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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

First time mums who do not try bf - why?

175 replies

Booboostoo · 01/08/2011 12:39

This is a genuine question out of curiosity and NOT an attempt to label or evaluate anyone!!

I know 5 women who gave birth for the first time around the same time as me. One tried bf but it didn't work out which is fair enough. The other four never tried it. Why do people choose formula without giving bf a go? As far as I know neither had a medical reason preventing them from bf, it was a matter of choice, but why do people reject bf when they don't know if it will work for them? They all have months of maternity leave.

OP posts:

izzybiz · 07/08/2011 11:16

I haven't BF any of my 3 Dc, my mum BF all 4 of her DC.

I just didn't want to. Can't give any other reason really.

I've never had any urge to put my child to my breast, I have no problems with the idea of BF, love to see others do it, just didn't want to myself.

LunarRose · 22/01/2012 09:44

Breastfeeding DD was a disaster, if I hadn't switched to formula she probably would have been hospitalised

When Ds was born I had no urge to Breastfeed and thought oh it would be lovely to give Ds bottle right now. Despite that I did end up BF feeding him for 2-3 weeks. I hated it and really wished I hadn't bothered!!!

kelly2000 · 23/01/2012 13:17

I might try BF my baby just after it is born, but I am not going to stress if i do not like it and will more than likely go to formula. The main reason is that the health benefits after the first couple of feeds are not that different if you actually look properly at the studies, and i want to know how much she is feeding. I also get put off by the women who get really uptight about it and refuse to allow someone to have a different opinion and get pushy about breastfeeding. The breastfeeding in public protests really put me off bf to be honest. I have no problem if people want to BF, I just feel ff is the better choice for my child and me.

er1507 · 23/01/2012 22:21

I often wonder the same and understand that it doesn't work for some ppl my friend bf for 2weeks and gave up, she says that for her it just didn't feel natural. funny really cos bf is what nature intended.

hazchem · 23/01/2012 22:28

kelly breastfeeding is the natural way to feed a baby. If that isn't possible then formula can be used as a substitute however there are risks to formula feeding. It is not true that studies say the health benefits of breastfeeding and formula feeding are the same.

ThePathanKhansWitch · 23/01/2012 22:51

I breastfed my child because everyone in my family did. My mum,Aunts and the same on Dh side. It didn't occur to me to FF.

I had awful piles and couldn't sit down, after a day of awful pain and standing crying, trying to feed the baby, i sent DH out to buy bottles and formula.

Well pair of thick cunts both of us didn't have a clue what we were doing making up the bottles, so i just stood up and got on with it.

I do see i how lucky i was to have about 20 years plus of breastfeeding experience on tap (mum fed us 4, one Aunt fed 6), it is the exception.

I don't think i could have done it without their advice and wisdom. But if i had of FF i wouldn't have felt bad about it.

kelly2000 · 24/01/2012 12:26

hazchem,
I was putting my reasons for ff up, not asking for advice. I am perfectly capable of reading the studies myself thank you. On another thread someone is quite rightly complaining that they feel they have to defend bf at 18months, it is the same for ff. people should not interfere and try to judge the choices others make, it just comes across as insecurity.

StayForNoone · 24/01/2012 12:33

I breast fed my first for about two months. I didnt get on with it all, I had some psychological issues with it and the sensation of it repulsed me. Something perhaps to do with abuse in my childhood according to my health visitor. I went on to full express feeding which felt different and more acceptable to me. I went on to express feed my three subsequent DC. It worked for me.

EauRouge · 24/01/2012 13:13

kelly, you are right that you should not have to defend your decision. A mother's decision on how to feed her child is a very personal one and there are many factors to take into consideration (some of which may be too personal for a mother to want to talk about). It's important that a mother is happy with whatever decision she makes and that she receives the support she needs.

The decision should be based on a mother's personal circumstances but also on facts. hazchem was not giving you advice, just pointing out that BF does have scientifically proved benefits. A decision based on inaccurate facts is not an informed decision. I'd be interested to read any of the studies you have seen that say 'the benefits are not that different'.

coffeeaddict · 24/01/2012 13:20

I was in an NCT group with a consultant doctor married to another consultant, who decided way before the baby was born that she wasn't going to bfeed, and never did. It all seemed quite surprising given they were both presumably well aware of the medical benefits! She was German, not sure if there's a different culture there?

tiktok · 24/01/2012 13:24

kelly - no one is judging you at all, or criticising you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but no one is entitled to their own facts :) :)

That's why posters are asking you about the studies you say have to read properly.

You might well decide the studies' conclusions are not powerful enough to persuade you not to ff, but that's your choice and your opinion....it doesn't mean you have looked at the studies more 'properly' than others.

If you post on a talkboard, with contentious versions of 'facts', don't be surprised if people want to talk to you about them! And don't assume an air of personal offendedness when they do!

StarlightMcKenzie · 24/01/2012 13:28

I had trouble bonding with my baby. Bottle feeding made me feel like real mother as it fitted the cultural image.

StarlightMcKenzie · 24/01/2012 13:51

The reason i had trouble bonding with my baby btw was due to a mismanaged birth. I think that there is a complex relationship between birth experiences and feeding 'choices'.

kelly2000 · 24/01/2012 13:55

I have not said I have read them more properly. I have said I have read them and based my decision on them. I think I am qualified to read an epi. study and understand it thank-you. If other people do not come to the same conclusion that is their decision, but they should not be demanding that someone who wants to ff supply them with the information that they made their own decision on. It comes across as insecurity in your own parenting skills. I do not ask you to back up your choice to bf or ff to me, because it really makes no difference to me what you think is best.

tiktok · 24/01/2012 14:09

kelly - you said "the health benefits after the first couple of feeds are not that different if you actually look properly at the studies"

That means you are contrasting with yourself with people who have a different opinion from you, because (by implication) you have looked properly and others haven't.

You are sounding defensive and offended, and there is no need.

No one has 'demanded' (or even asked politely!) what your reasons are for ff - you offered them up on a talkboard - no one has commented at all on your reasons, just questioned your interpretation of the facts.

kelly2000 · 24/01/2012 14:12

ok, fair point that did comes across as saying others had not read them properly. What i meant was when i read through them properly.

tiktok · 24/01/2012 14:28

OK :)

You obviously assume others who don't share your opinion have not read them through 'properly', then.

I can tell you this is not the case, however.

kelly2000 · 24/01/2012 15:29

do I do not assume that. I was talkigng about my experience of reading them properly rather than just skimming through the abstract like I normally do with papers.

er1507 · 25/01/2012 23:18

Why do people get so strung about other people asking this question? if your gonna be arsey then simply do not post! I dnt see anything wrong in ff as my bf dd has one a day, sometimes more if I have work. I do think it should bf should be something that everyone should try and am glad that I made the choice too.

Tryharder · 26/01/2012 01:04

The women I know who ff from the off did so because they wanted to share childcare with their DH/family (one friend had "shifts" of childcare each lasting 8 hours out of 24 with her DH and mum doing the other 2 shifts). Another woman told me she found it "icky". I was sat next to her bf DD at the time so you can imagine that her comment didn't exactly make me feel good

One thing that really irks me about the bf/ff threads is the way that years of bf research is cast aside on the basis that someone's friend had a bfed baby who was clingy/poorly/wouldn't sleep whereas the poster's ff baby was perfectly healthy/slept through from Day 1 etc etc. I'd like to point out that my DC1 was predominantly ff and has suffered - and still suffers- very badly from ear infections. DCs 2 and 3 who were bf have never had an ear infection in their lives. Just saying...

lisaro · 26/01/2012 01:07

Maybe they just don't want to. They don't need a 'why'.

icklemissus · 26/01/2012 02:54

I bf both my girls for 11month (she started biting and 8/9 months( I was I'll and had To go to hospital) and I probably would have carried on longer had I been able to I never even though about when I would stop, I'm just a go with the flow sorta mum.

I never thought about doing anything else we never had bottles in the house, until my first (now 6) started biting and I tried ff and yes it's a bloody faff! Cleaning sterilising then throwing it away when they don't want it! At least when bf you can whip them out at any point to feed, no pre planning! I even bf my youngest when she was 6months old in a baby carrier upright whilst watching Bridgwater carnival!

I do get that others don't find it easy, I didn't at first I do remember sitting up at night crying because of the pain, but I got over it and once out the other side it's a breeze.

My sil always ff although she said she tried bf (it's a complicated family situation and a whole other story). But I was horrified when she told my other sil to ff "because it's easier to get dads to do the night feeds" shes a lazy moo indeed and I never would have dreamt of asking hubby to night feed when he had to get up at 5am and go to work when I stayed at home ( she's a sahm too)

StickyGhost · 26/01/2012 03:19

I completely intended to bf my DS and was all prepared while I was pregnant - breastfeeding class, pump, breast pads, everything - and I tried for 24 hrs after he was born. But tbh, deep down inside I never wanted to bf, I had no desire to attach my child to my breast and feed him that way. Even from my childhood I can remember feeling uncomfortable about the concept of bf, and actually a little repulsed (which is awful because it is something so natural). I don't know why this is, and I do feel a bit like I'm missing out on that special bond with him, but I also don't regret ff him as it has worked out fine and he is thriving. Glad you asked the question op, I've never admitted that before, feels good to share!

Thumbwitch · 26/01/2012 03:43

I know that in her AN class of 5, my sister was completely in the majority when she said she didn't even want to try BFing. I think only 1 out of the 5 was prepared to even give it a go but the rest of them were all "grossed out" by the idea, "Cos it's like we're a cow or something".
She was going to try and express the colostrum because she understood the health implications of it, but in the end she had an emCS, and her milk never really came in so the MWs told her not to bother trying to express. With the next one, she had an elCS and never even thought about it.

I bf DS for 23m, otoh.

My mum tried to bf me but gave up after 3d because I was sucking blood - I don't know if she even bothered trying with the others, but mostly they (and I) were bottlefed.

So I wouldn't say it's necessarily family experience or pressure that has the biggest impact.

mirai · 26/01/2012 04:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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