Boarding Prep Recommendations

[Intoand]

Due to various reasons relating to family and work it looks like we’re going to need to consider a boarding prep school for our children DS 10 and DD 8 likely for next year. It’s not an ideal situation but would like them to have a stable environment while things are changing.

I boarded during my secondary school years but not in prep so unfamiliar with what to consider. We will probably need a school that offers full time boarding but would possibly like them to weekly board when time allows. Children are currently at single sex schools which I like but I’m also open to coed.

From a little bit of online research what I’ve gathered is schools Cottesmore, Sandroyd, Dragon School, and Windlesham house seem to have a good amount of prep boarders but not sure how accurate this is. There also seems to be quite a few more all boys boarding prep like Ludgrove compared to all girls boarding preps (did find the all girls boarding school Hanford though and it looked lovely). Any recommendations or experience?

The whole point of a nanny is that if you find the right person it can be very flexible.

think about what you need a start to write a job description.

speak to some agencies and get their sense.

yes a nanny needs regular time off but you can have a nanny who has parental responsibility

someone posted on here a while back who had a live in nanny with this. They didn’t say but my impression was both parents worked in the creative industries. So if they were travelling internationally for a shoot it might be a few days of full care.

but then when they were back the nanny would get extra time off (on top of structured breaks and holidays) too.

so it worked out well.

as your kids are school age a nanny will get the school day free everyday. Even with duties to cook and stay on top of housework and admin that’s plenty of free time.

If you can afford to combine with a prep school that offers some boarding you could build that in for a weekly overnight break.

lots of prep schools won’t take them full time or even weekly boarding that young these days. It’s seen as too young and I think it is, honestly.

a friend has two boys in a good all
boys prep and the idea is they start occasional overnights in year 4/5 working up to one regular overnight a week, then two. I think even the year 8s still weekly board so go home Saturday - Sunday. And they feed to Winchester, eton etc.

plus terms are SHORT with exeats you’ll need a nanny anyway

and it give the kids another adult they can have a trusting emotional relationship with, where they get to know each other.

our nannies are like the extended family we didn’t have to help out. We still see the previous ones and it’s a warm and emotional relationship, like choosing a granny or an aunt for them.

It’s not good at all. 8 year old children should be at home.

@Puffykins This is helpful! After some more research these two schools have stayed on our list for a while now. I know you say a lot have brothers at Sandroyd, which we like the idea of, but I’m curious where else brothers may go since there aren’t really any boys schools nearby?

As for other responses regarding a full time nanny, thank you, but we’ve looked more into this option and I just don’t think it’s going to work.
Plus after some thought I think I’d be less worried about a boarding school with plenty of experience carrying for children rather than a nanny who may have not experience with this type of situation. The costs between boarding school for two children compared to full time rots Nannie’s also seems to be more affordable in the long run too. As for holidays we will be able to have the children for most, but we also have family who are happy to take the children (but couldn’t look after them full time). I appreciate the worries, it is not an ideal situation, but the children recently stayed for a trial night at one school and enjoyed it, so I think it’s going to work out!

I also want to clarify that DD would be 9 (likely around 9 and a half actually) and DS would be 11 when we are hoping for them to start full time boarding.

You think it is going to work out based on a 'trial night' at a school? There is a difference between one night and permanently, whilst being palmed off to other family in the holidays!

You think being in a house with many children is better than a nanny is crazy. A lot of house staff start off as cleaning staff or catering so a nanny could have more childcare experience depending who you get. A nanny would also be more stable environment if you plan to use family in the holidays as always the same person they see and build a bond, trust with.

@Intoand

going for boarding because it’s cheaper and on the basis of one night trial is bonkers.

my older DC (10) loves a sleepover with close friends. Doesn’t mean she wants to move in with any of those families for half the year.

the evidence is clear that kids do best when they have deep and trusting relationships with a very small number of adults.

i can see boarding suits some teenagers, and a few nights a week can work for some kids 10+ but both are wrong for MOST kids im truth.

why would a nanny be inexperienced?

The good ones that have parental responsibility generally have great training, qualifications and if you want it you seek and hire someone that has done that sort of job before.

sure, with private school fees too (I assume you’d want private even if not boarding) it’s going to cost more.

BUT IT WOULD BE BETTER FOR YOUR KIDS

if that ISNT your priority, youll
need to factor in the bills for their therapy as they come to terms with how little you care for their emotional well being.

if cost is an issue decent state school and really excellent nanny would be better than boarding school.

Especially if you’ll then farm them off to extended family during the holidays.

it now sounds like you just want them to board, whether it’s the best option or not.

Can highly recommend Millfield Prep, in Somerset. Absolutely outstanding pastoral care, a good mix of day and boarding pupils, wonderful facilities and loads for the kids to do in the evenings and at weekends. Most pupils go on to Millfield Senior at 13. Millfield is always seen as a school for sporty kids but mine went on a mixture of music, dance and academic scholarships and they all loved their time there. Regular, easy communication with both pupils and houseparents and lots of events for parents to attend if they wish. Coaches run from central London and a couple of other pick up points along the way, I seem to recall.

I know others who are still in touch with the school [Queen Ethelburgas] and it still has a good reputation

@Intoand Whatever you do, don't go for this one! Its local reputation is not as this poster suggests (in the past, there have been allegations of QE having 'moles' on MN to either big the school up or to sue anyone who says anything negative - QE spies, please note I am saying these are allegations, not facts).

If you were interested in Up North, Terrington Hall is a lovely co-ed prep day and boarding school. I know several people whose DC have boarded at prep age and they have all been very happy with it.

Whatever you do, do not choose queen Ethelburga's! I worked there and wouldn't recommend it at all

Not to mention the owner of the school who was prosecuted for child molestation

Well, there's that too. I wasn't sure whether I could mention it on here!

Stanford School is great for boarding girls prep and boys both prep and senior. Not great at the moment for boarding senior girls.

Moyles Court could be a good option: moylescourt.co.uk/boarding/

Stamford not Stanford

They aren’t fucking puppies to be left with whoever can have them during the holidays as long as it doesn’t cost you too much money.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/education/4920207-opinion-on-which-private-school

But then it’s all likely bollocks.

Personally I cannot abide boarding schools. Both my children are ND and that developed over time, they needed so much support from us as parents, they wouldn't have coped.
I've not met many people who enjoyed BS either. 9 is also incredibly young, 11 is young enough, 9 is just so young
Can't you adjust your life to accommodate your children every day?

It's great to hear that Millfield is not only limited to the extremely sporty and the extremely, extremely wealthy.

We still have Millfield on our shortlist for senior schools so good to hear positive experiences from parents of kids that are not headed for the national team/Olympics, nor dropped off by helicopter.......

Hazelgrove- know children who attend and like it. Military parents and other family helps out the exeat weekends or what have you.

You haven’t said what your circumstances are- but are you sure they’re. Is no other way?

My DS boarded at Ludgrove from 8 and had a good experience, happy to recommend the school. I know many are skeptical of boarding, I was too before DS started, but DH had boarded and really loved it so I agreed to give it a try and it has worked great for us. DS absolutely loved his time there, I went down to see him on Wednesdays for matches, and if he didn’t have an exeat where he came home I would usually go and take him out for lunch. Not all kids are ready at 7, 8, or 9 but from what I saw, and from my own son, most adjust very well. And those who don’t, parents will typically take them out and revert to day (unless their overseas). If you think your children will enjoy it then they probably will! I know I asked my DS after the first term if he would rather come back home and he said no, so I wouldn’t worry, but I’d try to go see your DC as much as possible while they’re at school still.

Our kids go to a coed prep school and their are few UK full time boarders (in fact perhaps 1 or 2...) But lots of children choose to Flexi board 1-2 nights a week. the kids love this and it gives parents lots of flexibility re work / going out weekdays / weekends.
We have had international full time boarders from year 5 but I feel sorry for them so young and so far from home...
I would choose a coed prep school no more than 30mins from home where they can Flexi board when you need it.

I would have loved to send my girls to Hanford but they didn’t need to start boarding until 13, so we missed it and they went from our local day school to secondary boarding. With hindsight I wish I had given them at least a year there.
Sandroyd is fab, my son went at 11 but we know several kids who went younger (mostly army families) and loved it. You need to check their year and the crucial question is “how many were in for breakfast last Sunday”… there can sometimes be a bit of fudging on boarder numbers with schools!
We were really disappointed to hear they have ditched the full boarding in years 7 & 8 at Sandroyd… time will tell what a difference it will make to the school but already there are quite a few kids in 7/8 who aren’t there on Wednesday nights and weekends (I suspect it will become much more of a local school, which is probably financially sensible but sad that the SW has lost its last full boarding school). It is a really friendly, happy school though and we are very pleased with it. Do message me if you want more details.
The only other school we considered was Ludgrove, which is full boarding and seems similarly friendly and happy, but is more London. They all go home every other weekend though, so you need to have some provision for that.
If you are considering certain senior schools it is worth asking how many pupils go from each year to which schools… in my limited experience they always want to go where their friends are going, so it is good to send them to a school where they are a feeder for your chosen secondary. Sorry that probably seems miles away!
The last thing I would say is that there is no denying that 8 is quite young - they will probably be asked to go home with friends on weekends, but sometimes they need to just switch off and watch telly and have a cuddle rather than have to be polite to friends parents etc. Do they have any close relatives, or do you have any exceptionally nurturing friends who live close to one of the preps you are considering? It won’t be as good as coming home to parents, but it would be great if they had a home from home they can retreat to at exeats or the odd Sunday when they just need some home comforts.

Forgot to say we really liked Hazlegrove too, but chose Sandroyd because of full boarding… now that has disappeared I would have found the decision between the two harder. Both heads are fantastic.

As well as doing careful research into schools, please read up on Boarding School Syndrome, and read and take seriously the accounts of boarding school survivors. There is a world of difference between sending them at 13 when they are excited and desperate to spread their wings, and sending them at 8 which is a traumatic abandonment. Anyone who doesn't realise is this choosing to be emotionally blind about their children's needs for their own convenience.

Just get a live in nanny, and another to be a regular presence in their lives on her days off, so they get continuity, stability, home life, and see you when they can. Maybe choose a nearby school that does partial boarding. A friend's daughter boards one or two nights a week and loves it - it's like a sleepover. Then you can gradually build up the number of nights as they get more comfortable with the new surroundings.