what do you think when you see someone using a bfing cover?

[reastie]

Like one of those bebe au lait style ones. Put a thread on here recently saying I was a bit about bfing in public, and, following on from some advice here I've got a bebe au lait cover thingy which arrived yesterday. Thing is, I almost feel like I'm making a deal about flashing the fact I'm bfing while using it - a bit like 'look at me, i'm bfing, yes, bfing, trying to disguise it but everyone can see it, i'm bfing'. Tried it at home and DH says since the material is jazzy (I like the pattern though ) it sort of attracts attention to what I'm doing. I feel a bit about what people think when they see people using one as I feel a bit like I might get more odd looks by using one than not using one, but don't want to feed without one and flash myself publically (lots of my tops open at the top and I'm a mahossive 38I so alot of flesh on show).

I have a friend who has had 3 DCs, never bf-ed any of the 2 older ones, but started bf-ing the 3rd. Am not sure why but she says I'm the only person she knows who bf-ed my children, and since I only got to know her after her first 2 DCs were born, I can only surmise that she started trying to bf after getting to know me? When her 3rd DC was born, I thought she was going to formula feed like she did with the other 2. She even told everyone this too. Then at about day 7 of her baby's life, she started calling me up and asking for advice about bf-ing. I was quite surprised she wanted only to start at day 7, but I told her it might not be too late, and tried to give her instructions over the phone. She had problems with latching on correctly and I remember her late calls at night telling me how much it hurted, and I tried to tell her what to do to correct it. I kept asking her to come round to my place so I could see what the problem is and it'd be much easier than explaining over the phone. She refuses to do so... but then a month later she's now still bf-ing, which is great. But she still refuses to bf in front of anyone without a bf coverup. She uses a scarf. She's very insecure about exposing her breasts to people and I suspect she also has a lot of personal issues concerning self-image, etc. from what she told me of her family and her school life constantly getting bullied etc.. I'm not sure if she would bf without a cover if its only her DH around but they definitely aren't very affectionate with each other in public. Anyways, my personal take on the bf-ing cover issue is that if a woman feels the necessity to cover up when she bfs, for whatever reason, then cover up. Much better than not bf-ing at all. I suspect that for said friend in question, she would not bf at all if there wasn't an option to cover up.

I think it's best to just get on with doing it. As long as you dont feel compelled to go to the shops public loo as many department stores make you. A ludicrous idea I've always thought!
I always used to wear a baggy jumper and sit somewhere quiet away from the main throng. Feel invisible and you will be!
Love this Tiktok....
"Kara, where did you find a willing Muslim to use as a cover when you were bf, and how did you get them to be positioned in the right place?"

I saw someone using one the other day in the park, and TBH I did do a double-take as I've never seen one in use before so wanted to see what it looked like! But if it makes you feel more comfortable, great.

If I'm wearing something that has to be pulled down rather than up to BF, I use a muslin to try to cover up, but DS has an irritating habit of pulling it away. Luckily he doesn't tend to need fed in public very often these days - down to 3-4 feeds per day.

i haven;t read the thread as i always get so when i do read threads re bf covers.

i've used one with both of mine, it's a pretty green paisley one - has been admired lots of times and several bf mothers and mothers-to-be have asked me where they can get one the same.

both of my DCs latched on and off and had coughing fits due to my fast letdown/flow - i would have been flashing non-stop without it.

scarves, muslins, blankets all got pulled off non-stop which made things pretty stressful as i was constantly having to check it was still in place/wrestle it away from DC

i wouldn't be happy with my breasts showing in public anyway but having been sexually assaulted (years ago, pre-DCs) i'm even more keen on privacy in that area

does it really matter if a bf cover draws attention to the fact that you're bf (not that it does, i have bf with my lime green one right in front of another mother and she asked me where my baby was!)? it's bf, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. i don't personally give a flying fuck if anyone knows what i'm doing, i just don't want them to see my breasts whilst i'm doing it.

have no problem whatsoever with other women bf without a cover but wish everyone could be as unjudgemental about those who do want to use them.

i am trying to hide my breasts NOT the fact i'm bf. why is this so 'sad', 'unsightly', or a 'shame'? (yep, couldn't resist a quick scan of all the comments against them)

I had a bebe au lait cover as I have H cup boobs and there was just no way that I could feed DD in that "baby covers the boob" kind of way because as soon as I released the clasp on my nursing bra, it just all hung out.

It wasn't about other people making me feel uncomfortable and more about me. I never used it at friends houses or at playgroup, but in marks and sparks Cafe it made me feel better.

Kara -

Yay, CakeandRoses read my comments - I'm with you on this

I was never very 'good' at breastfeeding... by which I mean I was determined (because I'm a stubborn mare) and bf for about 7 months, but NEVER got to grips with doing it in that relaxed way that other mums seem to manage. I never got the positioning quite right, it always took both hands and a lot of concentration, and I never understood quite how to achieve it without flashing. DS had tongue tie so I also had to use shields for a while and I swear there is NO way of juggling new baby, big boobs, bra and shields in any kind of dignified manner

I truly don't care what others do, but for me flashing my boobs in the middle of John Lewis is mortifying.

So I used a bf cover and whatever other people thought it made it possible for me to feed in public; unless I suddenly became a bf pro I would certainly use it again.

I have never seen one used but completley understand why you want to cover up - I bf dd1 for 8 months and did so in public but I think I mastered it with clever dressing. I found bf tops very revealing so ended up with a bf vest top under another looser top. The over top would lift up and cover the top of the breast, the vest top bit would cover tummy and just leave little gap for nipple. Once baby is latched on there is nothing on show.

DH occasionally held a musin cloth over me while I got dd latched.

You can be proud of bfing without displaying your boobs. My boobs are mine and my baby's, if I choosed to bf in public I should be able to feel comfortable doing it. I thin k the opinion of getting the boob out and not caring what people can see is great for some but I don't do public nudity and don't use communal changing rooms. I think it can really put off new mums and drive them to bottle feed if they think their boobs have to be on display.

Not so bothered about strangers but poor fil didn't know where to look and we have a living/dining room - no seating in the kitchen - and dd fed for an hour. Covering up was definitely for me - not sure how this will work with the twins I'm expecting!

CakeandRoses - I completely agree with you.

Why not just focus on the fact that someone is breastfeeding (yay!) instead of judging them on how they choose to feel comfortable when doing so? It's pretty unkind to be sneery and laugh at people who use these covers although I did have a quick snigger at that hat.

No-one blinked an eye when I used mine, and one friend even said she'd probably have carried on bfeeding her DS for more than a couple of months if she'd known about them.

Could not have said it better myself CakeandRoses!

I was a proud breastfeeder but felt with my massive 32J boobs that I would be showing a little too much. Unless you have a F/G cup or bigger you could never understand - picture my boob being twice the size of a newborns head and then try and imagine how on earth you can breastfeed discreetly in public!!!! My babies head certainly did not cover my boob so once latched there was plenty on show.

So now we are being judged on not whether or not we breastfeed but how we do it. Is it any wonder woman give up so quickly.

Cover up OP and be proud to - certainly better than giving up or hibernating at home!

Whether you want to cover up whislt breastfeeding is entirely personl. I tried using a muslin when I first started but it annoyed me so I gave up and never used anything after. I would just lift my top and put my baby on, most times people wouldn't notice. I don't have big breasts anyway so not so much to flash

spider to mexican hats

blonde the bebe one i have is actually quite lightweight - maybe the styles differ

toy poncho - might look into that. Not sure if the neck would be big enough to have a good peek down though

thank you ticklebug well said :)

Sorry haven't time to read the thread...
I felt uncomfortable bfeeding in public for about a week then thought, "don't give a shit what anyone else thinks, actually." And people only notice you're doing it if you make a big show of it. In fact people specifically look away if they see you feeding! I find it easiest if I cross my legs and support my baby -holding arm on my knee, then one swift pull up of a top had it all sorted. The baby's head and body hides everything. Once latched on, adjust your top, and people see literally nothing. And actually who cares if they do.

I had a mama scarf as I was worried about bf in public but to be honest, I found it so fiddly to arrange that I didn't bother. I think whatever makes you feel comfy - I had some great bf tops from Jojo Mamam Bebe which helped me to be discreet without it being too fiddly. I was nervous the first few times I did it in public, I remember feeding DS1 in a pub where we were all having lunch and thinking I should go and hide in the toilets but generally no-one bats an eyelid!! And all the cafes round where I live welcome it. Indeed, they'd be daft not to as mums are their main trade in the day!!! London is quite good for being bf friendly - did hear of a certain famous coffee shop in another city asking bf mums to not hold their weekly get togethers there as people complained. That makes me mad!!! But on the whole I think people are generally fine.

And agree with Cakesandroses and the others - don't feel judged on how you do it!!! Its a personal choice and I get so fed up of people making new mums feel like they are doing it "wrong".

Meant to add - who cares if they do. But if you do care, use a cover. You're breastfeeding a baby, not flashing at people - there's no need to worry about what others think

I'm amazed actually that some people have the audacity to judge other mums negatively for using covers.

What sort of person gives a shit what other people do to feel comfortable when feeding their own baby? Weird.

Nope, they're all the same fabric! Trust me, the combination of baby + cotton apron + your body can get really uncomfortable in warmer temperatures, god knows what it's like for the poor baby. I used to be flapping the bloody thing around to get some cool air under there, not exactly subtle.

DS never seemed bothered by it, just used to cuddle up and feed as normal. And I added a lining so that it would stay in place.

I have got a mamascarf which I quite like as it kind of looks like a sling. Can be a bit awkward though when DD decides to go all squirmy whilst latching on.

www.mamascarf.co.uk/

I've never seen one used in real life, only ever seen them on here.

I BF my DS with two tops, but for the underneath one use a boobtube (much easier). I dont own any special BF tops but would recommend to the OP that she has a look at BF dresses if shes missing dresses.

I went to a wedding in one and my friends DP sat opposite me at the table. He asked me a few hours in "when I was gonna get my tits out". I told him I'd fed DS about 3 times in the time I'd been sat there I'm an E cup btw, and DS was about 6m so not at the staying nice and still stage anymore.

Have a look at motherwear US site , I got the dress I wore to the wedding for $15 (plus $20 postage, so less than £35 total).

A friend uses one and I don't see the issue. Yes, it does make it more obvious than discretely feeding without a cover, but if it makes her happy to feed a squirming baby wherever, then I think it's great.

allsquare can't find any nice bfing dresses that suit me in my post baby size {20) . I can't get clothes online as I seem to be a really odd shape and need to try before I buy

mamascarf doesn't look that different to a bebe au lait to me - you can tuck mine up like that one