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Black Mumsnetters

This board exists primarily for the use of Black Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.

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Original poster

White women posting on Black Mumsnetters - all good?

425 replies

Sugarintheplum · 17/12/2020 23:00

Hiya,

I'm just looking for your honest opinion here - feel free to get a new handle to respond to this one if you like (I do that sometimes!)

My view is this: I don't hugely object, partly because it's the internet, and I can't expect that to be truly for a devoted protected space, so it's kinda 'meh'. I just thought about it because of the 'are blonde women more attractive' thread, and there are lots of white women on it.

I've asked something similar before, and I ask it again here, if it's called Black Mumsnetters, why might non-black women want to post? I can see why they might want to lurk and read, but what might make you want to be visible, present and contributing to that space?

If it is a belief that no space should be 'exclusive', i'd think Black Mumsnetters might turn one off completely - ugh, yuk, segregation. If it is a belief that well, one or two white women won't change things (do they? My opinion is that yes, a space with just black women in it talking black women things is materially changed by having white women in it) I can see that too maybe, only things do have a way of being taken over and before you know it black mumsnetters has very few black women at all posting. If it is 'I should be able to be wherever I choose, thank you!', or 'i just love being in chats with diverse groups, I 'm not thinking about it that way' I'd like to know too.

But mostly, black women, how do you feel about it?

Like I say, I'm cool about it, I just don't get it. If there were a Trans Mumsnetters, or Asian Mumsnetters, or LGBT Mumsnetters, or Young Mumsnetters, I wouldn't feel any sort of compulsion to post, I'm black straight and over 30. My children's partner is from a different ethnic group to me and if there were a group for mumsnetters from that community, again, I wouldn't feel any sort of need to post.

Anyway, on this I am truly musing.

Ta!

OP posts:
GeidiPrimes · 19/12/2020 13:47

Considering the space was created for black Mners, I think it only civilised and polite for me not to post here, (apart from today as it was invited) as I don't fit the criteria and live in a white-centric society where I never had to even give a thought to the colour of my skin.

Is it any different to me stating that I do not wish to share some spaces with men, and a load of blokes insisting that I do? Even if some women don't mind?

TellItToTheStars · 19/12/2020 13:54

@GeidiPrimes i understand you will not feel comfortable to post but do you lurk or are the topics of no interest?

Plussizejumpsuit · 19/12/2020 13:56

I saw this in active threads the only place I look at posts. So if imagine people are commenting not looking at the topic.

GeidiPrimes · 19/12/2020 14:08

The topics are definitely of interest Tell, the receipt one was an eye opener. I don't post because the board was set up as a place for black MNers to share their lived experiences. I ain't going to barge in with mine.

Do you not think people are entitled to safe spaces if they ask for them? Or what about if you offered somebody a cup of tea and they declined would you try to force it upon them?

Quaagars · 19/12/2020 15:48

i'm really interested in their contribution to black topics as it can help me understand other races better

So am I, but can't we do that by reading and learning, rather than expecting everyone to explain things to us, or with our experiences?
People wanted a board to share their lived experiences, they've got one, it's a bit rude to demand to be educated or whatever!

TellItToTheStars · 19/12/2020 16:33

To me a "safe space" is defined as a platform where black topics can be discussed...it doesn't necessarily mean that only blacks should contribute to the discussion. Black topics on a general MN thread would tend to get lost and not gather much of a response however the BMN creates opportunity for this. Again, to me this does not mean only blacks can contribute

1Micem0use · 19/12/2020 17:02

I've got a white and black child. I've not posted (until now as asked) but I've lurked for Caribbean food recipes. As it's part of his culture, so I want to learn how cook him food from his father's island

june2007 · 19/12/2020 18:44

Stsndrewschool you get my point. I am saying I wuld hopr I could come and get advice or learn from others.

DeeCeeCherry · 20/12/2020 04:34

I can remember the disgusting racism that led to this section being created. & Previous to that all the goady 'Im not racist, but' posts.

It got to a point where MN Admin couldn't ignore it, and they rightly did something about it.

If a White Woman has a query about how to do her Mixed Race child's hair, I feel ok-ish about that. Although there's lots of info out there anyway on that, isn't there? Including YouTube clips.

But anything else - Just, No. If you've ever seen the meme going round with an image of 3 White people instantly poking their head round the door whenever and wherever they think a Black person may be speaking - that meme sums it up for me. It's wearing at the best of times.

CorianderQueen · 20/12/2020 10:11

@TellItToTheStars

To me a "safe space" is defined as a platform where black topics can be discussed...it doesn't necessarily mean that only blacks should contribute to the discussion. Black topics on a general MN thread would tend to get lost and not gather much of a response however the BMN creates opportunity for this. Again, to me this does not mean only blacks can contribute
Excuse me but 'blacks'??? Can you please say 'black people'?
Starseeking · 20/12/2020 10:59

Excuse me but 'blacks'??? Can you please say 'black people'?

Thank you @CorianderQueen I thought it was just me who dislikes being referred to as a colour only! Personally, I find it quite disrespectful when I see/hear it.

Plussizejumpsuit · 20/12/2020 11:04

@Starseeking

Excuse me but 'blacks'??? Can you please say 'black people'?

Thank you @CorianderQueen I thought it was just me who dislikes being referred to as a colour only! Personally, I find it quite disrespectful when I see/hear it.

Jesus christ! I thought this was a clear no! It's awful!
Starseeking · 20/12/2020 11:10

Some Black people don't have a problem with it, as I'm sure the poster who originally wrote it will be along soon to tell you.

It may also be a cultural thing; in the UK, it's generally considered unacceptable, where the poster who wrote it is originally from, it may be ok. I have a Nigerian colleague who is always talking about 'Blacks', and I cringe every time I hear it. I have told him it's not commonly used here, but he says he forgets because in his culture it's fine 🤷🏿‍♀️

Littleyell · 20/12/2020 11:43

@june2007

Stsndrewschool you get my point. I am saying I wuld hopr I could come and get advice or learn from others.
The majority are not just learning and reading. You are actually commenting though. That’s the difference even if you read as a white person that will not enable you to know how to manage Afro hair. Your example was that you have washed Afro hair..... trying to imply you know the journey and the struggle. I’m sorry but it doesn’t entitle you at all.
Phoenix21 · 20/12/2020 12:11

@Starseeking

Excuse me but 'blacks'??? Can you please say 'black people'?

Thank you @CorianderQueen I thought it was just me who dislikes being referred to as a colour only! Personally, I find it quite disrespectful when I see/hear it.

Yep I find it quite dehumanising to refer to any race by their colour only.
june2007 · 20/12/2020 13:03

Erm how has sayng I have washed mixed race or black peoples hair say I understand anyones struggle??? I am simply saying this is an example where I may like to go on to the forum and actually get advice from
afro/caribean people about hair care. It,s not about entitlement.

Littleyell · 20/12/2020 13:29

@june2007 you don’t need to comment on everything. There’s a reason why this space was created in the first place. Some things you won’t understand and this is ok. You don’t need to add... you have BAME relatives. And who’s hair you have washed because that’s not what OPs was about Blush

Starseeking · 20/12/2020 14:17

@june2007

Erm how has sayng I have washed mixed race or black peoples hair say I understand anyones struggle??? I am simply saying this is an example where I may like to go on to the forum and actually get advice from afro/caribean people about hair care. It,s not about entitlement.

I'm not sure what you thought it would add to any thread to mention that you've washed Black and mixed hair??? This is exactly the type of comment that's completely unnecessary in BMN.

Also, if you really do want to learn how to do Afro hair, there's the whole World Wide Web (www) for that. BMN aren't in this space to teach you anything.

june2007 · 20/12/2020 14:19

I am simply saying a white person may want to come on here to get knowedge or a pespective from a black person. (Hair care was an example.)

june2007 · 20/12/2020 14:20

And what if someone wants to know about black authers, they can google that too. Or west indian recipes. Or are you only allowed to ask if your black?

Starseeking · 20/12/2020 14:24

@june2007

I am simply saying a white person may want to come on here to get knowedge or a pespective from a black person. (Hair care was an example.)

My understanding is that that's not what this section is for. I certainly wouldn't be responding to any posts from a white woman asking for a Black woman's perspective on x topic, as I don't consider this to be a space for centreing issues raised by white women. You've got the whole rest of MN for that! You might find other Black women who would though 🤷🏿‍♀️

Littleyell · 20/12/2020 14:29

@june2007

And what if someone wants to know about black authers, they can google that too. Or west indian recipes. Or are you only allowed to ask if your black?
Yes!!! You have got it in one. Let me bold here (in the nicest way). There’s hair topics on here (clearly your not interested in hair) also there’s food topics. You can read info without commenting if you want to learn.

We are trying to relate to one and other here. We are not here to teach others (races) necessarily that’s NOT the main aim!

Like you said... you can google or go and ask your “BAME relatives”

Phoenix21 · 20/12/2020 15:28

I don’t have an issue with what @june2007 is asking and I’m not sure I understand why others do?

If I wanted to ask where to stay in Dublin I’d ask craicsnet. What’s the issue?

It’s the having an opinion that’s the issue, I.e posting on lone parents to sympathise because your DH is working away. That can go in general chat.

Standrewsschool · 20/12/2020 15:30

With all due respects, all the subjects covered such as food, education, style and beauty could be covered in other sections of mn, or the Internet. Posters, such as June, who genuinely want to fins out more about the black community should be encouraged, not discouraged from posting in this section.

Phoenix21 · 20/12/2020 15:34

@june2007

I have had to washed and care for other peoples Afro hair. And as I have done various caring/personal care jobs it,s not unlikely I will in the future so knowing about caring for different types of hair is useful.
I read this as @june2007 being a carer or something.

I don’t see any issue with a post: ‘I work in an elderly care home, I’m tasked with washing an elderly woman’s Afro hair, but its a bit dry does anyone have some tips?’

Or

‘I care for an elderly Caribbean couple who have asked me to get some breadfruit. Where’s best?’