Genuinely not sure if I’m over-reacting: white strangers interrupting and ‘explaining’ things to my DC

[Eastie77Returns]

Note: I am posting this in Black MN board and looking for opinions from other Black/non-white parents.

Currently on holiday with my DC. Yesterday we visited a museum to see an exhibition. The subject area is one I’m familiar with (studied to degree level) so I was pleased my DC were interested in it. As we walked around DS asked me a question about one of the exhibits. Before I could fully answer a white lady behind us interrupted and began ‘explaining’ the answer to him. She was factually incorrect but also spoke in simplistic language as if DS was several years younger than he is. She then smiled at me and said it’s lovely that he likes museums. I turned to DS without replying and proceeded to answer this question (correctly).

The reason it hit a nerve is that this is not the first time white strangers have felt the need to jump in and explain things to my DC when I’ve been out with them in spaces like museums, exhibitions etc. My instinct tells me if I presented as a white, middle-class parent this wouldn’t happen. BUT I don’t know if I’m being over sensitive. Have any other Black parents experienced similar?

Also the mums who go out and buy a pair of (shit) trainers, and wear a special "loose" outfit because theyre going on a school trip or helping out at sports day. You know like you can tell they specially chose an outfit which they thought would look the part

You've lost me here, trainers and loose dresses is definitely what I'd wear to sports day on a hot day. Maybe you had to be there. Bringing a whistle is mental I grant you.

Its very contrived. It isnt like me throwing on a tracksuit that I own because I'm going to sports day and i wear that stuff anyway. They go out and buy an outfit and a whistle and some crap trainers to show how sensible and organised they are and how seriously they take the role. This is also then the type of person who oversteps and tries to control and interject in every conversation. Go up to kids and give them some instruction just so it feels like they're managing someone or something.

I think you're over-reacting regarding the race issue. The behaviour of a stranger doing that (from my perspective) may be amusing but I would nod appreciatively rathwr than be anoyyed by it.

If your child asked the question loud enoufh foe someonw wlse to hear and answer, it could be that thr persin assumed the questuon was being posed to anyone in the vicinity. It could be that thr woman is also very passionatr about the subject EVEN if they may be wrong on a few facts.

As for "white" people doing this repeatedly, could it be that you just happen to be in places qhere there are mostly white people? I am sure if you went to places with black people, you will have similar experiences. I have had MANY experiences qhere black women have given me unsolicited advice on my baby / child. I don't get angry, I know they mean well. I also know I don't have to take their advice, although, on ocassion, I have. It's called human interraction.

Honestly I wouldn’t have a problem with the scenario you describe. However approaching and engaging with a family (“are you enjoying the exhibition?”) is completely different from interrupting a private conversation between a parent and child.

OP: “Hey, question for Black parents about White people interrupting conversations. White people, kindly note this question is not for you and your response is not required”

White posters: “No we don’t interrupt when we are asked not to! You are over-reacting!”

🙄

Yes, that's the difference. The assumption that you can take over from the parent because your knowledge is bound to be superior.

👍

I noticed that. The poster that had no idea the behaviour would be unwelcome was remarkable.

Yes, we’ve also had this when dd went to an open day at York University. Dh and decided to go in to York for the day with our dog and our two DD’s went to the open day.

A bloke tried to take them over completely, explaining completely ordinary things, asking them if they were OK, telling his daughter that they would go to whatever dd had decided to do next and inserting himself into their conversations. He kept asking them where their parents were and seemed flabbergasted when he eventually saw us there. Probably getting in to our expensive car after an afternoon seeing the historic sights of York.

I don’t think you are over reacting at all, how odd of her to answer a question asked to a parent!! I would never dream of answering a child in that situation! Sometimes I wonder what goes through people’s heads tbh. I’m white btw, I know im not who you feared the question to but the situation would have annoyed me too!!

If you are on the receiving end of "human interaction" which results in you being patronised, excluded and talked down to, then it's not being over sensitive or over reacting to challenge or criticise these interactions. I am mature enough to work out the difference between someone being kind and trying to help me, and someone talking to me as if I know nothing and am an uneducated fool.

Do you think all ‘white women’ are the same?

This is in active btw, which is why I’ve seen this comment. I personally don’t think it’s ok to make sweeping generalisations about any particular group, especially if based on race.

No, working class white women tend not to have those traits. This is something that has only become a problem since gentrification. The native "locals" arent that way at all. They hate it more than me.

Thank you. Post reported and I’ve been able to use it as an example of why I need the thread removed from Active conversations so I can hopefully have a peaceful conversation with other Black parents (a vain hope I fear).

As I predicted, my post brought out “look how racist Black people are” brigade.

Sadly I won't be surprised if the poster says they are black.

🙄

I don't believe this one is to do with race. I've had the same thing happen before, probably more than a few times, as a white mother with white children. I think people think they're helping teach kids that 'sweets are bad'

Have you ever had a Black woman say that to you in reference to your kids?

That's irrelevant, as this thread is about white women overstepping the mark to feel black mothers feel less than. I was pointing out that the same thing has happened to me, a white woman, so that particular example isn't based on race/aimed at black women.

The thing you may not realise is that it's white women of a certain class doing this to everyone simply because they feel they are best placed to advise. Yes they do it other white women who they perceive to be lesser than them for the same reasons they do it to Black women. They think they're teaching them to be civilised.

I think this is right — I’m white, but from an ethnicity that attracts significant prejudice in the UK (where I lived for many years), and I’ve had exactly the same. I think that both Black, and some white ethnicities that clearly code as ‘not quite white’ for some white English people, suggest low intellect and education to them, hence needing stuff explained over their heads to the children. It used to blow a certain kind of English person’s mind that I in fact had two Oxford degrees.

This. Way too often I get asked how do I know so many things , how come I speak a few languages/, how come my English is good etc.The answer of “I went to school and I read a lot” doesn’t ever cut it, despite being the truth. They look at me suspiciously, like I’m gatekeeping some magical secret. Nah mate, I literally went to school and I read a lot. Mind blowing, I know.

Oh, get over yourself. 😂😂