The PESH deli for those who are realising there are real live baybees at the end of this.

[rots]

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, Bay Amaryllis born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8

UPDIFFED
CUNextTuesday, takes no shit from the Daily Mail, due June 28
IggyPiggy, The one who loves BUMSEX, due July 20
CurlyCasper, hospital botherer due July 21 (girl)
Skihorse, cradle snatching web geek, due July 22 (boy)
Carrots, organic hippy hunter, due July 25 (boy)
Cosmosis, the one that likes a good ride, due August 22
backinthebox, she bought a racehorse, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September ??
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
silversky, the biggest farter, due 21 October (first baybee)
Honeymoo, no it's not fucking indigestion, due November 2 (boy)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November 14
ReginaMonologue, big pants, 5* hotels, Bridget Jones due November 20
maswera, jungle hottie - due November (???)
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25

ha ha ha I think Artie has been having kick boxking lessons!!!!

Morning folks,

Football was utter shiz last night. I went with Husband to the pub which was good as got to catch up with a mate. Getting peeved about being the designated driver or should I say it's always assumed.

Lots to do today but cannae be bovvered. House needs cleaning, got so much washing to do plus general tidying. Not to mention need to cook something for a BBQ tmw. Any suggestions on very very easy puds? I already have a lemon and some bananas in the house if I could magic something out of that.

Got to pop out and get the dawg some meat as we iz running low.

So one final q- when is best to start mat leave? Do I work til week before due date or us that too late?

Morning all.... I been up for hours (long story) and walked dogs (we have a spare one staying with us) and am now playing on internet.

reg we need more info re: ginger baybee - aunts/ uncles/ siblings/ parent/ grandparent etc... But is not sounding very likely on the info you did give!

silver I have just started my mat leave and is 4 weeks before due date... partly cos I had annual leave to use up (so official Mat leave start is 2 weeks before) and partly cos I was thinking I would be too hot and fat by now - although am actually ok. I think alot of people stop work round 36 / 37 weeks?

re: dessert - lemon cheesecake - there is a recipe on MN - it requires no cooking or effort at all... and is v. quick and easy. I made one the other day and covered it with raspberries and blueberries - fresh fruit covering is v. good - the crumbled flake was rubbish when I tried that.

or - buy some fresh fruit - berries of some description - then slice and put in ramekin things. Cover with Mascarpone - then put some golden brown granulated sugar on top. Leave in Fridge. when ready to eat them you can either stick them under grill until sugar bubbles - and then take them out and eat. Or - more flashily - use one of those mini blow torch things to create same effect.

cas fanks re: raspberry leaf... am wary as was warned not to by hippo woman... but will ask the doc... am guessing am supposed to start drinking now if I want to... no idea about leaking tits - but mine must surely do this soon?!

ski keep food by bed! So sorry you still vomming.

cos they seem to get more violent by the day

morning crazy up-early ladies silver and iggy.

Welcome to a few weeks of leisure iggy! I am finding that I was right to stop work really early - but then, as we all know, my body is rubbish. Glad you are still feeling good and very envious that you are still able to get up early and walk two dogs!

silver I had six weeks' annual leave to use up, so finished at the end of May. My official maternity leave starts about a week before the baby is due. I could have worked later and tagged the leave onto the end of my 10 months off, but I needed the rest. I'm currently managing a few chores each day but otherwise having long baths and naps and finding other ways to relax and prepare for childbirth (practising breathing, relaxation, hypno stuff, perineal massage and so on). I do not regret stopping early one bit. But then, I am hoping baby will be here in about two weeks' time instead of six

SFF goes back to work tomorrow, having been off for most of my leave so far (granted he was abroad for the first half) so I might go and see if he fancies doing something holiday/day out-ish together... (he'll probably say he wants to stay in bed).

I have two weeks hols to use up so I could tag that on. There is stuff happening at work first week of Oct that I am involved in but I am entitled to start my mat leave when appropriate for me so I may think bugger it and go then. Also it takes me soooooooooo long to do anything cos I am lazy laidback that I may need that extra time to sort things out.

Eg this am since getting out of bed all I have done is a v quick wash in the w/m and have put and have now put a proper load on. Dishwasher needs emptying plus so much other stuff and what am I doing? Sitting on sofa in pj's watching Sky+ whilst ignoring the jobs that need doing. Did I mention the three slices of toast and malt loaf that I have scoffed?

Thanks for the mat leave advice!

iggs how easy is cheesecake to make? Does it have raw egg in it or is it a recipe without egg

silver For my company (and possibly Dutch law) I needed to stop at officially 36 weeks, which by a touch of jiggery pokery - i.e., my actual size/dates versus the midwife's wheel-of-fortune means next Friday - even though I've been told to expect him from July 16th - so more like 3 weeks to wait. Like iggy, I thought I'd be suffering by now, I thought I'd be too hot & immobile and that I'd not be able to get my seatbelt done up. Yes, I do get hot - but I've been working from home more often than not and the driving hasn't proved problematic at all - and tbh I thought I'd be waddling to the station by now. I know you can work until "the very end" - but I think the idea of having at least a week or two at home first sounds good. One of my colleagues finished up on the friday last year (worked late) and went in to labour early on the monday morning at 3am - baby laid by c-section by 10am - so her "relaxation" time came to all of sat + sun before her life changed forever. In some ways it was great - she got to spend more time with her little boy - but she says she wasn't quite ready and would've liked to have "nested" first. Also, like curly I'm hoping that the boy comes a little early rather than later - you know... 7th July would also be fine with me.

iggy Unfortunately the pukees can come any time of day and I'm still waking to leg it to the toilet. I thought I'd got away with it yesterday morning as the Weetabix went dodwn... Little shoite and as curly says I've got years to wreak my revenge. I'm thinking "naked photos" or the "3D photo of his balls" when his first girl/boyfriend comes to visit.

boxer I've put a fiver on the puking being over by August...

okie I think that's really good news about work - I think things are going to be difficult enough over the next year without you needing to worry about re-inserting yourself back in to a "new" working environment. You'll be able to handle anything that comes at you once you go back but it wouldn't be much fun going on ML knowing that you needed to start scouring the job ads in x months. Or, maybe they held on to you because you're fucking brilliant?

silver Are you OK? You've sounded very down this week and I'm worried - you can always bend our ears in the other place or by email if you prefer. We're not all bastards.

Artie - What if it's a girl? Maybe it's doing a Lord of the Dance thing? Which I'd say is a pretty good indicator of ginger-ness.

iggy Do you have any possible claims for a ginger baybee or is it just not going to happen?

Where is the VAG? I know she went on holiday but she must be due back by now.

I ain't no bastard innit

caspy I agree on the M&S stretchy vests for boob leakage. I hate wearing anything tight, and these are just snug enough to keep the pads in place without having to resort to a bra in bed.

I have great need for the boob pads at the moment, as I am now a Fembot. But instead of bullets like Liz Hurley it's milk jetting out of my weaponry.

How exciting about ginhag! Come on in!

Boy is doing well. We had a worrying moment a couple of nights ago when he had trouble breathing (fairly common for c-section babies) but it got really bad and he was choking and sneezing up big gobs of phlegm. Phoned NHS Direct and they said take him straight to A&E! Confession: we didn't. We talked about it and looked at the logistics of getting to the hospital (1 hour drive) with boy, me (as breasts needed on call), MrP as I can't drive atm, and girl as obv can't leave her alone. Decided to phone the after hours GP for a second opinion. (Yes, the headlines were flashing in front of my eyes "Parents ignore NHS advice to take week old baby to A&E".) But thankfully GP said we just needed to monitor him through the night and keep him upright to help the breathing. So the last 3 nights we have taken turns sitting up and holding him in 2 hour shifts. Yes, I am tired. But hopefully he'll be breathing more confidently soon and we'll all get a bit more sleep.

Probably sounds awful but actually it's fine, and he's a very easy baby other than this.

ski Hmm.. fascinated by the post natal PESH possibilities. I have wondered what our fate is from here on. I'm liking the Forever FESH moniker. All I had thought of up until now is MESH - as in Maternal, but that's very dull compared. When will there be enough of a critical mass? In the mean time should I keep hanging out here with my baby talk, or is that a bit of a no-no?

You're a resident fanny, you have a secure tenure

(besides you are one of the Fonts of All knowledge and thus must stay to give us first timers a hand)

fanny I think you made a sensible call there - NHS direct are notorious for diagnosing "immediate death" and advising you call an ambulance. Discretion is needed.

What does the F in FESH stand for?

ski I have had better weeks tbh. Cos effing fb changed the way they do things again i can't access t'other place no more. My week has improved tho however my comedy boobs have not and are getting me down. Husband says that they are now expanding out under my arms. Oh great! I need another new bra and am contemplating going to Big Nork shop in Ealingshire.

I may take leave from beg October and if I am feeling wonderful then it's a bonus and if I am feeling rubbish then I will be pleased to have wrapped up work early. That theory works for me.

Must visit BESH palace to snoop politely enquire about ginhag's bun in the oven. Pray tell it's trooooooooooooo !

Plz to be joining me in a few minutes sit down before tackling the rest of the kitchen. Husband is like a freaking whirlwind, in and out in the blink of an eye and leaves the place looking like a bombs hit it. Can't imagine life without him - erm yes I could, the house would be tidier! Let's hope this is a baby girl !

OK, I am an unashamed snob. But I am shocked - shocked! - at a recent addition to our little village.

How can I describe this? The new people across the road have just installed a giant 12 foot high shiny steel statue of Pegasus on the hill above their pony paddock. It is up on top of a high brick plinth and must have a 15 foot wing span. This is in a small village of tasteful stone cottages with carefully trimmed roses, where the previously most outre decoration was some ill-judged wind chimes.

I wish I could upload a photo of dear Pegasus but I'm afraid they will see me if I try to take one. It really has to be seen to be believed. Am I wrong to judge this taste violation?

Jeez tis not the statue pinched from Addington is it ? I fink that is bronze doh.

fp thank goodness the little fella is ok.

I'm now spotting a small amount of brown stuff and cramping - not looking good really. I think this pregnancy is doomed. There probably isn't any point in going to to the EPU is there? I'm only 4 weeks so they wouldn't be able to see anything would they?

FP thanks god the wee man is OK. Sounds a bit worrying but seems you have it all under control. The statue sound well naff!

Silver i worked til 12 days before last time and he was 8 days late so had neearly weeks off. I wouldn't suggest it TBH - I was just "lucky" I had that week longer. If I was doing it for the first time again I would finish at 37ish weeks and I would sleep, read, watch tv, sleep, have a massage, get nails done and catch up with friends and errrr sleep. They say you can't store sleep up but I would have a bloody good go!

Twinkle sorry to hearing about the brown stuff. I am not really sure what to say really. However, I am all for the EPU trip if only for advice one way or another.

So, for the first time in about 8 months I got covered in vomit tonight. The wee man has a cough and while getting him ready for bed after his bath he coughed so much he chucked up, a lot and all over me, himslef and the carpet. I was covered in mango and spagetti - nice. We both had another bath. Thankfully I was not on my own!

I should reread before I send non?

twink could the spotting and cramps be implantation?Really hope so.

I have caught Husband's cold. Well first stages. My throat is sore. I am quaffing oj in an attempt to fightthe demon bugs. Really don't need to be sick this week as I have got so much on with work that I can't get out of delegate.

Had bit of melt down last night, think to do with hormones, illness starting, spending day on my own and spending the afternoon asleep on the sofa. Husband prescribed early night, so I was packed off to bed at 830 and be stayed up to enjoy complete tv remote freedom. It's a man's world alright.

Debating whether to go to BBQ today or skip it. Dilemma dilemma.

Twinkle fingers crossed for you... is it still going today? That sounds seriously shit. Sorry lovely, really really hope it is just a bit of spotting.

Okie mango and spaghetti?!! Makes me want to barf just thinking about it!

Silver don't worry I have hormonal rages/blubberfests quite alot. Sounds like you are under the weather. Lots of hot fresh lemon, honey and paracetamol. Followed by duvet and box set of Friends/SATC/Horse of the year show. DO NOT GO TO BBQ - get well.

Is Ginhag up der duff? Will go and investigate...

Mr Moo got his first fathers day card from doggy and mini moo this morning in bed with 2 sets of socks (ha ha start as you mean to go on!). Followed by bacon sandwich and nice coffee that I normally can't be arsed to make. Wot a nice wifey am I? He'll be expecting a shag next.

Twinkle - is it when your period would have been due?

I had a very light period last just before I tested (I only tested because it was so unusual for me to have a light period) - alongside awful period pains.

My sis had her first 2 periods on cue (although light) so didn't know she was up the duff with my niece until she was nearly 3 months...

just a thought X

honey You is proper Stepford - jailbait is bitching he only got the shag - so I offered to get him the socks tomorrow. He pulled a face. Ungrateful twat!

silver I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling crappy but I totally agree with honey, fuck the BBQ, it's only charred meat. Get your feet up, get the tissues (there will be weeping), the snacks, the fizzy drinks - token smoothie for "health" reasons, a blanket to snuggle under and relax for the afternoon. The "F" btw would be "forever", we'll have passed through Barren, passed through Pregnant but are Forever Evil Selfish Hags. Having a baybee won't make us any less repulsive.

fanny Take the damned photo - if you put a monstrosity such as that on your land you've got to expect people to take a look. They'll assume you're admiring it!

twinkle We've had lots here had implantation spotting, carrots for sure and I'm thinking maybe curly too? In addition to salty's sis, our very own skatergirl jumped the PESH cue by 8 weeks because she'd had two "normal" periods ! I think most of us have had cramps to some degree or other when the droid was due. I certainly did.

Yes, period was due on Friday or Saturday. If it was just the spotting I wouldn't be as concerned but the cramping was quite bad. Still spotting today. Am taking my daughter to a kids party this morning so have to put brave face on and be jolly but at least i'll get to gorge myself on cake and other junkalicious things! Thanks for your thoughts and well wishes. Probably will be away for a few days while I wait to see what happens.

Poo, that sounds horrible. I'm sure the kids party will take your mind off.

Salty did I completely miss the updiffed congratulations??!! Not sure I have done nekkid dancing for you.

salty Sorry, I missed the naked dancing - how about a flash of an ankle as opposed to a cankle?

iggy I haz read in book this morning that engagement in first baybeez means birth = 2-4 weeks away.

ski mine has def disengaged think s/he was showing off for the doctor... I am no longer needing the loo continually and don't feel the pressure low down anymore.. but maybe you will be right and 2.4 weeks away would be good

re: ginger - is not poss... no ginger on either side that anyone can remember... but it will be a bit greek if that helps

silver recipe for cheesecake - no raw egg.. just biscuits, butter, cream cheese and condensed milk... and fresh fruit on top - also lemons inside...

I did not know gin has news must go visit the BESH fred!!!

And here I thought the symptom spotting was supposed to end when we knew we were updiffed - I have been interpreting bodily activities as signs of impending labour {hopeful?} so far we have a new colour of pant snot and a big swing from constipated to the polar opposite, without medical intervention. Not much really...

twinks if you are still around, I did indeed have an implantation bleed at about five or so weeks. GP wasn't concerned at all. Hope the next few days bring more clarity and confidence. I'm sure you only need to worry if it's bright red.

at the ankles ski! fanny, a bit late, I know, but so glad the wee man is ok and you didn't have to make the A&E dash. hope he's brighter today and you are able to destress!

Hope Rastus is sticking in there, cunty. Doula will be home soon, no?

Had a lovely day out yesterday. Touristy stuff, lunch and shopping. Bit sore from wandering around though. Gazed at beautiful things in M&Ps and had to resist a serious urge to buy a new pair of Oakleys. I have sporty ones, these would have been more "fashion". But I was a good girl and held on to my pennies for da baby.