Boarding Prep Recommendations

[Intoand]

Due to various reasons relating to family and work it looks like we’re going to need to consider a boarding prep school for our children DS 10 and DD 8 likely for next year. It’s not an ideal situation but would like them to have a stable environment while things are changing.

I boarded during my secondary school years but not in prep so unfamiliar with what to consider. We will probably need a school that offers full time boarding but would possibly like them to weekly board when time allows. Children are currently at single sex schools which I like but I’m also open to coed.

From a little bit of online research what I’ve gathered is schools Cottesmore, Sandroyd, Dragon School, and Windlesham house seem to have a good amount of prep boarders but not sure how accurate this is. There also seems to be quite a few more all boys boarding prep like Ludgrove compared to all girls boarding preps (did find the all girls boarding school Hanford though and it looked lovely). Any recommendations or experience?

Really @Loafie , do you have nothing better to do with your time than troll people you don’t know about their children? I’m sure as a hobby it significantly contributes to the wellbeing of yourself and others. 🙄

@XelaM i didn’t mean to cause offence, unsure how that comment does! - it was in aid of understanding the school, as it has only recently become co-ed.🤗

But people are genuinely horrified and concerned that anyone would consider sending a child away at such a young age. We can only presume these parents have not properly researched how damaging this is. How is it possible to express this directly without being critical? To glibly discuss sports and drama facilities or the mix of pupils is to ignore the elephant in the room. However lovely the school and however well-meaning the staff, being packed off aged 8 is an emotional wrench the young brain is not yet developed enough to cope with.

I don't need to know about individual children when there are studies in existence.

Okay, well, thanks a lot for your input.

Getting back to OP's question, I have only heard good things about Hanford, and several of the mums I know who boarded there tell me they were very happy and have sent their DDs, but I have no personal experience. Let us know how you get on. 😀

Sandroyd is a great school, but have you also considered Hazelgrove? A very good number of Prep boarders and lovely. These are the two (or Hanford for a girl) I would choose.

I boarded from age 11 and there were several girls in my year group who had been boarding from age 8; they were all pretty damaged children. The couple that I'm still in touch with have not thrived as adults either, unsurprisingly.

We don't know your situation OP but please think very carefully before making this call. I would move heaven and earth to stop my children moving away at such a young age.

I can't comment on Sandroyd, but Hazlegrove is a lovely school and great for boarding. Seriously, take a look. The other one to look at in the area is Port Regis.

Correlation is NOT the same thing as causation.

There are “damaged” children at EVERY school. The reason for this is that bad parenting and family trauma occurs in every part of society.

In other words, unhappy children nearly always arrive at boarding school already unhappy. Boarding school, for many, offers a chance for stability, boundaries, care, companionship and teaching about life skills that they don’t get at home. For others, nothing can make up for what has already happened, or is still happening, at home.

There’s a great line in the latest series of the Crown where Philip says to William, who are you really angry at?

At every level of society, it’s more convenient for everyone (including the kids themselves) to blame schools than to face up to the fact that some parents either can’t or won’t do the right things for their children.

My mum boarded from 11 (year 7), nearly 12.

What Alsen said could describe my mum to a tee:

We are all brilliant in a crisis - since we are all able to shut off feelings. Partners may not find that easy! People often comment how independent I am at work - that I just ‘get on with it’, ‘problem solve’, ‘never make a fuss’. So those are all things I learnt at boarding school! Friends at work say I never ask for help - there was no one to ask - a lesson we learnt young - that we needed to solve our own problems. if you were to have asked me if I liked boarding I would have said yes - it was all I knew and as far as I knew I didn’t have a choice

My mum was positive about her experience & has fond memories of it, she was not from a wealthy family & got sent because a scholarship was made available that meant a much better education that she'd otherwise have had, and she knew this, it was reasonably near home and she got to see parents etc a lot at weekends - but:

• she had slightly odd relationships as an adult with her parents - sort of mistrusting, always assume she was the "least favoured" of her siblings
• she was resentful/jealous towards a younger sibling in particular who went to a local day school instead
• she could be quite emotionally closed off, although has opened up more and more with age.
• she basically didn't know how to deal with us as teenagers because she'd not actually been parented as a teen herself, she expected us to just ignore feelings and sort of buck up and carry on 24/7.
• she has zero patience/ tolerance for people "making a fuss"

I asked her when i was about 10 if sibling and i would go to boarding school. She got watery eyes and immediately just said "I could never send my children away".

I cannot imagine ever making the choice myself. My children are more important than my job, and they need my time far more than money. Generally speaking, military families included, if you can afford boarding, you can afford one parent to work less & accomodate choosing to put children first and being around more them.

Hi, I’m a mum considering sending my son to Cottesmore, can you please let me know why not Cottesmore?
Are there other schools you’ll recommend?

Hello, I’m a mum considering junior/prep schools for my son. We Iive overseas and are Africans. My son is quit bright and sporty, I want a school that will hone his skills, prepare him for a top senior school, full boarding with diverse nationalities. I’ll prefer co-ed but indifferent to boys only depending on the school.
we are looking at Holmewood House, Junior Kings, Cottesmore, Lockers Park and Wellesley Haddon Dene. Does anyone have any feedback on any of these schools or can recommend a better one?

@Benibidibici
I recognise a lot of the behaviours and attitudes you describe in my parents, their siblings and friends…but none of them boarded, or even went to independent school.

This is generational, not to do with boarding or not boarding.

People born from 1940-1975 (boomers and early gen X) grew up in a different world. No Google, social media or mobile phones. No Supernanny or Wife Swap on TV. No Youtube talks or self help books on child-centric or positive parenting. No “helicopter parents”, hands-on dads” or “tiger mums”. It was socially acceptable for children to be beaten by their fathers with a slipper or belt, and for men to beat their wives. It was considered normal for children as young as 5 or 6 to take themselves to and from school, even if it was miles away: parents had better things to do, for 10 year olds to make their own tea and 13 year olds to have a paper round. There were no ADHD or dyslexia pathways. No wrap-around care, no PSHE lessons, no child safeguarding leads or DBS checks, no OFSTED: teachers could and did still use the cane and everyone still trusted Catholic priests with their children. In law, there was no recognition of the primacy of the welfare of the child in court decisions, no right to equal pay or maternity leave for women, no right to housing for victims of domestic abuse, and women still couldn’t open a bank account in their name.

In this context, is it any wonder that many people from mother’s generation had a different relationship with their parents and educators than you expect for your own kids?

Hi @TCN I think it would be more fruitful for you to start a thread with your candidate school names in the title to catch the attention of parents who know them- this thread has become derailed by the pro-vs anti- boarding debate and I doubt if you'll get answers to your specific questions.
Good luck.

Thank you @FairlyFarleigh will do just that.

Hello, I’m a mum considering junior/prep schools for my son. We Iive overseas and are Africans. My son is quit bright and sporty, I want a school that will hone his skills, prepare him for a top senior school, full boarding with diverse nationalities. I’ll prefer co-ed but indifferent to boys only depending on the school.
we are looking at Holmewood House, Junior Kings, Cottesmore, Lockers Park, Ashford Prep and Wellesley Haddon Dene. Does anyone have any feedback on any of these schools or can recommend a better one?

I thought 8 was the minimum age to board maybe it is different in Scotland

@TCN if you are flexible as to location, my advice would be to identify a prep school that has a good track record of winning places at the type of senior school you will want and has majority of pupils who board full time. Lots of good schools offer some boarding, but full boarding in prep is quite unusual these days, so that should probably be your first question; How many children are in at weekends? Schools near airports with lots of International pupils and/or military or diplomatic families will give your son company and fun activities at weekends when local children and weekly boarders have gone home. I can't stress this strongly enough.
In terms of suggestions, there are some excellent boarding preps in the South Central region. You could consider Ludgrove, Cothill, Caldecott, The Dragon (co-ed), Farleigh (Roman Catholic), Cheam (co-ed), Summer Fields, Pilgrims all of which have excellent track records of gaining places at top senior schools, are strong on sports and will have lots of boarders. The full boarding preps tend to be pretty diverse in terms of home countries- you should be able to get a break down of nationalities from schools you're considering if you want to find other families from the same part of the world. Ludgrove works on fortnightly cycles rather than three-weekly like other full boarding preps. Dragon and Cheam have day pupils too but are bigger schools so can still provide a full weekend. Junior Kings I don't know, but King's Canterbury is a terrific school so could be a good option if there are enough boarders.
Just be aware that there is a lot of judgement on MN about boarding prep school so get ready to don a tin helmet and try not to take too personally the criticism you'll probably now receive!

Junior Kings is a lovely school

Dragon hasn’t got many boarders at all
in the younger years - it’s pretty much 95% day until Y6/7 these days

At Hazlegrove in Year 5 currently 6 out of 20 boys board full time and most of the rest board flexi. It increases a lot as you go up the years.

I have no idea about the girls' numbers because DS is in Year 5 and doesn't talk to them because on the whole they don't play football. Give it a few years........ 😆

I work in a boarding school with children from 11-18.
I know about the good and the bad aspects. Boarding can be fab from year 9/third form but it is categorically not suitable for younger children other than the odd night for a “sleepover “.
It has broken my heart to comfort the little ones (11year olds) crying for their mum.

If you live far away, then it’s always good to find out how many boarders are in for Sunday lunch on a normal weekend.

@FairlyFarleigh thanks a lot for your detailed response. Junior Kings is definitely top on my list. As per criticism, well, boarding overseas in an excellent school is a privilege in my country as our educational system is not as good. So I’m working on giving my children the best opportunity. Different strokes for different folks.
mill check out Caldecott and Ludgrove.

Thanks again.

@TCN which year are you looking to start him in?