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10/10 Chats - Over Halfway There

957 replies

AbFabT · 05/06/2010 16:32

Chat away!

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piesey · 05/07/2010 10:23

Hi everyone

Good luck for today AbFabT hope your meeting goes well.

Tiredfeet sorry to hear about your stress this weekend - I's definitely want to get things before my due date rather than on them! Hope that they can get it sent to you another way before October.

floozie that sounds awful - I know how painful constipation can be. Hope you don't have it again but glad you have the right stuff to help if you do!

sorry to all of your with SPD - I have very painful hips from tiem to time and also my left hip and thigh is almost permenantly numb - the doctor syas that my uterus is probably pushing the nerve. But I can't imagine what you are all going through all the time.

I'm finding that I'm growing out of some of my maternity clothes! It's the bottoms that are the problem - I have some nice linen trousers from H&M in a size bigger than I normlly am, but the bit under the slasticated bad is cutting into me when I sit down. Baby keep kicking as if you say 'hey, there's not much room in here anyway' it's quite painful! Might have to go an get some in the enxt size up....

Elsa123 · 05/07/2010 10:33

Morning all- flying up to northern Scotland this afternoon for work- I could do with it like a hole in the head esp as the chairman of the meeting as pulled out and asked for me to chair (found out today) and I've never been to one of these meetings before...great!

thank you for your suggestions about a doula/independent midwife- I defintely think that it is worth pursuing as I can guarantee that I won't get the same midwife for the birth and it will probably be a random procession of strangers that will see me. Sooo looking forward to it.

floozietoozie · 05/07/2010 11:12

Abfab, hope it goes well today.

Elsa - that sounds like fun - not! Good luck!

KSal, lactulose is what I've got now. I'm wondering if it may have been related to the slight stomach bug I had at the start of the week whenni did have one bout of diarrhoea. (bet you're all loving these details, aren't you ). you know how sometimes one follows the other. Anyway, every cloud has a silver lining and all that because today my shift has been swapped to the afternoon so ds is in crèche this morning and I'm sitting in the leisure centre after swimming - alone - fr the first time in I would guess a year. It was great and I've also come to the centre nearest where we now live which has all been done out since the last time I was here at least four plus years ago and have found there are now three pools, one regular 25m, one about 12m and shallower for kids and a little paddling pool for tots. Brilliant!

DillyDora · 05/07/2010 11:50

Morning all!

Sorry about your constipation Floozie are you drinking loads of water? I have had such horrible indigestion & some very er...sudden diaorrhea...ugh...mw says it's nothing to worry about though. Swimming pool sounds luuurvely and all exercise is good for your digestion!

Good luck in Scotland Elsa and very very good luck AbFab look forward to hearing how it goes.

Piesy I've ordered some mat trousers from JoJo Maman Bebe which are really reasonably priced...worth a try?

Very sorry to the SPD (& sprained ankle!) gang. SPD folks my yoga teacher seems to be really good on this - worth going to
antenatal yoga for tips? And the physio of course.

Sorry about the frustrations tiredfeet that would annoy me too.

LOL at cake eating Hermya disturbingly the coffee cake I made on Fri seems to be giving me indigestion so I have bought chocolate chip brioche...oh yeah! Just been to mw and all well, my small bump is just fine and not small at all and I've only gained 3k so far (hence the choc chip brioche...) I really think the lack of booze in my diet is accounting for the excellent weight control, how embarrassing!

In other news we've decided on Bugaboo Bee....now to find an affordable one that hasn't been too beaten up...

xxx

KSal · 05/07/2010 12:02

ooh that's interesting dillydora i have put on 9lbs (4 kilograms) and i have been wondering where that sits on the scale. I pu ton about 2 stone in total last time.

tiredfeet · 05/07/2010 12:11

ksal that was lovely of your mother . I am still pondering what to do and still a bit annoyed with the parents but have got it all a bit in perspective today. I think a lot of it yesterday was hormones (which I sort of knew, but still find I can't rationalise myself out of how I'm feeling if that makes sense?).

floozie gosh poor you that sounds so horrible, I had it once after a tummy bug and remember how excruciatingly painful it was. The swimming sounds lovely though

elsa hope the meeting goes ok in Scotland, hopefully people will be sympathetic to the fact you have had to step in at the last minute

abfab really keeping my fingers crossed for good news from you later

dilly good work on making the pram decision, my friend got a bugaboo 2nd hand and it looked like new (and she'd had it for 5 months by the time I saw it!)

DillyDora · 05/07/2010 12:16

Ksal I just weighed myself there out of curiosity, mw said they don't bother much anymore unless there's a real risk of obesity. I did read somewhere that if you don't put on enough weight it's not good for bub. I just wanted to know (cos I'm obsessive ) I don't think it really means too much as so much of the weight can be fluid...

KSal · 05/07/2010 12:34

yep just weighed myself yesterday for the first time sine the pg test... then thought to myself that i didn't really know what it meant

DillyDora · 05/07/2010 12:38

OOh, thanks tiredfeet that's really encouraging about the 2nd hand buggy. We went to John Lewis and had a demo and decided in about 2 mins flat, also DH says a Baby Bjorn sling is the only way to go as it has good back support and he should know as he has twin boys so I'll follow his lead on that.

AbFabT · 05/07/2010 13:38

Elsa, flying sucks - poor you. I wouldn't be happy at all. Hope it goes ok.

floozie, that does sound 'poo'. Hope you are feeling much better now. Poor you. :/

I totally mis-read your next post:
"KSal, lactulose is what I've got now. I'm wondering if it may have been related to the slight stomach bug I had at the start of the week whenni did have one bout of diarrhoea. (bet you're all loving these details, aren't you ). you know how sometimes one follows the other. Anyway, every cloud has a silver lining and all that because today my shit has been swapped to the afternoon" (instead of shift) - oh dear!

Right, so speaking of poo. And thank you all for your lovely well wishes, but meeting didn't really go as I hoped. I can't remember what I've told you (and don't expect you to all remember!), so in a nutshell, I've been doing my job for over nine years, no complaints about how I'm doing, all fine. Problems started when my manager decided there needed to be another level of management between me and him, and promoted this girl from our department to be my line manager. Purely done to satisfy her ambitions, nothing to do with making the department work better or the final results better, and imo, done because she is shagging his boss, and he wants to suck up. (Incestuous workplace, so it is). Anyway, for her part, she took to belittling me, patronising me, micromanaging me etc, and treating me like an idiot. I've challenged both, and feel I've been treated very unfairly.

He twists everything to get what he wants, and refuses to accept how this has affected me, and bottom line, sadly, is that it is his department and he can put management structures in place as he sees fit. Even when it's clear to all that she is clueless, and the person who has been doing the job for nine+ years is really the best person to carry on the job, surely!

For her part, she's ambition over ability, power-trippy over grace, and it's been just awful. And I know for absolute fact that the manager knows exactly what she's like (people have told me he's said she's bossy and a pain!) but to me, he's claiming she's brilliant and worthy of the managerial position. Point being, he knows all I've said is true, but still sees fit to inflict her upon me.

Today, in front of the personnel manager, she's all apologetic, admits she could have handled things better, won't micromanage me anymore (but will still be in charge) and would really like us to resolve things and make it good for me. And doing this 'angelic butter wouldn't melt' face - aargh - I wanted to punch it! Basically, saying all the right things so that if I argue, it makes me look like I can't move on, and I'm the obstructive problematic one. If she felt at all sorry, why did she carry on for as long as she did at the time, when she knew how it was distressing me. I totally see through her, but sadly she's said the right things now, and I'm not really left with much choice but to say I'm prepared to start work asap. I said I needed this afternoon off (I was in tears in the meeting) to calm my mind and prepare, but that I'd be in tomorrow. I am dreading it. I had a sleepless night last night, and I KNOW things will be dire. But what could I do. I am going to have to go in, but I am fully expecting to have to get signed off again. Just got to be careful I don't look like a drama queen - she'll be on her best behaviour on the surface, but I know how she feels, if she had any respect for me or the fact that I'd been doing the job for nine years, she'd never have treated me how she did in the first place.
Manager refuses to believe he's handled things badly, he's a stubborn poo, and I have to just hope karma gets them both soon.

Worst-case scenario, I am stuck there for the next 13 weeks. I believe I am within my rights to get signed off again though, but I need it to look justified. I hate them.

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tiredfeet · 05/07/2010 14:25

oh god abfab I'm sorry. I really hoped they would see sense and find a sensible way out for you. I agree though, if you give it a try and its too much then I believe you would be wihtin your rights to get signed off again. Are you able to get more advice from the union rep? Its so hard when people are manipulative, and even if she behaves well 'on the surface' I can understand that you wouldn't be able to relax really feeling for you right now.

piesey · 05/07/2010 14:32

Oh AbFab that sounds terrible - I'm sorry it didn't go as well as you hoped. She sounds like a complete nightmare. I had a nasty bullying manager in a past job (he was the reason I left it) and I know how it affects everything - so much so that you can't relax properly out of work and it seems to take over your life. That added to pregnancy must be awful.

I hope that things are not as bad as you think they will be when you go back. If this girl has committed to behaving better etc in front for your personnel manager then that's what you should exepct - any deviation or return to her previous behaviour then you need to make a note and make it clear that it's not acceptable. Easier said than done of course and it doesn't make up for the 9 years of service you've given, and the fact that the manager refuses to accept that he's promoted someone who's rubbish and that he's not dealt with it.

Here's hoping for some karma for them indeed!

I hope you enjoy the rest of your afternoon off and try to get a good night's sleep tonight. xx

nymphadora · 05/07/2010 14:40

Oh that's awful abfab. Just keep counting the days & first sign of any problems get witnesses & a sick note.Save all emails etc too.

Been to work , had a lie down when ingot in. Got a bit of a guilt trip off one person as I said how long I'll be off but no one else seems bothered( not seen any bosses tho- handed my matstuff to HR myself as none in).

AbFabT · 05/07/2010 14:44

Thanks, Ladies.
Spoke with DH and we think it's the best I could realistically have hoped for, as they weren't really going to suggest I just stay off - they need to be seen to be making the right moves to bring me back. She's playing the game, saying the right things, but sorry, she's shown her true colours and I don't believe the sorry act one little bit. She's only sorry that the first person she was put in charge of, she caused to go off with stress - and that doesn't look good.

She'll be careful now to act right, but I know how she feels, and how she looks down upon me, and bottom line, she is still in charge of the projects I've been in charge of for nine years, and there is no way I am ever going to think that I have been treated fairly here. The manager denies I ever had full responsibility though, so we go round in circles there. It's hellish.

Union rep says I can still go down the grievance procedure route, but I should look to see if we can resolve things first. The fact that the micromanager girl admitted several mistakes, I think, helps my case for showing the management was handled very badly, and caused me stress.
And yes, I'll go to my GP if it gets unbearable. Just don't need this drama at all, and I truly am dreading having to go to work tomorrow. Shame, as for nine years, I was content, and now it's come to this.

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DillyDora · 05/07/2010 14:49

Hi AbFab really sorry about the work stuff, lovely, what a bummer. Right, 13 weeks, that's 65 working days, 64 if you count the bank holiday so the countdown begins! Has today's meeting been properly minuted? And have you had copies of all other meeting minutes up to now? Then you can use them to inform any notes you keep about the silly cow going back to her bad old ways (sorry, telling you really obvious things but I think having a strategy helps with feeling better).

What an a**e, I'm really sorry...

AbFabT · 05/07/2010 14:50

P.S. piesey, sorry you had it bad before too - if I wasn't pregnant, I'd have definitely looked for another job. I am staying for the maternity package. In no other circumstances would I put up with how they've treated me.

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AbFabT · 05/07/2010 14:56

LOL, bless you, Dilly - thanks for the day countdown - that actually doesn't look too bad! And who knows - baby could come early. I could also easily take a day off here and there, I guess.
Though I do know that while I was putting up with it, it wasn't just the five days a week, it was all-consuming, and worrying even when out of work. Right now, even though I am at home, I am just stressed thinking about having to go in tomorrow.

Yes, the personnel manager took full minutes, and they've been good about doing so and sending me copies. Basically though, the manager denies certain things he's said, re-writes history, and half of it seems to be my word against his, and as such, not a lot I can do there.
Always good to be reminded to take notes - I will definitely be doing so. And I am aiming to get the micromanager to email me rather than speak, if that is reasonable, so I have proof, and no more of this my word against their word nonsense.

Still dreading it.

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DillyDora · 05/07/2010 15:08

Yeah - ABfab keep everything in writing. If the mardymicromanager tries to do things verbally just write one of those:'Further to our conversation....' emails in which you summarise everything that's been said. I do it all the time, especially with students, it has to be done I'm afraid.

AbFabT · 05/07/2010 15:18

Good idea - thanks! What a palaver though!

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DillyDora · 05/07/2010 15:24

Total palaver and also so obvious what it's all about - keeping records. But if people want to act like a'holes then this is what they get!!

ILoveGregoryHouse · 05/07/2010 15:49

AbFabT, you should use the same methods as her. Micromanage the process. As others have said, make notes of everything, follow up every conversation by e-mail. Make sure you point out what you do right, and she does wrong.You can make it into a game iyswim. Sorry it's come to this for you though.

AbFabT · 05/07/2010 15:53

Thanks, you lot! You are great! Hate playing mind-games, but they lie and cheat and cover their backs, and treat the rest of us as second-rate, so sod 'em!

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moonstorm · 05/07/2010 15:59

Abfab That sounds awful

AbFabT · 05/07/2010 16:26

Yeah, it's rubbish. Can't bear the thought of having to work alongside them for the next three months.

Anyway, enough about me! I'll be ok! The end is in sight!

Baby things! Much more exciting! Have you all got names ready?

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DillyDora · 05/07/2010 16:39

Ooh yeah - Tobias Johannes Toby Joe or TJ for short....

x

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