10/10 Chats - Over Halfway There

[AbFabT]

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sorry, hysterical wasn't quite the word I meant, just meant distressed but was thinking about the hyperventilating so had 'h' words in my head! It is hard though breaking down in front of someone you don't like. Personnel shouldn't really have let the meeting carry on.

tiredfeet I'm just like you if DH goes away and it's just the pregnancy that's done it. Get this - we've sold some stuff on ebay and the person wants to come and get it (obviously!) but I went all wussy and said 'If it's a man, or 2 men they can't come if you're not there, DH!'! I never used to be like that!

AbFab I think that awful gaspy crying only happens when you are really, truly beyond anything and feel totally unheard.. horrid.

Thanks, Dilly and tiredfeet - and don't worry, I knew what you meant re hysterical! But yes, was very embarrassed crying, in front of anyone, let alone one of the two causes of my anguish. I wonder what it made her feel (if anything).

Yeah, I should have thrown up - imagine how that would have been! Ha ha! I'm not a thrower-upper though - didn't even get morning sickness, and I just don't do chucking up!
I did wonder about personnel letting the meeting carry on when I got to that state. But I think she genuinely thinks in the long term it's good for me to get through this now, and show willing, and if I come to be off again, I think and hope she will actually be quite supportive and good about that.

I don't know how BP works - when I am IN the office, I feel awful, very stressed, weary, crushed - but as soon as I am out, it's like a weight has been lifted, and I feel better - by the time I get to the GP, would my BP have gone down and thus not give an accurate reading of how stressed I am at work?

I didn't want to bother the GP unless I am asking to be signed off. You think I should go in to give her the update? I guess I should! Just don't like being a drain on limited NHS resources, when people are actually ill!

tf, how long did you put up with the fake niceness?

Glad Toby is doing some good wriggles, Dilly, and playing for Papa!

Sorry your DH is away though, tf. I'd miss the cuddles so much. Mine is such a rock for me, I do wonder how I ever coped without him! Hope the two weeks fly by! Where is he going? Anywhere nice?

Baby-related talk:
What kind of toys/stimulants do you get for a newborn? I don't want to over-stimulate my child, but I guess those mobiles are popular for good reason - they help the baby to focus, yes? What else? If anyone can advise, I'd be grateful! Thanks!

lilmissmummy the baby is kicking a lot more now and quite big kicks that you can sometimes see on my tummy which is funny! DH can feel it now too which is nice. It does have a bit of a habit (like right now) of kicking down, which is weird, painful a little bit icky! It just doesn't feel right IYSWIM.

tiredfeet I know how you feel about needing DH more than before - my DH has to go away occassionally for work and I don't really like him being away now. Not that I'm not capable of looking after myself but, like you, I just need a hug sometimes!

AbFab Can't believe they let the meeting continue when you were obviously upset. Clearly they have no compassion at all. I agree with the others- get regular GP checks and at the first sign of raised bp or anything else, get signed off. I know it's hard, but try to see if you can do something to relax you before bed so you can get more sleep, because lack of sleep doesn't help either. Thinking of you and hoping things improve.

tiredfeet Hope you can find nice things to distract you when dh is away. Watch sloppy dvds he would hate and eat things he won't! (That's what I would do anyway).

piesey I know exactly what you mean about the downwards kicks. Sproglet has an unfortunate habit of doing that when I am peeing, which is particularly wierd!

Thanks, shieldbug. I know. But I am giving personnel and my rep the benefit of the doubt here (for now!), and hoping they both felt it would be better for me in the long term (well, 12 and a half weeks left of long term!) to try and face it, so it looks like I tried. Otherwise I'll have had five months off, with what will look like no effort on my part to resolve things. Though at the same time, I tried that for the couple of months when it was really bad, and they wouldn't budge, so I don't truly believe anything will change now, except for how they present themselves to personnel and my rep. Just hoping personnel see through it, though really, all that matters is what my GP does. Have now made an appointment for Thursday (my GP isn't in tomorrow).

I got out of bed on Sunday night at about four, having not slept, to have a bath and read a book - that did help. But yes, do need to sleep. :/ Am shattered!

Abfab My word, thats horrid. I can't believe you're going through this at the moment. I hope things get better, at your next midwifes/GPs appointment tell them about the change in your situation. You say your BP will be down, but you've had a change in your entire life situation (going from not working to working full time) and that can have a big effect on your body.

I can't remember who asked about feeling full all the time, but I'm struggling to finish even a sandwich these days (the nausea doesn't help).

Hey all - off topic but DH and I are going to Germany next week to see family and then he is supposed to take me away to the sea for a week ;0) So...anyone know any nice towns/villages on the French/German/Dutch coast! Has to be sea, not a lake, scared of lakes We've got his parents' car so we can drive anywhere really.... I just don't quite know where to go...Saint Malo is 8 hrs drive which seems a lot

Abfab if you've got a sympathetic gp then they can be quite helpful people to talk to, and they often spot signs of how the stress is affecting you that you wouldn't spot in yourself. If you are seeing the same gp it also means they will be able to see changes and keep an eye on how you are coping. I think under these situations its worth having your blood pressure checked regularly, even if you think its fine. Its not a drain on their resources if they can help nip things in the bud before they become worse . I ended up very unwell as a result of trying to carry on putting up with the stress, and its just not worth it.

• I found the fake niceness almost as bad as everything that came before. I'm a very honest person, I like most people but if I don't like them then I can't do the whole pretending I do thing so I found it a big strain having someone be like that around me. My way of coping was lots of long lunches / chats with colleagues who knew the situation (but couldn't step in because of politics / job security worries - firm was shedding staff left right and centre at the time)

sheildbug yep thats what I plan to do too! I save up all my girly film watching for when dh is away.
glad in a strange way that its not just me that needs DH around more now I'm pregnant.
he's off to south-west Ireland, its meant to be a beautiful part of the world, so I'm looking forward to heading out there for a couple of days. (I'm only going because I had a hormonal moment and sobbed that I couldn't cope without him for that long , although he did seem really excited about me coming and is paying for all my travel which is lovely of him)

dilly I loved the Edam area of Holland when I went there, it is sort of by the sea, although its an inland sea, depends whether you class that as a lake or not I guess, but it was very dutch (lots of windmills and cloggs and cheese ) and not too touristy.

oooh yes and I am thinking about toys for baby too, there's some rather lovely things out there but not sure what kind of thing they might like from early on...

tf, thanks. I think outwardly I look fine, I really can't see what the GP could spot, but I'm going on Thursday and we'll see what she says. I've been careful to see the same GP, so she knows me a little, but still, I think I've only seen her four times now, so really, not much! I am pretty fit and strong too (was a bit of a gym bunny before pregnancy), and quite sturdy - just don't think it looks like it's taking its toll on my body - on the surface, anyway.

I too am so far finding the fake niceness (and it's so OTT!) worse than the attitude before! Eurgh!

Ha - I've already had a colleague from another department tell me I should escape whenever possible to see her/other friendly colleagues, and the time should fly! Just not sure I can get away with that.

I'd love to spend some time in Ireland! Only been to Cork, and that was for a wedding so didn't really do the tourist thing, but what I did see was gorgeous. Have a great time!

Dilly, sorry, I don't know Germany well whatsoever! There was a thread in chat about Germany though - might be some helpful pointers on there?! ta da - I haven't read it past page one though! So might be useless! Or you could bump it!

Sorry Roo I did mean low blood pressure! Think I am losing my marbles today.

My friend sent me a text earlier and said she was looking at kitchens - I read it as kittens and went off on one about how cute they are but how I thought she was allergic to cats! She just rang me and asked me what I was talking about oops

No I dont know very much about Germany, I went through there once on the way to Austria and we stopped at a particularly nasty cafe!

I know what you mean about dh being away. DH works from home most of the time but he is away on day trips all this week he left this morning at 6am and he should be home in about an hour. I have missed him sooooo much and he is doing it tomorrow, and Friday too! I am usually very independent but at the moment I behave like a child

Baby always kicks downwards when I am driving, also very off putting!

baby talk - we are going to get a mobile for the cot, a teddy each from the dc and thats about it to start with. I have been considering baby gyms or bouncers or swings but cant decide! Any thoughts?

Dd1 loved her bouncer but was a waste on dd2 who was walking not much after she started going in iy

Thanks, Hermya, will do.

LOL @ lilmiss's cute kitchens!

I've found a bouncer/swing type thing I like, though it is £££. My friend who has a one year old recommended just a simple bouncer for about £20. But I love this one that has swinging, gliding, cradling and rocking motions (ok, I think I got a bit carried away there, but it does a few nice things: Graco Sweetpeace. Will probably gobble up the electricity though.

I could still take tips on mobiles please! Do I want a simple one, or one with colours and lights?
And which baby gym?

And which new house to home all this stuff???!

AbFab, the Tiny Love mobiles and baby gyms are good.

Dilly how about trying the living overseas board - there are few mners in Holland on there.

for very early baby interest toys with bold black and white patterns are recommended as i think that's what the younger babies can distinguish... once you start looking around you'll start to notice how much of it there is on sale!

my DD loved her very simple bouncer, but we were bought another one that had a vibrate function that seemed to calm her down if she was worked up.

Simple mobile. I like the black & white ones.They are a bit hypnotic though

Snap Ksal

Abfab I've seen that in some baby magazines, looks quite groovy. I'm trying to find a baby bouncer that bounces and vibrates plus a swing at the moment. I love the Fisher Price stuff, they seem to be a bit of a compromise on the old bounce and vibrate thing.

I used to work in a Nursery when I was at Uni and I remember that the swing was brilliant at shutting some of the more finicky babies up. So ever since then, I've been sold on the things.

Thanks for the black and white tip, KSal, and ILGH, for the Tiny Love tip - just started looking into that, and it looks really good. Glad I asked!

So what main 'toys' do I need though, ideally that will give my child relevant developmental advantages?

• mobile
• activity gym
• toy to hang from pram

What else do they need from birth?

And if anyone can post any links, that would be grand. I may start a thread elsewhere to try and get lots of replies!

Hermya, I am all about the groove!

Thanks!

AbFab the other thing i would recommend is one (or a few!) of those comfort blanket toys. It might be a little while before they actively use them, but i would keep one in the pram with DD and she seemed to really like it. like this a lot of places sell similar a small soft square, with a toy head attached... i ended p making some spares out of fleece material!

also the hoopy loopy toys are good for the pram, come in all different animals and sizes and have black and white feet and nice bright colours elsewhere, early learning centre and john lewis have them

and my final tip (for now!) is loopy links they are great for just fiddling with and for teething, also they will clip on to various things, like the frame of the pram. I used to use them for attached DD's hoopy loopy giraffe to her pushchair! there seem to be various types on amazon, but i know they do sets of 6 in the early learning centre

this has been useful! i have remembered the various things i need to find and wash for re use!!

oooh I like those loppy loop things and also that swing.

I dont think for a newborn baby they need that much! Although would be interested to find out what other people say.

I was going to get:- a mobile for the cot, one that plays music, an activity gym or nest, a swing or bouncer, something to look at on the pushchair and a teddy from each of the children.

From what I remember (it was nearly 6 years ago mind you), is that babies like music of different kinds, they like to hear peoples voices and somewhere varied ie. not staring at the same space all the time.

Mine also liked those wrist rattles like these

I saw a lovely blanket/ teddy thing like ksal was describing from Tesco the other day but they dont seem to have it on their website. It was a Roo from Winnie the Pooh!

Gosh I haven't even thought about toys yet. there are some lovely things on the links you've all posted - thank you for that! I think I'll worry about it all later on....like everyhtng else at the moment!

We are off to the US in two weeks and I'm fretting a little about the flights, they will be about 6 hours each wey. I'm seeing my doctor next week to ask for a fit to fly letter, although I'm coming back before I'm 28 weeks (by two days!). I think once that's over I will feel happier about starting to get things and prepare. I'm also hoping we might move in August too so that's a biggie to get through.

Is anyone else's ribs hurting? Mine are feeling really sore and have been for the last couple of weeks. I wonder if they are stretching as things move up. It's quite uncomfortable when sitting at my desk. Hope it doesn't carry on!