what do you think when you see someone using a bfing cover?

[reastie]

Like one of those bebe au lait style ones. Put a thread on here recently saying I was a bit about bfing in public, and, following on from some advice here I've got a bebe au lait cover thingy which arrived yesterday. Thing is, I almost feel like I'm making a deal about flashing the fact I'm bfing while using it - a bit like 'look at me, i'm bfing, yes, bfing, trying to disguise it but everyone can see it, i'm bfing'. Tried it at home and DH says since the material is jazzy (I like the pattern though ) it sort of attracts attention to what I'm doing. I feel a bit about what people think when they see people using one as I feel a bit like I might get more odd looks by using one than not using one, but don't want to feed without one and flash myself publically (lots of my tops open at the top and I'm a mahossive 38I so alot of flesh on show).

I found the breastfeeding tops too annoying, i found it easier to just use a normal t shirt x

Perhaps though if more people, knew that they could cover up, then the rates may increase. Furthermore, how do we know how the young girls in Ghana feel, perhaps they are nervous about having to wap out their boobs but feel they have to because it is frowned upon if they don't, just a thought.

By the sides of it whether you use a cover or a double top (bf top or vest and top) or a muslin/blanket/scarf. You are still covering yourself up. It's all personal choice and what you feel comfortable with.

by the sounds, not sides of it

spudulika, I posted on this thread mainly because I wanted to say, for women who have been sexually assaulted or abused, the issue of control about who sees their body and how can be very important.

And it might help for them to use a cover.

The sneering and sarcasm in your post is not appropriate, and yes, it is insensitive.

As someone who spent one afternoon wrestling with a BF top, with those 'peekaboo' slits for the nipple to poke through, and then gave up, I can see why someone might prefer to use a cover up like a Bebe au Lait. I think I would find it easier.

Given that most BF tops are designed to minimise the amount of breast that can be seen, (the word 'discreet' crops up a lot in the marketing) I'm not entirely sure why they aren't as frowned on by BF purists as cover ups are. If people get irate about the 'making money from breastfeeding' issue (I don't, personally), then the same priniciple applies.

"The sneering and sarcasm in your post is not appropriate, and yes, it is insensitive."

Dare I say that the the self-righteous, dunder-headed indignation in your post isn't very attractive either?

"I'm not entirely sure why they aren't as frowned on by BF purists as cover ups are"

You really don't get why people who promote breastfeeding are concerned about a seeming obsession with discrete breastfeeding do you? Does it not make sense to you that extremely low breastfeeding rates, a culture in which breasts are sexually fetishised , and the growth in sales of products which hide the act of breastfeeding from the eyes of children and young women, might actually have some negative impact on breastfeeding at a population level?

People who promote breastfeeding are supportive of individual mums doing whatever they can to make breastfeeding a good experience for them and their baby. But at a social level these things might not be helpful in the medium or long term in changing our culture into one which is truly breastfeeding and baby friendly.

I don't understand why people refer to the vest and top method as an alternative to a bf cover. If you have a baby that latches on and off and looks around and is easily distracted, it doesn't matter how many bloody vests you "just pull down", you're still gonna show the world at least your nipple.

I also don't get the whole, don't spend any money on this. Like another poster said, you don't have to buy any other bf clothes and you don't have to spend money on bleeding vests to wear underneath.

I have only recently heard of bf covers. I think they are brilliant and will def use one for my next baby. With my first I hardly ever bf in public because I don't like showing my boobs, be it for bf or for any other reason (enjoyment was mentioned, wasn't it)

spudulika, there's a time and a place to pick a fight. Your need to have an argument here is stronger than your ability to listen or be sensitive.

I'm not taking part in a 'I'm more supportive of breastfeeding than you are' exchange. It's nonsense and helps no one.

For anyone else interested - as someone who has EBF my DS for 10 months and counting despite a history of sexual abuse, which has left me with some difficult feelings about my body and access to it, I'm very proud of what I've done. I don't cover up to feed - I don't feel the need. Others do, I can understand why some women want to, and I'm happy for anyone who finds a way of BF-ing that makes them happy.

I was just disturbed by the number of posters who said they looked at a women using a cover, and their first thought was 'what a shame'. You don't know those women - you don't know how they feel or what their history is. Who knows, a more accurate reaction might be 'how wonderful they are breastfeeding, and don't feel they have to stay home to do it'.

"With my first I hardly ever bf in public because I don't like showing my boobs"

I didn't 'enjoy' showing my boobs either. But you know - your baby wants food so you just get on with it. And you find once you've been doing it for a while you really don't care any more. Because you realise that the only person who's got any interest in your boobs is your baby, and they don't care what they look like!

Spudulika I totally agree that our society has a screwed up attitude to bodies whether male or female. And in general challenging this is important.

BUT this thread was not started with the goal of having a discussion about changing our culture. It was started by an individual mum looking for support. With the greatest respect to all the people who feel sad when they see someone trying to cover up if I was a covering-up mother I'd find that response patronising and irritating. It implies that I 'should' feel and act differently. But there is no 'should' about whether or not to use a breastfeeding cover. The only thing all women should do is try and find the arrangement which makes them happiest.

Our society should stop commodifying womens bodies and then attempting to convince us all that we've been issued with a dud in order to sell us a new one. Our society should grasp the idea that breasts are both sexual and necessary for feeding babies. And our society should be one in which women do not experience sexual abuse or rape.

But Reastie should wear the breastfeeding cover-up if it works for her.

"spudulika, there's a time and a place to pick a fight"

At the risk of seeming childish Fruitybread, you were the one who started with the personal abuse.

"I was just disturbed by the number of posters who said they looked at a women using a cover, and their first thought was 'what a shame'."

Yes - 'what a shame we live in a culture where women feel the need to hide the sight of their baby feeding at the breast'

Followed by 'how wonderful they're breastfeeding'.

Ya' see. Nobody's judging individual women. Apart from you - who's been enthusiastically wagging your finger at me.

"BUT this thread was not started with the goal of having a discussion about changing our culture"

The OP asked what people think when they see a mum using a bf cover.

Some people have posted that it makes them reflect on what a bf unfriendly culture we are that women feel the need to hide the sight of their baby at the breast.

A reasonable response. BF covers are a very culturally specific product. Like the niqab. When you see one you may well reflect on the 'why's' and 'wherefores' of their use.

I'm just sad that this is still an issue these days. I had my kids 21 & 18 years ago and fed both of them in public without any problems - using baggy t-shirts or jumpers. I don't think anyone noticed or cared.

But it isn't the baby feeding that they are hiding.
If you have a flabby belly, you don't walk around in a crop top.

I like the covers because the bf tops are such a faff and like another poster said, you nearly always flash your nipple or a saggy tummy.

I am not the type of person to feel confident at getting ones boob out in front of people. However, with a cover I have managed to feed my lo until six months, so statistically that's one more than there would have been. I am proud I managed to bf and I am grateful this product exists.

It doesn't matter if anyone notices or cares.

It doesn't matter if you draw attention to yourself or not while bf.

The important thing is the bf and the baby.

If a woman wants to use a cover, she should be able to without feeling like she's letting the side down or making people sad ffs.

I mentioned on another of these threads "what about women who have experienced sexual abuse and have issues with exposing their breasts?" and it doesn't matter if no one cares or notices... as a victim of this, all that matters is how I feel about it. Another poster had replied "oh I'm not talking about them. People who have been sexually abused have another reason" (something like that, not word for word). I was just because does that mean that you have to have an "excuse" to use one? How should this be made public? Do we need to carry a sign or should their be a special symbol that we have burned onto our foreheads, so that a passer-by seeing us using a cover while bf, won't snicker or be "sad" or think "oh ffs, just getyour boob out, no one cares" - instead they will see our symbol and say, "oh it's one of them... then that's ok"

I know that wasn't said here, but it still really makes me .

Women just need to support each other to bf. It doesn't matter what kind of a cover she uses or if she uses one or not.

I have haven't read the whole thread but it does seem to have turned into a bit of an arguement. OP did ask what people thought when you see one and my first thoughts when I see them are that I am sad but for the baby rather than the mother feeding. It's great if they help mothers bf and I certainly don't think that they are making a big deal out of bf as most people don't know what they are. I have never been topless outside of my home in any other circumstance but I have enough things to carry with me to go out with my boys and I don't want to carry anything else. Unless you have some kind of cover then there is no way to avoid your nipple being exposed at some point but I do as much as I can under my top before I lift it while ds2 is in position. Tbh it doesn't matter who I'm with they always look away at the point of latching but a lot of people will look while he's feeding as it's a lovely thing to see a contented baby feeding whether it be from a breast or bottle. I do agree that the more we hide the less bf is socially acceptable and the numbers will remain low but it is not the job of a newly feeding self-conscious mum to fix that. I hope you have a wonderful time feeding your baby no matter where as despite a difficult start with ds1 I have loved feeding both of my babies and will be sad when ds2 stops.

I don't care whether people notice them or not but I feel sad when I see a woman using one. Because to me it indicates she is unsure of the rightness of her choice to breastfeed.

I'm sorry can we please please, stop saying its sad

Women don't use bfing covers because they don't want people to see them breastfeeding, they use them because they don't want people to see their breast.

Now, I do think it's sad that our society so sexualises breasts that anyone feels uncomfortable using them for their primary purpose. In an ideal world all women would feel comfortable getting their boobs out in public to feed their babies. But, given that women do feel uncomfortable that they might expose their breasts, surely it's a good thing that something exists that allows them to breastfeed while out in public?

I feel the need to point out that people in general are very unobservant and don't notice any aspect of your body, including the fact that you might have a baby with you unless it's crying - honestly don't feel bad about yourself because you feel you don't live up to the expectations of others because they are too darn hung up on themselves to notice 99.9% of the time.

I actually think numbers will rise, because young teenage girls that would normally maybe bottle feed, may decide to give it a go.

I used a cover and all it indicated is that I have exceptionally large boobs which dd found it difficult to latch on to and as someone who has never even sunbathed topless I preferred to keep my modesty thankyouverymuch.

Sad? How patronising that sounds. As if my personal modesty is something to be pitied.

Get a bloody grip with you.

Not wanting to fan the flames, but I do agree with what Spudulika has said.

I also don't think I have read one post that is judgemental to women using BF covers. Saying 'it's a shame some people think there is a need for them' is not being judgemental to the woman at all, just expressing sadness at the society we live in. If we had grown up in a society where a woman BF her baby was as common a sight as a woman sipping a latte this wouldn't even be an issue.

Also, as I said earlier, the OP is specifically asking for opinions on the subject. It's not patronising her to be honest- it would be patronising to think she can't handle an honest opinion! But as many many people have said, if it makes you feel more comfortable BF then it is a good thing and you should do what works for your own situation.

However, some comments are indicating that people who use covers, don't live up to the expectations of the bf world, surely that isn't right.

whomoved - no, sorry, that's wrong in my case. I wanted everyone to know that I was breastfeeding. I was so proud of it. I didn't think for a second that the cover would hide the fact that I was bf. I only thought it would keep my breasts private and provide baby with a warm, cosy, nestled and undistracted space to feed - without having to fuss with a scarf or muslin. It was perfect for me. And I bf for 13 months. I'm incredibly proud of that. I want everyone to know. I know that the choice was correct. :)