Taking time off due to riots

[Sometimetomaself]

Hi, Black and Asian mumsnetters! How are you feeling? Is anyone else taking annual leave or sick leave this week?

I started feeling a certain dread over the last few days mainly starting last night and today I woke up feeling paralysed by fear, I’ve only just managed to force myself to clean the house because someone is due round later and I’d be too embarrassed to have the house looking grubby. I decided to call in sick and will be going for a nice shower next then doing some food shopping later to get out the house. Hoping my area is safe/OK. I’ll just be out briefly anyway.

A few years back if this had happened I’d have given myself a pep talk about being strong, but now I’m at the stage where I’m like no, I’ll do what’s best for me. Why push myself?

And quiet honesty at this time a part of resents working right now knowing me along with other taxpayers will pay for all these riots. While the rich agitators who have their money in tax havens will get off Scot free.

Btw, if you’re not a POC but are sympathetic feel free to comment but if you lack empathy and want to tell me to keep a stiff upper lip and carry on as normal, please don’t, people’s lives, safety and healthy are at risks. We are witnessing race riots.

sorry in advance for typos. I’m very tired 🥱

Yeah it’s strange that isn’t it 😌

I wonder if there were red pill type men rampaging on the streets shouting misogynistic abuse about women and pulling women out their cars like they did in Hull to the Asian people, and then some women said they wanted to take some time off as their mental health was suffering - if the same folk would jump to saying it’s an over-reaction ? 👀

Yes, it’s days off x number of absences, where an absence means an episode of illness. So 2 x 5 days scores 20 (5 + 5) x2 but a ten-day absence scores 10. I think. I’m not in HR though.

I think, particularly if your employer is given to a bit of virtue signalling around BLM or Black History Month, that it's worth asking them directly 'what can you do to support me over the next few days.'

Otherwise, absolutely protect your mental health and stay home. Can you do something nice for yourself today at home?

I am truly, truly sorry - I have been lurking a bit on the black MN threads and not wanted to push myself forward as a white woman, but honestly, I am angry and disgusted at what's happening and wish I could do more other than offer support on your thread.

That’s awful but it’s good your DDs office is on the ball and thinking ahead. I fear too many people are not realising the significance of this.

as worried as I am for myself also Thinking of my many Asian friends too, especially my friends who wear hijabs, as I know they’re a bigger target than me. Interestingly I have been called the P word before a few times despite looking very umambigously black so hoping that or any other racial slur doesn’t make a return 😵‍💫

ETA: I’m glad your son in law was safe at the pub!

Hi, do what you need to do, but I do think you should tell work why you're staying home rather than use leave.
It's mentally draining knowing the hate people hold for you race or religion and having to think about your safety all the time. It drags up lots of heavy feelings, take care of yourself.

Hi OP

I'm white and feel sick and so angry seeing how people are behaving. I'm disgusted that you are being made to feel this frightened and scared to go about your day.

Do what you need to do to help you feel better and please know that these fucking animals do not speak for everyone.

Sending love

Not wanting to be too outing but they are very supportive generally! I think time off is enough for me especially knowing they’re not the type to make me feel bad when I come back for having missed some work.

Yes I’ve did a bit of cleaning and I’m walking up to Tesco to buy a nice cake once I’ve had a shower 😂 cake makes everything better!

Also got a new French press so I need to get some coffee powder. Coffee and cake at home 👌

I am a creative person - being deliberately vague - but I’ll be working on my “creative stuff” maybe later today when my head is a wee bit more clear.

thank you 🙏🏾 and to everyone else who has shown empathy.

It would be very interesting to see if they put their money where their mouth is!

I had a temporary assistant in 2020 who was Black, she was WFH and part time and was really struggling around the time the George Floyd murder happened and briefly mentioned it to me and I just told her to take care of herself and let me know when she was ready to come back.
I do work for one of those virtue signalling employers but it is totally up to your individual line manager how good they will be! On family type issues I had one great line manager and one awful when we adopted our DCs.

I am white and feel nervous watching the news and seeing all the riots on TV. I don't live in a city but I do live in a town where many refugees have been housed in hotels so many of us locally are expecting something may happen at some point.
My heart goes out to you @Sometimetomaself , to be a POC and feel unsafe in your own country and unable to go to work is horrendous. To hear of families having to keep their children in because it's not safe for them to be out in the towns and cities they've grown up in is awful.
Please stay safe and do what you need to do to keep yourself strong mentally, a hot shower or bath, lose yourself in a book for a few hours etc. I'm sorry I can't help with any wise words but please know these mindless individuals don't speak for us all,

Thanks @Knackeredmommy

I’ve been assaulted twice in my life and only ever by randoms.

One was a racial thing accompanied by being spat on and called racist names when I was a young adult, and the second more recent time absolutely wasn’t (it was someone of my own race who I suspect was just unhinged and the police charged her)

But I think due to that and some other more low level stuff I developed a bit of social anxiety around 2017 onwards which I’ve always just pushed through, but this has exacerbated it. And I’ve just had enough lol

I’ve been doing much better lately and it’s so weird I’ll travel solo around the UK visiting friends oe going around the world even, but then certain things can trigger it.

Thanks everyone and I’m so glad this has overall been a positive thread, I’m stepping away for a while do some more cleaning and shower and do my hair then get ready for my exciting trip to the supermarket later 😬

Have a lovely day everyone, stay safe and happy.

Sorry to hear that @Sometimetomaself. I totally understand about the social anxiety, I'm in London, and have travelled solo but am always aware that being black means I can and have been treated differently. Times like these are very triggering.

White woman here, if you worked for me I would 100% respect you're need for a day off and wouldn't book it as illness.
I'm worried watching the news, it's set me on edge and I'm not letting my teens into town after 5 even though I haven't heard of any trouble in our town. I cannot imagine how much stress you are having and I'm sorry this is happening. All I can say is not in my name.

You have my deep sympathy-it must be scary and wearing worrying whether you’re goi g to get any abuse just because you go out My beautiful DIL is non whitw, from overseas and says she won’t tell her parents back home things because they’ll worry. She is far more of an asset to this country than the violent racist shits trying to destroy our society.

This sort of thing makes me so, so sad.

My husband is an immigrant, wasn't born here, didn't grow up here, but because he's white no one bats an eye at him. He can go shopping or walk down a city street, even mid-riot, and be completely safe. Meanwhile you've got poc who've lived here their whole lives, parents and grandparents too, being abused in the street for the crime of what? Existing? (Not that it'd be any more right to abuse them if they moved here yesterday of course, but it's just so obvious that this isn't actually about immigration, it's just plain, simple, ugly racism).

I'm so sorry you've been made to feel this way, it's abhorrent. I hope your workplace is being supportive. God willing the idiots will run out of steam soon, but it's the undercurrent that's most depressing - the fact that this level of hate and vitriol has been brewing just below the surface in so many. Ugh. Sending you love and peace, I hope your shopping trip is completely uneventful.

WOC and live in what I thought was a 'safe' area in the south, but riots are planned here tomorrow. The only plus is people I know will be counter-protesting.

The hypervigilance never goes away, esp. as I work in the NHS which has been called out repeatedlt for being racist, but has amped up since yesterday. I haven't slept. My biggest fears are for my sister and her family who live near where the local riots are meant to take place.

Like others have said, it's not just the threat of physical violence, it's the fear of verbal abuse, which has escalated as the racists have become emboldened. I can still remember things adults said to me when I was a child, and do not want to have to face that again.

Sending you lots of love. Lean on the friends you do have, and hard as it is, remember this is not personal, it is entirely about them.

Sending love and support from a white person who does not agree with these riots ❤️
Work from home if you can and stay safe

@Sometimetomaself I think you need to do exactly what feels right for you. I so wish it didn't have to be necessary. I'm horrified that people are being made to feel this way.

My dd is mixed race, and autistic, she is feeling very anxious at the moment despite there been no riots near us.

I'm also reminded of this which went around a few years ago and is useful to support anyone who is being harassed or abused.

Yes, I am gobsmacked they are closing her office. That never ever happens.

I think my son-in-law got a few funny looks in the pub, but that was it.

It must be so hard to have to be hyper aware all the time. Someone like me, a white woman, just cannot imagine it.

Stay safe OP, there really are some awful disgusting people who have crawled out the woodwork.

Not a poc but completely understand why you feel the way you do. It's a fucking disgrace that in this day and age racism is still so prevalent. Frankly these rioters need to receive harsh penalties for their actions though it's saddening to know that it probably won't happen that way.

I'm lucky enough to live somewhere unaffected but I'd feel the same way as you op.

Not a poc but I'm of course appauled by what we've seen this week. My first thoughts were how the hell must it feel for poc (especially thinking of friends and colleagues) to see these scenes. I found it stomach churning and I'm a white woman.

It's deeply hurtful and sad seeing so many children being brought up to think this way. The town I live in is very white and I've always found it racist. I do my best to speak up when people come out with lazy, Reform party crap about migrants, although it's often a losing battle on Facebook etc.

I hope there are some serious conversations about the right wing media, social media and the state we're in as a country (although far right seems frighteningly on the rise in many countries). Good people do exist and they are the majority. I do believe that. But it's hard to see what we've seen this week and believe that.

There's a lot of work to be done and not just on cleaning up looted and damaged cities.

Sending you love and strength and you do what you need to to feel safe and supported. I agree with speaking to managers. The trite nonsense companies wheel out about Black lives matter or international women's day is crap if they don't back it up with meaningful action.

The hypervigilance never goes away, esp. as I work in the NHS which has been called out repeatedlt for being racist, but has amped up since yesterday. I haven't slept. My biggest fears are for my sister and her family who live near where the local riots are meant to take place.

I’m so sorry to hear that 😔hope you get some sleep tonight. my brother and many black women I know work for the NHS. I hadn’t even thought about the impact of this on NHS staff.

That’s awful about the riots near you and your sister. This is part of the unease, all the uncertainty! My town is very average - not posh not rough either, average size too, quite a sleepy town - but you never know. Thanks, sending love and strength right back to you and your family 🌸 @ChocolateBiscuitsandaCuppa

So I did go to the local Tesco, and nothing weird or bad happened 🥳 I had a list but I still ended up walking around in circles for ages gathering those few items and had to keep checking my list 🤦🏽‍♀️. I’m ND and usually manage fine but my symptoms get worse when tired or stressed.

I’m glad I did though, it’s sunny outside and I think my fear was building each day I spent inside since Saturday.

I’ll keep an eye on the news and social media but tomorrow is my day off so might go into the city to my favourite bookshop and just make sure I’m back by mid-afternoon.

Strange times but we’ll get through it 💜 nice to see there are so many counter protests as well.

That's great you got out for a bit @Sometimetomaself. It's a beautiful day here, hopefully where you are too.