10/10 Chats - Over Halfway There

[AbFabT]

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Thanks, love the idea of the policemans helmet Just managed to go!

Well done Tyson!! You brave thing, ten hours though. That must have been agony.

I'm going to talk to my friend re the Bridesmaid issue, I'm not feeling at all comfortable and the thought of the day just makes me want to cry. I'm going to ask if she'll mind if I take a step back.

I have spoken with DH and MIL re the above, both have said that if I'm feeling this bad then I should really talk to her about it.

It's not just the dress really, I'm just feeling uncomfortable in myself at the mo and the thought of being on display in front of lots of people is making me feel really upset. I thought it was just the fact that the other dress didn't fit, but it isn't I just feel really uncomfortable. I'm really hoping she'll be understanding.

Abfab this woman sounds like a boss I had a few years ago, an absolute pain in the arse who questioned every decision I ever made and made me miserable... No silver lining I'm afraid, I ended up off with anxiety for a few months and then returned to sit it out for a few months until I managed a transfer to another dept. Simply explain to her that you will keep her informed of your every movemrnt in the future but that you believe that her attitude in the meeting was harassment and that you are unwilling to have any further meetings without a 3rd party there. Then bombard her in box with your activity every half hour in massive detail. Childish but somewhat satisfying!! I hope it all gets better soon!! If not then just go sick and look for something else when the time comes that you want to return to work.

oh god Abfab thats dreadful.You need to keep a record of what happened today. I used to write down everything that had happened and then email it to DH who then emailed it back to me. That way I could prove to work / tribunal / etc that I had made a contemporaneous note. I would do this this evening, and then in future do it almost as soon as you get back to your desk after an encounter like that. Say how it made you feel and if possible write word for word the things she said. Its quite cathartic too! I would also consider doing as dilly suggested and sending an email to her to 'clarify' that she really does want you to tell her every time you pop out. Doing this has a double impact as it provides more evidence for you and might (being hopeful here!) make her think again! Please don't put up with this for very long before speaking to personnel again.

hermya I think I understand what you are saying about not feeling comfortable. I have had days of feeling very self conscious about my figure (e.g. not wanting to go swimming even though I love it). Has taken me totally by surprise as I thought I would love looking pregnant as I wanted to be pregnant so much. I think you should talk to the bride as she will hopefully not want you to be uncomfortable. I had a pregnant bridesmaid and she had jitters and I always said I only wanted her to do it on the day if she was happy to do so. Don't know if it will help but when I was having a real confidence crisis I bought a new dress that I did love and liked my figure in and it really gave me a boost generally.

tyson wow at 10 hours without a wee! I sometimes have to go twice in 10 minutes (I do have a raging thirst at the minute though)

nymph I hope tonight hasn't been too exhausting

Tyson, phew! I so couldn't last 10 hours! How on earth did you manage???!

Hermya, I too totally understand, though I do want to say from the photos you posted, you look truly blooming and just gloriously pregnant. I mentioned before that I had SIL who was six-seven months pregnant as a BM at mine, and would not have wanted her to feel uncomfortable, so hope your bride friend is ok. I think my SIL looked marvellous on the day, really glowing and fab, as I think, are all pregnant ladies.

Thanks, mamjo and tf. I actually still feel livid. Do you think the GP will sign me off with work-related lividness instead of work-related stress? Is lividness a word? Lividity just sounds like I've been watching too much CSI!

I am actually minded to email the personnel manager tonight, while it is all fresh in my mind. She (personnel manager) is not in tomorrow though, but back Friday. I've also not felt my baby move this evening, and there's usually some wriggling going on at this time of day. I'm not worrying just yet, but it's really hit it home to me how delicate this little life inside me is, and I will not jeopardise that for anything, the stress can't be good for my baby at all. I agree, Mamjo, it was harassment. Just can't believe she took that approach on my first proper day back. I thought she'd be extra cautious. Did you mean I should tell micromanager woman all of my movements - as in, my toilet breaks!

I do not see why I should be subjected to her inadequacies as a manager. She needs training (or sacking!).

yes abfab that must be so tempting ...' just going to make a cup of tea' .... 'just going to the toilet' ... 'just going to the toilet again'. ... 'just off to grab a biscuit'... you could totally clog up her inbox, I wonder how long before she went off on work related stress

and yes hermya like abfab said, you look lovely in the dress (although I know its how you feel that matters), I actually really think other pregnant women look lovely generally, its just my own pregnant figure that I have wobbles about! Also don't worry about the stretchmarks, I had them on my breasts as a teenager and they soon faded to almost invisible, infact I almost quite like them in a strange way.

Somebody is having a laugh with me!!! Dislocated hip means I can't really move very quickly but the leg cramps keep having me jumping out of bed at 100 mph, this in turn just make the hip and the trapped nerve worse. Aaarrrrrggghhh!!

Sorry for self pity, but aaaaasrrrrggghhhh!

oooh mamjo that sounds awful!! I got my first bad leg cramps yesterday and like you say I had to jump out of bed to sort them, so can't imagine what that's like with your hip and trapped nerve

right need to do some work, I got so tired I had to go to bed this afternoon and slept for three hours, so now I need to do my work this evening, could be a long night...

Oh my word Mamjo get thee to a Doctor with print outs from the Pelvic Partnership website. You poor poor thing.

Thanks for all your messages, I've decided to ask to take a back seat bridesmaid wise. I've spoken to my friend, although it was a difficult conversation she was understanding. Feel horrid but I just couldn't do it, I was getting very upset at the thought of it .

Abfab My word!!! She is horrid! You know I'll be down your way soon, you want me to bring my spare shovel?? In all seriousness, keep a diary of whats being said to you, any incident no matter how small. Time your breaks and her response to them, keep every email and keep talking to your Docs. It may seem petty, but at the end of the day this is blatent bullying tatics. She also sounds very insecure about the whole thing, but I can't believe that you've cried in two meetings and they haven't offered to stop the process. If you need to, I would highly recomend citizens advice or an advocacy group if you feel your union isn't doing all it should.

Am now watching Road Wars on Sky3 with some nice fizzy stuff, makes me feel so much better.

Hey Seashells which Nordic country? I have nordic connections, too.

Can't find the mattress thread, will keep looking

Sorry about the birdesmaid dress, it's awful when you feel so self conscious.

Hope you all get a good night's sleep!!

Ow, mamjo, ow! Sounds very painful. Hope you feel better soon. Ow!!!

tf, hope you plough through the work and can have a nice sleep soon.

Hermya, it was the right thing for you - no point having an unhappy bridesmaid! Glad she was understanding.

When are you down my way?! If you are very close to my way, give me a shout and we can hook up!

Thanks for the offer re the shovel! I've just sent my personnel officer and the trade union rep an email - pretty much what I wrote above, but with more detail as relevant. I ended by saying I am not jeopardising my health or that of my unborn child for anything, which I hope hit home, and as such, will be going to my GP tomorrow and telling her all the above.
I agree, they should have stopped the meetings when they could see I was clearly distressed to the point of tears.
I also told them there should be a policy in place of giving training to new managers, not just hoisting them onto people, as the damage they can do can be seriously detrimental to someone's welfare.

I think she is insecure - she knows she doesn't deserve the pay grade, it's basically been a shag-your-way-to-the-top promotion, which must also be a bit embarrassing as everyone knows it! She knows she doesn't have the skills, and her way of achieving power is to undermine and bully me.

Abfab I'm there the last week in July and will be Bromley area. Oooooo she slept her way to the top, how bad is that!! It sounds like you're doing everything by the book though. She does sound insecure and her way of establishing her leadership is to over manage people. We had someone who recently got promoted at work (not that attractive to sleep his way to the top though) and he literally had to have his say on everything his team did. It drove everyone round the bend, but he's had another co-team leader put in place alongside him to help him along. I have to say in terms of work, apart from one or two niggles they've mostly been really good with me. Mind you in my opinion my team leaders are the best in the whole place and I really lucked out with them both.

Would you believe that my company still won't give me a parking space? 27 weeks pg, probable SPD, and was carried out of there on a stretcher with gas and air with a dislocated hip.....ridiculous that they still want me to walk to work. why are people so inflexible? It's not forever just 10 more weeks when my maternity starts (roll on)

Anyway have a good day ladies!!! Chin up abfab you are another day closer to maternity!!

Hermya, Bromley isn't mega-close to me, but if you are free, let me know and I'll see what we can do!
I'm off to my GP this morning, hope she continues to be supportive. Glad you have a decent workplace, Hermya.
@ mamjo not getting a parking space! And after the stretcher incident! That is madness. Keep pushing them!

Can't comment on everything, on my phone & short term memory not great plus thread is getting too long for my phone.

Twitchy legs & arms all night not had much sleep. Baby kept going until about 10:30 ( at least as that's when I first went to sleep) everytime I woke they were awake though.

Dh tried singing lullabies to my bump but it got more hyper!

Morning all,

I've read as much as I can to catch up! Mamjo- ouch for your hip! How awful. Get a doctors note stating you need to drive and be able to park close to work. Numpties.

AbFabT- what a rubbish time you are having. When Micromanager (I am imagining a really small person...)asks for details of when you will be going on a break- ask her to request this in writing. You then have an audit trail and she looks like a tit. Esp if you then copy in HR on her stuff. Also, was the meeting you were in minuted? If not- minute it and tell all personnel that Micromanager would like to know exact details of when people are going to be away from their desks and move the issue beyond just her picking on you- unless you're the only one reporting to her?

The other thing I've learnt over the years with micromanagers is to over inform them. It takes a little effort, but you can have some fun doing it. Tell them EVERY little thing that you're doing, twice a day- copy them in on all emails. Write emails detailing phone conversations, actions, updates, the lot. In my experience, they tend to get overwhelmed within a week, and start to filter what they need! she sounds like an extreme case, so it may take a couple of weeks and you may well break her, but hey ho!!!

My meeting in Scotland actually went ok- everyone thought that my chairing of it meant that loads of issues that have been dragging on are now being resolved so we'll see!

Off to a ball tomorrow and then to Cornwall for a week's holiday...yipee!

Hermya- I bet you actually look gorgeous- perhaps you could post another pic?

nymph, sounds like your baby already loves their daddy - aw! My DH talks to my bump too, it's so adorable!

Glad your meeting went well, Elsa. Go you!!!
Thanks re sympathy and advice. I am seriously hoping I don't have to go back now though - why should I risk my health to put up with her incompetence. No way am I jeopardising the well-being of my baby.

I started minuting the meeting yesterday, when she started off by demanding to know where I'd been and telling me I have to tell her every time I leave my desk, I made a point of writing it all down, so she could clearly see! I think she immediately realised she'd been foolish, but it was done, and she seemed incapable of letting it go.

Sooo sleepy today, got up about 6 times for a wee, woke up 3 times because I had pain in my hips and couldnt feel my legs and then got up at 7 to get the children ready for school.

I will catch up properly later, think I am going for a lie down

Hermya sorry about the dress, I still think it looks nice. Better you've decided not to be a bridesmaid if it would make you feel horrible.

So sorry to those who are in pain and eeeeeuw mamjo to your hip! That sounds so dreadful. For rib pain (and spd) yoga can be really great as long as you go to antenatal yoga.

AbFab sigh... this woman...she must be insecure, people only need to behave like that if they're a bit worried about their competence. Boring as it is I think notes and emails are the way forward.... you won't have time for anything else. Smacked legs for this woman anyway if I haven't already. And for Mamjo's work....

Cor Elsa it's so exciting being a spy! Meetings in Scotland, balls in Cornwall...

I still feel awful for having that conversation with her, but I know that I'll be more comfortable not having that pressure put upon me.

You know, I'm really not normally like this. I feel so all over the place at the moment. I'm trying to keep it all together, do the whole work thing, try and get my head around being pregnant, trying not to do too much due to SPD and at the same time try and work out how the hell I'm supposed to be a Mum.

I mean I'm going to be somebodies Mother in 15 weeks time.

How the hell am I supposed to do that, I loose my keys everytime I walk out the front door.

Elsa I'm glad your meeting went well, I bet you get to go to the ball with 007 don't you. I bet he's really ugly in real life isn't he, but don't tell us. You'll spoil the fantasy. Enjoy the ball!!

Nymph LO was probably really excited about hearing Daddy. Bless em!

Abfab No I thought that, SW/SE theres a whole lot of space between them isn't there. But yeah I'm free for a shovel exchange. Not sure what days yet though.

Mamjo Ask them to do it as a 'reasonable' adjustment under the disability awareness act, if you say to them that unless they'll be able to provide one for you for the remainder of your pregnancy you may have to go off of sick due to SPD and being unable to walk properly.

Hermya shame we can't all just pop to each other's houses for a cup of tea, would be much nicer to have a chat! You will be fine being a mum, you really will, we all will! (and some of us already are) You are bound to be all over the place under the circs - you're pregnant! How many weeks are you? I went through a panic phase a couple of weeks ago (I'm 25 weeks now) - according to the lovely Miriam Stoppard it's totally normal so not to worry! The SPD must be a misery which doesn't help.

Ooh, AbFabT- I forgot to mention- you know you said about how much better you feel when you've left work so you think your BP will have gone down by the time you get to the GP? You can ask for a mobile blood pressure monitor that goes off at random times in the day. I had a job recruiting people within the place I currently work a few years ago and a woman I was conducting interviews with was fitted with one for the day and I'd hurt my right hand as well, so candidates were briefed to shake my left hand and that her mobile BP monitor may go off at any time in the interview and to just ignore it. Every candidate was amazing in the fact that the monitor, without fail, went off when they were talking and they always managed to keep going without pausing- I was very impressed. They must have thought I was a mason or something with the left handed shake....

Just got back from the GP's for blood tests- the midwife specialist the other day over the phone recommended I have bloods taken now so anti-D could then be sent from the hospital to the GP clinic so I could have the 1st injection at 28 weeks. The poor old medic (well, he looked about 19 actually) was slightly stressed at taking blood (fortunately I'm not bothered- I can't imagine what a trial it would have been for a needle phobic) and accessed the vein I suggested perfectly, got the 1st vial and then something went awry and the needle slipped out and I bled very quickly all down the chair! He started to flap and I calmly asked for some cotton wool and a plaster as my vein had thus gone into hiding and there was no way he was going to get a 2nd vial. so he went off and got the practise nurse to get the second set from my right arm- which, considering how hard it is to get blood from my right arm, she did really well! Its slightly annoying that I now have 2 punctures and will have 2 sets of attractive bruises in time for the ball .

While I was there I popped into see the practise manager and told her where I was at over the midwife drama and she updated me too. Everything they've done to improve things will benefit women now falling pregant iyswim. It's still left the issue of what about my antenatal care and we've agreed it would not be right to see the same midwife and I don't want to, so she's arranging an appointment for me to see a different one which is really good of them to do as the surgery is only allocated the one. Even the medic earlier said he did not think much of the midwife and that was an unsolicited comment- so I'm not alone.

Lilmiss- its naff feeling so tired isn't it?

sorry for the long post everyone!

Hermya I wonder how on earth I'm going to be able to be a good Mum. I reckon that we'll muddle through somehow. I'm so dippy I wander out of the house having forgotten to put deoderant on. Still, I've improved from when I was 7, when I managed to get halfway to school before realising I'd forgotten to put any knickers on!

AbFab that's one more day chalked on the wall- one less to go. Sounds like good advice to minute as much as you can and if anybody else was present who can verify any of your information and countersign, that might help too.

Mamjo at your work. I agree with hermya. They have a duty to provide necessary facilities for you during your pregnancy and they are clearly not doing so. Can you get a union rep involved?

nymph and lilmiss hope you get a chance to catch up on some sleep today.

elsa I think your post should have come with a health warning - I nearly fainted at the blood tests bit!! . so pleased that you have finally got some sensible sounding midwife care sorted

I didn't get any sleep last night until 6am . a long nap in the afternoon meant I couldn't get to sleep for quite a while, and then DH had some stuff delivered at 4.30 am (a looong story!) so by the time I'd got up to see to that (as he is conveniently away!) I was wide awake. Feel pretty grotty now and I have a long meeting to go to this evening where I need to be on the ball. Why does everything always happen at once

mamjo getting a parking space for you is definitely an adjustment they should be making for you while they are pregnant (although I know its not always easy to get employers to do what they should be doing)

hermya - all my friends find it hilarious that I'm going to be a mum because I can't even keep my spider plants alive and have never dared get a pet because I couldn't trust myself to look after it but a baby is not going to let you forget about it . One of my books says its a good thing to be worrying about how you will cope, because thinking through the practicalities/ worries is a way of preparing yourself, so, see, you are already being a good mum (well thats what I tell myself when I have a wobble anyway!)