The PESH Deli - where black-humoured diffed BESHes turn to hormonal mush.

[CurlyCasper]

If you don't like the title, tough. I'm still talking

BESH BABYWIN STATS

This isn?t a fucking list ? right?

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, Bay Amaryllis born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April 12

UPDIFFED
Ponymum, the one with the worst hips, due mid June
CUNextTuesday, takes no shit from the Daily Mail, due June 28
IggyPiggy, The one who loves BUMSEX, due July 20
CurlyCasper, the ginger with the dodgy joints due July 21 (girl)
Skihorse, cradle snatching web geek, due July 22 (boy)
Carrots, organic hippy hunter, due July 25 (boy)
Cosmosis, the one that likes a good ride, due August 22
Pandora, She's got wings, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September ??
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
Honeymoo, puppy lover, due November 1
silversky, the biggest farter, due 21 October (first baybee)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November
ReginaMonologue, must-get-the-goss-from-ski, due November 20

iggy I am the elderly one. When this is all over you are going to go to Ireland and buy me a nice sensible hoss. Does that help?

ski I've been in tears so much that one night I cried all evening to that point that when I woke up in the morning my eyes still hurt. It's all just a bit overwhelming at the moment.

ski No, the bump is OBVIOUSLY faked so had to be the certificate!

I am tired of handing over wee already...

congrats iggy on the healthy half a baybee!
I'm scared now cause the just under nine pounds of born baby I held at the weekend seemed quite heavy for my pathetic arms... [worry] BTW, fanny is maternal.

carrots, when I went to the dentist last week she asked if I was still pregnant! Then took a look and said "sorry, but I'm obliged to ask" and I had to produce my card. I hope there aren't many people around who are my shape and not pregnant. Speaking of which, Travelodge mirrors are not very flattering when you have a distorted body

Spray-on. Sorry!

Oh I geddit fanny - apols for slowness

casps I know - I am always surprise by how heavy they are...

boxer Oh, that's a shame, I rather like the concept of a "pray-it-stays-on" dress. In fact, in younger days I believe I wore one or two...

curly What are they looking for in your wee?

iggy Oh we're all going to fuck up from time to time - what I love about carrots is her honesty about making mistakes with LC. You have a wonderfully supportive husband, a super dog and cracking parents. And if you go a bit bonkers post-partum we'll all shout MENKUL at you until you go and get some anti-depressants or jelly belly beans.

everything ski! They check it at every MW/hosp appointment. Ketones and shiz, I believe. I think they need it to check for both diabetes and pre-eclampsia. When I had my little scare the other week she could even tell that I had eaten my lunch early!

I haz thinking cap on, but having a creativity fail

Babies are easy, Iggy It's toddlers that are the trouble, but by the time they get to that stage at least you know what flavour sweeties they prefer when you sit them down in front of their favourite TV programme (which you will also know and have either recorded every episode ever made or have it on DVD.) I am a bad mother I have just tried to take her for a walk down the field, but was slightly freaked out by her screaming that the field was making noises at her .

I forgot to mention, btw, that as we set off to go to Badminton DD was wailing hysterically that we couldn't go to a horse show as we didn't have her pony in the trailer. Ambitious already, bless her!

boxer feeds her daughter sweeties!

Friend with 4 year old son has just told me that she has bought him a Welsh Sec A. Which leaves his tiny bombproof shetland with nothing to do. Oh dear. She was debating putting him out on loan (to us) until her new baby is old enough to ride, but would rather keep him at home and "just get him ridden as much as possible by other children". Tee hee! So as soon as I can walk again after the baby arrives I'm off to buy a riding hat for little miss price. I am picturing a rather fun 2nd birthday coming up!

fanny/switty/silver/skater/PESH - If you would like to find us all on fb - please search for "BESH Palace" - an angry ginger cat in a pink hoody to be hooked up - let me know here you've found me as I don't log in to the account very often.

BTW you don't actually have to be friends with all of us (if that puts you off ), just find and befriend the pussy and all will be revealed...

skates do you still use your old FB account? It has links to your blog n stuff. and photos of your gorgeous self. But not a hint of your real name etc.

AAAAND I'm not in the Besh palace anymore so if you wanna be my friend (my friend my friend) ask Ski to point you in my direction.

And if you DON'T wanna be my friend then :-P

ski I never really considered I was being "honest" about my screw ups! I do remember getting VV upset by people not daring to actually acknowledge how hard becoming a parent was (and as the book I've mentioned says, loving every OTHER minute of it). I felt sooo isolated by that, so I made a point of actually saying some of the bad stuff and suddenly people started to say, "oh YES! I felt that too!". It's a balance thing I think.

Being a momma is the most wonderful, amazing thing. But it's pretty bloody tough, too. But there's no doubt that it gets waaaay easier. LC at 5.5 is very independent and life is a breeze. Remind me why I'm doing this all again?

wanna make something of it?

Aww cunty you big softie

rots it's not the palace. Expect you'll have an invite...

My belly is so lively tonight, throwing weird shapes. I'm actually quite scared - clearly there is something alive in there that I'm not wholly confortable with

Off to bed after a whole day of dealing with DD's, ahem, lumpy farts. Just enough information to give you first timers nightmares . Nighty night, sleep tight!

one post feeling the fear, one dishing it out - what a lovely start to the day!

Hope Rastus has calmed down cunty.

Today we find out if we are moving on Friday!
Fingers crossed for contracts to be exchanged...

rots useful advice on the pram talk - oddly enough my NCT membership pack popped through the letter box yesterday - is it worth signing up for? I hear their courses are really well run and informative so I guess it's worth handing over the lolly... my only slight niggle about posting the cheque and form back now is that I was wondering if I should wait for my next scan, which is next week but then that'd only give me one day to get it back before my place on the course is given up to someone else... I suppose I could post the form back on the way back from the hospital as it is sort of enroute to my house... anyone else a member of NCT? I quite like the idea of volunteering when I'm house bound with a baby .

grumps as ski say's there are fat nazi's out there, you've just got to stand up to them, I know that is easier said than done, I should know, I've been putting up with it since I was at primary school . However, I am now firmly advocating my right as a mum-to-be to have some say in what I will and will not allow them to subject me to, if it's got a sound medical basis then sure, if they're just fat bullying they can f*ck off. I suppose the other way at looking at is if they want to monitor you more closely then you can probably insist on more scans too which is good all around!

all provided all goes well with my 12 week scan I'm hoping to announce my impending uber-hipponess to my friends who are coming over for my birthday. I need some advice though for 2 things:-

1. 2 of my friends who are coming have been trying to get preggo for ages and not managed it yet - one undergoing IVF, the other frantically trying to lose weight for the Fat Nazi's (ok, I'll shorten that to FN's) so she can get IVF on the NHS - I'm not sure how they'll take the news... any thoughts?

1. If you think everyone one of them will be OK with the news, how would you break it to them? I want to do something a bit quirky to tell them all but I'm not sure of how best to do so... again, any inspired thoughts on this one?

reggie For the love of god don't use the following phrases:

i) It was our first month trying
ii) It was an accident
iii) Tbh I'm not bovvered
iv) Have you considered being less of an alcoholic/chain-smoker/fatty/burger addict
v) Try reading "Taking care of your fertility"
vi) I'm praying for you
vii) awwww... want some babydust?

Tbh, I'd take the girls away to one side where it's quiet (kitchen ?) and then tell them. They will be happy for you - but they may well want a sob to themselves. I know you're not the type to patronise anyway.

I'd post off the form to the NCT - if the worst were to happen would they really dare not refund your money? carrots knows loads about the NCT.

I'm a total badass - I forgot to send the invite to the other place to carrots. This is probably a very bad move in light of the fact I'll meet her in the flesh in just over a week and she'll probably batter me!

All this talk of Dvds and sweets, well tut tut tut fanny and boxy. I can only say that I, for one, shall make such sweets as my child may be allowed to consume, out of organic home-bred honey (never raisins - they are evil apparently) and will act out extracts of shakespeare for their amusement. (Note to self: get a TV).

All this talk of facebook, hmmm , I am kinda for it and I am on there, but I share the paranoia about being "outed" in real life. Do you talk 'bout stuff on there or keep that for here? I am very tempted to leap out of the closet and in to your arms, but I'm a little shy... reassure me...

curls I haven't had a single wee test yet. When do they start? Soon, my pretty, soon... is probably the answer

Reggie - scans! Telling people! yes yes, very exciting! When next week by the way for the scan? Mine is Monday and I'll be 13+2. I shall also begin telling people after that. Advice about the two friends who are trying: we are in a similar situation with a couple we know and have decided to tell them first away from everyone else so that they can have time to process it and discuss it among themselves, before telling the whole group of friends. We won't make a big thing of it -we are seeing them anyway - but it would be unfair to spring it on them in a group IMO. As for exciting and original ways: I have none: I just blurt it out and then try to revive the listerner from temporary shock-induced paralysis.

It's a tough call reg - as any BESH will tell you it may be something of a hammerblow to others who have been trying for ages even though they express delight. On the other hand, being deliberately self-effacing because you are taking their feelings into account can come across as quite patronising. And you can't NOT tell them either...

My advice would be to not make a big announcement but to somehow mention it when it is appropriate (although not as they describe the trauma of going through IVF - breezily mentioning it then may not go down well...) - such as 'you not having any booze?' 'well no as it happens...'. Take your cue from the conversation that follows, but have a change of subject handy in case it's clear they want to move on to something else. If they are feeling glum I'm sure after time to process the initial glumness they will be ok.

switty i) Why are raisins evil? ii) I think you'll find Shakespeare is sexist, misogynistic, patronising towards those with learning difficulties and not in touch with modern society. You bastard. As for fb - the rule is that we never, ever, ever mention the whold baybee thing on each other's pages until the official announcement has been made. I have created a closed fb group where we can share information - inappropriate discussions etc. which you might not wish to talk about here. Furthermore you can join the group without being friends with any of us - but obviously we will then know your REAL NAME and will be able to stalk you down Avenue Toison D'Or.

Ok Ski, you have convinced me. I will find the cat now. I have sunglasses in my photo.