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Boarding school

Connect with fellow parents of boarding school students on our supportive forum. Share experiences, tips, and insights.

Original poster

BS newbies Y7/Y9 2023

134 replies

Decisions23 · 13/03/2023 20:55

Thought I’d add a thread for newbie parents who might have questions or thoughts/worries prior to September. Probably won’t be too busy a thread, but hopefully worthwhile.

I have a few generic questions myself -

  • when does the school allocate the child to a particular boarding house?
  • are children able to communicate with or meet eachother over the summer in readiness for September?
  • when are acceptance numbers generally finalised? Should schools know now who they’re expecting for September or does it tend to change between now and then either with an increase or decrease in new starters?

Thanks seasoned parents!

OP posts:
tachetastic · 12/09/2023 21:23

My heart goes out to those whose DCs are suffering from homesickness.

Unfortunately I don't think there is any one size fits all rule, and you just have to go with knowing your child, listening to their concerns and trusting the HMs.

Don't make any rash decisions in the first few weeks, and when you talk to your DCs be open to their comments, be supportive of school and say as little as possible about whatever has been going on at home! This is time when they need your support as they adjust to a massively new environment. Give them time.

My DS was really worried about going back last week, but by Monday he was telling me off for phoning during quiet time. I asked if I should phone 10 minutes earlier and he was horrified that that would cut into his play time! He was fine just knowing that we were there.........

minisnowballs · 13/09/2023 09:16

We had a much better call last night - rather cut off by a fire drill. But she's definitely swinging between wild over excitement and panic - it all needs to stabilise a bit. I guess just give it time.

MKDmumofflash · 13/09/2023 22:22

Thank you all for asking, visit was fine-ish, some tears and apologies for upsetting us, but still fairly doom-laden.

We had a great meeting with the Head of Boarding who ran through her plan which sounds workable. DD was summoned this morning to a meeting where some ground rules were laid out for the next few weeks, and family visits are now a perk not a given.

She definitely sounded a bit perkier this evening so 🤞🤞🤞

minisnowballs · 14/09/2023 08:26

@MKDmumofflash you poor thing - that sounds really hard as a parent. I hope you're coping ok. Fingers crossed the doom stops soon. As parents we often only hear the bad bits I reckon...

MKDmumofflash · 14/09/2023 17:40

I totally agree with you there. The staff reassure us that she is happy, she just won't admit that to us.

minisnowballs · 14/09/2023 22:07

DD has been sending me pictures of a massive gash on her hand. Apparently she 'fell up some steps'... given she's at this school as a musician and couldn't do today's ensembles I should imagine they're exasperated

... and I'm reduced to 'has matron put some germolene on that' and feeling very far away.

MKDmumofflash · 15/09/2023 07:56

Oh that sounds hard Mini, is she home weekly or does she stay termly? I totally get feeling far away 😪

minisnowballs · 15/09/2023 09:23

@MKDmumofflash back for exeat every three weeks (school has saturday lessons).

Got an email from houseparent last night assuring me she'd dressed it and will send her to nurse tomorrow to look at it properly - so I'm reassured that someone noticed without me having to say anything.

They've taken it far more seriously than I would have done to be honest.

mermaidsvssuperheros · 15/09/2023 15:58

Hi,
My son has gone to b/s year7. Had 3 phone calls. I st one fine but the other two h he was in floods of tears.. Was so sad to listen to😢. How ever by the end of the call he'd percked up a bit. He's exhausted..as they don't stop all day! He'll have to learn how to moderate himself as he seems to run full too speed all day and crash a bit in the evenings.

stickystick · 15/09/2023 19:30

The thing to remember is that you are their emergency port of call - they will call you at their lowest and you won’t ever hear from them at their happiest or when things are fine. All part of growing up.

MKDmumofflash · 16/09/2023 08:32

Thank you for your wise words @stickystick, I need to try and remember this.

stickystick · 16/09/2023 11:06

@MKDmumofflash Feel free to PM if you need to.

To this day I often don’t recognise the description of my child from his teachers. More outgoing, more cheeky, more independent. We have talked about it and he says it is a different side of his personality that can come out better when I am not around. I know what he means exactly and I am not offended at all - I think with your mother you can fall into a little child mode of behaviour which is both comforting and to some extent what the child feels is expected. I like the fact that at school he is getting to explore other roles in life as well as being my son, which is all part of growing up and establishing your own identity. It is something I remember when I don’t hear from him in a few days (good sign - means he is happy) or I hear from him multiple times in a day (usually means he is feeling unsure in his other relationships). I am doing my job by giving him this opportunity and being there for him when he needs me.

DilettanteMum · 16/09/2023 16:26

It's so true - you mostly hear from them when they are at their lowest. It does tend to skew perspective a bit. Good thing to remember though.

I also find it tough when they are sick or injured. The lack of ability is to helicopter their injuries I find a bit frustrating!

mermaidsvssuperheros · 18/09/2023 16:22

stickystick · 15/09/2023 19:30

The thing to remember is that you are their emergency port of call - they will call you at their lowest and you won’t ever hear from them at their happiest or when things are fine. All part of growing up.

this is SO true.even his housemistress said this- that it is comomon to only hear the rubbish stuff and that we may belive that life at B/S is awful as this is mostly what we hear from our children.... however, DS did say he'd had a great Sunday when allthe Y7's from his house had been taken out to the cinema

stickystick · 22/09/2023 22:48

How are things with everyone - any exeats this weekend?

mermaidsvssuperheros · 23/09/2023 10:23

stickystick · 22/09/2023 22:48

How are things with everyone - any exeats this weekend?

@stickystick yes, Hi, My DS is home for the1st time.I was so over excited to see him, I arrived an hour early ! so hid in the car.... was still the 1st parent to arrive.it is SO lovely to see him. He's full of excitement and joy. it's great. he actually hung out with me last night. we had a fab chat on the drive home too. he's with his 'home' friends today;hope everyone else is doing well x

minisnowballs · 23/09/2023 11:44

@mermaidsvssuperheros how lovely! DD’s exeat is next weekend - and annoyingly I have to do something away from home with her big sister for some of it (promised before this school was even a consideration for dd2)- so we are popping down to see her for the afternoon after lessons today (with the houseparent’s blessing).

So looking forward to seeing how she is - she sounds chirpy on the phone now but very busy! Hope everyone else surviving in this weird new world.

stickystick · 23/09/2023 12:29

@mermaidsvssuperheros great news!!

MKDmumofflash · 23/09/2023 16:02

That's such lovely updates to hear. I would say things are better here, she's with her home friends this weekend and so I'm expecting the campaign to move to their school to start again.

However, she is chirpier. Still not as busy as I would like but busier. She started her new 'job' yesterday after school and loved it. Her teacher was very happy with her too which I could see meant a lot.

minisnowballs · 24/09/2023 11:51

@MKDmumofflash it must be hard when they go home and see home friends, because they then have to tear themselves away again. Fingers crossed the return to school goes well.

We had a really good visit to DD2, for which I am grateful. She seems to have friends, opportunities and an extraordinary amount of music (which is what she likes). And I really liked the way her houseparent spoke to the girls, which counts for a lot.

DD did say to me 'i am processing a lot of change - I'll never live in my house at home the same way as I used to again. And that is strange'. She also says she 'gave up everything for this' (I guess her normal school, friends, social activities, saturday music centre) but assures me it is worth it. Hope she continues to feel that way.

LucillesLooseWheel · 24/09/2023 17:54

Ours is having the time of her life. She started in Year 9, so she's nearly 14, which I think helps, and she's home every weekend and once midweek.

She loves it so much that she stayed Friday night and most of Saturday to help at an open day.

We are VERY relieved. She was not at all happy at her previous (day) school and we were worried that boarding would make things even worse, but she was adamant that this was the school for her and I guess she had a good instinct.

She is shattered by the weekend. I don't think she's getting a lot of sleep at school... but despite that she is thriving. Long may it last!

minisnowballs · 24/09/2023 18:57

@LucillesLooseWheel that's great to hear. It must be a joy to know she's happy after a bad time previously. I'm slightly jealous she can be home so often - I found it really hard to leave DD2 yesterday. She didn't appear to have a problem with it though!

Original poster
Decisions23 · 24/09/2023 21:12

First exeat was successful although DD was concerned that the homesick would come back tonight and next week. Last week she was soo much better and wasn’t missing home at all. HM assures me they were going to have a lot of fun tonight to minimise the blues.

OP posts:
Original poster
Decisions23 · 03/10/2023 17:54

Hi all, how is the settling in going now for your DCs? We're still having a lot of wobbles so interested to hear how you and your schools are handling things.

OP posts:
minisnowballs · 04/10/2023 08:24

@Decisions23 I'm sorry to hear that. Is it the boarding itself - does she like lessons and teachers etc?

Dd is ok, just overloaded with stuff to do - days running from 7:30 to 8pm with timetabled activities.

She loves school- and though it was nice to see her during exeat she was also pleased to go back. I'm finding comms frustrating (she missed her flu vaccine slot as she had a music lesson - it's a music school - but you'd think someone would have worked that out!), but things do seem to get sorted eventually, if slowly.

The boarding itself seems to be a hit. I don't hear from her as much as I would like - whatsapp's mostly but she never has a lot of time to call.