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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Were they right or should I complain?

152 replies

Gauchita · 16/10/2011 16:30

Right, having shed a few tears I'm now calmer and can ask you all about this. I really don't know whether they were right or not, so I'm perfectly open to be told they were and if so I'll just get a grip and forget it.

Today we went shopping as DD needed new pijamas. While we were shopping at a store (don't know if I can name them) DS, who is 6 weeks old, started crying. I had fed him at home so that he wasn't hungry for a little while at least, so I took him out of his pram to check whether it was maybe wind. It wasn't wind, he was hungry so I looked for a quiet area in the store, sat down in a low level piece of furniture and started feeding him. I was very discreet (nothing could be seen), no one could see me, there were only two other ladies in that area. A female member of staff passed by me as I was next to one of those "staff only" doors. She saw me and smiled, didn't say anything.

A few minutes later a member of security approached me and told me, very politely, he had been told I was here and he had been asked to tell me I couldn't breastfeed in the store. DH was near now (he had been queuing to pay), heard him and asked whether he was sure that was right. He said yes, so DH politely asked him to speak to the supervisor.

By now I had already finished feeding DS so we just waited for the supervisor to come. When she arrived she told us a member of staff had told her I was there and that I couldn't breastfeed the baby in the store. To be honest she didn't choose the best approach (tone and manner), we asked whether she was sure that was right and she said yes, that this made customers feel uncomfortable Sad She then changed what she had said a bit and now it hadn't been a member of staff who had told her but a customer who had complained about me breastfeeding. I could see DH's face by now and I was already feeling a lump in my throat so I asked DH to leave it there and to just go.

DH, however, asked her again how things had been then, whether it had been a member of staff or a customer, etc, to be honest I just wanted to get out. She had the lovely idea to speak quite loudly the whole time so I felt people were looking at us, agh! DH asked her for her name so she went away with him and DD to give him a card and meanwhile I started putting DS in his pram. The security guy, who stayed with me, then told me that maybe it had to do with the fact that no food or drinks were allowed in the store Confused And then he said he had been breastfed himself and he had breastfed as well (I think he obviously meant his partner) so he had no problem with it but this was how things were. I could only feel the lump in my throat getting bigger and bigger so I just said "This is really disappointing, to be honest" and started to walk towards the lift.

Were they right? This never happened to me with DD (2.4 now) and in 6 weeks it's happened to me twice at two different stores. Would it have been any different had I not sat down and directly walk around feeding him? Would they have been able to say the same? I clearly remember feeding DD walking around places all the time so maybe things have changed? Should I complain with their head office? I really want to know if they were right so as to not do it again or plan whatever outing I have to do better. I felt horrible and cried from the moment I stepped out of the store, but I'm prepared to be told I'm just being hormonal and overreacting.

Thanks and sorry for the length!

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FrauHolle · 19/10/2011 14:20

Good god, sorry they treated you like this gauchita.

I'm with fluffy Grin and would email the Stockholm HQ and various other managers you may get hold off.

What they have done is illegal and completely unacceptable. I'd also send an email out to the daily mail or some such newspaper and have a scathing article done.

Gauchita · 19/10/2011 14:22

Sent.

Catsareevil, rats! I had already sent it but coincidentally I had taken out the bit about DH asking to record her as I felt the same you mention, yes. And the to be honest went away as well.

And now we wait...

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Gauchita · 19/10/2011 14:25

Fluffy, the emails from Stockholm HQ bounced back, but one of them came back with an automated response including the contact of someone else so I sent it to her Smile

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fluffythevampirestabber · 19/10/2011 14:28
Grin
catsareevil · 19/10/2011 14:29

Good luck Smile

Notquitegrownup · 19/10/2011 14:32

Just popping in to offer you some support. I would have hated that happening to me when feeding my little ones. I wasn't a confident feeder and rarely went out. When I did, they inevitably needed feeding, everywhere and anywhere!!

I would be inclined to take out your first paragraph from your letter. Whether you fed your baby an hour before or ten minutes before is not relevant to them. You had the right to feed him in the shop, and they should have known that. You don't need to apologise at all to them, nor to suggest that what you did was unusual.

Wish I was still feeding mine now - I'd pop into my local H & M s for a quick top up feed!!

Notquitegrownup · 19/10/2011 14:33

Aw sorry, see you have sent it. Best of luck.

NormaSatansFelcher · 19/10/2011 14:36

(nothing to add, just lurking to see teply)

Gauchita · 19/10/2011 14:41

Notquite, yes, I took out the bit about having fed the baby before as well Smile

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Robotindisguise · 19/10/2011 14:41

Well done. You were very unlucky though, many of us have bf all over the place with no bother at all. I hope it doesn't discourage you from doing so again...

rainbow2000 · 19/10/2011 15:19

If you were feeling bolshie id print out the laws that apply to you and go in to her and the security gaurd.Say you have spoken to a soliciter and you know your rights.See if she is so smart then.

BoobyandtheBeads · 19/10/2011 18:10

I read your email via the ABM chat group on Yahoo and was completely outraged at the treatment you recieved. I have posted your story on a facebook group I set up when we organised a bf flashmob earlier this year and you are more than welcome to come and join us as we are all very much behind you and would happily join you for a nurse-in if that is something you want to do.
www.facebook.com/groups/leedsbreastfeedingflashmob/ it is a closed group so I will approve joining requests from anyone who is breastfeeding or wished to support Gauchita

BoobyandtheBeads · 19/10/2011 18:13

Sorry I forgot to add that you do have the law on your side as covered by the Equality Act as of Oct 2010: www.maternityaction.org.uk/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/breastfeedingpublicplace.pdf

RogerMelly · 19/10/2011 18:18

I think you should name and shame

what on earth is wrong with people if they cannot cope with seeing a completely normal act such as a mother breastfeeding her child??

Mind you I was a retail manager myself and I was still breastfeeding when i went back to work all three times and I never told anyone and I used to use the loos to express milk. No-one was very breastfeeding friendly - obviously that might just be where I worked

GalloweesG · 19/10/2011 18:23

I feel furious on your behalf Gauchita. If you want to organise a breastfeeding Flashmob in H&M I'll be happy to help.

BoobyandtheBeads · 19/10/2011 19:20

GalloweesG come and join out facebook group too and we can all help her together.

BoobyandtheBeads · 19/10/2011 19:25

Leeds is supposed to be becoming the most bf accessible city in the UK. If you want to contact them then Sarah Erskine is the contact at the NHS who is behind the Leeds breastfeeding city campaign.

www.leeds.nhs.uk/Default.aspx.LocID-0ernew05d.RefLocID-0er00q001.Lang-EN.htm

GalloweesG · 19/10/2011 19:29

Can you send me an invitation or a link to the fb group please - or even a search term.

teapott · 19/10/2011 19:49

Absolutely disgusted and feeling furious for you, I live in Ilkley and would be happy to attend a Flashmob to show my support. As a mother of a 13 month old and pregnant with number two I totally understand the need to be able to bf anywhere and everywhere!

Eglu · 19/10/2011 20:59

It is awful that women are still being treated like this. You are already a confident bfer. But imagine if you were a first time Mum with such a young baby, it could really put you off. Such a shame.

lovelychops · 19/10/2011 21:29

Good luck with the letter ! You should feel very proud of yourself for taking a stand on such an important issue (whilst looking after a newborn!)

Agree with what others have said about reporting back about what happens, threads like this are so useful for others who find themselves in this situation or who are a bit 'wobbly' about BF in public.

BoobyandtheBeads · 19/10/2011 21:42

GalloeesG it's on my 1st post a bit higher up.

www.facebook.com/groups/leedsbreastfeedingflashmob/?notif_t=group_activity

LAbaby · 20/10/2011 04:40

This is awful, I am very shy about breast feeding and wouldn't have felt up to leaving the house again if anything like that had happened to me in the early days. I still worry about where i am going to feed, but am more confident now at three months. And h &m sell baby clothes and maternity wear! So they should be baby friendly.

Byeckersiambloodyscarylike · 20/10/2011 05:09

Good luck, this is shocking, looking forward to the response!

Gauchita · 20/10/2011 10:48

Thank you all for the messages of support.

Right, some of the breastfeeding associations replied to my email yesterday and offered their support, and some nurse-in ideas as well Smile No response from H&M yet, besides the automated response from customer services saying they'd try to respond to my query within 3-5 working days Grin However, someone tweeted about this (eek!) and apparently H&M saw the tweet and said they were investigating the matter and would reply to my email.

LAbaby, the main reason why we decided to formally complain is because of what you mention. I breastfed DD and am now bfing DS so even though this of course upset me, it wasn't going to put me off but what about other mothers, who maybe are not so confident about breastfeeding in public yet? You also make an excellent point about them selling baby and maternity clothes! Who buys them if not mainly mothers?

Booby, teapot, GalloweeesG, even though I do think nurse-ins can be effective and make a strong point in these cases, I think I'd like to first see what H&M's response is.

Robot, I was unlucky indeed. As I mentioned before, it never happened to me with DD and I clearly remember feeding her anywhere and everywhere, with or without looks of approval. But maybe lovelychops is right, at least this is useful so that retailers realise and take note of these things and train their staff properly so that it doesn't happen to other mothers.

Gah, baby's crying, back later.

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