So jealous of their freedom

[samosamo]

I've got to say:

A few of my white mates are joining the Leaving London exodus. Up and moving to this idyllic little hamlet, this other peaceful village, blah blah.

The whole country is their oyster. Really! I look at my little ones i dare not. I honestly think I'd be making life extra hard for them. I'm one of those black people who would love to move, like on Escape to the Country, but I can't because I fear the racism and lack of allies to weather it.

I'm not even asking for responses, I'm just telling y'all. It just doesn't feel free. I'm grown. I've got money in my pocket. I've worked hard to get here, and I still feel hella constrained. It's a luxury problem. But makes me reflect that, no matter what I do, I can't move about freely.

This life.

This life...

I hear you. I am meant to be considering Yorkshire.i just can't. I wish I could but I have an 7yr old to think about and her future.

You're right OP. We currently live just outside London, and are moving back in shortly. If I drive 10 miles further out from where I am (Surrey), you barely see a non-white face. It's extremely disconcerting for someone who'd lived in diverse London borough their whole life up until 5 years ago, and I don't blame you, I'd not do it to my DC either.

I dream about it as a country retreat for the summer or weekends. That way we could enjoy the good things there and still come back to town to buy our plantain

With you OP.

I dream of a diverse village in the sticks.

I get especially sad when I think about our elders retiring and dying in a busy city.

I moved from a very diverse area to the "sticks" over 10 years ago. its not all its cracked up to be. dare I say boring. have to drive everywhere. ...before it was all on my doorstep ....when DD is done schooling I will be looking to move back.

Londonder living in the rural East. I've not come across anyone racist, most people are just normal friendly people. There will he pockets of people in small villages that done like "outsiders" but that isn't race based, they just dislike anyone that has moved out of area as it brings the house prices up etc. But even after a few years those people get over it and become nice and welcoming. Living rural can be nice, but public transport is non-existent, jobs are hard to come by. Everything is very far away unless you live near a town with decent shops. Ive only come across two afro salons that are both an hours drive from me. There is a superdrug that sales products for afro hair and deep skin makeup. Just like living anywhere, rural living has its ups and down

I suggested summer in the country to DP. Found a few nice places. Looked at cost of accommodation and he quite rightly said for that we could spend summer in Spain and kids could learn a new language and have exposure to another culture!

He was right. But I just feel like so much of the uk is not fully open for my business.

I see I'm not the only one.

At those who live out of London, what has it been like for your children?

Same here - DH and I are wondering where to move to once we start a family in the next year or so. I'm put off by my experiences growing up somewhere that wasn't diverse. London is a bit of a sanctuary. It's not just race that puts me off the countryside. I did a mini break in a cottage before lockdown and stumbled upon a big shooting group - it made me think how different the way of life would be and I'm not sure it's for me. I'm against second homes ethically - and it's a pipe dream anyway after paying a London mortgage - but a weekend cottage would be ideal!

Derby or Nottingham.

Also

I am meant to be considering Yorkshire.i just can't. I wish I could but I have an 7yr old to think about and her future
Depends where you move in Yorkshire.
West Yorkshire eg Leeds, Bradford multi cultural and more accepting.
North Yorkshire, not so much and more white based and little village/town mentality.

Well I lived in East London for the first 24 years of my life (minus university years in Staffordshire, Coventry and Bristol). Ended up settling down in Bristol, as there were better job opportunities than London. Been in Bristol now 16 years and do not regret moving. Am married (met husband on postgraduate course i did in Bristol) and have 2 kids and can't see us ever moving.

Yeh, I hear you. I'm white, but that occurred to me on the threads I've been on recently.

Sorry for posting on this thread but I get that your options are more limited.

Could you perhaps move to the outskirts of a city, that way getting the diversity of a city but on the edge of the countryside?

How old are your dc? If under reception age, and you start reception in a new place, that is a fantastic way to meet a lot of people quickly.

I live in a rural village within close proximity to London. It’s by no means prefect it is predominantly white. I still have to travel into London to go to an Afro hair salon and to buy plantain! I recall being told quite loudly in a busy salon “we don’t do that type of hair” I was mortified, my dc are mixed heritage with loose curls and needed a trim.

People here typically commute into the city, so the racism manifests in very subtle ways. My face will never fit no matter how long we live here. I grew up in a predominantly white town not far from here and only moved to London for university then stayed for 10 years. I’ve lived all over the place mainly in the south east and would live in London again given the chance. We couldn’t afford the lifestyle we have, and to put dc in prep if we lived there hence why we moved out. I guess it depends what you’re willing to put up with but there are pockets of countryside which are relatively welcoming to outsiders.

OP - Will you still need to commute back to London on a regular basis? If not, then it might be worth considering Bristol. It's very multicultural and we've not really experienced any racism. My kids are mixed heritage and we've not had any issues finding afro hair salons. My DD's school has 45% black & minority ethnic kids attending it.

That way we could enjoy the good things there and still come back to town to buy our plantain

🤣 That is my life. I travel into work (London) with a list of things to get for MIL who lives nearby. We live beyond the outskirts of London, but it's not too bad in terms of diversity here. My family feel I'm in the country, but I'm not deep country at all.

DS goes to a faith school, which is diverse. The secular ones are not very diverse. People are mostly okay here. Life is slower. Many older people greet my sons and have a chat with him about this and that. I love it, reminds me of our culture, and it happens almost daily. Parents my own age are very cliquey, but this is common everywhere perhaps. I grew up in a notoriously rough area, I want my DC to feel comfortable with 'the ends' too. We will travel to see family often enough anyway.

Yes, racism exists here. We have had a few bad experiences of it over the years. Frequent microaggressions too. Also, we are high earners. That puts us in a weird headspace around here (the area is relatively poor). Things like being black and donating boxes of food to a food bank gets people talking, speculating and then approaching us about our earnings (are you a druggie? is the #1 one) 🙃. I can deal with all of this but is it fair on DC?

A converted farmhouse is my ETTC dream! But we won't make any plans for now, because what we have is enough at this stage.

www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/viral-video-forced-wealthy-texas-suburb-confront-racism-silent-majority-n1255230

I came across this article this morning and remembered this thread. It's the US but it does reflect the concerns OP and others here raise. Wanting to enjoy a certain lifestyle, good schools and opportunities for our kids but wondering at the price to pay.

Sounds there are worthy places but definitely do your research.

@SandSeaBeach YES! the fake smiling.

@jennymac31 if I'm being serious about it, I wouldn't mind staying on the outskirts of London as family are here and being the eldest child the buck stops with me.

Can anyone suggest anywhere on the N, W or SW outskirts of London (up to 30 miles from zone 4/5)?

@JayDot500

They ask whether you're a drug dealer? As though you'd answer?

@maggiethecatWe need a steady migration somewhere!

@samosamo it's passed off as a joke and I've no doubt they think it's harmless. I can ignore people very well. DH got tired of it ages ago. He has a sharp wit and is a proud man, so he now insults them with sugar on top .

@maggiethecat America... We've had many friends make the move there (including DH's best friend). We've had a few opportunities to move there for DH's work but honestly I'd rather take my chances with Monmouthshire . Imagine fighting the formation of a diversity council. People who fear equality so openly will cry that they're not being listened to as they seek to silence others. Madness.

WTAF

seriously. Fuck those people