Due Jan 2010....watching our beans grow into babes!

[dal21]

Hello all! Thought I would start this off as our existing thread is full!

Mamalazarou these days i wonder why we bother with birthing plans as i have yet to have mine actually looked at by the midwives whilst in labour. sometimes i think they think they know what is best for us so yo really have to stand your ground or you end up like me just going with the flow! i always feel out of control in labour and to be honest it scares me even thining about it! heavens knows why i am doing it for a third time. maybe the baby will just fall out this time i wish!!
i wanted a water birth both times but what with gd the first time and having iv for gbs and apparatnly you cnat be in the water with pethidine so it looks like my water birth will never happen!! the first labour i was sat squatting with my legs crossed!! dont ask! the second i was standing!
starshaker with ref to your other thread about pooing i was so concerned i would poo i refused to push and was warned that should i not continue pushing then i would have to have intervention! i have a mega phobia of pooing in public you see.
that was long and a bot early for labour horror stories! sorry guys!

Viv good luck with the midwife.

Viv good luck with the midwife.

I have a male friend (paramedic) who had to deliver a baby at a call, got pooed on the back of his hand and just flicked it away, the problem was he was over enthusiastic with the flick and it flew off behind a chest of drawers. The point is the poo wasn't an issue, it's natural. The story was about him wondering if the woman ever found the projectile or whether it was still sitting there.

I kicked my boyfriend and sister out of the delivery room when I knew I was going to do a poo as the baby was coming out. The midwife cleared it up immediately as she had promised to, but I didn't let them back in. My boyfriend is still furious that he didn't get to see his son being born, as though I had denied him something that was his "right". But I just didn't want them there any more. I needed to be with these professional strangers. That's ok, isn't it? It's my labour, I'm the one doing all the hard work, so if I don't want him there looking at my fanj splitting and me pooing myself that's surely my perogative.

Nervoussara. Sorry to hear about your experience.

My best friend had a termination at 22 weeks last summer. She's now pregnant again (39 weeks) and has been doing NCT classes. When she booked, she explained her situation and she was put in a class with another woman who'd been through a similar thing. Also, the teacher had had a late termination, too. That can't possibly be coincidence!

I think it meant her classes started a bit early and not all of their due dates were really close (my NCT friends and I all had due dates within a couple of weeks of each other, hers have been spaced out over a couple of months) but it's worth it.

So definitely speak to someone and see what they suggest.

ampster this concerns me as my dp was there forthe second birth but as it was only our third or fourth date LOL i felt embarrassed him seeing me poo so snet him out though once baby was born he could come in and see me give birth to placenta but now it is his baby i am having he is adamant he will be there but i am so vain and phobic about pooing in front of anyone i dont know if i could cope him being there! maybe if i am on pethidine this time round i will be fine! all hail pethidine for giving you that ''cant give a f^%$ '' attitude!!

on the c section debate - we planned a home water birth, I did 8 months worth of relaxation and visualisation stuff in preparation and we had private hypnobirthing tuition. We went to NCT classes and I left the class when they showed pics of C section because I didn't need to know ! We didn't even bother visiting the hospital because I "knew" that the only way I would be going there would be in ambulance. I avoided all negative birth stories and NHS ante natal classes because I wanted to be in as positive a frame of mind as possible before the birth. With hindsight its possible I was a leeeetle bit obsessive !
I ended up with my waters breaking and then no labour, I waited (with monitoring) 4 days before agreeing to go into hosp where I was then induced, laboured and then had a c section. I don't think I could have possibly done anything more to prepare so this time what will be will be. I doubt I will even write a birth plan.
A c section is far from ideal especially if you start out with aspirations like I had. After the birth I did feel a bit sad and dissassociated from having given birth. However I recovered fairly quickly and was quite quickly fairly pragmatic about what had happened.
Now, I am not sure how much I think you can prepare for these things really. I really could not have been more prepared or planned for a home birth but got the exact opposite from what I wanted. In the end I think the baby comes out the way it wants and you have little control over that. I am prepared to debate this - what do people reckon ?sorry for long message !

I think you're right sazlocks that in the end things will be the way they'll be... I suppose the thing for me is to be informed enough and have a plan enough, that should things be going as you hoped, or only just off plan, then you have a chance to have a say, whereas if you decide not to think about it at all, you really don't stand a chance of influencing how things go.

I didn't have a birth plan (other than that I wanted a home birth, which didn't happen, though that was fine). And I wish I'd thought more about having a managed third stage beforehand and really understood the options. I didn't, but it was a decision made in the moment, and nearly resulted in me having the placenta removed surgically having given birth without so much as gas and air. I didn't realise that there was a time limit on a natural third stage, and if you missed the time limit you didn't get the injection, or even the drip, just straight to theatre with you... I managed it just within the time limit.

In fact, it was knowing that intervention was about to come, both with the 2nd and 3rd stages, and knowing I really didn't want it, that gave me the extra motivation to do it myself.

Biccy what is the third stage??? is it passing the placenta?
with my second labour i had cramps, went to hospital was 6 cm already dilated then a couple of hours later had baby.
my first was induced due to gd os happened all rather fast.

i hope Vivs midwife appointment was ok

Hi, sorry, yes, third stage is delivering the placenta.

i never thought there was a time limit! why? surely once the baby has been disconnected from the cord it is ok to wait as long as it takes? the mw never mentioned that to me. i always opt for the injection anyway, that way you can get cleaned up earlier.

I think after an hour they just assume 'retained' placenta, and go in all guns blazing to prevent, erm, infection? bleeding? I didn't need to go into it, as I did manage to deliver 'in time', and it may not be the same everywhere, I think different hospitals have different protocols. Which I guess is what I'm saying - you need to know what the protocols are where you are, and know what the impact of your decisions could be further down the line.

I wasn't bothered about being cleaned up quickly... immediately after dd was born I simply sat back and started to try to feed her, after a little while the midwife said the cord had stopped pumping, so was it okay to cut it (in fact asked if either of us wanted to),then she said right we need to make an effort with this placenta now or you'll have to have it surgically removed... she gave me a marshmallow, she pulled, I pushed, and between us it came out.

Am back! The midwife appointment was okay - although I have to admit to have been expecting blood tests and all sorts. Instead, she just sat me down, asked me which hospital I wanted to be aligned to, looked at my notes from my early dating scans, admitted she'd not seen anything like that before (!) and said she would send me for an urgent referral. Brilliant. So it's another waiting game to see when I can get in for the NHS one.

any significance with the marshmallow

Viv i sont think you get your bloods done til at least 12 weeks. where i am youi only get your first booking in appointment between 10 and 12 weeks, they will not book yo any sooner. i think it has all to do with mc risk reducing etc.

oh, I had bloods (and tendons ) done yesterday.. am 9 weeks.

I think the marshmallow was significant believe it or not! I think it relieved a bit of tension, and just gave me an instant sugar hit to give me the energy. At least psychologically, even if not physiologically!

Biccy here they will no longer entertain you til you are double figures mark . but then we only have one midwife in the surgery as another retired and never replaced her so she is a bit rushed off her feet. i had to wait til i was 11 weeks before i was squeezed in!

Hmm, it used to be like that here... but they moved the other way, as they introduced an 11 week dating scan, so want you booked it at around 8 weeks. Funny isn't it how the care varies depending on where you are.

Hi everyone,

I've been away on a big family holiday we do every year. Nice but I lost my phone in the sea and our car died on the way there.

I am also feeling utterly wretched now - so tired with an insatiable need for rest and weird nausea and cravings. I'm miserable so didn't want to bring you guys down with my whingeing.

sazlocks I think you're right to a large extent that you can't fully control the birth, however I do think that being well prepared (for all eventualities) is the right way to go. The more you (and your birthing partner) understand about hospital policies and how they fit with your preferences, the less likely you are to be meek and obedient and allow the process to be dictated by jeers other than yours and the baby's.

I had an emcs too and although everyone was very nice to me I really think if I had understood more about the various procedures and not been so trusting that maybe I could have postponed an induction when I knew the baby wasn't ready to come out.

This time I think I'm going to have a doula, to have another person there who knows the score but isn't addled with pain.

ampster yes of course you must only have people near you that you want to be there. If that turns out to be professional strangers then so be it.

bethoo - I am planning to have one of those babies that just slide out into your trouser leg while you're doing the washing-up (I read about them in Take a Break), so who needs a birth plan anyway?

Whinge away, skidoodle - I am in the same boat (of misery). I had to abandon my shopping basket in Tesco's this morning in order to go outside and sit down for a good cry.

MamaLazarou - that sounds brilliant, I'm going to have one of those too. Apparently they never cry and sleep all night right from the start. You have to order early though, as demand is quite high.

Mama yes i read about the girl whose baby fell down her leg whilst she was coming down the stairs. was the girl not wearing knickers??
i heard that second labours are easier. well i beg to differ but then i was a panic mess and freaked myself out. when you have fast labours it takes over and i felt a loss of control as well as the paranioa of pooing. i may see someone about that! mahy mention it to mw!

Higher risk of PND after a fast birth, though, so I hear...? Not quite sure why.