Genuinely not sure if I’m over-reacting: white strangers interrupting and ‘explaining’ things to my DC

[Eastie77Returns]

Note: I am posting this in Black MN board and looking for opinions from other Black/non-white parents.

Currently on holiday with my DC. Yesterday we visited a museum to see an exhibition. The subject area is one I’m familiar with (studied to degree level) so I was pleased my DC were interested in it. As we walked around DS asked me a question about one of the exhibits. Before I could fully answer a white lady behind us interrupted and began ‘explaining’ the answer to him. She was factually incorrect but also spoke in simplistic language as if DS was several years younger than he is. She then smiled at me and said it’s lovely that he likes museums. I turned to DS without replying and proceeded to answer this question (correctly).

The reason it hit a nerve is that this is not the first time white strangers have felt the need to jump in and explain things to my DC when I’ve been out with them in spaces like museums, exhibitions etc. My instinct tells me if I presented as a white, middle-class parent this wouldn’t happen. BUT I don’t know if I’m being over sensitive. Have any other Black parents experienced similar?

I am sorry to hear that it has happened to you, a white woman. However, I'm not sure how you can say that the similar incident aimed at the black woman definitely wasn't racist?

It may surprise you to know that as a Black woman I’ve been to many places with Black people and I haven’t experienced being patronised, talked over, and 1-1 conversations with my child interrupted by people who feel the need to act as if I’m invisible and explain things to my child.

Since I started this thread to hear from Black parents and their interactions with white strangers, do feel free to set up your own thread to discuss the “MANY experiences”you’ve endured with unsolicited advice from Black women.

I'm not sure how you can say it was racist, if the same thing happens to white people? I've never taken offence by it, while it may be mildly irritating, it's usually just people thinking they're being helpful.

Right. Question answered.

How so?

Well done for starting this thread, @Eastie77Returns . I hoped it would be an interesting discussion, and it is, unfortunately there are always those who will minimise and deny these experiences.

I explained this on another page. The white women who do this to other white women do so because they think they are of a lower class. It's the same motivation of believing you are uncivilised amd uncultured and they are in a position where they can help you be better.

This is how they got wealthy white people to financially support colonisation well into the 20th century. They convinced "kindly" white women that us "Blacks" really needed their "help".

The same thing happened to poor white people who were sent into indentured servitude. These narratives and beliefs still exist. Poor white people are just sometimes oblivious to how it impacts on them and why they have more in common with non-white people and immigrants than richer white people.

This is true. The behaviour seems rooted in entitlement and an assumed superiority.

It's not normal human interaction at all, and if anyone thinks it is, they should really look at how they interact with others.

But then your point invalidates the thread. You're highlighting that it's a class issue as opposed to a race issue specifically.

When you are Black, you are thought to be of a lower class just because of your skin colour. If you are white, other aspects of your physical presence are used to determine yoir class and therefore, hiw you should be treated. Race and class are extremely intertwined. Akala's book is excellent for explaining this.

https://www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/products/natives-book-akala-9781473661233?sku=GOR009770297&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=19891791290&gbraid=0AAAAADZzAIAa6492dc4EvpCXBfkcNlQ-P&gclid=Cj0KCQjws83OBhD4ARIsACblj19QQcPIve5-u0ck3oIAxGNZ44bhtOUxz2u6raD2LnKqBsLJL3p2ZTsaAsOpEALw_wcB

Excellent work!

Now the OP and others know it's impossible to hold more than one prejudice, if any at all, she can close the thread and we will all move on to more useful pursuits 👌🏾.

Maybe you should move on to a more useful pursuit instead of attempting to belittle me.

As you've said so 🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️

Oooh, I see they have arrived.

MNHQ have removed the thread from Active and deleted a couple of vile comments I reported. Hopefully the conversation can be a constructive one now although I think there are people who specifically come to this board to intervene and comment on subjects that have nothing to do with them.

I hope you're right. I can't know for sure, obviously. For whatever reason this woman thought I needed help with parenting my own child. Race, age, class, who knows. But as someone who has experienced definite racism, I'm very attuned to it. Defensive and touchy, you might say. Unfortunately I've learnt to be from others behaviours!

Thank you. I'm glad that the vile ones have been deleted. I think taking it out of "active" may dissuade those who wish to be disruptive and offensive. We will always have those who question whether or not our experience is valid or attempt to diminish it, but at least the worst posts have gone.

I was in a museum with my child, one of those that has interactive activities. A white woman came up to me complaining that my child was hogging the activity and others were waiting. Then she stalked off, having said her piece. When I went to look, an entirely different black child was on it. A respectful person would have started with 'Hi, excuse me, is this your child?'

Also happened at a swimming pool, an old woman started lecturing me that my son was too old to be in the women's changing rooms. He wasn't. He was 2 years younger than the age limit. Again, the entitled approach. Start with 'Hello. May I ask how old your son is?'

It's the instant 'telling off' that gets to me, like they think we don't know how to behave in the space.

😒