what do you think when you see someone using a bfing cover?

[reastie]

Like one of those bebe au lait style ones. Put a thread on here recently saying I was a bit about bfing in public, and, following on from some advice here I've got a bebe au lait cover thingy which arrived yesterday. Thing is, I almost feel like I'm making a deal about flashing the fact I'm bfing while using it - a bit like 'look at me, i'm bfing, yes, bfing, trying to disguise it but everyone can see it, i'm bfing'. Tried it at home and DH says since the material is jazzy (I like the pattern though ) it sort of attracts attention to what I'm doing. I feel a bit about what people think when they see people using one as I feel a bit like I might get more odd looks by using one than not using one, but don't want to feed without one and flash myself publically (lots of my tops open at the top and I'm a mahossive 38I so alot of flesh on show).

everybodysang excellently put rant

Everybodysang, Herculepoirot, and anyone else who has been upset by this thread...

I've been trying hard to think of the right way to post this, and I hope I am also speaking for some of the other people whose posts may have inadvertantly upset you... this thread caught my attention as I had never heard of these BF covers yet in the last 2 weeks I have seen two of them out and about. Hence why I have posted a couple of times on this thread. It did catch my attention as, as I have BF 2 babies (still BF DD2 at 11 months) I have done a lot of BF in public and I have never seen or heard of them before. It caught my attention in a 'ooh, that's odd!' kind of way, just because it was something I hadn't seen before. I guess I am so used to BF now and DD2 is older and so knows what she is doing, so I couldn't for the life of me see the need for it. It struck me as a bit of a pointless gadget/yummy mummy status symbol thing (there is a point I'm trying to make, so hang on...)

This thread has actually educated me as for one I didn't realise you could actually see the baby while using it, I didn't realise how lightweight it was (from a distance it looks quite heavy material), and I appreciate I hadn't really considered/remembered the difficulties people often have feeding a very little baby - latching on and off, having to use both hands, having large engorged boobs. Also, it is second nature to me now tbh I don't even care if someone sees my boobs as to me they are just my baby's feeding apparatus and not sexual/private at all. But I appreciate, especially in the early days, it is very weird and strange to get used to the idea of exposing your breasts in public (even though, honestly, noone can see very much and noone cares!)

I would say though, that as a parent (and a Mumsnetter!) you may need to develop a thicker skin! Everyone has a different opinion on so many aspects of parenting and it will happen time and time again that people will disagree with your decisions - both in RL and on here! For example - I was told by a staunch feminist on another thread that my decision to be a SAHM was anti-feminist and it was the fault of people like me that so few women rise to the top professionally. It didn't make me question my decision, I know my reasons. Or I started a thread a while back about whether I should make my 3yo wear a helmet on her scooter. There were lots of comments, both for and against. In the end I didn't bother with a helmet. That is my decision mde for various reasons, and the fact that some internet strangers told me it was foolish and irresponsible doesn't bother me in the slightest.

I stand by my previous comments that I wish we lived in a society where we all felt completely at ease to just get our boobs out and feed our babies whenever necessary, with no need for special tops, muslins or BF covers. It does concern me that if the use of these covers becomes the norm then people will feel pressured to use them. However I do not for one second think it is the responsibility of new BF mums to challenge society's views on BF by not using a cover if they want to.

Thanks to people like you I now understand a bit more the reasons why people might want to use them and I will certainly look more kindly on the next woman I see getting her jazzy nursing apron out in Starbucks. But I will still secretly hope that the sight of me BF openly might convince her that maybe in time she won't have to use it if she doesn't want to.

I think they add to the hassle of bfeeding in public. I don't mind that people use them, but I have enough to carry around with me with extra nappies, extra clothes in the event of a poo explosion etc.

I used to use it as a little blanket to wrap him in, too. And as a sun-shade for the buggy. There's a little terry cloth piece in the corner of it that I'd use for wiping up various spills and possets. Very handy and I never considered it "something extra" to carry around at all. :)

I wasn't going to read this thread for fear of getting upset, but I couldn't help myself and yes, I got upset.

I use a bebe au lait cover and it's best bit of baby kit I've bought. It allows me to confidently feed my baby wherever I am. I've had endless positive comments about it - from older mothers who wished they'd had one instead of staying at home to feed, and from non-breastfeeding mothers who have said that they would have given it a go if they'd have known about it.

The very sad, but true, issue is that society is not totally comfortable with breast feeding, as others have said on this thread.

For those who have scoffed at such covers, all I can say is that, for me, it has proved to make the difference between successfully breastfeeding and just giving it up (or even not even trying it). What would you rather, for slightly more self-conscious mothers not to breastfeed at all?

These negative comments have just made me feel even more conscious about breast feeding in public when I thought I was handling it quite well with my cover.

I sometimes use one of the bebe au lait things and sometimes don't depending on the situation. I found it inaluable with DD1 as I wasn't very confident and I have big boobs which mean I can't feed without using two hands. I have found that when my two were very small I used the "hooter hider" more, now DD2 is 6 months I can be far more discreet because I don't need to latch her on. I live in a very bf friendly area. I mainy used one to cover up my stomach before I started using the two tops approach to begin with. I am not embarassed that I am bfing but I am a bit shy about exposing my body. I can remeber being shocked about a previous thread on this issue with people saying how awful HH's are because they draw attention to bfing, I have to say that I haven't felt like that at all.

I used a blanket, and most the time people just thought he was asleep.

very well said smallpotato

Hey maybe since they draw so much attention to the fact that women are bf - MORE so than just doing it without a cover as many have said, Maybe this is a great thing! More people noticing bfing and more people bfing. That has to be good :) we all just want bf rates to rise :)

i thought i would chuck in my pennyworth:) i have seen them used, used one, and think that its a bit of a scam- a bit of muslim cloth does the trick just the same only not such nice funky pattern and seeing as my dd wanted to have full access and no covers over her at all when bf a cover would have been very annoying for her had i actually kept on at her. they are quite hot too. they are pretty to look at which is what attracted me at first, then i realised they weren't for me...

I just wore very baggy t shirts which kind of rested on dd, she covered the rest and I had a muslim cloth (better specify:) cover up if needed and wore a proper bf bra.. i bf everywhere and i must say they seem designed by people who have never bf - the travel one sold- it has a tiny strap that has to be forced over your head, you can't see the baby- surely baby would hate not to be able to see mummy.

do know of someone who used one at home ALONE - she wanted to look nice bf...

when i was bf people did anything rather than look at the bf area anyway!

blueberry, that's unfortunate. I just slipped mine over my head and could look right down at my baby and baby back up at me. We could keep eye contact for the whole feed if he so wished. :)

And he was never hot in it because hole at the top was big enough and fabric breathable and light. He loved it. I used bebe au lait. It is really well designed IME. But, everyone has a different experience. Yours was completely the opposite of mine. A muslin cloth did nowhere near the same job for me. The bebe au lait, I just quickly slipped on over my head (adjustable strap at the top to adjust for head size) and snuggled DS in and we were all set for a lovely cosy feed. Everyone knew I was bf. And that made me very happy. :)

blueberrysorbet - yet again can I suggest you read the thread before making comments that we have already given the reasons for a million times already. To reiterate the main points for everyone that can't be bothered to read anything posted earlier

• some of us were unable to use a muslin (or pashmina or scarf or big t-shirt) for whatever reason despite trying. This may have been because it wasn't big enough to cover, or that we couldn't manage it as we needed both hands to bf.
• muslins/pashminas/scarves/bf clothes all also cost money, not sure how these are a 'scam'
• as those of us that have used them have said a million times they are not too hot and you can see your baby and your baby can see you because they have a boned bit that creates a nice 'hole' at the top where you can see down, baby can see up and the air can circulate.
• I am pretty sure they have been designed by people that bf. I found them excellently designed, although I haven't used the travel one, so perhaps that is different somehow. Mine had an adjustable bit where it went round your neck so you could have it how you wanted it.
• Those of us that use/have used them are not all saying that everyone should use them or should be discreet. We are saying for us, and some other people this made the difference with being able to bf out in public or not.

smallpotato I don't need to be patronised and told to get a 'thicker skin' thanks very much. I have also posted on various forums and threads where people disagree, of course they do this happens in every day life and as a secondary school teacher you can't do the job without a 'thick skin'. I just find it immensely hard to understand posters who clearly agree that bf is best being so unbelievably unempathetic with those of us that choose to use them.

A friend of mine ff her first daughter as she couldn't bring herself to bf in public and didn't want to stay stuck in her house for months. She has recently had her second child, borrowed my cover and is happily bf her second child now. Surely that has to be a good thing?

one of the things that comes up here is that breast size makes a difference, if you have bigger ones (I was an H cup in the early weeks) and you can't get bras to fit well (I ended up back in a normal wired bra by 6m as the soft ones gave me terrible headaches ),then you do have to expose your whole breast when you feed.This is easy in places where there are just other women around,but hard to do if you've spent your whole life covered up.I would happily just feed in a baby friendly place,but in other places,like a crowded tube for instance,I wanted a little privacy.Also I had nosy babies,and the cover also gave them a little calm space to feed just peeping up at me,without loads of distractions and constant-sometimes painful-latching on and off. No one should feel they need to use a cover,but many women will find a few occasions when it is handy.I've been bf one child then another for six and a half years now,and maybe it would have stopped sooner if I hadn't found it so easy to feed wherever I went. bf is great,anything that helps you and your baby on that journey is great.

herculepoirot, sorry if you felt patronised. It's just you did say comments on this thread made you feel like a failure and I was just trying to point out that you shouldn't take things to heart so much, especially on internet forums where people tend to be much more blunt than they would be in RL.

As I said before, if it works for you then great. And it's great you have inspired your friend to breastfeed.

MrsHerculePoirot and everybodysang (and others) - you're being very articulate and I really do hear where you are coming from.

I think for mothers who have been brave in overcoming initial discomfort or inhibition to feed in public, who use covers, and who feel (rightly, surely) very proud of their achievements in breastfeeding their babies...

It is very painful and unfair to be seen as 'part of the problem' in terms of low BF rates. Especially when you think of the many hugely significant factors (poor info, poor support) that we know contribute to low BF rates. And there's a slightly distasteful air of competition about some of the 'why on earth do they need to BUY a cover??' comments. If you can artfully drape a muslin/pashmina over yourself and your baby (which is STILL covering yourself up, btw, there's a real blind spot there for some people) and keep it there, well, good for you. If you have a non-wriggly baby, can bf one handed, and have no issues with letdown or spraying, good for you. But it doesn't take much to recognise that it's not the same for everyone, surely. I don't use one, but lordy god, it would cut me if I did to think that someone was tutting or eyerolling about it.

And let's remember - babies are being breastfed the same whether it's with or without a cover.

Haven't read the whole thread, but FWIW I was secretly jealous when I saw someone using one. She was sitting in glorious sunshine looking out over the Thames and looked so comfortable.

I think they are really useful in helping overcome confidence issues while BFing.

The only down point I've ever seen was when I went out for lunch with a friend who was bfing her slightly older baby (he was at that stage where they are busy sucking and then suddenly whip their head around to take in the view - leaving mum's nipple and boob on full display, hence using the cover to try and reduce distractions).
He was in a very wriggly mood and it did look like she was wrestling a sack of ferrets. But I think that it was probably our giggling that drew the attention - not the cover or the Bfing.

If you feel self-conscious about feeding in public and these things make it easier, I can't see the problem to be honest.

I didn't use one myself, but after my boobs grew three sizes they were covered in purple stretchmarks. I didn't want to flop my boob out in sight of everyone who might look over so tried to cover up with muslin or anything else handy. I wish I was one of those people who don't care but I'm afraid I wasn't. If you're naturally quite shy combined with being nervous when feeding in public, the less unwanted stares you get the better.

I think the main cause of upset on this thread is that yes, people have given their 'honest' opinions, but they are rather unbalanced.

There is a very odd piousness (is that actually a word??) surrounding breastfeeding at the moment.

No negative comments have been made about women who breastfeed openly in public. It's almost taboo to do so and generally limited to pig ignorant middle-aged males. I'm going to be honest here and admit that it makes me feel awkward. But I get over myself because I don't believe we should all breastfeed in darkened rooms and my own hang-ups have fuck all to do with others.

It's all very well taking a progressive stance. But I'm willing to bet that the mums who have fed without any cover did so because they could either do so discreetly (by which I mean your baby/technique allowed you a reasonable degree of control over how much flesh was on show) or you've always been the sort of person who just doesn't care about that sort of thing anyway. I'm pretty sure most aren't on a conscious campaign to single-handedly reform society's views on breastfeeding despite extreme self-conciousness. Like others have said; covers, muslins, t-shirts.... very few of us flop (heave...) them right out in public so what's the difference? Whatever's easiest.

It never fails to amaze me what you can be judged on as a parent without even being aware of it!

I think I'm in a better mood than I was the other day and I've found it interesting today reading people's comments.

reastie, did you have any idea what you were starting?! :)

noisy I had no idea what arguments discussion would follow from this - I[ve been struggling to keep up

I also think the Ghana quote is very interesting... sure, it sounds great over there for breastfeeding mothers. But if you don't breastfeed it's assumed that you've stolen the child/the child is an orphan (I'm mixing what was said on here and what I read on the link, I think. But you get the idea)?? That's not an ethos to aspire to. There are all kinds of reasons why mothers can't breastfeed or find it physically or emotionally difficult. Surely we should promote a society which educates but which supports mothers and promotes what is best for them too.

hehe reastie :)

noisy i agree with everything you've said in your recent 20:55 post including the bit about no-cover breastfeeding making you feel slightly awkward but in a non-judgemental way. i've never admitted to that before but thought i'd 'come out' on it now too now you have

i was cringing (without judginess, natch) when SIL kept unbuttoning her shirt to the waist, showing her entire torso when attempting to bf her uncooperative baby at our dinner table recently. DH (her brother) was mortified and he's no middle-aged ignorant anti-bf twat having been very supportive of me bf our DCs anywhere and everywhere.

i have seen a few women manage to bf without a cover without showing any breast but why is that so much more 'right-on' than using a cover

I saw my first cover being used yesterday, my first thought was just that it was lovely to actually see another b'feeder! I've bf my ds for just over 6 months now and this is the first time i've seen anyone else bf in public. Though maybe I only noticed the other b'fer because of the cover. Either way, I think most of us are just glad to be able to bf and get out and about with our babies, I have been using the two tops method which thankfully has worked fine for me so far, though as DS is getting more nosey I may have to look into one of these covers .