So jealous of their freedom

[samosamo]

I've got to say:

A few of my white mates are joining the Leaving London exodus. Up and moving to this idyllic little hamlet, this other peaceful village, blah blah.

The whole country is their oyster. Really! I look at my little ones i dare not. I honestly think I'd be making life extra hard for them. I'm one of those black people who would love to move, like on Escape to the Country, but I can't because I fear the racism and lack of allies to weather it.

I'm not even asking for responses, I'm just telling y'all. It just doesn't feel free. I'm grown. I've got money in my pocket. I've worked hard to get here, and I still feel hella constrained. It's a luxury problem. But makes me reflect that, no matter what I do, I can't move about freely.

This life.

This life...

Excuse my language people, I'm upset.

How can you raise children around people who will allude their parents are drug dealers.

@Samosamo Reading, Redhill or Rickmansworth. I have black family and friends who live there.

I had an opportunity to move to a rural area and race is the exact reason I didn't.
My sons father is white and lives in a market town, my child was the only brown face in the whole school. He was only there through some of reception and developed a whole host of issues afterwards.

@samosamo

Excuse my language people, I'm upset.

How can you raise children around people who will allude their parents are drug dealers.

They are young so have mostly been shielded from understanding it, but we do fear all of it as they grow up. I thought that maybe it's just the area we live in tbh. Reading what your sister and BIL have to put up with @SandSeaBeach makes me sad, because maybe there really isn't any escape from it.

Second vote for reading. Most big cities are fine but if you want rural/country forget it 😂

OP we moved away from london to a small village near the sea a few years ago. I was shocked when we first moved as I hadn't anticipated the feeling of being so different and I regretted moving at first. Not for me but for DC. However as time as gone on we've made friends with lots of other people who have moved from London, and they are used to living in multicultural areas so even though they are predominantly white I don't feel they see us as 'other'if that makes sense. I never have to worry about their children saying something inappropriate to my DC about their colour because it doesnt cross their minds. And we've maintained links to London and go back to see friends and family there so DC can see other people with the same colour faces! But overall weve got a much cheaper, bigger house, nicer outdoor lifestyle and I'm happy with the move now

Meant to say its different from holiday stays because people know you and say hello rather than staring at you so doesn't feel so strange now either

@warriorwomanx

I had an opportunity to move to a rural area and race is the exact reason I didn't. My sons father is white and lives in a market town, my child was the only brown face in the whole school. He was only there through some of reception and developed a whole host of issues afterwards.

That's very sad, but glad it's not ongoing. You made the right choice for your son. My DS is also reception age so that's upsetting.

@debbrianna what part of yorkshire are you considering?

@samosamo

I suggested summer in the country to DP. Found a few nice places. Looked at cost of accommodation and he quite rightly said for that we could spend summer in Spain and kids could learn a new language and have exposure to another culture!

He was right. But I just feel like so much of the uk is not fully open for my business.

I see I'm not the only one.

At those who live out of London, what has it been like for your children?

We live in south east and been living here the past 20+ year and love it here. Our city is diversity and my children school is diversity and never had any problems. We have all the Asian shops and sells everything and also Asda and Sainsbury’s sells international food. Boots and super drug also sells African hair products. We have African salons, barbers and shops so no need to travel to London. 1 hour 30 by train to London 2 hours by coach or by car.

Thank you @JayDot500 I knew the day would come, just never so soon. But it opened the door to allow him to be educated in his blackness which will forever be ongoing. He's nearly 8 now and has a wonderful understanding of his roots and the world around him

Aww this sentiment. I’m thinking about the next steps for our family and I came across an old guardian article by Hugh Muir with this quote: “Many migrants came from rural Caribbean, Africa and India. There is no particular cultural affinity for concrete”

Full article: www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/jul/08/black-flight-england-suburbs-ethnic-minorities-multiculturalism

There’s also an element of putting it all aside for the success of our children which is our priority. Access to the top schools/education/activities which are enriching/make them curious life long learners/being around other pupils and their families who also want the same. We didn’t have all that in some parts of London that we lived in but we put those items as priority when deciding where to move to. Race was far down the list. I can live with anything even though it’s exhausting, just so my kids can have those opportunities.
Look at other races- indian/chinese focus on what is best for their kids and go for that. Whether we like it or not, the top jobs/companies who pay big salaries have predominantly white employees and therefore our kids have to get used to it if they want to work in these places. Growing up in those communities where the kids will later take these kinds of jobs, I think gives them a head start

I grew up in Oxford (v central) and now live in Oxfordshire- v green, property prices very reasonable (both work for London based firms albeit remotely for the foreseeable). Oxford and surrounding areas extremely diverse - worth considering?

Think about moving to Scotland?

I don't pretend to walk in your shoes. I can't begin to imagine how difficult it is to be in a minority and to feel like that's a negative.

If I might give a different perspective from someone who lives in a very small countryside hamlet. Very few minorities here. Those who are here are very kind h a part of the community. I don't mean that they have to be active. They are just families like we are. No need for acceptance - nothing to accept!! Humans and the children all play and school together.

I'm mixed race (though not obvious despite 50:50) and grew up in a city where, in the 80's my minority parent was subjected to racist abuse over and over again.

I've never experienced anything like that here. Never seen it.

I don't know if it's here (I hope not) and I'm not sugar coating it or minimising your experience. Just wanted you to know that a small Home Counties hamlet isn't always racist.

I hope you find somewhere that you feel comfortable.

*active part

I live in a rural West Yorkshire area, and rarely see anyone of BAME origin. I'd never thought about this issue. I was born in London, and hate big cities so where I live is ideal for me, but never thought of this issue for people of colour. Saying that in our towns there are far more people but mainly of Asian origin. Thank you for giving me an insight.