on the 1st day of christmas my true love sent to me a moosy and a baby

[tinkerbellstinkerbells]

new thread ladies

Morning LG&T.

I thought I was probably the only one of us that is awake this early.

So glad this is my last day at work for this week.

Births:
Kay - 12th December - 6:49pm - Dylan George - 10lbs 5ozs
Nat - 27th December - 8:36pm - Mikey Bradley - 6lb 10.5oz
Gin - 16th Jan- Girl - 7.25am - India Bluebell - 9lb 5oz
Tink- 19th Jan - Girl - 1.51pm - Bracken Hope Willow - 8lbs 7oz
MMM - 24th Jan - Max Robert - 5.53am - 6lbs 10 oz
Sorky - 16th Feb - Girl - 8lb 12oz
Glask - 20th Feb - Girl - 7.47pm - Ruby Marie 4lb (8wks prem)
LardyBump - 21st Feb- Boy - 8lb 12oz
Starshinetiger - 15th March - girl - 7lb 1 oz - Charlotte Carys Rose
GYo - 22nd March 9.55am- girl - 10 lbs 12 oz
Cosmo - 2nd April - girl - April Victoria - 8.51am - 6lb 9
Gruff - 15th April - boy - 8lb 2 oz - 6.02am Zachary John Graham
Ses - 9th May - boy - 8lb 9oz - 10.17am Owen Edward
Diege - 13th June, boy, 9lb 8ozs Jacob Llewellyn
LBOT - 30th July, boy, 7lb Tristan James
KookyKid - 2nd Sept,boy, Joseph Thomas,
IDOB - 14th October, girl, Caitlin Abigail
STT / LaTour - 20th Oct, 8lb, Harry Frederick Gordon
Moosy - 6th Dec, Gilr, 8lb 2oz, Felicity.
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Very very very very very feint BFP, I think, it really is a shadow of a shadow.

And I lied to DH, well not outright, he knew I'd done the other test, he obviously asked and I just shook my head, and he started banging on about 2 neg's being a good sign, I didn't correct him I did manage to remind him that we'd risked it albeit unknowingly, and that I was 9 days late before BFP with DS2, I just couldn't tell him and let him go out to work and worry all day when we can't really talk about it till tonight. And my goodness we have some talking to do. What the hell are we going to do?

They were only Tesco cheapies (all they had) am I right in remembering that they are well known for giving wrong BFP's? Please someone just say yes!

Didn't get to sleep till gone 4 this morning despite being absolutely shattered even before we went to bed, so am now just wrecked. We've got to start getting ready to go to mum's this weekend, I've got their xmas pressies, bday pressies and new babies pressies to wrap, I've got washing to do, need to start making lists of things that we can't forget to take etc.

Oh and now DS1 has got his mouth on... He hasn't even realised yet that I'm not even listening, or at least that I'm putting out all of the signs of not listening!

Hmmmmmm Nat. My Tesco BFP is one and sat on my lap.

It will be ok. Hold it together and talk to dh.

Eek Nat, no experience of Tesco tests I'm afraid but I think false BFPs are fairly rare aren't they? Is your DH around tomorrow? Could you do another test in the morning and then be able to talk about it with him?

Nat - I think if there is any colour to the line, chances are it's a BFP. If it's a shadow or greyish then it may be a false positive.
What a rollercoaster! FWIW, I'd have done the same as you re DH.

Gin - I'm in amazement that you ever manage to make it out the door with all those DC to organise!

Kay - morning! Hope work goes quickly for you today!

I shout a lot Ses

Must get them all downsatairs for coats and shoes.

My friend has just text to say she is in labour She only lives a few doors down. I am SO excited

Look at us all x-posting and checking in for news! Just like the good ol' days!!

Also had a thought last night that the other wagoner we don't hear from is Pop. She probably doesn't have a lot of time with those twins!

No, I'll have to tell him tonight, once kids are in bed.

There was the slightest bit of colour, really really really feint, proper hold it up to light to see feint. I think I know what it means though.

Just have no idea what we're going to do. I've said before that unlike at any other point in my life I would have to consider a termination (anyone feel offended by this sort of chat, just let me know and I'll keep it to myself) but the actual thought of doing it, I'm just not sure I could swallow a tablet, and then another, knowing that it would kill a baby, our baby. And thinking of it as a bunch of cells, not a baby doesn't work, think I am too conditioned to think pregnancy = baby.

But there are so many reasons why a baby would be just un-doable. Not least the pregnancy, my body only just managed to keep M alive, it stopped feeding him, how the hell would I relax at all knowing that any point my body just thinks 'sod this for a game of soldiers' and gives up again? What if we go through all of this and then end up with, well the un-thinkable. And what would that do to the kids? What's it going to do to them anyway? I'd have 3 under 3, I couldn't be a good mum to them all all the time, I bloody struggle now, add another baby in the mix...

But then I find myself putting dates into a due date calculator and looking at MC to see if there have been any advancements in twin buggies (yes, seriously), wondering boy/girl... and then end up thinking fuckshitbollocksfuckityfuck.

Sorry everyone, am ranting like a good'un today!

Rant away Nat and don't worry about causing offence. I think most people in your situation would be having similar thoughts/debates.
Are you going to do another test later or tomorrow? Or are you waiting for the postman to bring tests?

Yep waiting for postman.

I really would rather people say if they don't want the 't' word mentioned, I already feel like a monster when I know some of you are bordering on desperate for another one.

NJ have been there. I did in fact terminate. It was hard, incredibly hard. In fact i couldn't do it again, i know i couldn't.

It was an impossible time (had just found out exp was having an affair) had met (now) dh and was in turmoil.

I never for one minute imagined it was a baby though. That is the only way i mananged to get through it. I have no idea when it would have been due and did not want to know.

I am not sure you are in the right place for a termination, or not one that you would not regret anyway.

Your body reacts differently to every pregnancy too. There is no guarantee it will all happen again.

Wish you lived round the corner. I could help you

Gin, so sorry if I have dregged anything up for you, but thank you for giving me your thoughts on it all. I have a very good friend who has had a termination before, I keep picking up the phone ready to ring her and then putting it down before I've even dialed, I know she'd be here like a shot but I don't want it to remind her. And DH is right in saying that we shouldn't involve anyone until we know what's going to happen (obviously MN excluded!).

Great isn't it? Postie was here before 9am yesterday, bet he doesn't show till this afternoon today.

I don't think about it tbh Nat. Tis past and i don't regret it. Ask away

Blardy postie!

I don't even know if I have anything to ask. I don't think I want to know. DYKWIM?

At some point I am going to have to buck up and face it all, I know this, but right now, I just don't want to know.

I'm sitting watching the kids playing with the cars and trains, the tracks are all over the place, the garage is in bits, and the thought of one of them not being here, not getting the chance to play with the tracks and the garage and give me even more clearing up makes my stomache turn.

But it's about more than that isn't it? It's the effect it has on the kids that are here. It's not exclusively about me and my feelings. Can I be shelfish enough to put my feelings for an unborn baby ahead of my children? Can I be selfless enough to not?

And DH. Poor DH, he is working 12+ hours a day mon-fri, Saturday mornings, and every 4th weekend on call and we're just about getting by nicely, but he can't do any more, we'd need to move to an even bigger house than we're intending to do, we'd need to change the car, all the expense of funding a new baby, buggy, car seat, clothes, we can't reuse because M is either still using or it's been chucked/sold/given away, we haven't got the room to store it all here, and y'know, he was our last child!

What a mess.

I have to say my main reason was it would have been so unfair on the children. They were losing their Dad and we were all adjusting to what was going to be a very rocky year. I just knew it would be themthat would suffer.

I can shoulder most things but i am a bit crap during prg. I would have taken it out on them.

I was googling abortion as soon as i knew.

As it happens dh and i married just 6 months after that abortion and conceived B in August. I was in a completely different space by then.

I am sure oyu will exhaust yourself on the options. Finding out for sure first is the way to go. Think about anything else until then

i am sure it will be all right nat i am here if you want to chat good luck with 3rd test hope that u get the answer u want lets hope that the postie bringst hem

we would have same prob if i got pregnant again our answer is full @ the mo and money wouldnt cover another one dont know if i could have a t either!!
i am sure that you will work it out

hi to everyone else

I already know for sure, this is CD34 of a normally 27/28 day cycle, can't shake the nagging sickly feeling that isn't quite there but is at the same time, can't eat but starving, my nipples are on fire, the feint BFP, the blocked nose, I am pregnant, I've got my head around that bit, well sort of, it's the next bit I don't want to face.

Our situations are so different it's hard to compare them, DH and I had a bit of a wobble last year but that is all completely sorted, in fact we've probably been happier with each other than ever before which isn't bad after 9 years of marriage! If we decide to keep the baby, we are risking the kids happiness in the short term. If we terminate, if I could even do it, what if it was the wrong thing to do and it changes me anyway? What if I turn all bitter and full of regret? What if I take the t out on them anyway? Better having a mum tired after running around after 4 kids than a mum who doesn't seem to care anymore? What if I'm not strong enough, emotionally, to care after?

How do I swallow it, without vomiting, no, just how do I swallow it?

What do I do if we decide to terminate and then I just can't do it? How do I force that on DH? How would that make him feel about me?

hi nat - it is hard in your situation not to think of everything all the options!!
you can have a good chat with dh tonite
you need to think do you want this baby?

xxx

nat -

my friend who i have known since junior school is pregnant with her 3rd which was an accident!! - she is due in may.
she found out that her partner had been cheting on her end of last month so is own her own @ the mo - keeping the baby

Sorry about your friend Tink. That must be awful for her.

Do I want the baby? Yes. Do I want everything that comes with it? No.

thats ok

well you have done it before not every p[regnnacy is the same and it will be worth it in the end

i am here nat if you want to bend my ear

keep us updated

Oh and just another thought.

My sister has just had twins. Now I am almost laughing