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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Were they right or should I complain?

152 replies

Gauchita · 16/10/2011 16:30

Right, having shed a few tears I'm now calmer and can ask you all about this. I really don't know whether they were right or not, so I'm perfectly open to be told they were and if so I'll just get a grip and forget it.

Today we went shopping as DD needed new pijamas. While we were shopping at a store (don't know if I can name them) DS, who is 6 weeks old, started crying. I had fed him at home so that he wasn't hungry for a little while at least, so I took him out of his pram to check whether it was maybe wind. It wasn't wind, he was hungry so I looked for a quiet area in the store, sat down in a low level piece of furniture and started feeding him. I was very discreet (nothing could be seen), no one could see me, there were only two other ladies in that area. A female member of staff passed by me as I was next to one of those "staff only" doors. She saw me and smiled, didn't say anything.

A few minutes later a member of security approached me and told me, very politely, he had been told I was here and he had been asked to tell me I couldn't breastfeed in the store. DH was near now (he had been queuing to pay), heard him and asked whether he was sure that was right. He said yes, so DH politely asked him to speak to the supervisor.

By now I had already finished feeding DS so we just waited for the supervisor to come. When she arrived she told us a member of staff had told her I was there and that I couldn't breastfeed the baby in the store. To be honest she didn't choose the best approach (tone and manner), we asked whether she was sure that was right and she said yes, that this made customers feel uncomfortable Sad She then changed what she had said a bit and now it hadn't been a member of staff who had told her but a customer who had complained about me breastfeeding. I could see DH's face by now and I was already feeling a lump in my throat so I asked DH to leave it there and to just go.

DH, however, asked her again how things had been then, whether it had been a member of staff or a customer, etc, to be honest I just wanted to get out. She had the lovely idea to speak quite loudly the whole time so I felt people were looking at us, agh! DH asked her for her name so she went away with him and DD to give him a card and meanwhile I started putting DS in his pram. The security guy, who stayed with me, then told me that maybe it had to do with the fact that no food or drinks were allowed in the store Confused And then he said he had been breastfed himself and he had breastfed as well (I think he obviously meant his partner) so he had no problem with it but this was how things were. I could only feel the lump in my throat getting bigger and bigger so I just said "This is really disappointing, to be honest" and started to walk towards the lift.

Were they right? This never happened to me with DD (2.4 now) and in 6 weeks it's happened to me twice at two different stores. Would it have been any different had I not sat down and directly walk around feeding him? Would they have been able to say the same? I clearly remember feeding DD walking around places all the time so maybe things have changed? Should I complain with their head office? I really want to know if they were right so as to not do it again or plan whatever outing I have to do better. I felt horrible and cried from the moment I stepped out of the store, but I'm prepared to be told I'm just being hormonal and overreacting.

Thanks and sorry for the length!

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billgrangersrisotto · 16/10/2011 16:57

please complain. This is so shocking and it's awful that there is such ignorance around this extremely important issue from the shop staff. A letter to head office, and if that doesn't work, take it higher. The sooner this issue is taken seriously by senior management people in retail, the better. They should be giving training on this new law to all staff (including security).

Sorry you had to deal with these idiots.

EauRouge · 16/10/2011 17:00

Don't worry about similar threads, you needed to write a thread about this. If you need some help writing a letter then I'm sure everyone will have suggestions. It's good to get cases like this out in the open so that mothers are aware of their rights.

I for one will know that if I ever get asked to stop or move then I shall say "please put your request in writing to make life easier for my solicitor".

NormaSatansFelcher · 16/10/2011 17:01

Don't worry about similar thread. I hope that everyone who gets treated like this starts one!

5littleducks · 16/10/2011 17:02

I was told in an M&S cafe that they "could not stop me" feeding DS but if I wanted to do so I would have to use a blanket or something to "cover up". The staff member said she had had a complaint from a "foreign" customer. I said no I don't and can I speak to the manager please. The manager apologised and said of course I did not have to do so but I felt so annoyed that I wrote a letter to head office who sent me flowers, an apology and a voucher for tea and cake. They absolutely cannot tell you to stop BF - it is contrary both to the equality act and to the sex discrimination act. Please complain - it is the only way that staff will be reminded of or trained in this issue, and you might get a nice freebie Wink

I felt so upset when it happened to me, I do think it is fairly rare but it does happen.

Gauchita · 16/10/2011 17:04

DH even told them he was pretty sure he had seen on the papers this week a store had had to apologise for the exact same thing they were doing (I hadn't heard about) and she just said he could complain if he wanted. Man, I'm getting crosser and crosser with this woman...

I didn't want DH to complain as I didn't know if we were right but we'll definitely complain now. I bf DD for 18 months and this never happened... I'm not going to let this put me off but I feel Sad thinking it might put some other mum off should this happen to them, and that is not right.

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FrankNCock · 16/10/2011 17:04

Excellent Gauchita, now you get writing that letter! Grin That woman deserves the bollocking of a lifetime, and you deserve an apology (and some freebies).

Not a redundant thread, we need to know that this keeps happening and support each other when it does.

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 16/10/2011 17:06

I don't think the references to another thread were telling you off, just checking the facts.
I too have never had any problems, including bf 2 wriggly 2yos in cafes (not at the same time :o) So please don't let this put you off. People who care enough to voice any displeasure are in the minority

FrankNCock · 16/10/2011 17:06

Threaten them with media coverage, that will light a fire under 'em!

Gauchita · 16/10/2011 17:07

Oh no no, I didn't feel told off, SHRIEEEEKPBB, don't worry Smile

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SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 16/10/2011 17:09

:)

Sossiges · 16/10/2011 17:11

I certainly was not telling you off, wouldn't dream of it, just thought you would like to know about it (other thread) as it had lots of useful info!

Go give 'em hell!

RitaMorgan · 16/10/2011 17:13

Definitely complain, that's outrageous!

BellaBearisWideAwake · 16/10/2011 17:16

Please do let us knowwhat happens

Gauchita · 16/10/2011 17:18

The other time was when DS was about 10 days old. My mum, who was visiting us, wanted to get some things from there so off we went (Primark). DS started crying so I foolishly asked one of the girls at the fitting rooms if I could feed DS there for 5 minutes as I feared with him being so young I was going to squirt milk everywhere trying to latch him on properly, etc. She said no. To be honest, if I had taken two items and pretended I was going to try them on, they had been non the wiser and I'd been able to do it but I only thought of that afterwards.

You're all right, it's important for women to know their rights so that this doesn't happen, and shops should train their staff on the new legislation as well and on customer care DH wanted to return all the stuff we'd bought there and then but to be honest I just wanted to leave.

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Gauchita · 16/10/2011 17:21

they would have been, sorry, can't even write properly!

Oh no, don't worry about it Sossiges, I didn't take that as a "telling off" at all. I just felt lazy for not having searched for a similar thread before posting Smile

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whojimmyflip · 16/10/2011 17:22

that is terrible - please complain. H&M are pretty lax on staff training for customer services but this takes the biscuit. Bastards!

marmitericecakes · 16/10/2011 17:35

I'm a new mum and am exclusively breastfeeding but have so far only used parent room facilities in shopping centres so I'm really shocked by the way you've been treated (especially in light of the story this week about Debenhams).

You're right to name and shame H+M - the way you were treated is a disgrace. I feel like we should all complain on your behalf - it's outrageous! Are we all expected to carry a print out of the Equality Act in order to prove we have the right to feed our children?!

Well done for highlighting the issue and for getting the supervisor's details. Please let us know the outcome. In the meantime I've got a good mind to go and breastfeed in my local H+M just to see what happens...

lou4791 · 16/10/2011 17:58

So sorry you have been treated like this.
Please keep us updated.

Midori1999 · 16/10/2011 18:02

"please put your request in writing to make life easier for my solicitor".

That is an excellent response and one I shall steal if I am ever asked to stop BF anywhere public. Thankyou!

OP, I am so sorry this happened to you and upset you so much at the time. I can completely understand why it would upset you, with a young baby and not entirely sure who was in the right or not. Please do go through with your complaint, they mustn't be allowed to get away with this. Sad

snowwombat · 16/10/2011 19:03

oh gauchita hugs from me.

You have every right (and the law behind you) to complain. Honestly, would people prefer to listen to a screaming,hungry little baby than have a mum, sit quietly and feed him (not that you have to sit quietly, you could feed walking up and down the aisle should you wish).

I am Angry on your behalf.
Hope you are feeling better tonight and have the energy to write that letter

WoTmania · 16/10/2011 20:50

Argh, these wretched, ill informed ratbags! you are and your DH are completely in the right. Please write and complain, these people shouldn't get away with it.

NinkyNonker · 16/10/2011 20:53

Well done to your DH, and I'm sorry you were upset like that. Definitely complain.

KCEHNR · 16/10/2011 20:55

Disgraceful. Please complain. So angry on your behalf.

deadka · 16/10/2011 21:01

Bastards. Kick up a big fuss. She should never have treated you like that and made you feel bad for feeding your child. God I'm angry now. Grrrrr Angry Angry Angry

Gauchita · 17/10/2011 05:21

Right, I've written the letter. I'll try and post it later (on phone now) to ask for any suggestions or necessary changes. I don't have much experience in this area and I really want them to take this seriously.

Thanks again for all your replies and support, I really needed them yesterday.

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