I just learned about Black Mumsnet so I’m late to this thread but it’s so on point. I’m American so there are some differences, but no matter where you are, feminism is absolute garbage. It’s so often such a narrow minded point of view that I don’t relate to it at all. The funniest part about it for me is that they understand. In fact, they understand perfectly. There’s endless talk about microaggressions, everyday sexism, and how language shapes culture and needs to be challenged to change attitudes, and how the poor menz can’t experience sexism because the system is designed to benefit them, or how #notallmen is toxic. Yet when it comes to racism, suddenly the goalposts shift. Somehow men can’t experience sexism because Patriarchy but white people can totally experience racism. Or sometimes it’s, “well it’s not systematic racism, but it’s still racism.” Yet casual sexism against men isn’t a thing. Suddenly, “what if a white person is poor or disabled?” is a defense against white privilege but they don’t bring that up as a defense against male privilege. Suddenly, “it’s wrong to paint a whole group of people with one brush.” So #notallwhitepeople. And whenever black women describe their experiences with race no matter how common it is then it’s, “I would say the same thing to a white person/You’re overreacting/That has nothing to do with race.” Gee it sure is crazy how they understand the elements of systematic inequality only when it impacts them, but when it’s another group of people you’re suddenly imagining things or overreacting.
There was a thread a little while ago that got purged about a mother whose son learned the n word in during history in school and used it against his black friend in an argument shortly afterwards just to hurt him. Yet there were people on that thread saying, “he’s not racist. He’s just young and did something stupid.” Or, “a slip of the tongue shouldn’t ruin his life.” Or, “it’s so serious to be accused of racism.” Of course in the, “close your legs your fanny stinks” thread there wasn’t anyone saying his words were a slip of the tongue or it’s dangerous to accuse someone of sexism. Lots of calls for him to be suspended and made an example of for his misogyny, though, and some who thought it was entirely justified that he got punched in the face for what he said.
But see white women are notorious victims. They’re seen as innocent, pure, delicate, (Insert ain’t I a woman speech here), and most importantly without agency. “Oh the evil menz oppress the women and they just had no power.” White women have always had power over minorities. They’ve always had power, they know they have that power, and they know exactly how to use it. It was wielded during slavery, during segregation, and it’s wielded now. That’s how you end up with the Amy Coopers of the world. They know people will see them as innocent and they use it to their advantage. Just like when they start crying when they’re called out for their behavior. It turns them into a victim and makes the person calling them out, often a woman of color, look mean and aggressive. Or when they hijack a conversation to make it all about their feelings and experiences. Absolute manipulation.
And then there’s the trans thing. Oh my god. I do not understand the obsession with the transgender women. I almost don’t even want to bring it up because any excuse to hop on the trans hate train is taken and completely overshadows anything else that’s said. It’s the only thing they’ll talk about to the detriment of everything else. Is there room for conversation about women only spaces, sure, but transgender women being the biggest threat to women in modern times? Really? Transgender women aren’t the reason for the pay gap, which is bigger between white men and women of color by the way. They’re not the reason women are killed daily by their partners. They’re not the reason women are trafficked and sold as prostitutes. They’re not the reason for FGM or child brides. They’re not the reason for nonexistent or shit maternity care/leave. They’re not the reason access to birth control and bodily autonomy is constantly being threatened. They’re not even the reason the rape statistics are so high. That’s all cis men. But a minority amount of a minority group is the biggest threat. Yeah right.
All over the political threads there were women who support Donald Trump just because he’s anti-trans. Where’s all of their pro-woman convictions with that one? Where’s “believe women” with accused marital rapist and domestic abuser Donald Trump? Where’s “women deserve their own spaces” with admitted to walking into the changing rooms of teen girls because he’s the boss and they let him Donald Trump? Where’s “protect girls” with the openly grooming and sexual behavior towards his daughter and accused of raping a child Donald Trump? Where’s “men who use sex workers and porn are rapists” with cheated on his pregnant wife with a porn star Donald Trump? Where’s “women have a right to bodily autonomy” with choosing an anti-abortionist accused sexual predator to sit on the supreme court for life Donald Trump? And that doesn’t even get into the racism, ageism, homophobia, ableism, and attempting to destroy American democracy in the name of his narcissism and white supremacy stuff. So somehow “there’s absolutely nothing to celebrate” about Kamala Harris and they can’t overlook the “bad” of being her pro-trans and recognize she could be beneficial for women and women of color in many other ways, but they can ignore all of the bad about Trump to appreciate the “good” of being anti-trans. And then they’ll bleat on about “Creepy Joe”. God forbid you hold both men accountable for their actions. Nope. Totally willing to throw every aspect of feminism under the bus just to hate trans people. Okay then.
It’s like when people say we can’t allow immigrants because what about the homeless population we need to take care of. And then they vote for slashing VA benefits, social programs, and encourage hostile architecture and criminalizing homelessness. They don’t actually care about the homeless, they just want an excuse to hate immigrants.
Yet despite all of this we’re always expected to turn up and be their work horses in the name of womanhood and solidarity while they actively invalidate our issues and take our words and attack us with them i.e. wokeville. Or co-opt our struggles and pain to elevate their complaint in exchange for minimizing ours. BLM is demonized but #justiceforSarah. Or I don’t see countless threads about the black maternal death rate, for example. Lots of threads about Meghan being smug though. And they have the nerve to do things like opt out of the woman’s march because it wanted to focus on the voices of women of color but we’re supposed to turn up when they’re the only ones talking. But bringing up race challenges their status as perpetual victim. If they acknowledge race as an element to sexism, suddenly they become the oppressors just like the evil men they’re fighting. So they ignore it instead or villainize us as divisive for wanting to include all women instead of just white women. Wanting to close the gap between white women and white men is not the same as wanting women to be equal to men. From what I’ve seen, more often than not, a white woman’s feminism is the former not the latter. And it shows.
I also hate when they apologize for being white. Just like I hate it when men apologizing on behalf of men. It always comes across as, I don’t know, selfish? Insincere? You don’t need to apologize for being white or on behalf of white people. It’s performative. If you actually care about all women, then what you need to do is learn how and when to listen, hold yourselves to the same equality standards you expect of men and hold other white women to those standards too. There’s nothing wrong with being white, but as white person you do have privilege just like men do. If someone showed up to the ER with a cut on their hand people would find it absolutely absurd if the doctor treated it before a gunshot wound. But that’s how white feminism works. Well, more like they’re doctors who only treat hand wounds because they’re more important than anything else. Gunshot wounds have to treat themselves because their problems are none of the doctor’s concern. Or something.
Anyway, bless anyone who read this very long and controversial rant. All of that to say I agree with you, OP, haha.