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Boarding school

Connect with fellow parents of boarding school students on our supportive forum. Share experiences, tips, and insights.

Original poster

BS newbies Y7/Y9 2023

134 replies

Decisions23 · 13/03/2023 20:55

Thought I’d add a thread for newbie parents who might have questions or thoughts/worries prior to September. Probably won’t be too busy a thread, but hopefully worthwhile.

I have a few generic questions myself -

  • when does the school allocate the child to a particular boarding house?
  • are children able to communicate with or meet eachother over the summer in readiness for September?
  • when are acceptance numbers generally finalised? Should schools know now who they’re expecting for September or does it tend to change between now and then either with an increase or decrease in new starters?

Thanks seasoned parents!

OP posts:
minisnowballs · 30/03/2023 08:41

@Nearlyneverready that's good to know - DD2 was horrified by the 'three sets of casual clothes' suggestion. (there's also the complication that she appears to share most of her wardrobe with her older sister and there's a whole 'you're not taking THAT all that way away and they'll ruin it in the wash' vibe going on).

Chat with a houseparent also a good plan ... once we know what house she's in will do that too.

@DilettanteMum - urban outfitters a genius suggestion - hadn't thought of that! Thanks

Tucci · 30/03/2023 10:32

@Decisions23 my kids senior school required a reference from the Head and latest exam results in addition to sitting Common Entrance and interview. This was for boarding school that starts in year 9 (age 13).

Original poster
Decisions23 · 31/03/2023 17:20

Thanks @Tucci I guess I was more thinking about whether they care at all about a child’s achievements or any problems in the spring/summer term of Y6 after all the exams are over and offers accepted already.

Or do they rely on the child telling them in September if they’ve recently passed the next grade in an instrument or something like that?

OP posts:
Tucci · 01/04/2023 11:59

@Decisions23 In my experience the senior school doesn’t ask for any more information formally. Regarding music or Lamda grades, when applying for lessons the school form will ask for latest grades. When you receive your new joiners pack it will likely be full of forms to be completed and lots of guidance on rules and punishments, insurance policy, how to name items, medical history, MacBook/tech recommended etc. Our school’s (large co-Ed campus boarding school) joining pack was comprehensive. I think we got ours in June.

mermaidsvssuperheros · 05/04/2023 17:56

Hi everyone - can ~I join in?
I have a DS10 in going to y7 B.S. this Sept.
1st one from our family to board so it is all new to us too...
I have some questions...

  • My DS likes to play minecraft/roblox online with his friends... will there be any time an/or will he be allowed to do this to 'keep in touch' with his 'home' mates?

Name tags - do they have to be* sewn on?

  • as a half termly boarder will he only need 3 changes of 'home clothes?'

thank

Original poster
Decisions23 · 05/04/2023 22:29

@mermaidsvssuperheros I think the first question is dependent on the school and their policy. I would suspect limited time for online interaction with other children.

With name tags some schools dictate sewn-on. You might find there’s a uniform policy on their website?

Can’t believe Y7 is only 5 months away! 😳

OP posts:
stickystick · 05/04/2023 23:10

@mermaidsvssuperheros
they should only need one change of home clothes. They usually only wear them on Sundays and they get washed in between wearings where needed. I advise taking minimal stuff: less to name
tape and less to get lost.

re Minecraft - boarding prep schools are these days very hot on safeguarding and online safety. They do not want kids playing online with people outside the school. I would go as far to say that if you have a kid that cannot live without that stuff during term time, he/she is probably best off not boarding…

mermaidsvssuperheros · 06/04/2023 08:36

Thanks for messages.
I was just wondering if they were allowed computer \game time... I guess (hope) they'd all be a bit too busy.
I thought that it could be a way to keep in touch with friends. But probably a bit naive of me.

tachetastic · 06/04/2023 10:49

mermaidsvssuperheros · 06/04/2023 08:36

Thanks for messages.
I was just wondering if they were allowed computer \game time... I guess (hope) they'd all be a bit too busy.
I thought that it could be a way to keep in touch with friends. But probably a bit naive of me.

That depends entirely on the school. At my DD's school they are allowed, though she just plays on her phone. Phones are handed in an night.

At my DS's school all personal use technology is banned from school grounds, even for teachers, though there is a Nintendo Switch they can use in the Common Room. I think the idea is that they play on the Nintendo together, but there is no scope for kids to disappear into their own game or phone. I quite like that though it would sometimes be handy if I could send him a quick text to remind him of something.

tachetastic · 06/04/2023 10:53

mermaidsvssuperheros · 05/04/2023 17:56

Hi everyone - can ~I join in?
I have a DS10 in going to y7 B.S. this Sept.
1st one from our family to board so it is all new to us too...
I have some questions...

  • My DS likes to play minecraft/roblox online with his friends... will there be any time an/or will he be allowed to do this to 'keep in touch' with his 'home' mates?

Name tags - do they have to be* sewn on?

  • as a half termly boarder will he only need 3 changes of 'home clothes?'

thank

Re name tags, school will specify this, but every school we have been to did specify sewn on as it reduces the risk of them coming off in the wash.

And do pay attention to any instructions as to where name tags have to be sewn on, as sometimes they are specific and it is soul destroying to have to unpick them and start again!!!!! 😫

tachetastic · 06/04/2023 10:56

Oh and when we dropped DS off the first time matron went through his things and all the little extra clothes we tried to sneak in were handed back to us rather sternly!

I think she was making a point and it has relaxed a little, but there is limited room in dorms. I agree that three sets seems small but it seems to work, though he is a boy.

At DD's school they just ask clothing not to be excessive and she ignores that entirely!!!

Tucci · 06/04/2023 10:58

@mermaidsvssuperheros I would say yes re sewing in name tapes, I am a very basic slow sewer and can do a nametape in 7 mins, it’s quite relaxing to do. Otherwise ask if the school uniform shop provide this service or your local seamstress/dry cleaners. I have done all 3 in my time. Socks are the biggest nuisance.

Mine started boarding in yr 9 and in the first couple of years playing Minecraft etc would be difficult due to their really busy schedule and tech being locked away at bedtime. I imagine for yr 7 boarders the rules would be strict. You could simply email admissions so you can manage expectations now. By sixth form there are very few rules around tech.

3 changes of home clothes is fine, your child just needs to use the school laundry, every day named mesh laundry bags are collected from each room in each house.

mermaidsvssuperheros · 06/04/2023 12:09

Thank you for all the info.
I'm sure he will not care about how many home clothes he has. Or about online games.
I'm just fussing😫😵 tho trying to do this as much away from him as possible!

Tucci · 06/04/2023 14:07

@mermaidsvssuperheros I didn’t board myself and my DH only boarded at sixth form when he won a scholarship so it was all new to me too. I was astonished at how much preparation goes in to sending them off the first time. It gets much easier after this as you just replace bits and pieces as and when. Your school should send you a pack of information and forms to fill early in the summer so you can get your head around it.

There will be lots of families new to boarding, please don’t think everyone is from some fancy old family who have been boarding for 100 years. What I learned pretty quickly is your DS will be kept very busy (deliberate tactic by the schools) and he will be very tired keeping up for the first couple of terms. Sunday will be on the only day he has proper free time and even then there may be a Church service or one compulsory fun activity like bouldering or pizza making in house. Your DS may find he only really keeps in touch with home friends in the long holidays.

tachetastic · 06/04/2023 16:18

Tucci · 06/04/2023 14:07

@mermaidsvssuperheros I didn’t board myself and my DH only boarded at sixth form when he won a scholarship so it was all new to me too. I was astonished at how much preparation goes in to sending them off the first time. It gets much easier after this as you just replace bits and pieces as and when. Your school should send you a pack of information and forms to fill early in the summer so you can get your head around it.

There will be lots of families new to boarding, please don’t think everyone is from some fancy old family who have been boarding for 100 years. What I learned pretty quickly is your DS will be kept very busy (deliberate tactic by the schools) and he will be very tired keeping up for the first couple of terms. Sunday will be on the only day he has proper free time and even then there may be a Church service or one compulsory fun activity like bouldering or pizza making in house. Your DS may find he only really keeps in touch with home friends in the long holidays.

I agree with this 100%.

Original poster
Decisions23 · 06/04/2023 20:00

So on the subject of friendships. What are they like? Do the children find their ‘crew’ quite early on or are they all butterflies for the first term or two jumping between friendship groups? How are disagreements handled? Are cliques worse at a BS?

OP posts:
tachetastic · 06/04/2023 22:01

Decisions23 · 06/04/2023 20:00

So on the subject of friendships. What are they like? Do the children find their ‘crew’ quite early on or are they all butterflies for the first term or two jumping between friendship groups? How are disagreements handled? Are cliques worse at a BS?

I think they're just kids.

I don't like to draw the boy/girl distinction, but I know from experience that if I ask DS who his best friends are I will get a blank look and if pushed he will list the boys he plays football with after school, whereas if I ask the same question of DD I will get a detailed analysis of who said what to whom and why we are (or are not) speaking to them this week. It makes driving home on exeat weekends with her much easier as I can leave her to do all the talking!!!😂

As a parent, I would strongly recommend that you focus on the things you can control, like name tags, and leave the rest to the house parents, unless you detect a problem.

stickystick · 07/04/2023 14:31

Decisions23 · 06/04/2023 20:00

So on the subject of friendships. What are they like? Do the children find their ‘crew’ quite early on or are they all butterflies for the first term or two jumping between friendship groups? How are disagreements handled? Are cliques worse at a BS?

I think the different thing with boarding school is that it’s a big shock to the system at first and kids respond to it in different ways. In other words, you don’t get to see who the kids really are for a while, and you don’t know if you want to be friends with them or not. There were a few children (I think perhaps the ones who had had very loose boundaries and rules at home) who were pretty aggressive and rude at first as a coping mechanism, and my kid really didn’t like them much. However now he says they are nice and are mates. Having said that, he probably has a core group of like minded friends who started when he did and that group has been fairly consistent, but it’s not a clique to the extent they only talk to/hang out with each other. You tend to get more cliques in big year groups.

mermaidsvssuperheros · 10/04/2023 09:41

I just wanted to say thanks to the seasoned boarding parents who have given great insight and info.
it's a relief to read other people's questions (I'm not the only one thinking that) and the replies

Original poster
Decisions23 · 11/04/2023 19:35

Agree @mermaidsvssuperheros and thanks for all your advice so far @tachetastic , @stickystick and others.

We received some info and forms to fill in.

A general question to the experienced ones - have your schools seen a general downturn in admissions due to the global economy challenges? Have you seen some cost-cutting measures to cope with smaller numbers?

OP posts:
StealthToddler · 11/04/2023 19:37

No haven't seen smaller admissions or cost cutting unless you include parents not signing children up to overseas trips as they are tightening their belts on some of these expensive extras. Our boarding house hadn't been able to get enough boys together for the annual house ski trip to go ahead.

Tucci · 11/04/2023 19:45

Not yet. Full boarding houses where we are.

stickystick · 23/04/2023 10:43

My top tip for boarding school newbies is this:

Sew the dressing gown belt onto the dressing gown.

DilettanteMum · 24/04/2023 00:36

stickystick · 23/04/2023 10:43

My top tip for boarding school newbies is this:

Sew the dressing gown belt onto the dressing gown.

😂

tachetastic · 29/04/2023 17:56

I was told by some schools that we spoke to that boarding numbers took a hit post-covid, and are still recovering, but they are recovering.

I agree that more parents I speak to are keen to justify not sending their DCs on expensive school trips. We had to explain this week to DD that 1000 quid for three days at Eurodisney was not going to happen!!! 😂