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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

First time mums who do not try bf - why?

175 replies

Booboostoo · 01/08/2011 12:39

This is a genuine question out of curiosity and NOT an attempt to label or evaluate anyone!!

I know 5 women who gave birth for the first time around the same time as me. One tried bf but it didn't work out which is fair enough. The other four never tried it. Why do people choose formula without giving bf a go? As far as I know neither had a medical reason preventing them from bf, it was a matter of choice, but why do people reject bf when they don't know if it will work for them? They all have months of maternity leave.

OP posts:
LaCerbiatta · 02/08/2011 10:30

Interesting to hear honest and real reasons why some choose not to even try.

I'll try to be honest too: I do judge mothers who don't try to breast feed. Your honest posts help to understand their reasons, as opposed the constant defensiveness and the 'it's no one's business' etc

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 02/08/2011 10:36

But at the end of the day, we shouldn't have to explain ourselves as honestly and openly. the fact that we didn't try should be enough of a pointer that we didn't want to. It's nice that people are trying to understand, but it really isn't anyone elses business. If someone in RL had asked me this, not on an online forum, they'd have got told to feck off! Grin

wigglesrock · 02/08/2011 10:46

I agree ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts I answered much earlier in the thread as to my reasons. I don't really get the need to understand either, its no-ones business because it is really no-ones business. I wouldn't make some of the parenting choices others do but I don't feel a need to ask them why they're doing it. And I wouldn't call it defensiveness if they told me to piss away off.

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 02/08/2011 10:56

Exactly. To me it's no different to those who try controlled crying or co sleeping or something. Just because I don't do it doesn't make others who do wrong and I wouldn't ask them to expalin why they're doing it. Different choices, innit?!

BertieBotts · 02/08/2011 11:01

I think it's really dependent on personality as well though. I'd get in a right faff with FF because I'm really disorganised, DS sometimes has cow's milk in a bottle and it takes me ages to find one, clean it, or perhaps root around in the cupboard for various bottle parts trying to find three which are all clean and compatible, and then it's been cleaned and used a couple of times but I've forgotten to clean the threading at the top so the lid is stuck on, and then sometimes I tell him yes he can have some and get to the fridge and realise he drank it all yesterday and I forgot to buy more... Whereas it doesn't really bother me to breastfeed in public even if I do flash a bit of nipple, I don't mind not knowing when the next feed is because unless I'm stuck in a car or something I can pretty much feed the baby anywhere at no notice at all. I don't mind the night waking because I find co-sleeping absolutely fine, yet I know others would hate it.

Tuga I think it's wrong to judge anyone for formula feeding. It doesn't matter what their reasons are, even if they seem silly to you, they're obviously important to them. It's useful to know context of reasons people choose to bottlefeed because if people are misinformed it's worth getting the correct information out there, so that they can make an informed choice. That would at least prevent situations like Mamadivaz where she made the choice but later learned that what she had based it on was false and so felt perhaps she had missed out.

zzzzz · 02/08/2011 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 02/08/2011 11:07

This reply has been deleted

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Bunbaker · 02/08/2011 11:08

I think there are still some misconceptions about breastfeeding. For a start you don't need to flash your boobs to get the baby latched on, except when you are establishing feeding when your baby is new. Once the baby is latched on no-one can see your breast anyway because the baby's head is in the way.

And a massive plus is that it does help you get back into shape far more quickly.

wigglesrock · 02/08/2011 11:10

Bunbaker if we're talking about getting into shape quicker - that's a misconception - have a look at the Breastfeeding/bottlefeeding section, they are threads there from women despairing that they can't shift any weight despite believinng it to be an advantage to breast feeding.

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 02/08/2011 11:11

In my antenatal class the other week when asked who was planning on bf, only two put up their hands. This included me and I've done it before!!!!

I was really shocked. Tbh I don't think the mw did much to help, didn't ask why or if anyone had any questions. I ended up saying a couple of things cause I just wanted to make sure they knew the facts. In fact when she told them bf babies wake more I pointed out my dd slept through from 2 months.

zzzzz · 02/08/2011 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertieBotts · 02/08/2011 11:24

But presumably your nipples aren't? Do you not ever wear clothes which show cleavage then?

Bunbaker · 02/08/2011 11:28

"Bunbaker if we're talking about getting into shape quicker - that's a misconception - have a look at the Breastfeeding/bottlefeeding section, they are threads there from women despairing that they can't shift any weight despite believinng it to be an advantage to breast feeding."

I could certainly feel my uterus contracting as soon as DD started sucking. The midwife told me that this was normal. In fact my uterus was back to its pre-baby size by day 10. And breastfeeding does use up a lot of calories, so I don't understand why it is a popular misconception.

wigglesrock · 02/08/2011 11:31

I'm not going to get into a bun fight but breast feeding uses up 500 calories a day and some women eat more than that extra 500 because they're hungry.

belgo · 02/08/2011 11:33

Grin at 'bun fight' yes it's all those buns that I eat that stopped me losing weight when I was breastfeeding.

Quite simply if you use more calories then you eat, you will lose weight.

tiktok · 02/08/2011 11:37

The research shows that overall, women who breastfeed for several months are more likely to get back to pre-pg weight than mothers who don't.

That does not account for every individual's individual experience - so no one can make a prediction that is 100 per cent guaranteed to come true.

superjobee · 02/08/2011 11:40

i lost 3lb a week every week i was BF after the initial drop of a stone after giving birth that was definately a good thing Grin

AliGrylls · 02/08/2011 11:46

lovebeingathome, I think you are right in saying people have the misconception that bf babies are more wakeful. I am not sure if it is true though. Would tiktok be able to inform us given her vast experience and knowledge?

zzzzz · 02/08/2011 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pommedechocolat · 02/08/2011 11:48

Hmm. I am pg with my second. Both my mum and 1 tried to bf pour first and it didn't go very well (mum managed 2-3 weeks with me I managed about 6 with dd).
With her second my mum decided to go straight to ff and not both with the faff of bf. I am determined to bf this second baby for ... (undecided, but when I choose to stop not when I get defeated).
I have a feeling this is a personality type thing though. My mum is very laid back, no ego. I am super high achiever good at everything type. I think it is because I am annoyed that I failed with dd more than the health benefits (especially as I am not totally convinced by the importance of the health benefits, low numbers, genetics anyone being my main points..). No desire to start a bun fight no need to try and convince me on the above by the way.
So I didn't like bf. Hating having my horrible huge floppy boobs out, hated the feeling, hated it all. However I feel that I must succeed at this to feel okay about my baby experience.
It also guarantees keeping my MIL at more of a distance than she would like.

DunderMifflin · 02/08/2011 11:48

Haven't read whole thread but just thought I was the kind of person you'd like to hear from - I come from a large family and we were all BF, all my siblings BF or partners BF their babies.

I just didn't want to so didn't even try!

tootiredtomakeupagoodname · 02/08/2011 11:57

Most off my friends have chosen not to BF as it is not the norm where we live and no one in our families have done it, one said her breasts where for her partner, one didn't want the hassle and to be honest I respect those who say they just don't want to. Having had an easy time BF DS1 and a nightmare of a time with DS2 as he fed round the clock, struggled to latch, etc it bothers me when people say, 'DC was too big, too hungry, I didn't have enough milk so we stopped before he was 3 days old' as we got there in the end through sheer determination and ignoring all family as I am the first person to BF since my great gran and everyong thought I was slightly mad some sort of mother of the earth type, but actually I am just a stubborn cow Wink

tiktok · 02/08/2011 12:01

AliGryls - not much research on this, but bf babies do tend to wake more in the night compared to ff babies (with lots of individual variation, of course). But this is a good thing - though because of the importance our culture and modern-day expectations give to unbroken adult sleep, babies who wake often, even when very young, are considered to be doing something that's not welcome :)

Why is it a good thing? Because physiologically, babies need feeding often, and emotionally and cognitively, they need frequent human contact.

Bunbaker · 02/08/2011 12:01

"Hating having my horrible huge floppy boobs out"

But you don't "get them out" to feed a baby. You just make one accessible to the baby. The other one is safely tucked away and hidden from view.

TransatlanticCityGirl · 02/08/2011 12:02

Apologies if this point has already been made but...

We all know that breast is best. We also know that it's better for young children to avoid TV, sweets, excess sugar (including fruit juices) etc.

Yet how many of the people who've openly admitted they judge mothers who don't try breastfeeding allow their kids to watch TV or eat unhealthy food (even if in moderation)? Or do any of the other things we know isn't so good for babies and children?

Formula feeding does not do any damage to your baby. Baby might be better off if breast fed, but let's not forget - breast feeding does not guarantee a better outcome. It is just a link. On average, it tends to be better. It's not a given.

I am a first time mother and am breastfeeding, but to be honest, I can completely understand why some women may choose not to try. It's not rocket science to work out the reasons why.

And therefore I must wonder, why do people start threads on MN to try to figure out the answer to this rather easy question? Seems rather pointless and perhaps a bit passive aggressive.