The PESH Deli - where black-humoured diffed BESHes turn to hormonal mush.

[CurlyCasper]

If you don't like the title, tough. I'm still talking

BESH BABYWIN STATS

This isn?t a fucking list ? right?

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, Bay Amaryllis born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April 12

UPDIFFED
Ponymum, the one with the worst hips, due mid June
CUNextTuesday, takes no shit from the Daily Mail, due June 28
IggyPiggy, The one who loves BUMSEX, due July 20
CurlyCasper, the ginger with the dodgy joints due July 21 (girl)
Skihorse, cradle snatching web geek, due July 22 (boy)
Carrots, organic hippy hunter, due July 25 (boy)
Cosmosis, the one that likes a good ride, due August 22
Pandora, She's got wings, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September ??
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
Honeymoo, puppy lover, due November 1
silversky, the biggest farter, due 21 October (first baybee)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November
ReginaMonologue, must-get-the-goss-from-ski, due November 20

Oh you wicked woman fanny - I'm in a good mind to come and puke ON you when I'm over! Yes, I puked at 4:30am this morning.

I'm very impressed with my little man who maanged to wake his father up last night. Jailbait was on his back and apparently I was on my side squashed up against him. He couldn't work out what the hell I was trying to do then he realised it was Julian punching and kicking him! He said he just lay there for ages feeling him and happy to be able to.

Big congrats to cossie and TGO on that front too obviously!

fanny There may be advantages to sharing a room - when you drop something on the floor or need to get a glass of water someone will hopefully be able to help. Single rooms in hospital can be horrible lonely places.

Silver I work almost exclusively with men, who is going to point the finger at the token woman?

ski I haz no cloo what you is on about?

Happy Saturday all. Rotten day. Cold, went and windy, perfect now that I am no longer riding. Hoss has been kicked out with rainsheet on for the day.

Getting my haircut later and then heading back to yard to get hoss back in, when no doubt it will be pissing down and hair will be ruined... I haz shit luck like that.

What is everyone else up to?

silver - farts! I'm talking about FARTS!

I haz been to stables - put hoss in sand paddock, it rolled and cantered around of its own accord. Put it back in the stable and it spazzed out because it wanted to be out with the herd, so I figured fuck it and turned her out. She's still lame but I was able to pick up the opposing foot to pick it out so it can't be that bad! Spazzed out = weaving and rocking from side to side - surely not good for a sprained shoulder. Also noticed muck on the top of her withers - which pretty much confirms to me that she got cast - she's got high withers and isn't normally able to get them "dirty" when she rolls. Asshat.

cunty news - she's doing OK, said she found it difficult to sleep on the ward - one lady went in to labour at 4am but handled it with aplomb and baby girl arrived by 7am! All her obs are looking good and she'll find out this afternoon if they're letting her out or not - it sounds as though she was admitted because they'd rather be safe than sorry, rather than she was at death's door.

Get well cunty! ski Thanks for the encouragement about the shared room, but I usually don't do 'sharing'. If I end up in a room with chatty, inquisitive types I think I'll shut the curtains and fasten a big notice on the outside saying 'Fuck Off! I do not wish to talk about your baby.' Also, I always want much more fresh air than others, and hate flourescent lights. These things you can control in your own room. God, listen to me complain already! Gaaaarrrgh. I am currently calculating how soon after a c-section I can come home.

I'm not saying wards or shared rooms are marvellous - but I personally get a bit lonely and scared in hospital - it's nice if there's someone there whom you can talk to if you want to. But maybe you're just an antisocial caaaah and I hope you drop your Barley water!

Antisocial caaaah it is then!

I'm with Fanny on the subject of wards vs private rooms. I endured 5 days on a ward after DD, right in front of the nurse's station (because apparently they needed to be able to keep a close eye on me ) and it was 5 days of torture. Part of the reason behind me getting an IM is to formulate a rapid escape plan whatever happens in the hospital. I particularly don't ever want to have to spend a night without my baby but next to another woman who just kept screaming 'Shut UPPPP!' over and over again at her own baby, like last time. Hell.

Horses - today I has come home without racehorse as it turns out he is highly allergic to trailers (and managed to get himself wedged over the central partition, removing large quantities of hair in the process. ) We put the partition in because the sellers said he likes to feel cosy and secure in a lorry and doesn't like too much space. So he is being delivered by lorry later in the week. In the 2 hours I was out to collect him the Shitland escaped from the orchard where she was supposed to be trimming the grass - there is lots of grass, so she wasn't getting hungry, just being a shitland. Big horse panicked that he could no longer see her just over the fence so he did some fence rearranging to get to where he thought she was, leaving broken rails and a shoe behind (so no XC schooling for him tomorrow!) Bloody animals! Oh yes, and an egg I wasn't supposed to have hatched 2 days earlier than it was supposed to,+ so now I have a teeny tiny frankenstein chick and nowhere to put it. Tis very cute though.

Discovery of the week - if I sit down and do nothing for long periods of time I am much less tired than I have been!

A couple of times I've stayed in Belgian hospitals and it's been rooms with 3 women - that seems to be a much nicer compromise. Not billions of people screaming throughout the night, but not on your own either. Errr.... what sort of a woman screams "shut up" at her own baby (when others can hear)?

boxer Hattrick! 3 asshats to your name, congratulations!

Sitting & sleeping is a very fine state of affairs I believe.

Oh that's a good discovery, boxy.

So, there's a little bit of work to do with that racehorse then?

I have one tip for getting away from the hospital. If you need to take any drugs home make sure they are ordered well ahead of when you need to leave. Last time we had to wait from 10am to about 4pm for the bloody drugs trolley to arrive! They wouldn't let MrP simply go down and collect them from the pharmacy because "it's a different system for ward precriptions".

ski Six beds here, I'm afraid. And they have warned me that the birth unit is now very busy and full, but still has the same number of staff. Nice.

I haz missed out, what's up with cuntychops?

She's been admitted for observation for a urine infection.

oh dear

Cunty get better soon! Hope you are out of hossie and watching Britain's got Talent or something equally crap.

ski I see your point. Everyone knows wimmins smell of roses constantly so no point even considering that a laydee would let one go. Now horsey wimmins also smell of roses, but lean more towards the whiff of compost for roses.

We have decided on our hospital and now need to tell the GP as they have to do some admin and then we have to go to new hospital and then have more bloods and another scan as this hospital like to have their own records! They clearly don't trust anyone else do they!

I am watching a prog about baybees and one baybee has the same Christian name as his father, which in my view is just confusion for father and baybee.

cunty is still in hospital but she's had the IV removed now so it does sound as though she's well on the mend. They're hoping she will be able to go home tomorrow.

silver haha - I have indeed been at the office before and realised that something I'm wearing smells of "the stables".

silver Jailbait's dad and grandfather have the same name as him. Unimaginative knobs.

ski pure laziness indeed.

May I ask was FannyP originally someone beginning with a P?

Computer says yes.

I fawt it mite hv been.

Was wondering what happened to her...

Have been doing some chores around the house, devils work really. Now my hands are dry and 'orrible.

I iz home

Thank you for all your good wishes - all a bit dramatic for some manky piss, but as it goes they checked a load of borderline dodgy ishoos whilst they were there, e.g. hacking cough, mithersome headache. Had an 'episode' in the Day Assessment Unit which was a bit embarrassing, but at least proved I wasn't making it up.

Got put on the ante natal ward which was v interesting, if a little noisy. Learnt loads about early labour as nobody seemed to deem it necessary to speak in hushed tones, regardless of the hour. On the first night, a lass opposite me went through the whole of her early labour (up to 5cm) without anyone else in the room knowing except the MWs. I was sleeping fitfully anyway and t would have disturbed me had I known but I only knew at 4am when her breathing was quite pronounced but deep and regular - textbook. Then the MWs brought her some gas and air which itself was noisy but there was only the merest whimper from her as she kept her breathing really regular. Meanwhile her chap was ceaseless in his 'breathe in - breathe out' pattern with her, kept her really regular and was full of praise and support, but in a really quiet and calm. It was totally controlled and impressive. I know the whole ward was breathing with them on his instruction . Anyway they took her down to the delivery suite at 4.30am and I asked about her in the morning and she'd had it a couple of hours later with no high drama, although I imagine with a leeetel bit more whimpering in the latter stages. It was her first too.

This morning a PESH arrived - 43 and on her first. Her husband was being a bit of a toss-piece ('do you think it'll arrive in time for the Chelsea game this afternoon?' and laughing at her trumping, even though her knew all the discomfort from the contractions was centred on her lower bowel and she was not enjoying it). I learnt the following:

1. pressure on the lower bowel is good as it indicates head is consistently moving down.

1. There are 2 kinds of 'show' - the bloody mucus plug that we call a show, and the show that the MWs refer to which is the rest of the mucus (usually clear) being discharged after the waters have broken.

1. Once your waters have broken you should wear a pad so the MWs can see what colour your leaking/residual fluid is

1. A soft, stretchy cervix is a Very Desirable Thing and means you are likely in for a fuss-free dilation

1. You can having proper contractions at 3 min intervals and still be sent home because you are not in established labour, i.e. no dilation at all.

1. The time to go to hospital is the point at which you can physically no longer speak during your contractions

1. If, at any stage, you feel your partner is not being as supportive as he could be, you are perfectly entitled to call him a cunt (in lowered tones of you prefer), regardless of how home-counties you come across to everyone else.

Anyhoos that was an adventure. Not keen to repeat it though. Am installed on the sofa.

cunty I'm so very glad you're home safe & sound.

I got an email today from a friend who gave birth a few weeks ago. She wass a BESH of course and was overdue. She'd had BH for a few weeks so hadn't realised it was the real deal going down - when they got too painful she walked (!) to the hospital where upon she was told she was fully dilated! No time for pain meds and little boy born very easily and quickly in the big scale of things. She said she was knackered afterwards and the pushing hurt more than she'd imagined but all-in-all she was very happy and next time wants to do it at home where she feels it will be easier.

More positive stories please!

cunty So glad you are home! Sounds like an enlightening experience on the ward. Hope you are now being waited on hand and foot.

Yay welcome home cunty!!!!!

and well done to your mate ski!

Re names, all the eldest boys in my family have had the same name for a gazillion years. (I am not as posh as this makes me sound). if Artie is a boy, he will have it as a middle name.

Welcome back Tuesday. Sorry you woz poorly and hospitalised.

Thanks for all the top tips. Will try and remember them! Tho with my preggo brain at times I wonder how I manage anything!