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Boarding school

Connect with fellow parents of boarding school students on our supportive forum. Share experiences, tips, and insights.

Original poster

BS newbies Y7/Y9 2023

134 replies

Decisions23 · 13/03/2023 20:55

Thought I’d add a thread for newbie parents who might have questions or thoughts/worries prior to September. Probably won’t be too busy a thread, but hopefully worthwhile.

I have a few generic questions myself -

  • when does the school allocate the child to a particular boarding house?
  • are children able to communicate with or meet eachother over the summer in readiness for September?
  • when are acceptance numbers generally finalised? Should schools know now who they’re expecting for September or does it tend to change between now and then either with an increase or decrease in new starters?

Thanks seasoned parents!

OP posts:
illiterato · 18/08/2023 01:58

Hockey socks- I use the sew on ones on the outside at the top where they turn them over so when they’re wearing them you can’t see the label

Original poster
Decisions23 · 18/08/2023 15:22

@mermaidsvssuperheros I’m doing ok but we’ve just got home from a two week holiday and I feel somewhat overwhelmed.

It’s her 11th birthday next week so have a party to do this weekend, and so much to think about with packing etc. Thankfully at the uniform fitting the lady wasn’t at all bothered by me suggesting a sharpie on the name label of a few of the items…. DD and I did a few sew-on ones before hols and they look horrendous..😂

OP posts:
mermaidsvssuperheros · 19/08/2023 11:07

Decisions23 · 28/06/2023 21:15

Evening seasoned 11+ BS parents. Can anyone recommend sports trainers please? (DD has been in Clarks most of prep but is almost size 6 now!)
Also places to get a ‘knee length smart dress or skirt/top’?

Finally, we’ve gone for a 4.5 tog duvet so hoping that will be warm enough?

Thanks!

're trainers,
I went to sports direct online. A huge choice . Much better than in store. Got some geox for £35 which ds loves and I can manage buying! Got two pairs one in his size now and the other are a size up.

Chilbolton · 30/08/2023 17:09

Undoubtedly the labelling is an annual horror show. Make Sharpies your friend. You can't label everything with them but I don't know a BS mum who hasn't expanded the scope of sharpied items as the DC get older and her willingness to obey every rule reduces...
Particularly for senior school, the DC will have personal issue laundry bags so the labelling is a bit less critical. It probably does matter more for younger boarders where sorting and folding is all done by matrons.
@Decisions23 4.5 tog is probably fine- boarding houses are likely to be heated more than homes and they'll be wearing pj's. If necessary you could swap for a thicker duvet for Lent term.

MKDmumofflash · 04/09/2023 12:36

So that's it, we're done, labelled, packed, first day photos done and the car is loaded. A few tears last night but she's SO excited!

Good luck everyone 😀

minisnowballs · 05/09/2023 12:21

We are packed... the labelling has already taken a huge lurch downward in quality, and now my dd is insisting on a massive birthday/farewell party before we drive her down tomorrow.

Good luck everyone.

mermaidsvssuperheros · 09/09/2023 16:10

we go tomorrow -eeek- good luck to you all and THANK YOU for ALL the support and info leading up to this day. It's been invaluable.

DilettanteMum · 10/09/2023 18:41

Hope all the newbies are settling in well!

twistyizzy · 10/09/2023 18:44

My DD is a day pupil at a boarding school and she has made friends with a first time boarder (Yr 7). Just to re-assure any parents who may be feeling anxious, DDs friend has settled in really well and is loving boarding life. The school have made a massive effort in this first week to make sure they are all happy, settled and DD is actually a bit jealous because they are having so much fun!

MKDmumofflash · 10/09/2023 21:39

I'm afraid DD has been consumed by massive, paralysing homesickness 😪. School are being excellent but she's now angry at their insistence that it will get better. I'm hoping it does and quickly!

Original poster
Decisions23 · 10/09/2023 21:47

DD has settled in really well, no tears whatsoever. Some girls have been a bit upset but it hasn’t been too bad. Long may it continue…

OP posts:
Nearlyneverready · 10/09/2023 22:10

MKDmumofflash · 10/09/2023 21:39

I'm afraid DD has been consumed by massive, paralysing homesickness 😪. School are being excellent but she's now angry at their insistence that it will get better. I'm hoping it does and quickly!

I’m so sorry to hear that DD is upset - that must be hard for you too. Are you able to travel to visit her? If so, perhaps speak to her houseparent about arranging a date to see her. Feeling homesick is normal, but it probably isn’t helped by nerves about new classes, new teachers and feeling like a new girl - she may just be overwhelmed.

I don’t know your circumstances, but I find it always helps to acknowledge her feelings and let her know that you that she is being listened to. If you have a date booked that she knows that she will see you in person, perhaps it will stop her feeling so out of control.

MKDmumofflash · 11/09/2023 08:39

Thank you for replying. We're not so far away so we're going to go over mid week for the foreseeable to try to break the week up for her.

I think, as she does, she'll be better once the school clubs and homework get up and running so she's busier, can't relentlessly doom message on Whatsapp and can find her tribe.

Just hoping it passes quickly for her. She seems to have some supportive classmates as well which helps.

minisnowballs · 11/09/2023 09:52

So sorry to hear this @MKDmumofflash - I hope it does pass quickly. It's a horrid feeling being so far away.

DD is OK, but very stressed. She's joined at an unusual time (year 10) and the school has a very complex music timetable. A lot of it isn't working, it clashes like crazy, and she hasn't been added to some of the ensembles she was told she was doing.

Her tech doesn't work on their systems either, which really isn't helping.

As a result she spent yesterday playing games on her phone for six hours and panicking and her houseparent didn't notice that was all she was doing. At the moment I feel like we've made a disastrous mistake, and she's just the wrong child for this - and we are definitely the wrong parents.

Hoping today will be better, but there really has been a lot of talk about getting things right and very little action (I mean, seriously, how can her two instrumental lessons in the SAME department clash without anyone noticing?)

stickystick · 11/09/2023 13:50

@minisnowballs one of the best life lessons you learn at boarding school is how to advocate for yourself - particularly in this age of helicopter parenting. Aged 14/15 you can’t always fix problems by yourself, but you can learn how to escalate them to the right people. Things like music lesson clashes are a great learning opportunity!

stickystick · 11/09/2023 14:03

@MKDmumofflash I’m sorry she is homesick! It sounds like the school is handling it well. For the vast majority of kids who were keen to go to boarding school, homesickness is a very short term thing that is acute and then passes quite quickly. If you can hold your nerve, though, don’t go to visit her this week - it’s probably a bit soon. If you visit too soon, it can actually prolong initial homesickness - just as they are actually beginning to get over it, they are triggered/reminded of it all over again.

Original poster
Decisions23 · 11/09/2023 18:29

Can I retract my earlier message please!?We’ve had the tears and ‘I want to go to xx and be a day girl’ this evening. 😞
I told her she was so brave having lasted a week and has been strong when others were sad. I think it’s a combination of a few tricky things over the last day or so - thankfully HM on hand and hugs from a couple of friends seemed to cheer her up. It’s hard to witness though!

OP posts:
MKDmumofflash · 11/09/2023 22:17

Thanks for replying. I did actually worry it was going to be too soon but school suggested it. I think we'll go tomorrow and see how she is.

She's presenting very differently to us than to school - she's happy, jolly, vibrant there whilst doom messaging us relentlessly.

DilettanteMum · 11/09/2023 23:43

The initial homesickness bout is so hard. I was seriously questioning our decision. She wanted to board so much and then BOOM the homesickness hit us all like a ton of bricks. It does pass though! Be calm and supportive and encourage them to reach out to the house staff and get involved in activities. Ours came home most Saturday nights in her first year and we visited as much as possible.

I can honestly say the difference now being in the second year is like night and day. Slight wobble the first night but now we get one phone call a day if we are lucky and it's all "gotta run we are doing X"

minisnowballs · 12/09/2023 08:13

@MKDmumofflash I hope the visit goes really well and reassures you. I reckon this must be the most difficult bit.

stickystick · 12/09/2023 09:24

@MKDmumofflash Schools usually have a good handle on these things. If an experienced houseparent is telling you it’s Ok to visit midweek in the second week, it probably is. But do be prepared for tears because it still is very early!

Original poster
Decisions23 · 12/09/2023 19:44

So, with another tearful call under our belt, broadly speaking how long does the bout tend to last @DilettanteMum ? It seems those that were struggling last week, seem to be better this week. @MKDmumofflash how did it go today?

OP posts:
DilettanteMum · 12/09/2023 20:28

Decisions23 · 12/09/2023 19:44

So, with another tearful call under our belt, broadly speaking how long does the bout tend to last @DilettanteMum ? It seems those that were struggling last week, seem to be better this week. @MKDmumofflash how did it go today?

I am going to om you

DilettanteMum · 12/09/2023 20:28

Pm!

DilettanteMum · 12/09/2023 20:44

Also I am afraid it may not be a matter of one week and it's all perfect. I think the first two terms will bring many a wobble. Definitely hard after exeats and holidays.