The PESH Deli - where black-humoured diffed BESHes turn to hormonal mush.

[CurlyCasper]

If you don't like the title, tough. I'm still talking

BESH BABYWIN STATS

This isn?t a fucking list ? right?

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, Bay Amaryllis born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April 12

UPDIFFED
Ponymum, the one with the worst hips, due mid June
CUNextTuesday, takes no shit from the Daily Mail, due June 28
IggyPiggy, The one who loves BUMSEX, due July 20
CurlyCasper, the ginger with the dodgy joints due July 21 (girl)
Skihorse, cradle snatching web geek, due July 22 (boy)
Carrots, organic hippy hunter, due July 25 (boy)
Cosmosis, the one that likes a good ride, due August 22
Pandora, She's got wings, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September ??
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
Honeymoo, puppy lover, due November 1
silversky, the biggest farter, due 21 October (first baybee)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November
ReginaMonologue, must-get-the-goss-from-ski, due November 20

NO, I very much hope not.

Wtf about the placenta tablets? Yuk!

Ski about OH - stand by for full loss of rational thought for a good few days from Jailbait (if not longer,) when Julian is born. In OH's defence he was trying to single-handledly finish off the remaining couple of weeks worth of rebuild of our house in just a few days, with no previous experience of building, in order that DD and I had a home to come home to. He nearly managed it as well - not bad for a desk-wallah! After a day of thinging about plumbing and laying floors he was generally a bit brain-fried, and as a result I had to stick to the bed for just a bit longer. I have learnt my lesson though, and although I hope this time it is like a trip to Tesco (ie get there, get what I want as quickly as possible, get home again for a cup of tea and a sit down,) I will have a full on holiday suitcase for all eventualities. No cruchy nighties this time round!

About books and stuff - here's my top tip, and it's the only one you will need post-birth: Don't read books, and don't listen to anyone else's unsolicited advice. But don't be unafraid to ask the advice of your friends who have already successfully managed to have a baybee. They have 'the knowledge.' You honestly will be able to figure it out for yourself, even if that seems impossible atm, and there is nothing more annoying than someone constantly telling you you need to put your baby down when it is crying or it'll grow up needy, or giving you advice on how to get it sleeping through the night, etc. Too much advice and you will end up wanting to punch someone in the face, no matter how well-intentioned it is. It is generally irritating. {Off soapbox now}

DD is esconced at pre-school now, along with 5 baby creatures of one variety or another. She was most put out when I left her there - she wanted to come home and stare at the remaining 5 unhatched eggs with me. They are taking their time though, and i think they will still be to hatch when she gets home.

The missing letter from 'bruchy' is 'n.' Although it could have been 't.'

Crunchy, crunchy, crunchy. Wtf is wrong with my typing this morning?

boxer I think your advice tip is very sound - and I wonder why/how so many seemingly-sane people fall in to this trap of doing it "because the book says".

Btw curly I'm happy with my not-list stats although I think I ought to take ownership of my puking ability and milk it for all it's worth.

Please to not be worrying about my positions laydees! (thanks). Between prenatal yoga, lots of reading, a great physio, and excellent NHS Parentcraft classes, SFF and I are well prepared to fight any insistence that I labour on my back. (As the only likely CU-led case at my classes, I have been given direct and specialised advice).

cunty your doula's explanation of positions echoed exactly what we were told during last week's pain relief/comfort session at Parentcraft, from which we came away with some lovely charts with all sorts of ideas for position. If refused water, I plan to be muchly forward facing on my ball/husband/big stack of pillows or salsa dancing around the room

MW even said there's no need to lie down if hooked up to a monitor. You/Dad can hold the sensor thingys in place (I had to do this while lying down anyway the other week)

Scariest bit was that our hossie labour ward treats every case as a potential C-Section so you are not allowed to eat! So we are going to be perfecting our smuggling techniques. And I'll probably scoff a leg of lamb in the latent phase.

iggaloo your piccie is wonderful! What beautiful curves you have and proper radiant (even though I can't see your face). Can you believe how quickly we have grown to such proportions?

honey I too have protected pants for sneezing/coughing/laughing/standing at the wrong angle. A wee bit of wee is normal - but we should all be tightening up those pelvic floors...

Gosh, cunty, yes, labouring on your back at any stage is a bad idea but absolutely definately towards the end of 1st stage onwards. Apparently it became fashionable around the time that forceps started being used in the French courts (which require you to be on your back and in stirrups) and simply became a "fashion" rather than anything useful.

In my experience your body tells you what you want to do. I was very belligerent with any MW who wanted me to lie on my back to do a VE (vaginal examinal, ie how dilated I was), not because I was deliberately being difficult but because it FUCKING hurt. Both the VE and the lying on my back. My body just told me what to do and it was mostly lying on my side, and I moved to all fours for pushing. Which was elegant.

This time I'm going to try to avoid any VEs at all. But you're absolutely right about the monitors - the leads should be plenty long enough to move around as your body tells you.

I would recommend trying to get hold of some labour position suggestions - you will need to practise them with your birth partner (say OH) beforehand. Again, not elegant, but there's not point trying to work things out from a diagram when you're in labour. Supported squats, all fours etc are all good for opening the pelvis - and remaining as upright as possible once in established labour as well. Sheila Kitzinger's Pregnancy and Birth books have excellent info on this, as will the NCT, a doula certainly should and so should any good MW.

The thing is to go with what your body tells you, not what is "convenient" for the MW. Also remember my experience that the foetal monitor picked up MY heartrate and because the MWs were out of the room and not looking at it properly, they assumed it was the baby going into distress = em C sec without personal MW (mum). So double check that!! A hand help doppler for a few contractions will do it.

I DID read a lot of books before and after, but, I didn't take any of them as gospel. Same with advice from friends. As box says, listen to others and then make your own choices. It's rather like with ponies - everyone knows what to do, and how you should do it, but in the end you trial and error in your own way and babies (and ponies) generally live to tell the tale!

Oooh cas bad news re NBM. Actually, I'm not sure that they CAN tell you you MUSTN'T eat. Are you going to do one of the most energetic things ever without calories? What crap. I would def discuss this with hossie and your community MWs.

My hossie was fussy about it and we smuggled in sarnies and doughnuts! The only important thing is that IF you end up going for a general before an em c, your husband needs to tell them you've been eating. So smuggle away if they're really difficult. You may not want to eat but if you do, you will need it.

I wasn't really hungry with mine but afterwards the bloody kitchens were closed and the only thing they had was a manky, horrible old sandwich which had to last me until breakfast. While ex and mum went to dinner at a local restaurant (grr). Which was funny as my mum looks pretty young, and it was a restaurant ex and I went to a lot, and the waiting staff thought he was having an affair!

What was funnier was that he was wearing the same fleece I'd nicked from him in transition when I got cold, and then given birth in . (Yuck).

hear hear rots

But what about Placenta Pills???

That's more pearls of wisdom cunty - please, keep it coming! At this rate, I'll just give birth on my own at home, with you to assist me over the internet! Hurrah for the empowered Peshes! Now pass the placenta pills, I could do with some nice home-grown iron.

Ski the more I hear about your friend, the more I want to be admire her!

I've never had a skin tag...yet! What other glories does the future hold?

fanny i've been meaning to say for ages that it is just awful having to actually move your bedroom down because the stairs is too much of a pain. Though good that you could, of course! I must say you have been admirably brave and philosophical about it all and really put the annoying twinges I keep getting in my back into perspective. Not much longer left to go!

honey I have started the pelvic floor stuff. If every single person tells you that you should, well you start to realise that maybe it makes sense. Have to say, it gets easier quite quickly too. Not sure I do it exactly right (no-one to ask ) but I already find it more easy and comfortable than at the start...

Iggy! Wow - that's some bump! You look lovely! And very nice dress too from the look of it. Is it purple?

boxy's advice re parenting is spot on. It was wonderful just 'going with the flow'. It's kinda simple: baby has needs, you respond. It is not possible for a young baby to be manipulative, or to need to be 'taught' things. There is no difference between their needs and their wants. I was kindly disposed to Nick C when I heard that he had rejected a certain parenting guru after deciding that he had "subcontracted his parenting instincts to a book". See here.

okiedokie Thanks for your concern. It's not too bad being stuck downstairs, and there's only a few weeks to go now. We actually moved here late in my last pg precisely because it's a wheelchair-friendly house and stairs are nearly impossible with SPD like mine. I'm very glad I planted bulbs as I currently have a nice view of tubs full of tulips, along with apple blossom on the trees, and lots of visiting birds at the bird table. (Trying not to compare my situation to boring childhood visits to great grandmother in old folks home with her view of a little garden patch).

To answer your q, I am just this week finishing off some consulting work which has been brilliant as I've been able to do 90% of it from home. I had to go self employed after I was 'made redundant' as soon as I notified my return from work date after the last maternity leave. Shocking, but more common than you might think. So on top of everything I (finally) have the employment tribunal dates next week. We had to beg petition the judge strongly to get a date before I pop. I'll be there in the wheelchair with my hospital bag in the car just in case. Yuck. Wish me luck, it's been a tough time.

iggy Love your pic but I'm sure I win on the current giant bump rankings. And you are so right about unhealthy food in hospitals. You have reminded me to take my own breakfast cereal this time as the offerings last time were dire.

honey Yes, a little wee tends to accompany sneezing, puking, etc. It's truly glam, this preggo stuff. (Though I still want to know, does this happen to slebs?)

ski Ahh, a classic SaTC moment. I love how she developed a little OCD after the incident, constantly wiping her face with tissues for no reason.

cunty is your doula my yoga teacher? she does the placenta pills thing - and is also a doula

I have learnt the same things from NCT class re: sacral bones coming away to give more room for birth - they also told us that if you lying on your back then it stops your perineum strecthing properly as it is trapped to the back - so makes you more likely to tear. Interesting innit.

casps I know - we have expanded fast but I quite like this shape now. Fanks for your werds - I too think you are looking v. radiant at the mo

box am liking your advice - is one of the reasons I have abandoned the books totally! I reasoned that my mum and my mum in law are on the phone if I need help

witty it is purple - it isn't actually a maternity dress - is one from bravissimo that seems to be fine for bump - I've had it about a year I fink..

moomoo am giggling at weesneeze - I haven't had that, but I expect i will

fanny I'm sure you do win cos you are further ahead - Def take your own food - selections in hosp are always terrible..

And thank you switty for your concern too. PESHes are all v nice.

We haz all gone soft fanny

think we need some BUMSEX in here

speaking of which - where is poo ????

I believe glucose tablets and lucozade are a must...

When someone suggested Lucozade last week we were told a massive "NO" to energy drinks - too much risk of a high and then a crash. S'pose it would be like drinking coffee

My preference would be a Dominoes delivery

I too have been wondering about poo but I think she's striding purposefully across the moors of the South-West avec le chien and the mini-popsicle.

fanny Good luck with the tribunal - what a palava.

Mum tells horrible tales of being forced (!) to give birth twice on her back with feet in stirrups knowing that it just just all wrong for her.

If you are in strange optimal positions during labour, or in pain afterwards and it hurts to sit up properly, you will want to take drinking straws so that you can have a drink even when upside down. Or if you're me (and I suspect cossie prob has one too) I'm taking my Platypus drink bladder. I intend to hook it to the bedhead and clip the hose somewhere I can reach it without moving.

More duckling photos on the other place! I now have 2 yellow ones, 3 black ones and a brown one. Lovely! The one's that went to pre-school survived the trauma, although it would seem the kids didn't get to go near them as the teachers and assistants were fighting over who got to hold them most.

Fanny work stuff sounds terrible. About the bird table - last time I was pregnant I watched a little baby bird every day being fed by it's mother, and I thought 'aaah!' Then one day a great big bird of prey just swooped down and ate it! I was a bit gobsmacked, and sad but amazed all at the same time.

fanny wishing your next few weeks are bearable and enjoy the flowers!

ski my mum the same. It's one reason she became a MW as she thought it was all so brutal!

cunty Aktulee, and this is a troo fakt, I have a friend who has 2 placentas (from her babies!!) in her freezer which she's going to use to make homeopathic treatments from. I have yet to decide

re pelvic floor - def, def, def go for those exercises now and don't stop, ever! NCT have a leaflet on it which costs 50p or ask your MW who will have some too. Without them you are relatively likely to end up at the very least stress incontinent (very likely), and a less likely but still poss to end up fully incontinent or be prone to uterine prolapse.

Sounds nasty coz it is but there's a reason why Tenalady sells so well.

Gorgeous bump iggs

rots fank you I saw nice pic of you and your bump on Fb the other day