Black men protesting BLM but exclusively dating white women

[LillyFlower1984]

I’m always confused about black men or men of colour in the media and RL who shout racism/BLM and so on yet when you look at their lifestyle they are married to white women. When you go on to find out more they only ever have dated/married white women.... what are people’s take on this?

@JayDot500

I think a lot of this is just jealousy because someone you fancy doesn’t like you.

Haahahahaha 🤣. Look, a co-signatory.

I also found this hilarious! Reminds me of those comments like 'you're jealous because I'm with one of your men' Eh eh? One of MY men? Nah, suh, only one man a sample mi cho cho. ;p

And second. He's YOUR man. YOUR man, don't try to palm him off on me. I don't want him. YOUR man, please, remember that. You deh deh wit him. YOUR man!!! He is nothing to do with me and he really couldn't ever be.

I also bristled at ancientgran's post, hard to write this because it's clear she is an elder, but here goes. A lot of whataboutery here, and also, 35 years ago was 1985. I struggle believe the only people who had a problem with your interracial relationship were black women. Yet a whole post on that? In 1985 even Michelle Beale couldn't walk around Albert Square holding Kofe-eeee's hand. Would have preferred some balance. Black women are not the problem here.

This post is for black women to discuss black men. Somehow it's now full of white women discussing black women and talking about how we're jealous some confused halfwit of a man doesn't fancy us. If you know anything about black women we are constantly bothered by men sexualising us, from the age of 9 we can hardly leave our house, so we're really not hankering after any more.

Sheesh.

It might be the whiter future thing. I can also see how life could just seem lighter easier. When I come home I talk to my partner about race etc. It means, really, there is no space where I am completely free of it. Maybe if I had a white partner, though race would still be everywhere, because that person isn't impacted as much by it that would seem rub off on me. Maybe at home, I would just feel like a woman, not a black woman. I think a lot of black men are trying to escape their blackness, the mental, psychological load that carries and one way is looking at a white face at home.

I can see the attraction in that. It's not for me, I've got warrior woman in me ;p

[quote Smiledwiththerisingsun]@JayDot500 that quote from Rahrahgul
is so eloquently put.

Someone saying that people should date their own race just feels so backwards in a multi cultural society - but I'm sorry if questioning some apparent issues with inter racial dating is completely missing the point.

Stepping back!

[/quote]
It's backwards in a multi cultural society? I don't know what can be said to explain it better to you that wasn't already featured Rahrahgul's post tbh 🤷🏾‍♀️

That is a particular brand of misogynoir non-black women CANNOT attest to experiencing or even begin to understand so I respectfully ask you to step back from the conversation and not participate as your feelings of this being a goady conversation come nowhere near to experiencing this or having to educate your daughters that some black men are just dumb and actually think these things and will say them to you, OUT LOUD.

Correcting myself should have said cannot attest to instead of can.

The question is not who you date or marry. Nowhere is anyone saying black men must date black women. Black women dating out of their race has not stopped them speaking out against the violence black men in particular suffer, with all three founders being black women. Black Men use the excuse they don't date black women or have a preference to check out issues affecting the black community aside from those that affect black men. Therein lies the problem.

If people stopped centering their feelings or jumping in with love is love and how dare you condemn interracial problems maybe they would actually get it. That's why I'm asking again for non-black women to step away from the conversation- you cannot and will never understand and your questions in an effort to understand or make your point about your feelings do nothing but detract from the valuable insight other black women are trying to share with each other. Instead we have to wade through comments of outrage where there is none to be had and pseudo-intellectualism and stop attacking interracial relationships-which completely miss the point and are irrelevant

Typos tonight gosh,

All three founders of BLM being black women

I’m a straight Woman - do I get to be angry with men for being gay because they are taking themselves out of my dating pool? I really don’t FAOD.

You are really outdoing yourself here. If ever there was a bingo board for 'ways to try and silence a black woman'...

Going to stop responding to Carole because she is insisting on invading a space that is not hers and to centre the discussion on what she thinks is absolutely right, irrelevant of the experiences of actual black women. I'm sure if given the chance she can teach everyone here about how to deal with racism and they should just let it go.

Sometimes it is okay to admit you are out of your depth and walk away, sometimes you have nothing valuable to contribute to a conversation and that's okay. But I learn just how far entitlement and privilege reach everyday when someone decides that their half baked opinion on a painful matter is more important than those it affects, why am I surprised after all. Time and time again MN posters prove and insist they have zero respect for black women or the space provided to them

@WiseOwlRelaxing - why can’t you contribute?

*Eh eh? One of MY men? Nah, suh, only one man a sample mi cho cho. ;p

And second. He's YOUR man. YOUR man, don't try to palm him off on me. I don't want him. YOUR man, please, remember that. You deh deh wit him. YOUR man!!! He is nothing to do with me and he really couldn't ever be.*

Tell deeeeem! 🤣

@JayDot500

*Eh eh? One of MY men? Nah, suh, only one man a sample mi cho cho. ;p

And second. He's YOUR man. YOUR man, don't try to palm him off on me. I don't want him. YOUR man, please, remember that. You deh deh wit him. YOUR man!!! He is nothing to do with me and he really couldn't ever be.*

Tell deeeeem! 🤣

This was actually hilarious Samosamo

I would encourage all posters to ignore the trolls having the audacity to call us racist because of our experiences and wanting to question this- I really wanted to hear other black women’s experiences and thoughts on these issues. I am not against interracial dating at all I’m just interested in how it may or may not affect ones affinity to the BLM movement which I feel is inherently about “blackness” and Afrocentric issues.

We are off the bingo card and onto the Jackpot now. Apparently I'm racist now 🤣🤣🤣. Wonders never cease

[quote tootsytoo]@Smiledwiththerisingsun yes but why is it so prevalent for black men but no other race?

Can you see how there must be underlying issues in the community??[/quote]
I think also because black men are apparently such a catch, especially when younger and woah, even moreso when they are successful educationally and occupationally (is that a word?!), and also financially. It's all those stereotypes about sexual prowess, all that 'black guys are so cool and popular' tropes, hyper-masculinity that is heaped on them etc. it gets all whipped up and leaves some white women, understandably, ~panting~ really keen.

Another anecdote. I know, well met a few times at parties, this white women from Poland. When she was a child she went on holiday with his family and was running around on a beach or somewhere and literally bumped into this black guy. She was struck by his look, I guess in a 7 year old way or whatever. Anyway, this moment was so poignant for her, so influential that she grew up finding black men way more attractive. she moved to the UK because there was so few black specimens where she was, and eventually had a baby with a Nigerian guy (big guy, stocky, pumped).

Went swimming with my child just before lockdown. She has a white young female coach. On this occasion there was a trainee coach with her. Anyway, I couldn't help noticing how strangely she was acting. She just wasn't herself! How to describe it? She was giggly, and acting a bit coy, and positioning her body strangely, like strangely open but hanging back. Anyway, looked around and yes, the trainee coach was a black guy. I giggled to myself remembering what being early 20s and fancying someone felt like, but I also thought 'wow, this guy must be totally gassed right now and I bet he gets that often'. When you are a young black guy and this is the response you get from non-black women, come on now, of course you're going to, let's say 'engage', especially when apparently the women running after you are the most beautiful and protected in the world.

I think it is a lockstep that some black men and white women are set up to fall into.

[quote CayrolBaaaskin]@WiseOwlRelaxing - why can’t you contribute?[/quote]
Well, I can't be a black woman saying what she thinks which is what the op was looking for.. I can only ever be a white woman. But I am interested in this. It's eye opening (to me).

Op I am a white woman and this thread has really educated me. I didn't know these issues even existed. I completely understand the point you are trying to address and I don't understand how people are deliberately missing that point and calling you racist. How can someone be saying Black Lives Matter yet treating half their own race with disdain and as second class citizens!

Don't bother yourself samosamo, some people lack complete self awareness and cannot even recognize when they are out of their depth. I'm not the one coming across as an ignorant racist.

@MNHQ, I have a thick skin, but this is what silencing looks like. Trying by all means to make a poster feel so bad they stop posting and contributing to a valuable conversation. This is how the last thread got derailed and removed by people professing outrage and calling black women racist for discussing their own struggles in their community, but some people cannot handle conversations that literally have nothing to do with them. I hope you take a tough stance and permanently ban posters like this to show it is not acceptable.

The prowess thing. I think prowess can embolden any person to act up. A particular kind of black man loves to dangle his prowess and desirability in our faces. To tell us how undesirable we are means he feels further elevated in some twisted way.

I had a blazing row with a black colleague over my use of a headscarf at night . He was/is a very good looking black man, and he made no secret of liking me. I was engaged at the time, so totally uninterested. One day, he overheard me talking to a black female colleague about hair, and the silk scarf thing came up. Now, picture this. He entered our conversation to tell me that he wouldn't like it if I wore a headscarf at night. I was nice about it (I have heard this argument from other black men before) and I explained myself to him. It escalated very quickly. His points were 'its unattractive' 'supposing your man wanted to run his fingers through your hair at night' 'you are just being lazy' 'its lazy, black women can do their hair in the morning but they choose the easy option'. Now I'm sure many of us know the deal with our hair and the care involved so I won't go into my own responses. But then it became 'that's why we [black men] don't deal wid you lot [black women], you just want to argue over everything... Other women know their men don't like that look, especially at night, why do you have to be so stubborn about it'

Who. Does. This?!?! He was so unforgiving about everything I said. He called my explanations 'excuses.' I was more hurt than I'd have liked. I was hurt because he should know the struggles black women face with our hair. And there he was, someone I called a friend, calling me lazy, unattractive, out of line, argumentative... Because I have hair that I felt needed a scarf at night. Silk pillows are a thing now, but still, this is someone who professed to liking me?

The man is toxicity clothed in emboldened fineness lol. He actually married a Punjabi woman, which caused a lot of problems between her and her family, mostly regarding the fact he is black (a best friend of mine is Brahman, she schooled me on all of this but separate to this situation).

Can you all guess who has been very vocal on BLM issues 🙃. Ha! I can't let my son disgrace himself like this guy, and the many other black men like him who I have encountered. But where to even begin. I believed it best to sit and watch. But as I had mentioned before, DH's teenage nephew started with all that misogynoir crap two years ago, and his mum is literally his everything.

That's so sad JayDot500, the funny thing like you mention silk pillowcases are now a thing (we had been doing for years) and even bonnets becoming mainstream with some ridiculous pricing but all my life from my tweens as early as 8, it was black Boys making fun and then in teens them telling me how ugly and unattractive it was (like I live for the male gaze), and any explanation was met with similar - that's why we don't deal with you and you are argumentative etc.,

It makes me so sad. I can't have my sons turn out like that. Not a chance.

I'm currently bf-ing my son.

He cannot do without me. Nothing makes him smile more than me walking into a room. I'm his EVERYTHING. He loves me in whatever baby way in which he does, but it is pure, simple, without a doubt, whole, entirely. I'm sure many of know it.

Then the world is going come in, corrupt that and make him look at me and people like me and think we are ugly?

Babylon.

This world is such a sad place. I'm so sorry that has happened to these men.

And the thing is we are beautiful. I've got to say our skin is amazing. Our hair just makes sense, functionally. It's bouncy, the curls are wonderful, we don't overheat because the our hair allows heat to escape. I don't have a big bum, but it is good enough, I love black women's figures, and our voices, that bass, I like that my skin is opaque effectively covers what is inside my body, I mean that as no offence to white skin, there are many beautiful white people, I'm just saying I like that I can't see my veins through my skin, that I don't come up in bruises easily, that I don't have yellow pale patches when I press my skin or stand up from sitting down, that I don't show my emotions on my face through very reddened skin. I love our lips. I could go on and on. And throughout the ages I am aware that European onlookers have loved all of that, too. I remember learning about the fashions of the 1700/1800s, those Mantua dresses that European women wore that kicked out at the back and at the sides. All that gave the impression of the natural hippy/pert bum look of black women who were enslaved at the time. So I believe I am not alone in my appreciation of black women's beauty. The process that some black men must go through to reach a position where they can't possibly find that attractive, especially when we are the female version of their own bodies. They have my sympathies.