The PESH Deli for updiffed BESHes who love prunes and smell of wee wees

[rollerbaby]

BESH BABYWIN STATS

This isn't a fucking list - right?

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, Bay Amaryllis born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April 12

UPDIFFED
FannyPriceless, her pelvis went menkul, due June 14
CUNextTuesday, takes no shit from the Daily Mail, due June 28
IggyPiggy, The one who loves BUMSEX, due July 20
CurlyCasper, hospital botherer due July 21 (girl)
Skihorse, cradle snatching web geek, due July 22 (boy)
Carrots, organic hippy hunter, due July 25 (boy)
Cosmosis, the one that likes a good ride, due August 22
backinthebox, she bought a racehorse, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September ??
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
Honeymoo, no it's not fucking indigestion, due November 2
silversky, the biggest farter, due 21 October (first baybee)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November
ReginaMonologue, must-get-the-goss-from-ski, due November 20

cunty Ha! Kids don't have the appropriate muscles to snowboard until they're nearly 6 - so your offspring will be MINE, all MINE until then! "2-planks cunty" I'll call it.

As for your weight - it would be worrying perhaps if you'd started at 7 stone - but you're good and healthy and you've not been trying - you've said before that you've simply found it difficult to ingest such quantities.

boxer pony racing sounds brilliant - are mums allowed to do it too?

I fear you may be right ski ref the plankitude. It will not stop me giving it a go though, the best way to get the muscles is to force them to develop

I've had pate on toast for lunch. / to the government

Surely you can just strap the bambino to the snowboard at top of mountain and simply give them a gentle shove push down the piste.

Exactly - indoctrination whilst they don't have The Fear.

We bought these for DD when she was 18 months old . She prefers toboganning though. I will have to nip over to the other place later on and put up the vid of her crashing an out of control sledge at the tender age of 17 months. They bounce easily at that age, and it doesn't seem to have put her off

Oh I know what I meant to tell you (esp those at the latter end of this jaunt). Doula came round last night and we did an exercise where she made Hom and I hold an ice cube in our hands, once where we were just sat there feeling it burn, and then again where she made me use some of the natal hypnotherapy/Birth Skills techniques. It was really really effective - she timed a little longer than a minute both times, to mimic lenth of contraction, and during the second ice cube it went so much quicker and with much less focus on the 'burn'. And so easy to practise too, to train your brain. Brilliant.

Really really don?t worry about the weight.

Firstly all different scales will have slightly different calibrations, so if you?re not sticking to one set, the weights don?t match up.

Secondly, weight varies hugely from day to day, time of day, whether you?ve just eaten / had a poo etc etc.

Thirdly, baybee will just parasite like strip out all the goodness from what you eat, so as long as baybee is measuring ok, then what you weigh doesn?t really matter.

Arghhh lots of fred to catch up on. Have been offski on our lovley mini break. So nice and actually sunbathed in swimwear - I mean, WTF? Also driven around the countryside fantasising about a house with garden - but on closer inspection turns out we need to win the lottery to live where we'd ideally like in S.Bucks. Oh well has been a good week.

Hot dog, hot hubby and hot me right now. Need an ice lolly.

Hypnobirthing book has turned up finally (bought second hand) MINUS the frigging CD - whats the point of that?

Just seen an email for an NCT nearly new sale near my house tomorrow morning. Have no idea what I want but worth a look I suppose.

honey which part takes your fancy? Gerrards Cross?

funny, thats where I went to school as a matter of fact. nope bit mansion-tastic for my taste. Beaconsfield or surrounding area would be nice but hardly any property on market and nothing reasonable thats for sure.

Honey I can do you a copy of my hypno-birthing CD if you like?

I know the area well!! Some very prestigous roads in that area.

polly that would be ace of you. Which book does it go with? Or does that matter? I've bought the book "hypnobirthing, the mongan method". You are a star.

Silver how come you know it? do you live there? my m&d are v close to there and we stayed there last night, so went to penn today to lovely pub and sat i the garden with doglet wishing we could buy a nice big house there!! sad I know!!

I think that is the book I've got Honey but SIL still has it (her son is only 18months old now, FFS). I've got another CD or two that our HB teacher gave us, so can copy those too if you like. Do you want to send me your address on t'other place? I will try and do them over the weekend for you but it will depend on getting some assistance from TG, so I cannot guarantee, as he is lazy fecker.

I used to work for S Bucks Council so I know it too Beaconsfield was on my patch

PMSL @ "all work and no play makes mummy a fucking lunatic." ski, you're so right. Exactly why you SHOULD do the skiing holiday and not think twice about the creche thing. Creches are designed to give kids the time of their lives - he'll be VV happy and even if he's not, up the piste you'll not hear him crying. . I know, I know.

honey I VERY HIGHLY recommend arriving at least 15 minutes before it opens, if not earlier. Usually NCT sales are an absolute bunfight (think Harrods sale on speed) so if you see something you may want, pick it up or hold onto it until you decide, otherwise it will be whisked away.

ski Really sorry to hear about the vomming on front thing :-( My gross car story is I weed through my tena lady in a coughing fit on the way home last night and have slightly stained the seat in our rental car (Landie finally in for fixing). VV embarassed about it when I saw it this morning Have now upgraded to big incontinent lady pads and spoken to docs who will refer me to "the bladder nurse" 2-3 months after birth if it's not stopped. She reassured me it was normal, despite how bad it is. It is still only when I cough badly, which I'm still doing but getting better.

Had a lovely afternoon in the sunshine. We set up a water slide with a plastic sheet thing and a hosepipe and YOB and LC had a whale of a time getting soaked and sliding on it. I laughed so much I coughed enough to get through 2 friggin pads .

cunty HOCKEY? ARE YOU MAD??? I was forced to play the ugly game at school, which I did ok in more thanks to being ever so slightly competitive rather than any level of skill. It was always freezing, it being a winter sport, playing in snow so deep the nets were buried kind of thing (well it was t'NORTH don't you know - well, Staffordshire anyway) and then one poor girl had her front teeth knocked out which put me off for good.

On another note, this hypnobirthing thing. I'm thinking I should do it as I'm losing a bit of confidence in things. You'd recommend it, then?

secondtimers what are you doing with your kids when you go into labour?

Defo recommend the hypnotherapy. I don't really hold with a lot of hippy nonsense but I thought I'd do it cos there's nowt to lose and everything to gain. Last night's ice experiment proved to me that it can really work if you subscribe totally to its principles. And Doula is well up for that sort of thing so we'll make a good team on the day.

Hockey is the business man innit. Played every season from age 11 till I was 33 when a shoulder injury and a house move more or less put paid to it. Never minded the cold, or the rough and tumble (picked up shedloads of injuries) just loved the channeled aggression and shoutiness of it all. I really miss it.

Tis also the area that I would like to live when I grow up. Or Hertfordshire. Keep thinking the time to move is when on mat leave as is when on maternity leave but I can't think that far ahead.

Rots I think my parents will come and stay around the due date and will look after the wee chap - I will be having a hospital birth. They will probably come about a week before due date and stay for a couple of days once we get home. If I go into labour early then I am sure I could call on my brother and SIL who live close by to hold the fort until my parents get to that London.

Reggie reggie how's tricks? Hope all went ok today.

cunty did you do it separate to the doula or did she teach it to you? I still think that hockey is the game of the devil .

okie he's younger than LC, no? Mine's nearly 6. I just don't know whether or not to have him there. He's pretty sensitive but at the same time I'm interested in the idea of a child experiencing normal birth per Sheila Kitzinger's theories. Also there's few people nearby we can rely on for care. My mother will be there but as a doula, essentially. Oh decisions, decisions.

reggie thinking about you today. xxx

Parents have arrived safely and have now been sent off to bed in their nearby holiday cottage. (You didn't think I'd actually cope with them under our roof the whole time, did you?) It all suddenly seems a bit real.

I spoke to the post natal ward manager today and she assured me they are all set for me next week. At one point she said "Everyone is briefed and ready for the extra input and attention you are going to require." Of course I said "Oh, I'm terribly embarassed about needing this, I'm so sorry." But inside I was leaping with joy that I have already managed to make such a fuss that the message has obviously got through loud and clear.

MrP thinks the baby will be very big, but I'm not sure because we thought that last time and she was a nice average 8 lbs. However, I am now unable to sit in a chair as in that position there is not enough room for both of us in my torso. I have to recline a little otherwise I suffocate from crushed rib cage. And 2 weeks ago the MW measured the baby at 42 cm, so who knows? I didn't believe her, btw. (And I had a different MW last week who measured 39 cm, so it can't be that reliable, can it?)

orgrots separate to Doula. Got the CDs off Ebay. Just that Doula is a yoga teacher and is all round bohemiatastic, so this breathing thing is right up her alley.

poobear The Crown or Queens Head per chance?

Another area I know well. Though again some areas require small fortune to purchase. Very nice village indeed.

Laydees I am afraid that I have to withdraw my claim of having a bump. I was really informed by family that I don't look pregnant. So you heard it hear first folks I am officially looking like a right fat bird.