10/10 Chats - Over Halfway There

[AbFabT]

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Thanks AbFab it was a few years ago and it wasn't as bad as your situation is - just a silly man who wanted to try and put women down to make himself look good (it wasn't just me he was nasty to). I was lucky I could find another job and leave, but as you say if it happened now, I wouldn't be able to being pregnant.

We still haven't decided about names - I like quite odd celtic names and DH doesn't. He like nice solid traditional names like John or Jack or Mary but I'd like something a bit more unusual. Not that John and Jack etc are not nice names! Although the other day he suggested Mindy if it's a girl....I hope I'm not insulting anyone one here, but it just made me think of Mork and Mindy - that TV show from years ago! I was a bit about it!

Toby Joe is great! I really like Tobias too - I know a lovely one!

Glad you are out of that then, pie. Yeah - am in a tough position not being able to just leave because I am pregnant. They know that too.

I really like Jack, but for me, it's too well-used - I guess for a reason, because it is lovely! I like the sound of the odd Celtic names!
Agree about Mindy - though I do think that once you know a person called whatever, any other associations fall by the wayside. My little brother is called Barney - whenever it comes up on the name threads, everyone screams 'purple dinosaur' - but to me, it's not a purple dinosaur, it's my brother's name !

Sorry to be rubbish and not play along - we do have our names, but I'd prefer to keep it secret!

In the good news though, my order from over a month ago that never arrived, which I chased for weeks, and they finally offered to refund me and then as a goodwill gesture, send me part of the order for free, just arrived! Fab!

Abfab Oh no, I'm sorry it didn't go the way you wanted it to go. I would inform your midwife of whats happening and get her to keep an eye on your BP. My friend started to get really stressed around about 27 week mark because of stuff at work and the Doctor gave her a fit note asking them to reduce her hours because of it. Work did do and now she's feeling a lot better. The only reason I say that is that if things are being horrid then it's a way to get your Doctor and work to take notice. But on the upside 13 weeks to go isn't a long time at all and actually you could probably mentally check out now and just see there patting your bump with a distant smile on your face.

Work has been rather hectic today, I've come home and a parcel containing a bridesmaids dress that I'm supposed to wear for a wedding in three weeks was in it. I tried it on and I could have cried, I look hideous! Apart from the fact that I'll need the next size up because of the norks that have appeared from nowhere, it also looks like I'm wearing a sack! I mean she's a twigg and she said that it had been alright on her. I'm not exactly the same size as her at the moment, I'm carrying an extra person around with me. I don't know what to do, I was up for being a bridesmaid and I'm not shy. But after seeing the dress I doubt I'm going to be comfortable in it. It's really low cut and I just really don't suit maxi dresses especially now I resemble some kind of frog (you know spindly arms and legs and then big tummy!). DH was a bit hmmmmm as well, he said it's not something he could ever see me in. BTW he's not being mean or horrid, more just he saw the expression of horror on my face.

When I got married, I just took my bridesmaids to the shops and told them to pick whatever the hell they wanted as long as it was some sort of shade of blue and they felt good in it. I dunno what to do, do you think I could say to her that I don't think it's going to work?

hermya no suggestions for that one. Clothes are a challenge when pg without having a special occasion.

I have a crisis though. My greengrocers ran out of gooseberries I NEED them

Nymph I know, it's a pain isn't it. Ebay has been helpful for my casual wardrobe, managed to pick up a few vest tops for next to nothing.

I have actually put up pictures of me in the dress, now on the pictures it doesn't look as bad. I'm wondering if I'm being a bit OTT.

BTW if you are desperate, I know my Asdas has them in at the moment.

Thanks for the feedback, Hermya. So far, my GP has signed me off as I've requested, and I've not needed to bother the M/W. I'll definitely bear it in mind though, but I will see how things go, and if I do feel stressed again (am already stressed just thinking about it, so it's highly likely!) and I think they are continuing to be vile, then I can go to the GP and at least she'll see that I've been for meetings, and trialled being back in the office - better than my not doing anything.
Little bit wary of going part-time as I don't want it to impact my maternity pay - as I understand it, if I reduce my hours, they'll then only pay me the reduced hours' rate in maternity pay. If your friend is still doing this, do get her to check the policy. Wouldn't want her to miss out on her entitlement.

Oh no re the bridesmaid dress! I am stunned the bride didn't have you try it on! I did similar to you for mine - I chose the fabric (approved by the two BMs I had to hand - one was in Australia, one in Ireland, one in the middle of the country, one in London!), and my six bridesmaids all chose their own design, then I got those made up. I had SIL who was six-seven months pregnant, definitely wanted to ensure she felt as comfortable as possible.
If you don't fit it, you don't fit it though. She'll have to re-arrange.

Would love to see your bridesmaids in their various blue dresses - do you have a photo you wouldn't mind uploading for nosey me!

Gooseberries, nymph? Is this a craving?

Hermya, put up the picture where?

Abfab- not sure about your company policy but the national one has a period they work it out in. Around 16 weeks IIRC

Hermya- where's the pic? Working tomorrow so will try Asda.

Proper craving for gooseberries am on approx 2 Lbs a day dh is going to ask at work as there's loads of allotment people. My bushes haven't touched the sides

Abfab I set up my profile, you should be able to click on my name now. Can you let me know if you can't.

Or try clicking here

Got you. Now actually, I rather like it. I don't think there's too much cleavage. BUT, if you don't feel comfortable, then that's an issue.
Just looked again to double-check, and I really like it!

nymph, I was told by personnel that I should be careful about going part-time - can you explain a bit more what you mean please? Though if the national policy isn't imposed, then I guess I am stuck with work's (though generally, they are very good with things like this).

Hermya, just looked again (), and I think you look lovely! Also, your cleavage will look extra big to you because you are looking down from above!

Abfab I am begining to feel like I've over reacted slightly. I put the dress on again and it didn't look as bad it did before . I'm sending it to my friend and seeing what she thinks. I still think I need the next size up because of the line of the dress under my breasts.

Is the bit right under your cleavage, stretched, or is that just the pattern of the fabric? I can't quite see from the small photo - if stretched, then yes, best get a size up. Glad you are liking it more!

Abfab Yeah it's stretched, it's supposed to lie right underneath. I suppose the vicar will at least get a thrill.

Hermya- I think the dress looks nice, if you get the bigger size to avoid the stretching issues.

Quite!

DH approves!

Hermya I actually think you look lovely in the dress. But I can understand your qualms as I still feel a bit self conscious of my pregnancy figure, that sense of getting used to it I guess, so that combined with a dress that is not your usual style and its not surprising that you weren't comfortable straight away.

I also let each bridesmaid pick a dress in a style that suited them, as long as it was the same colour (which they picked between them). They were such different shapes and sizes and also I didnt want anyone to be unhappy with how they looked.

abfab I totally agree with Hermya, try and almost be a bit 'don't care' about the minutiae of work as you won't be there for long and see if that helps. I know it helped me cope a little better once I'd decided I was going. But that said, I'm not surprised at all that you are feeling stressed just thinking of going back there tomorrow. Are there colleagues you get on with well, that you could seek out for support when you get there? And at least you have a sensible doctor and it sounds like they will be supportive of signing you off for longer if its all too much. Re the part time thing - when I looked into it I got the impression that maternity pay was calculated based on your average pay over weeks 17-25 of the pregnancy only. (was important to me as I missed a lot of work in the early weeks due to hyperemesis.) If that is the case then you may be ok to go part time now without it affecting your pay (but obviously that only applies to the statutory part I believe). Alternatively, could you use some holiday days to go part time? Shorter weeks might feel a bit more bearable. Anyway, sorry for gabbling on - wishing you all the best for tomorrow, I've been in a similar places and I'm really feeling for you right now.

What a bunch of easy-going brides we were!
I'd still like to see photos of any of you with your bridesmaids!

tf, thanks for your input. I do feel better sharing it with you all! I know several of you told me before you've gone through similar, but I am still so stunned it's so commonplace, and they all seem to get away with it.
I'll do my best to not let them get to me, but I really do feel the damage is done and they've made their feelings clear - how I am meant to now sit there all happy when they've been so patronising, I don't know.
If it comes to it, I will definitely check out the part-time thing. Sounds like an option, though I doubt they'd get cover in for when I am not there, so I'd only have to work extra hard in the time I am there, to fit in all the work.
GP has been good so far, yes. Been lucky there.

I could leave in about 30 days with the annual leave I've got stored up, but I'd really rather tack it on to the end and make my pay with the baby last longer the other side.

Oh, and I forgot to say, yes - there is one colleague who is hugely supportive - he's been through very similar at the incompetent hands of management, and empathises completely.

It's a small department - the other four are pleasant enough, but will definitely want to keep out of it and not rock the boat for themselves. Honestly, being on the wrong side of the manager is not where you want to be.

Abfab Talked to friend, we're going to see if we can get the bigger size in the morning (this was after some talking her down off of the proverbial cliff). They were out of stock on the website, she was convinced that they would never get any stock in ever again. I remember that kind of feeling from planning my wedding, it was so easily solved with alcohol . Also you never know whats going to happen in that office whilst you're off on maternity leave, one or more of them could move on to bigger and brighter things and we would happily toast them on their way with you.

Tiredfeet I've never been one for low cut tops, and this dress is quite in your face with the deep V. Oh well.

On the upside, I've managed to snag my dream changing bag off of ebay for half price. It's a black baba bing one, I saw it in John Lewis and fell in love. It's a huge Mary Poppins type of bag, matches the pram and DH will allow himself to be seen in public with it.

Hey you two, haven't had time to read all the posts but Hermya I think the dress looks fine. A bit racy maybe but not unflattering, and with a nice necklace.... You look weeeeeeny and slim in it.

AbFab - so sorry you didn't get the result you wanted. I too had a horrible manager for many years at one stage and she made everyone's life a misery over a long period of time. Thank god she went just after I came back from mat leave last time. If you needed to cut your hours through work-related issues that are injuring your health rather than it being a personal decision, iyswim, I don't necessarily know that it does affect your mat pay, but your union should be able to advise you on that.

If it comes to it, and you need to take annual leave a bit earlier than you'd hoped, I know it's a bit of a bummer if you want it the other end, but it's better to be off and relaxed for the last few weeks than in work and really stressed - that could have all sorts of health implications for you and the baby, including premature delivery, which I would advise anyone to try to avoid if possible. Oh, and don't forget you are entitled to time off for things like antenatal classes and appointments, so just make sure they're in the middle of the day . And you need your teeth checked too..

Hermya, I really like that dress on you. If you feel uncomfortable about the cleavage, although I don't think it's excessive, do you have the option to wear a necklace or a stole over your arms to deflect attention during the service at least?

Nymph - gooseberries? Is that your antidote to constipation ?

Good news! Hope the dress is available in your size. If not, maybe a strategically-placed brooch?! And ha ha yes - glad I don't have to plan my wedding again! Loved it, but no need to do it again, thanks! Just saw photos from a friend's wedding on Facebook - from what I can see, it was her, her new husband, her mum, his parents - that's it! Awesome!

I like your positivity, but it's highly unlikely they will leave. It's a weird place to work, so out of touch with the real world, and once you are in, many people don't leave. They've both manoeuvred themselves into positions that I seriously doubt they could match anywhere else, in terms of authority and status, and generally, the pay is good, and the terms and conditions (generous annual leave allowance, generous maternity packages etc) mean very very few people ever leave!

Abfab Just had a phone call off of friend, dress ordered in my size and Brazil size crises over. Lets hope this one isn't going to be too bad (I could always sew myself in).

You never know what could happen in the next nine months, they could get promoted out of the office into some random dept that deals exclusively with the stamp collection or some sort of ministry of Cheese.

Either that or you could win the lottery or find your fabbity fab dream job as a Ben and Jerrys Ice cream tester (with a lottery sized wage).

In reality I know what you mean, there are a few positions like that where I am and they're quite coveted, but once they're in them people tend to cling on for dear life. It is rather dead mans shoes so to speak. The job I'm ultimately aiming for way off in the future (at the moment) is a bit like that, but I expect by the time I get there I won't care.

Great news, Hermya. Hope it is a perfect fit and you feel glorious! (Please update us with photos! )

I'm not really planning on going back after maternity leave! I am leaving it open, in case we manage to get a second baby soon after, in which case I can claim a second round of maternity pay. If not, I'll hand in my notice. I really can't work for either of them now, there is no way both of them will have left in the next year.
I also have a different direction I want to go in anyway - will have been there pretty much ten years in October, and I am thinking a complete change is in order. For now, we are going to focus on our young family, and in a few years, evaluate what I do. If the Lottery win hasn't come in, of course!