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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

what do you think when you see someone using a bfing cover?

332 replies

reastie · 20/05/2011 07:41

Like one of those bebe au lait style ones. Put a thread on here recently saying I was a bit Confused about bfing in public, and, following on from some advice here I've got a bebe au lait cover thingy which arrived yesterday. Thing is, I almost feel like I'm making a deal about flashing the fact I'm bfing while using it - a bit like 'look at me, i'm bfing, yes, bfing, trying to disguise it but everyone can see it, i'm bfing'. Tried it at home and DH says since the material is jazzy (I like the pattern though Grin ) it sort of attracts attention to what I'm doing. I feel a bit Hmm about what people think when they see people using one as I feel a bit like I might get more odd looks by using one than not using one, but don't want to feed without one and flash myself publically (lots of my tops open at the top and I'm a mahossive 38I so alot of flesh on show).

OP posts:
alfiemama · 21/05/2011 21:04

I was the same HavePatience. I relactated, something I am incredibly proud of, as it was bloody hard work. Without wanting to sound like I'm patrinisong Havepatience, well done.

Why can we not just all support each other?

HavePatience · 21/05/2011 21:05

Alfiemama - I agree with you.

OP if you want to use a cover, go for it. Do what feels right for you. And take the advice of those who feel so "sad" and don't worry about what anyone else thinks... including those people who are so "saddened" by them Wink. Who cares what they think? It's your body and your choice.

The most important thing that I have learned so far through motherhood is that people judge everything and you have to learn not to care sometimes :)

smallpotato · 21/05/2011 21:07

Alfiemama, I really don't think anyone was suggesting or implying that. There is no right or wrong way and certainly no 'bf world'! We are all just doing the best we can. As far as I can recall everyone who has said they don't like or feel uncomfortable about the idea of bf covers has said something along the lines of 'but if it makes you feel more comfortable to bf in public then great'.I think some comments have been misinterpreted and taken out of context, but then that's the internet for you!

alfiemama · 21/05/2011 21:07

very good point.

HavePatience · 21/05/2011 21:08

I have no idea, alfiemama why women can't support each other - but well done to you, too! :) And not patronising at all.

They will say - I'm not saying that women shouldn't use them, just that it makes me sad that our society...blah blah blah...

well, by having that attitude they are making women who do use them feel like they are somehow contributing to this "sad" part of society and somehow compromising themselves as a women or are not as superior of a bf mother...etc. just because they use a cover.

Just let people do what makes them comfortable as long as it doesn't harm the baby! Jeeeeeez

alfiemama · 21/05/2011 21:13

Exactly HavePatience.
Smallpot, comments along the lines of, we may be harming society in the long term (or along those lines), and I feel sorry for the baby in the hot tent Hmm

Why are bf tops not commented on then?

HavePatience · 21/05/2011 21:21

My baby was never hot inside of it. It's a thin sheet and he was so cosy. :)

Yes, alfiemama - it's a patronising undertone.

Oh, I don't approve and think it's so sad that our society has done this, but if it's what you want to do, then great... yeah, right....
then there's the "is this for real??" comments. and the snickering and poking fun at them. yeah... that's really going to help someone with low self confidence already who may have been thinking about using one, reading this thread... Hmm.

Trudyla · 21/05/2011 21:26

"But you know - your baby wants food so you just get on with it. And you find once you've been doing it for a while you really don't care any more."

But you know - I still would care, cos not everyone's the same. And like I said, I didn't deprive my baby of food, I just chose to not feed her much in public. And for the next one I will chose to feed it under a bf cover.

alfiemama · 21/05/2011 21:28

Perhaps the people who have made these comments should read what the op has put. She has bought one and is basically looking for reassurance, jeez. She has said she is big breasted and doesn't want to flash them but is concerned what people think. e.g. she is looking for support.

ziptoes · 21/05/2011 21:29

Caz10 it's been a while since you asked upthread about what people recommended as good things buy to breastfeed in. The best thing I bought to breastfeed in was new sheets and duvets as I do so much breastfeeding in bed Wink

I recently got two nice breastfeeding dresses from ASOS. The slits on breastfeeding clothes can be somewhat fiddly, but one was for a wedding and one was for a very formal work meeting, so the less flesh on offer the better.

coloursoftherainbow · 21/05/2011 21:34

It isn't about you... some people feel uncomfortable. Be supportive instead of critical!

Spudulika · 21/05/2011 21:48

"But it isn't the baby feeding that they are hiding.
If you have a flabby belly, you don't walk around in a crop top."

But if you're breastfeeding any display of flesh is incidental and takes place only when you're feeding your child. You're not 'flashing' or 'showing your body off'. You're feeding your baby. If you happen to show a bit of non-perfect body, well, so what!

Wonder why in other countries where unselfconscious breastfeeding is the norm mums don't get stressed about the need to hide their saggy bellies? Maybe it's because they come from a culture which values motherhood (and the body shapes that come with it) above looking like a 17 year old who's not carried a baby or given birth.

"In an ideal world all women would feel comfortable getting their boobs out in public to feed their babies. But, given that women do feel uncomfortable that they might expose their breasts, surely it's a good thing that something exists that allows them to breastfeed while out in public?"

It doesn't need to be an 'ideal world'. It's already happening in some places which are very far from 'ideal' in every other way. And most women in this country who breastfeed in public without covering their baby and breast with a sheet or their clothing probably DON'T initially feel comfortable about it. I know I didn't. They've grown up in the same culture as everyone else and are influenced by it in the same ways.

"some comments are indicating that people who use covers, don't live up to the expectations of the bf world"

Oh come on - does it need to be said again? Nobody is saying that anyone 'should' or 'shouldn't' do anything, or judging individual mums. Implying that they have is a distortion of what's being said.

Actually it's fairly hilarious how many posters here are distorting people's concerns about the widespread use of nursing covers. It's like you have to believe that people are out to judge individual mums so you can have something to complain about. While determined to completely IGNORE everything that's been said about the wider issues concerning the way breastfeeding is perceived in our culture.

Hello - anyone! Would anyone like to comment on the view that there MAY be a link between the very low rates of breastfeeding in the UK and the fact that most women grow up never seeing a baby feeding normally at the breast? (and that products like the one in question help perpetuate this situation).

I mean, lots of women feel embarrassed about bottlefeeding in this country (as evidenced by the many comments on this board). How would you feel if someone came along with a product (like this: www.dotdotslittleshop.com/i_276/Supplementary-Nursing-System.htm here]] that allowed them to bottlefeed their baby in public without anyone being able to see that this is what they were doing? To spare their feelings of mortification about the fact that they weren't breastfeeding.

Would you be saying 'Why can't we be more supportive of mums who feel bad about not breastfeeding? The most important thing is that they feel comfortable feeding their babies in public.

Or would you be saying, 'actually it's a really crap situation that our culture so fetishises breastfeeding that formula feeding mums feel the need to do something like this. We shouldn't be encouraging people to make money out of this situation'.

Breastfeeding, like bottlefeeding, isn't intrinsically obscene, ugly or embarrassing. These are all values that are placed on it by a society which is unfamiliar with it as an everyday part of family life. And normal women's bodies shouldn't be seen as being too ugly to be shown during the normal course of breastfeeding.

We shouldn't need these covers to feel comfortable breastfeeding, and the fact that so many women do feel the need says a lot to me about our values in this country.

Spudulika · 21/05/2011 21:53

"She has said she is big breasted and doesn't want to flash them but is concerned what people think. e.g. she is looking for support."

She's got a variety of responses from 'yes, I use one and they're great' to 'I look at people using them and feel sorry that they feel so selfconscious about feeding their baby that they've had to buy a special product to enable them to do it while out and about.

Honest responses. Which is surely what she was looking for, yes?

alfiemama · 21/05/2011 22:02

"You've all made me a bitHmm about going out and using it now though"

Are bf rates not on the up though? According to the figures, they have risen slightly since 2009, could this not be because people now have a choice.

People sometimes choose to express and feed in a bottle when out and about rather than bf, isn't it better to use a cover? Hmm Actually no, because either way they are giving their child their milk. It's about choice.

Spudulika · 21/05/2011 22:18

"Are bf rates not on the up though? According to the figures, they have risen slightly since 2009, could this not be because people now have a choice."

Only risen very slightly. I suspect that's down to midwives now encouraging skin to skin in the delivery room, and not asking before they put naked newborns down on their mothers' chests what method of feeding the mum is intending to do.

The fall-out rate in the first, second and third week is still precipitous.

"People sometimes choose to express and feed in a bottle when out and about rather than bf, isn't it better to use a cover? hmm Actually no, because either way they are giving their child their milk. It's about choice."

If you feed your baby at home from your breast but feel the need to bottlefeed while you're out because of self-consciousness, then - that's not really freedom is it? Your behaviour is being shaped by negative emotions namely embarrassment and low self-esteem (because you think your body is ugly and you don't want anyone to see it).

In other words, it's understandable, but it's not something to celebrate as a liberation or a widening out of free choice.

HavePatience · 21/05/2011 22:20

Re: the comparison of bottle feeding under a cover - if someone bottle fed under a cover I would not automatically assume that they were hiding their method of feeding their baby. I'd assume they have their reasons for why they want to use it and it's none of my business.

Not all women using a cover are hiding the fact that they are bf. Most aren't. It just gives some more comfort.

HavePatience · 21/05/2011 22:24

No spud I didn't think my body was ugly or feel pressured by society to hide it. It's an entirely different set of emotions having nothing to do with my own body image.
Perhaps if rapists didn't exist.... But they do... Now that makes me sad.

alfiemama · 21/05/2011 22:28

Sounds very idealistic. We don't live in an ideal world so have to adjust accordingly.

In other words, some women are shy so would use a cover, that is not to say they are not proud to bf. Some women are not as conscious so use bf tops and some women are totally gun ho about it so just whip it out. Its all relative, they are all bf.

alfiemama · 21/05/2011 22:35

sorry have to tell you all what hubby has just said.
He said he wouldn't go on a beach wearing "budgie smugglers" as he has a pot belly but he would go and take part with baggy shorts. Sorry very funny.

NettyJ · 21/05/2011 22:52

Oh my goodness! I've just had to google what it was, as I'd never heard of it! TBH it looks a right faff to me.

I bf'd my twins everywhere and anywhere. They needed feeding, I fed them. I even fed them in the hairdressers one day, the hairdresser was a bit of a perve (sorry Dave!) and was completely and utterly gutted that I had bf'd them both in front of him and he hadn't noticed what I was doing :o

I guess you have to do whatever makes you feel comfortable. It wouldn't have been for me, but I'd far rather ladies bf their babies using some sort of cover, than not bf at all. xx

Spudulika · 21/05/2011 23:08

So - countries where women breastfeed without needing to tie a small sheet around their neck, these countries are 'ideal'?

Like this:

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=www.breastfeedingmums.com/bfeeding-leonardo-daVinci.jpg&imgrefurl=www.breastfeedingmums.com/breastfeeding-art-breastfeeding-leonardo-davinci.htm&usg=__Bh8G_Sv9X2jJTW_hojAu1E5QZ9Y=&h=661&w=500&sz=14&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=eXfULlXG9y8OsM:&tbnh=188&tbnw=142&ei=xjTYTfOEHISFswbPlaTuAg&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dbreastfeeding%2Bin%2Bart%26hl%3Den%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D871%26tbm%3Disch&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=758&vpy=80&dur=2218&hovh=258&hovw=195&tx=93&ty=133&sqi=2&page=1&ndsp=26&ved=1t:429,r:4,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">howrude!

Or this:

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/2008/07/08-15/jerryhall-breastfeed.jpg&imgrefurl=www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/archive/tags/nursing/default.aspx%3FPageIndex%3D2&usg=__vFHXRIEpcc_QIMH8d3qcthOx-qM=&h=500&w=363&sz=76&hl=en&start=52&zoom=1&tbnid=o9Phci670SK8OM:&tbnh=185&tbnw=134&ei=xjTYTfOEHISFswbPlaTuAg&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dbreastfeeding%2Bin%2Bart%26hl%3Den%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D871%26tbm%3Disch0%2C1383&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=144&vpy=207&dur=632&hovh=264&hovw=191&tx=130&ty=122&sqi=2&page=3&ndsp=26&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:52&biw=1280&bih=871" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">shameless!

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=i72.photobucket.com/albums/i173/Pennebaker/Scansione0022.jpg&imgrefurl=marvelouskiddo.blogspot.com/2010/09/severini-on-breastfeeding.html&usg=__d2e7vAfe_FSkkLGbf79a_b3ujqQ=&h=561&w=399&sz=112&hl=en&start=104&zoom=1&tbnid=rC3oK8sulnwYVM:&tbnh=183&tbnw=130&ei=xjTYTfOEHISFswbPlaTuAg&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dbreastfeeding%2Bin%2Bart%26hl%3Den%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D871%26tbm%3Disch0%2C2892&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=299&vpy=323&dur=215&hovh=266&hovw=189&tx=98&ty=127&sqi=2&page=5&ndsp=26&ved=1t:429,r:7,s:104&biw=1280&bih=871" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">coveryourselfup!

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=rehydrate.org/images/unicef65t.jpg&imgrefurl=rehydrate.org/breastfeed/index.html&usg=__gymbLWXrdu3jkc1fqzxTwZ7HIuY=&h=226&w=150&sz=5&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=gJeEPMYG0esSRM:&tbnh=131&tbnw=96&ei=yzXYTbjBE4PzsgarvsX4Ag&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dunicef%2Bbreastfeeding%2Bimages%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DX%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D871%26tbm%3Disch%26prmd%3Divns&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=136&vpy=240&dur=467&hovh=180&hovw=120&tx=88&ty=94&sqi=2&page=1&ndsp=32&ved=1t:429,r:7,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Icanseeyourbreast!

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=www.goodwindoulas.org/files/images/Helen_007.jpg&imgrefurl=www.goodwindoulas.org/breastfeeding&usg=__pjmqSBAsMsPPrnRf-eGouXDDhYk=&h=187&w=250&sz=48&hl=en&start=74&zoom=1&tbnid=BxgCZ_tYqphVvM:&tbnh=149&tbnw=200&ei=yzXYTbjBE4PzsgarvsX4Ag&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dunicef%2Bbreastfeeding%2Bimages%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DX%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D871%26tbm%3Disch0%2C1935&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=614&vpy=447&dur=74&hovh=149&hovw=200&tx=102&ty=96&sqi=2&page=4&ndsp=20&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:74&biw=1280&bih=871" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">andyours

What nonsense. Most of the countries where women breastfeed openly are far from 'ideal'. But people in these countries are simply used to the sight of women breastfeeding. As we used to be here, before commercially available formula made invisible breastfeeding possible. And that situation will never happen here if we don't question the need for women to shield the world from the view of their baby at the breast.

alfiemama · 21/05/2011 23:17

OK point taken. However, surely if women choose to bf in a cover its better than not bf at all and they shouldn't be made to feel like they are harming society.

alfiemama · 21/05/2011 23:21

In Ghana bottlefeeding is for orphans, babies whose mothers cannot produce enough milk, upper class wannabes and expatriates. Ghanaian women breastfeed - everywhere and anywhere. The poor ones just whip it out, let it show. The rich ones have special tops made so its not ALL hanging out.

alfiemama · 21/05/2011 23:30

www.007b.com/public-breastfeeding-world.php

All different cultures, some cover up some don't. However, the important factor is that they choose to breast feed where possible.

alfiemama · 21/05/2011 23:31

www.007b.com/public-breastfeeding-world.php