The PESH deli for those who are realising there are real live baybees at the end of this.

[rots]

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, Bay Amaryllis born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8

UPDIFFED
CUNextTuesday, takes no shit from the Daily Mail, due June 28
IggyPiggy, The one who loves BUMSEX, due July 20
CurlyCasper, hospital botherer due July 21 (girl)
Skihorse, cradle snatching web geek, due July 22 (boy)
Carrots, organic hippy hunter, due July 25 (boy)
Cosmosis, the one that likes a good ride, due August 22
backinthebox, she bought a racehorse, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September ??
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
silversky, the biggest farter, due 21 October (first baybee)
Honeymoo, no it's not fucking indigestion, due November 2 (boy)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November 14
ReginaMonologue, big pants, 5* hotels, Bridget Jones due November 20
maswera, jungle hottie - due November (???)
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25

Cunty I haz the fear. You are clearly in a take-no-prisoners-don't-mess-with-me state of mind.

Can I ask a really early pregnancy question? Huh? Can I? I am knackered, my lower back hurts and I have terrible runs. Are these actually pregnancy symptoms or are they all in my head? Because I'm, like, two days pregnant and it seems a bit mad that things are hurty...

Definitely preg symptoms, definitely. Had all of those. Hormones cause the squits, the tiredness and the lower back pain can either be stress/worry, or the cramping associated with implantation and settling in of BOC. Fear not young camel. You are normal.

cunty Don't talk to me about loose change scattered all over the bedroom. Jailbait is still dropping fucking Norwegian Krone on the floor when he comes to bed. We got back from Norway in February 2009! Cunting bastards. Having told him what you said up there about hom he said "no wonder he's scared to come to bed." I've slapped him on your behalf. He's also put forward a theory that they come to bed noisily otherwise we're snoring so loud they can't get to sleep. I don't believe that though.

drom Poos & farts? Totally normal. Poos is lots of progesterone.

I'm nice to him when he comes to bed at the same time as me!! Cos I feel loved and special and attractive. When he can't be arsed to come to bed at the same time as me for some 'special bonding' it makes me feel shit and unattractive. I think it's the simplest equation in history - keep your lass happy and she will keep you happy, piss her off and expect unpleasant consequences.

Ah, the progesterone poo - how I miss that! Ran out of All-Bran in the week and now am poo-filled. Camel - could the lower back pain be due to fear itself? All sounds v normal to me. I had worse period cramps in the first 12 weeks than I have done with periods for years, ironically. And those always turn my poo runny (TMI?)

On contraception - I'm balancing having taken a year to conceive #1 with my abject fear of having two children in nappies to deal with. But I still can't think about post-Clint secks. Condoms for a while probably.

Ski TSF is a total git! The number of times he's made me dinner, washed up and hung out the laundry when I've been lying on the sofa, pointing at the bump and snarling "I'm BUSY!!"... Poor little love. I read "Babyproofing Your Marriage" and apparently it's only going to get worse - they talk of putting a battle face on for the first 3 months and forgiving each other in advance for the hell. Argh. Book is great but it utterly terrifies me each time I pick it up. Though I do like the story of the parents of a 3week old who nipped to Blockbusters to get a dvd totally forgetting they'd had a baby.

TSF sometimes doesn't come to bed immediately when I call down that I'm out of the bathroon. And...AND...then I can hear him laughing at some comedy on the telly..... He knows I can't sleep without him there. How very dare he? And neglecting his first child like that!

(Clearly you lot are less high maintenance than me....)

@ 'I'm BUSY'

I too have used "I'm BUSY !".

I just wanted to say though that despite all of our arguments & gripes with our men we all seem to be doing pretty well. Whilst TTC I was on other boards and it was not uncommon at all for men to just fuck off before the 12 week scan declaring that it "wasn't for them". Afaik all of us have trapped ours in to a state of fear and they're now too scared to leave. Bravo us!

VAG But two in nappies has to be easier than one in nappies and one half toilet trained and having 'accidents' all day long. A friend pushed her daughter to toilet train before she was ready and is now tearing her hair out with the ongoing battle of wills. Personally I'm staying with the nappies until she's pleading with me in perfectly written prose to let her use the loo.

And look - how can these men not know that when we are hormonal, angry, and fat, with zero chance of providing any affection, them not coming to the marital bed all loving and sweet at just the right time is a completely unreasonable response?

(But yes, ski, I agree our lot are actually doing pretty well.)

Thing is though, I have no objection to a bit of chick-a-boom-boom, and he's aware of that, and also he's quite a highly sexed individual, so this not coming to bed at the same time feels basically like a big fat snub. I can't believe the telly and the sofa are more enticing... or maybe I'm just kidding myself

I think you're being a bit harsh on yourself right now. But he has no right to deny you a shag if you want one. In fact, you should probably demand one - and as the man who got you into "this state" it is in fact his duty.

Dromelina I have had really weird lower back pains, at what point it all went numb. Not had the runs, but I have been pooing a lot (nice). And feeling a bit queasy at times, although that's settled down (trying not to worry about that).

I have a 6 week scan booked for 5 July. Which is rather scary. GP was a bit useless on that score so I referred myself back to my old EPU. They booked me in straight away and said my GP was an idiot.

Drom the tiredness was a big symptom for me right from the word go, and didn't really ease until after 12 weeks. I was absolutely buggered most of the time... quite shiverry too and couldnt get warm. Dont really remember pooing details but could have well have been...i tend to be like clockwork in that department!!!! NICE.

Muser what a twat of a GP. I would have scans as often as you want or need to. I had 2 before 12 weeks and really needed them for my sanity. You have a particularly good reason, so even if you end up having to pay for one its 100 squid well spent. I'm sure you will be a-ok lovely, try to relax a bit and enjoy the beginning, cos if you're anything like me you'll be feeling queasy as hell in a few weeks time!!! Easier said than done i know.

BAck home from pitch and I am totally fucked. No voice, hacking cough and cold and in bed with hello and bottle of lucozade (is that bad?). I'm too strung out after working til midnight and up at 4.30am to sleep. Was a stressful morning. I was actually running from floor to floor trying to get shit done and hold onto my poor growing kicking bump. I suspect the stress hormones may not have done the monkey much good. Need to chill now and get well.

boxer You might like this: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/990437-I-39-m-not-against-working-Mums-but-this-is OP suggests (about 100 posts in) that air hostesses, business people, etc. should not have children. Won't somebody think of the children? Basically women should not leave the marital home.

drom, as per honey I was exhausted, I slept 12+ hours a day in that first trimester. In fact over christmas holidays I think I just slept & shivered. I didn't realise at the time but jailbait was peeling off clothes during the snow as I had the heating cranked up so high - yet I was frozen.

muser Is there another EPU you can go to and demand the "scan this bitch" thing?

honey Shot of vodka in the lucozade should ease those cortisol (?) levels.

I need to write a handover but cannot be arsed. I am on "duty" for approx one more hour and really ought to make some form of effort.

Ski I particularly liked when the OP said she should concentrate on being a wife and mother.

I think the OP is my Mum.

fanjo - la la laaaaa re potty-training Probably not the time to be thinking of this when I can't get my head round even one set of nappies. (Reminds me, rots, will chat on other place v soon re this, sorry am crap)

Someone told me recently that the French think the Brits are v strange having kids so close together and that 3-4yrs is the norm there.

Too right, who's going to cook the dinner and wipe up sick if the woman's off travelling the world? How unreasonable! ;)

I can sort of see why you might not want to be away for big blocks at a time, but I suppose if one of you is at home then it's just managing childcare between you surely?

VAG Hmmn. I don't have the luxury of waiting 3 years to TTC again! Not if I don't want to end up in Eastern Europe buying eggs and paying a surrogate in Bangalore for me. I'm going to have to push them out in quick succession!

The scan is booked ski and honeymoo. I said the GP was useless so I had to refer myself to the EPU.

Not willing to go private honeymoo as this isn't just a reassurance scan. Having one ectopic puts you at a much greater risk of having another ectopic. I was told I had to have the 6 week scan to rule out. So not reassurance, but "let's rule out something that might possibly kill you".

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/990303-What-is-a-quot-middle-class-lifestyle-quot-then

This made me laugh. Someone string me up quick, I shop at Waitrose and EVERYTHING.

Hurrah for scans Muser...and you are quite right, the NHS should be funding them if they are monitoring your health.

(NHS are sometimes wonderful and sometimes so crap and annoying: grandmother is in hospital, conference last week with drs, social & my mum to see what should be next step, was agreed she needed 24hr care going forward and would stay in hospital until this was in place. This week, drs have decided she's fit to go home.....despite lack of care package in place/only daughter living 300miles away. She'll be in again within a week. All v frustrating & stressful for mum.)

Ski - I know what you mean, I just can't really work out what's for the best for us/bring myself to buy a buggy that can be doubled etc. Need to get this one out and going before think about it - I am quite crap at forward thinking. I still can't really imagine having one let alone plan ahead for two.

I haz just finished work huzzzah! Oh shite, now I have to lay a baybee.

Hooray Ski! Great time of year to be putting your feet up for a couple of weeks I reckon. Sure Julian will let you rest up before he jazz-hands his way out.

I can't believe it's all come round already - babies and ML everywhere here atm. All becoming too real.......

FP One of the women at toddler group this morning confessed she refused to deal with potty training with her older one for the reasons you stated, and then one day an assistant at pre-school told her that the older daughter (2.10) had told her very clearly 'Mummy is holding me back with my potty training. I can't bear wearing these nappies!' She put her in knickers that day and she never had any more trouble. If DD thinks she is playing that card she can think again as I just bought a whole mountain of 'feel and learn' nappies at Sainbo's on half price.

Ski is this tit-for-tat? You know I can't resists going for a quick peek. And then I'll have to say something.

Moo the best roster in the world is the one that goes; Day 1, fly to Bahamas; day 2, child free lie-in then rum on beach on day off in Bahamas, day 3, fly home. Repeat till you exceed 9 days - job done! And that really is all I do! (Of course we won't mention the white knuckles at 3am in a thunderstorm, but every job has it's downsides.) If I can't manage the Bahamas, I don't mind most African destinations - I get 2 days off there, or maybe Rome or Nice. Or Tel Aviv - mmmmm, Manta Ray restaurant! Honestly, I go to work, get to chill a bit, come home and have an absolute minimum of 20 days a month off. And for this I get paid twice the average UK wage - for a third of the work. Why the fuck should I be thinking about a different job?

As for the noisy men - you think it's bad now, just wait! OH wants to know why DD gets up at 6.45am on the dot, even when he is not at work. It's because he could not creep around quietly in the morning to save his life, and 5 days a week of 6.45 wake ups means DD thinks that's the normal time to get up on weekends too.

PS I must have damaged my baby for life with the aqmount of ginger biscuits I eat - sometimes washed down with Coke!