have no idea whether that would cause trouble or not) so I'll summarise the email.

The lady apologised for any discomfort or embarrassment caused between the staff's communication and us. She said the company complied with all legislation in force regarding equality and diversity and that there seemed to have been a misunderstanding at store level with regards how to approach bf women. She said they were welcoming and supportive of bf mums and aimed to assist them by allowing them to nurse in store or offering them a chair or a place to be comfortable. Finally she said they were reviewing their policies and training so that staff could better support bf mothers and customers in general. Lastly she offered us a gift card for our next shopping trip.

I'm obviously not objective here and I guess she replied the way any company would. However, I would reply saying that although I'm glad they in theory have all the policies in place and it sounds like they support women's choice to bf, in practice it is evidently not something their staff know or do AT ALL. It's not as if the supervisor missed it by a little, the gap between what she said and did and what this lady is explaining is huge.

OP posts:
snowwombat · 20/10/2011 21:52

What an appalling response. This h+m store clearly did not follow any legislation. 'A misunderstanding at store level' FFS, who is she trying to kid. gauchita who did the reply come from?

organiccarrotcake · 20/10/2011 21:53

There's no legal reason to not C+P unless it says on the letter it's not to share, but the summary is fine.

It wouldn't satisfy me, personally, because it seems like a brush off.

I agree with your response. I think that they would be silly to not make a bigger thing of it given that this is widely covered on tinternet.

snowwombat · 20/10/2011 21:54

And a Brew too. You need it. Hope DS better soon

Eglu · 20/10/2011 21:56

The response isn't great. They have not given any idea of how they are going to stop this happening in future. They have not indicated that further staff training will be given, particularly to the woman who was so rude to you.

I don't think I would be happy with that.

Mampig · 20/10/2011 23:31

I think they are trying to fob you off and minimise any attention by buying you off!! You deserve a public apology and an acknowledgement that they were wrong!! Tell them you are not satisfied with this ambiguous response, and advise them of media attention (as per debenhams), if they do not publicly apologise to you and your family for the distress caused. Gotta go and feed!!!

moondog · 20/10/2011 23:36

You keep at it.
I feel so sad and angry to read what you say here

'I could see DH's face by now and I was already feeling a lump in my throat so I asked DH to leave it there and to just go.'

rainbow2000 · 20/10/2011 23:40

I wouldnt be happy with it,they are trying to fob you off.I would ask for an apology off the 2 people who made it their business.Otherwisae i wouldnt be interested and ive fed 5 of them all out and about.

Loopymumsy · 21/10/2011 06:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Robotindisguise · 21/10/2011 07:24

Well, look, don't underestimate what you've achieved.

They're not going to tell you how roundly they've bollocked the supervisor, but they have a) confirmed they have the right policies in place, and made clear what you should expect and b) said they will be reminding all staff this is what they should be doing. And they have apologised.

I'm sure it was all in anodyne corporate speak which was probably annoying - but it seems to me you've achieved all you could reasonably have expected to?

marzipananimal · 21/10/2011 07:44

I kind of agree with Robot, except that I think H&M should make some public gesture or statement to make bf mums feel welcome in H&M. Gauchita has had the confidence to stick up for herself but there may be other mums that this has happened to - so something public is needed

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 21/10/2011 07:57

Good for you for taking a stand - shocking behaviour. Not convinced by their reply - such a huge gap between what you experienced and what they say, and no mention of any specific action to retrain the staff member who upset you. I know if it was me I would take it further as I wouldnt feel that had changed anything.

LoveBeingAWitch · 21/10/2011 08:22

Only just seen this, good for you. A company who selling breastfeeding tops but don't want you to bf in there Confused

With regards to their reply, only you can say what else you would want. Maybe another trip to the store at feeding time would be a good test. Mind you it should probably be another woman so they dint recognise you?

Gauchita · 21/10/2011 09:44

Still with sore and huge boobs here, a poorly DS and very little sleep so will have to keep it short.

I have replied to the lady, she's out of the office today, as per the auto response I received. I agree it's an expected response what I got yesterday, Robot, but I also agree with Marzipan in that a public apology will help highlight bf women are welcome by them Smile

I need to take care of myself a bit now, mastitis was improving and today I'm back with rock-hard and sore boobs. Thanks again for all the messages ladies, will keep you posted.

OP posts:
bluebeach · 21/10/2011 13:54

Well done Gauchita. What a horrible experience, I briefly read your post the other day and it has been on my mind. I'm glad you got a response from H&M, hopefully it will make a difference in the future.

Sorry that you are so sore, I had mastitis and thrush and it was tough going.

Not sure where you are based but if you are in the Bristol/Gloucester area then give me a shout when you next go to H&M and I'll meet you there for some moral support..see if we get offered a nice chair or a custard cream or two!

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