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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

First time mums who do not try bf - why?

175 replies

Booboostoo · 01/08/2011 12:39

This is a genuine question out of curiosity and NOT an attempt to label or evaluate anyone!!

I know 5 women who gave birth for the first time around the same time as me. One tried bf but it didn't work out which is fair enough. The other four never tried it. Why do people choose formula without giving bf a go? As far as I know neither had a medical reason preventing them from bf, it was a matter of choice, but why do people reject bf when they don't know if it will work for them? They all have months of maternity leave.

OP posts:
gorionine · 02/08/2011 12:07

As far as I know neither had a medical reason preventing them from bf, it was a matter of choice

I think the 'as far as i know' is key here maybe there is a reson other than choice why they do not BF their first child and they just do no feel (quite rightly thoough too) that they need to justify it to you. It is not because your friends do not give you their reason that they do not have one.

pommedechocolat · 02/08/2011 12:07

Bunbaker - That really wasn't how it was for me. I'm glad you had such a lovely 'boob tucked away' experience but that really wasn't my reality.

DunderMifflin · 02/08/2011 12:25

I love TransatlanticCityGirl - spot on!

MigGril · 02/08/2011 14:17

Formula feeding does not do any damage to your baby

Well actually there are many negative effects on babies including increase mortality, formula feeding increases the risk of SIDS as well as hospitilsation from infections. There was a US study resently that showed this maybe ticktok has the link somewhere.

It is a personal choice on how you feed your baby but your personal chioce cost the NHS millions every year for treating infections (therefore costing the tax payers more). And yes I'm aware that my other life style choice can cost more to the NHS we don't all live supper hearlthy lives. But BF is one clear cut area where it really does make a differences, yes BF babies still do get ill but require less specilist care and generaly don't need as much hospital treatment. It's the one of the main reasion why it's not so risky to FF in the UK as it would be in a thired world country where hospital treatment isn't always avaiable or affordable.

I think a lot of it is to do with miss information and lact of understanting what the effects really can be. Most people just arent' told what the risks are.

MumblingRagDoll · 02/08/2011 14:23

I never tried. I was sexually assaulted and can't bear to be touched there...I suspect many others are the same.

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 02/08/2011 14:30

Mumbling - :( I kind of know how you feel. I hate showing my breasts to anyone bar DH. He is the only one who has seen them and it took me years to feel confident enough to do that.

On another topic, thinking about it how often do you see fictional characters on TV BFing their babies? Hardly ever. If someone in a soap opera has a baby you always see them making formula up and feeding by bottle. Surely this must have an affect on the BF rates?

I actually have never seen anyone BF a baby.

MumblingRagDoll · 02/08/2011 14:41

I don't know why people care so much about what other women choose to do.

Some people choose to snd their kids away to school at 7....or feeding them crap all day....I think that's damaging but I wouldn't dream of campaigning about it.

clit · 02/08/2011 14:48

Blimey. I really am trying to understand this.

If you've been sexually assaulted and feel uncomfortable about breastfeeding, then how in hell did you manage to have full intercourse leading ultimately to childbirth Confused

I appreciate that it's nobody's damn business but I really don't get it.

I didn't want to bf

OK, well, I didn't want a nightmare pregnancy and 26 hour excruciating labour followed by emcs; I don't fancy changing dirty nappies and getting covered in faeces; I'm not keen on getting up in the night and dealing with tantrums etc., etc.

BUT surely this is all to be expected when you're going to have a baby Confused. Breastfeeding is part of raising a child is it not?

I'm one of those crazy extended bf types and I'll fully admit that the first 6 months were pure hell...DD fed every hour for months and I was utterly spent - still am tbh.

But to not even try because you are grossed out by it smacks of selfishness imo.

[Curls up in foetal position to await inevitable kicking]

VelvetSnow · 02/08/2011 14:59

Wow, not asking you to understand clit, just accept it.

VelvetSnow · 02/08/2011 15:01

"Breastfeeding is part of raising a child is it not?"

Well yes, if that's the only option available, however this is not the only option so women/parents have the right to choose - do they not?

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 02/08/2011 15:02

clit I really don't think coming here to undermine someones sexual abuse is the right way to go. You cannot understand how it has made MumblingRagDoll feel and are very unreasonable (i know this is not AIBU) to question this.

I was not sexually assaulted but was a victim of violence and verbal abuse from a young age. It was more of a confidence issue for me than a contact issue but I totally get how physical abuse can affect things. You cannot begin to question that. If you don't 'get it' then don't try to.

AlpinePony · 02/08/2011 15:02

clit - quite frankly you deserve the kicking. I too am a survivor of rape (twice if that helps you understand). I was held against my will and raped. When my milk came in my breasts were around a 42H and my son under 6lbs. Ever seen a tit bigger than a baby? Didn't fancy getting them out in public - didn't want people staring at my secondary sexual organs. All this tosh about "discreetly lifting your top, nobody will know". Not with melons it ain't! I refused to be a prisoner in my own home. If that makes me a prude - good grief.

Conversely - as an extended breastfeeder, people might not be calling you a prude - but they might suggest that you're getting an unnatural sexual thrill from feeding an older child.

See? Not nice is it? :(

clit · 02/08/2011 15:03

I do accept it. Every other mother I know is or has ff, so I'm the wierd one in their eyes Smile

Just hard for me to understand why you wouldn't contemplate it. Threads like this are very useful in that respect!

VelvetSnow · 02/08/2011 15:03

And the poster who was sexually assaulted said "can't bear to be touched there"

Sexual Assualt does not always constitute intercourse

clit · 02/08/2011 15:05

Ha! I'm well used to ill-educated comments about breastfeeding past a year.

wigglesrock · 02/08/2011 15:07

I was actually going to comment that although this thread has had differing opinions, it has been moderately respectful to the topic and posters considering how previous discussions have went, and that maybe it was because it wasn't in AIBU. Clit ridiculing women who have been sexually, physically or verbally assaulted, I actually think your post is the most insulting, ignorant, devoid of compassion and understanding I have ever read.

clit · 02/08/2011 15:09

I didn't ridicule anybody. Just trying to understand better.

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 02/08/2011 15:12

Ill educated comments?

You're quite good at making them too.

Let's not let this turn into a bunfight when it was supposed to be insightful not bitchy.

wigglesrock · 02/08/2011 15:13

If you've been sexually assaulted and feel uncomfortable about breastfeeding, then how in hell did you manage to have full intercourse leading ultimately to childbirth

I'd call that ridiculing.

clit · 02/08/2011 15:14

Sorry.

VelvetSnow · 02/08/2011 15:15

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 02/08/2011 15:19

That's clever Velvet :)

zzzzz · 02/08/2011 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VelvetSnow · 02/08/2011 15:50

code blue! what! I need at least code red!

My life is worth more than just code blue Grin

Code Blue: Saunter in and check my pulse
Code Red: Get the defibrillator on me and save my ass!!!

Grin
zzzzz · 02/08/2011 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.