The PESH Deli for updiffed BESHes who love prunes and smell of wee wees

[rollerbaby]

BESH BABYWIN STATS

This isn't a fucking list - right?

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, Bay Amaryllis born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April 12

UPDIFFED
FannyPriceless, her pelvis went menkul, due June 14
CUNextTuesday, takes no shit from the Daily Mail, due June 28
IggyPiggy, The one who loves BUMSEX, due July 20
CurlyCasper, hospital botherer due July 21 (girl)
Skihorse, cradle snatching web geek, due July 22 (boy)
Carrots, organic hippy hunter, due July 25 (boy)
Cosmosis, the one that likes a good ride, due August 22
backinthebox, she bought a racehorse, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September ??
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
Honeymoo, no it's not fucking indigestion, due November 2
silversky, the biggest farter, due 21 October (first baybee)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November
ReginaMonologue, must-get-the-goss-from-ski, due November 20

YOB woke me at 6 this morning as he couldn't sleep and was reading, noisily. He then decided to cuddle me at 6.30, and go to sleep snoring in my ear. So I got up at 6.30 as I was really hungry and thirsty and have been watching YouTube birthing vids ever since which is REALLY stupid. Except for the nice ones. Why can't someone make a list of the nice ones?

cunty I have taken your advice and bid on a hypno book and CD on ebay.

Hockey. Biggest collection of STD-riddled whores on campus (male and female).

honeymoo I've picked up the poo guantlet and am running with it for you. In the last 18 hours I've picked up, sponged up and scrubbed approximately 384 dog poos on the carpet. Our little one has been very, very sick - not sure where it's all come from. She had a chicken wing for breakfast, any ideas iggy? Same packet as other dog and big dog is fine. I am soooo over scrubbing dog poo especially as my hips were hurting yesterday and am currently so at jailbait who said "I just can't do it". I'm going to dispose of shitty nappies in his golf club bag thing. He woke me up 4 times last night to tell me the dog was still ill and he was going to sit up with her, I got up at 3:53 to go to the loo and he said "you can't get up, she's had a shit by the door" - so once again I had to clean it up. I'm livid!

reggie How are you? I have been drooling over Etsy stuff - have you got any tips on how to find good UK sellers? When I filter on UK I get a myriad of craft work, when I filter on baby I get a load of stuff from the US and I'd really rather support the Brits if I can.

silver If you're not pregnant you can take the nag for a spin. The idiot at my yard told me at the beginning of my pregnancy not to ride because it was dangerous... approx 6 weeks later told me my horse was unrideable and dangerous and that I should get on and sort her out.

ski Best thing to give the dog to settle tum is mashed banana with bio yoghurt. The bacteria in the yog helps settle the tum. I also give Tree Barks Powder aka Slippery Elm.

Could be any reason for the runny bum.

We woke up to cat shit on the landing cos one cat dcided that the litterbox was too dirty and our cream fricking carpet is a better option. Not one pile but two. Luckily being cat shit I could instruct convince Husband it's his chore and I took myself back to bed.

Thank you silver. She's not eaten in 24 hours now so I'd hope (!) that whatever it was has flushed through, bones & cartilage came out the front door, explosive brown stuff the back door. Her eyes are shiny and bright and her nose whilst dry, is not hot - bear in mind it was knocking on 30 degrees here yesterday and I didn't see her drink all day... so she's more than likely a bit dehydrated. I'll get jailbait to get in some bio yoghurts. Poor little mite. Apparently she's just done a gazillion pees on her walk just now and played with a spaniel... all good signs!

Remind me again why we make our herbivores sleep outside and our carnivores inside?

Have you just recently switched to raw?

Our mutt recently yakked coupla times again during a hot spell. We just keep all blinds and curtains drawn to keep the dump house cool.

I am sat on my butt watching WifeSwap USA! Hilarious! We got stormchasers and safety freaks! Then I have to walk dog, do coupla errands then go and see the nag. Might bath the horse. Might not.

We switched about 3 months ago so she should be used to it now. I think the heat had a lot to do with it - she's a stupid black little bugger who refuses to drink water and then gets a bit pukey with saliva/goo.

Gave my nag a bath yesterday - then put her in the sand paddock - she had a good roll and ended up like a schnitzel! Friends took her out for a hack on Thursday and apparently she was pretty good until heading for home when she went vertical - transpires she's in season. Sex mad harlot that she is. I keep finding hoof marks on her rump - when I mentioned this to the trimmer on wednesday, he laughed and said "you can't say anything, you obviously like it too" indicating my bump!

Hiya one and all - thank you for the well wishes and thoughts yesterday! I think it is only fair that I put a summary of my experience on here as it wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting (that's not to say someone else might have a different experience to me... But it might give an insight).

So firstly we were seen by a specialist midwife who made sure we were happy to go ahead with the procedure and she explained what would happen and what would be tested for in both the RAPID results and the more detailed analyse that would take 2 to 3 weeks to come through. We also discussed how I wanted to get the results and made sure they had a myriad of contact numbers for us.

She then asked if we would be willing to take part in some research they were carrying out which is working on ways of doing chromosomal screening by using a maternal blood sample were they identify the fetal DNA and examine it rather than invasive testing so of course we signed up to that as all it required was some blood from me and about 1ml of amniotic fluid to test against. I really had no hesitation to help with this research if it can prevent any mum to be going through what I have just had to endure...

So once all the consent forms were signed we then waited for out slot for the amniotic. We had to wait an hour which in fact I was fine with since my view was that I would rather the consultant take her time than rush to meet time targets, so we just sat and waited whist stream of other mums were scanned by other sonographers.

Finallyit was our turn and the research I had done around the consultant was pretty accurate - those of you who watch holby city will know what I mean when I say she was a lot like Connie beuchamp! Very direct, no messing about and just got on with it. So once she scanned me and took a few measurements I was sent off to pee and when I came back the setup all the kit to do the procedure.

The put sterile sheets around the area after swabbing it with a cleaning solution and if I'm honest I didn't look at the needle I was to transfixed on the monitor. I didn't even notice she had put the needle in until I saw it on the monitor wiggling around. As she approached the uterus she told me that it might be uncomfortable and she was right. It wasn't painful though more like a pinch. Once she was in the right place she then started to extract the fluid and that was odd - it felt like pressure being applied, a bit like some one squeezing my uterus which is perfectly logical when you consider they are extracting stuff from a sealed environment. I got a bit nervous at one point when the baby decided to investigate, but we have since realised that the baby was probably being pulled toward the needle as the fluid was being removed. I. Any event the consultant didn't comment so I keep quiet. they k ow more tha. I do so I have to trust it was allmok and as expected.

She removed a good sample that wasn't bloodstained with just one insertion and commented that the procedure had gone well. I then had to check all the labelling of the samples and we were done.

So far I've had no cramping, bleeding or any other kind of issues, just making sure I keep the site clean and resting up. The results should be with us on Tuesday afternoon so for now it's just a waiting game again... Fingers crossed then for the phone call!

Hope u are all well ski no clue how to get just uk sellers on easy, I will have a look later today though and see if I can figure it out!

Btw apologies if this message is full of typos but I'm doing it on an iPad on my lap whist negotiating my belly which is in the way!

reggie So glad to hear you're doing OK! Is this the plan for the weekend then? Just to take things really easy and let the iPad do the work? Did they do any further investigations wrt neck fold width for example? I like the fact they asked you how you'd like to be informed - you wouldn't want to be in traffic on the M4.

Reggie I am so pleased to hear the amnio went well. Well, that sounds weird, but I am glad it was relatively pain free and straightforward. Will you now being doing lots more shopping until the results come back?

Reggie you have an IPAD?!!! Only joking, glad it all went ok - now try and relax abit.

Ski soz to hear about your doglet - hope he is feeling better now. That sounds seriously bad. Have you got some of that spray that gets wee and poo odours and germs out of carpet. It is a necessity in this house.

silver yep we lunched at the Queens Head, which is a sister pub of my favourite ever pub The Alford Arms in Frithsden. Don't tell anyone as it is a secret.

Off for a mini pesh meet with Okie now - exciting!!

regster top news!!!!!! Glad it went well. Fingers xd for the desired results.

poo next time you are over this way and you fancy a meet up just yell!!

Good news reg, glad it all was relatively fuss-free.

Hired myself a TENS machine innit. I know there are mixed reviews but I figure it can't do any harm to try everything, bit like the hypnotherapy shiz - apparently they go well together, or rather if you are gunning for a more natural birth process rather than playing it by ear, they are complementary. Any of you second timers have experience of TENS? Any good? Any advice?

Cunty I had a tens machine first time round. Couldn't actually tell you anything about it, as I forgot we had it and it stayed in the hospital bag during entire labour. [twat emoticon] Hypno-birthing was fab though!

Thank you honey, I'm just home and had to scrub up another two piles, plus associated "sprayage". Haven't got a doggy specific spray but I've been scrubbing with biological washing powder which contains enzymes which are supposed to break down the smell. Then febreeze + open windows. What else can you do aside rip up the carpet & cry?

I hope the mini=PESH meet goes well and lots of baby-magic ensues.

We are just back from yet another unsuccessful trip to the 4D place as the little bastard was asleep. Again. I dunno, I had fruit juice, coffee & toast about an hour before leaving and he was doing a jig the whole way there - then appeared to fall asleep in the waiting room. Obviously it was great to see him again and we were marvelling at his big foot up by his hands but he wasn't playing ball. I was poking him and you could see him moving but he wasn't for the waking! Third time lucky with a 2nd freebie appointment on Weds evening. Honestly, at this rate by the time we finally get our pics/DVD/keyring* I'll be seeing him the next day anyway. A plus point is that I've got loads of amniotic fluid so although he's going to be 33+6 on weds he's not squidged up. The little git. Today saw his profile properly and he's got mummy's nose. Well, from the side it's mummy's - head on it's daddy's.

*I don't really care about the photos/dvd - it's the keyring I want.

Btw cunty - Having seen your posts about bills - one of the reasons I sold my place in the sticks was the couple of grand a year bills - which I wouldn't have minded so much if I'd turned the heating on - but I i) had a wood-burner, ii) was never home and iii) rarely turned them on. I'd treat myself to turning the heating on for a couple of hours every other day. 12 degrees inside the poxy house. The house we moved out of last summer was also hideously expensive to heat and because of my previous woes I only allowed heating on in two rooms (living room & bedroom) and we still got hit up for 192 a month bills. I do not do DD - because I can't be doign with this "your top-up bill is 1932, we're whipping it out on Monday". I like an old-fashioned bill I can do by bank transfer when I've got the fecking money.

Yeah, me too. Sadly do not have the option of moving anywhere else now for a while, and certainly not somewhere smaller with 4 strapping adults and a little twerker imminent. Of course, for the price of the car that Hom has just bought we could have had a full set of architecturally correct double glazed windows fitted (house is art deco) which would have cut down the chill factor considerably. But we went for an unreasonably priced and thirsty estate car instead

Just back from mini pesh meet. Twas very good fun. At least I now have one fellow maternity leave bud to have long lushy lunches! Fortunately for me, Okie also knows most things about babies whereas I know nuffink.

Also bumped into neighbours when we were having lunch who having 3 boys and both work in medicine, exclaimed horror at my homebirth option. Mr Moo is having a wobble I think at the suggestion that he is not doing his duty in insisting I stay in hossie. I'm sort of getting to the point where am thinking that even if I stay at home as long as possible that is fine too. At least that way if I change my mind halfway through I will still have 2 midwives chez Moo (considers selfish use of NHS resources).

Ski glad your little poo is feeling better now. Hairy moo is also a hot dog today and had to be shown that drinking water is a good thing. Fast asleep now poor little thing. I might go and dunk him in the cold shower for a cool down.

honey I'm planned for a homebirth - if however I just change my mind on the day, can't take the pain/whatever, I'll go in and I'm not going to beat myself up about it - but I would like to stay at home as long as is possible. Cossie is having a hospital birth, but I believe is also planning on staying at home as long as she can. More time at home = less time in a stressy environment. You lucky sod btw, having wise okie on hand!

Little one has had 3 cool showers now - showers = bum-washing. She's not objected actually - maybe she realises she's needed them.

reggie I had a brainwave about the whole Etsy thing, I actually know someone who does their IT stuff for them in NYC - she's one of my ski buddies. I've emailed her and told her that us europeans are desperate to spend our money - fix it!

reggie great news about the amnio being as bearable as it was. Will be with you for the results - in mind at least.

ski slap that BF of yours with a wet haddock. "Can't do it", my arse. .

What is Etsy??

cunty I had a TENS and nothing else with LC. It was BRILLIANT. I mean, it still bloody hurt but it was interesting that the times when I didn't do the boosty thing hurt a LOT more, so it seemed to be doing an excellent job, relative to what it would have been like without it. Epidural it isn't, though. But it was enough for me.

honey neighbours aren't you. Don't lose your confidence and don't forget the reasons why you chose to go for a HB. If those reasons are still with you, now is a good time to remember them. I recommend "The Father's Homebirth Handbook" which is great at discussing pros and cons and reasons why HB is a positive thing. My point is, if it's what YOU want, ignore other people. If you yourself aren't sure, that's a different matter but you've got time to explore that.

I'm a bit sick of people saying, "aren't you brave". FFS. No, I just don't want to get cut, prodded, messed with or to catch MRSA.

Are we going to organise a PESH meet?

Come Dine With Me is on and the woman has essentially served up cheese on toast as a starter!!! Even I can do that.

My mutt is in garden trying to cool down. There's no sunshine at the mo but it's actually really hot once you get going. Think I have just managed to microwave the dog sans microwave.

rots He phoned his mum today and she's told him he's GOT TO - it's his duty.

As for hb - it does annoy me that it's seen as something weird and kooky. I can't think of anything more natural than giving birth in your own house and then having the baby with you.

www.etsy.com It's kind of like ebay (without the auction) but it's all handmade/homemade one-offs, so you get originals and not mass-produced in China stuff.

silversky That's the worst thing about no C4. No CDWM - the funniest selection of British nutters served up on a weekly basis!

I love Etsy... problem is I like it all!

Yes let's do mini pesh meet part 2. I think we were going to try and do an after worker in centralish London? Maybe this week or next an option?

Fanks for reassurance girls. I'm not ruling anything out anything yet...

Silver stick your dog in a cold shower!! Mines just woken up and gone bonkers trying to eat flip flops and newspapers.

I love come dine with me... I'm always trying to organise a real life version but no one ever has enough time!

I might be able do after work. Might.

We've held a CDWM eve but instead of one person or couple doing all three courses we licked a course per person/couple which worked really well.

I see that there is shit all on tv tonight.

PESH's of the horsey variety -should I be worried about using fly spray?

Have been washing hands after and trying not inhale etc but occurred to me this morning i shoud ask someone in the know!

I know you can't touch products with DEET in. The one thing I do have for the nag I put gloves on, cos it's a cream.

It's never bloody ending is it - the sodding worrying I mean?