How do I get DP to understand my choice to BF??

[karmamother]

The problem is this.....I bf my ds for 17 months & am very pro-breastfeeding. I'm now 36 wks pg with a new partner. His 2 kids were bottle fed so he has no experience of bf. His opinions of bfing are as follows, and I quote....
"How do we know breast is best? It might not be"
"I've seen women be forced into bfing by MWs & they feel awful when they can't manage it"
"Bfing past 6 months is unnatural"
As an ex MW, I've tried to, ahem, address the above points!
Can you see a theme here? As well as these views, he's also said he wants to share the feeding. I've bought a pump so he can do his fair bit but he's still not happy. He also said he'll be concerned for me doing all the work, getting really tired & he'll be unable to help. I think secretly he's concerned about the fact I might not want to resume sexual activities!
Whenever we talk about it, we both end up really upset about it...well, mainly me really. I know I can't change his opinion but I'm so worried we'll end up facing more conflict once the baby's born. I need his support & understanding during the first few weeks when I'm feeding lots. He's going to compare it to bottles & think it's unacceptable to feed that much.
Sorry for the long rambly post but I really do get quite weepy & emotional when I think about this. BTW, he is accepting that I'll breastfeed & I think its a good compromise to express for his benefit. However, he feels this is my decision to bf & he has no say in it. Has anyone had any similar experiences & can offer any advice??

how

hope he feels differently when he sees it in action. You could try showing him the Kellymom website . But tbh if he won't take your word for it when you've already done it yourself and been a MW, it's prob only seeing what it's actually like that will help. Surely the lack of fetching bottles at night will help, if nothing else .

He is a stubborn sod so I think "changing his mind about breast is best" is unlikely. We've had a few discussions & nothing changes.
I've even told him about my figure returning & being a sexy chick again!
When I had my DS I became a single parent soon after the birth so I didn't have anyone else to consider but me & my son. I have to accept that this time the feeding has to fit in with the whole family but I really don't see why feeding after 6 months is so wrong. Its the perfect way to relax your baby at the end of the day & it's fantastic for getting a fractious toddler off to sleep in the afternoon.
Mears has posted a link to a website that lists 101 reasons to bf but, TBH, he is adamant that bottle feeding is every bit as good as bf. Unfortunately, since his 2 kids are very healthy & have hardly ever been ill, he doesn't accept the health benefits of breast milk. Hopefully you're right Kama, once he's seen how convenient it is, he might come round.

make him drink some formula.

I presume he won't want to do a taste test with expressed milk, but you could do a taste test with powdered milk and real cow's milk. then inspect the ingredients of powdered milk/formula.

Thanks to you too, carolina. I can't imagine why he really wants to do the night feeds with all that faffing with bottles. Maybe I've actually got the best partner in the world since lots of guys would rather stay sleeping & let mum do it all!!!

km only advice I can give you is

that is it your body and your baby and you know what is best ie breast or bottle, it is your choice

if he doesnt like it, tough

Message withdrawn

senora, as somone said recently on another thread, men don't seem to mind if we taste some of their bodily fluids so why not the other way round, sorry if TMI!! I might wait till he's asleep on his back, snoring like a Harley Davidson, & express some into his open gob.

BTW, I was referring to DP, not baby!!

If he's worried about you doing it all and being tired - you make damn sure that he personally washes the breastpump and bottle and teats and sorts every single element out. If he hasn't then just breastfeed for that feed.

I personally have not seen one couple where dad has done anything other than sit there holding the bottle, talking about how it's a good break for his dp, whilst she is throwing everything in a steriliser with one hand whilst hoovering with the other.

Tell him he's bottle fed 2 kids and you've so far only breastfed one. It's still your turn.

Give him bath time and tell him it's all his.

god not much advice to give karmamother. except if you know you are doing the right thing then you will just have to do your best to rise above it with serene indifference, as much as you can.
if he's worried about you doing too much work then I'm sure that there is PLENTY you could find him to do... that doesn't involve sitting down! like, er, everything else...
good luck with it all.

Is there a small possibility that he thinks of feeding the baby as "the glory job" and he's a bit miffed that you want to keep it all for yourself?

Fantastic post bobbybob. You rock!

Karma, of course it's your bloody decision to bf and he has no say in it - it's your body, and your baby. Ok, baby is genetically nearly half his but your body makes, carries, and births the baby and it's your body that feeds it. Forget about logical arguments, just ignore him and do it anyway. Sheesh, some men just have to be centre of the bloody universe, don't they?

Bobbybob - Believe it or not, after receiving the same advice from my mw, I told him there were lots of wonderful bonding things he could do (bath, walks etc) he said he felt angry & insulted. It was as if this was all he was good for.
I had a wry smile at your post, actually. Maybe thats the problem he has.....none of the housework will get done if I'm BFing!!!
Funnily enough, he told me today that he encountered another reason for not BFing whilst out shopping....he saw a woman's boob whilst she was BFing in a shopping centre. He was outraged! In the interest of diplomatic relations I agreed with him that she could have been more discreet about it.

I think there's a much larger possibility that he thinks feeding's the "glory job" after your last post, KM!

Agree totally with BB (as usual!)

blimey km.... at your dh.
Google 10 good reasons to b/feed. There's a great little readable list.
If he still refuses to face facts after this......

blimey he does sound a bit .... unreconstructed. "only fit for" bathing, walking, playing... "insulted...." wtf?
is there anyone he would listen to that you can get on side - his mum, his sister, his dad, a friend??

LOL at Edam!! I feel quite militant about it now, thanks!!!
Hunker, that was my initial thought but I'm started to feel there's a wider issue here. He has absolutely no joy in seeing my pg tummy, he feels it's unattractive & presumably, so are my large, hanging, vein-covered boobs. He has a work colleague who adores pg tummies & loves to feel them. My DP thinks he's totally mad! Anyway, I wonder if it's more to do with being in this altered state as a whole. I love my body's appearance at 36 weeks & I'm cherishing the look & feel of my tummy as this will be my last baby. I'm going off on a tangent here but he might be resentful that my boobs may be off limits for a while.

Men eh??

(And i don't make comments like that very often.)

Buffy, he is an obstinate tw*t about the whole thing. I feel he is "going along with it" as I have "decided the baby WILL be bf". I don't want it to be like that. I want him to share at least some of my beliefs that this is right for our baby. His mother is an ex nurse but I doubt she'll be able to pursuade him.

KM, do you know why his last partner didn't bfeed?

It does sound as though he might have some body issues around pregnancy and breastfeeding, but then my DH doesn't like the pregnancy thing at all - won't touch my bump or feel the baby kick. But once they're born, he's fab - bathtime is his domain, as was burping after feeding (DS's burps, I hasten to add!), as is...well, loads of the childcare side of things, plus excellent playing - he's a far better parent than I am!

Really not sure what to suggest other than just doing it and praising how brilliant he is when he holds your new baby, dresses, changes nappies, etc, etc. I'm sure there's something you can think of that can be his "thing" - would he wear the baby in a sling, for instance?

moondog, re:the list of reasons to bf....I've even told him I'll get my sexy figure back even sooner if I bf. Nada.

Actually, whilst I'm in rant mode, he also thinks water births are disgusting too. Pity, as I'm planning to birth in one.

Blimey, KM - am assuming he has some redeeming features, right?!

Only kidding - I know that being uncomfy about breastfeeding and waterbirth aren't the worst things a man can do - it's just that when pg and planning to do both, it'd be nice to have a bit of support, right?