Due April 2009: Episode 21 - RLT officials have stern words with the April mums after stocks plummet!!

[PuzzleRocks]

Thanks to Nutty for all the thread suggestions including this one. I hope no one minds but I picked this one in honour of the brilliant race commentary we had from Nuts and Frekkles the other night. Hopefully we will get some more.

nutty did you go to hydro? how did you get on?

Sorry to ignore the last few posts - I'll respond in a minute - but someone who really wants an abortion probably wouldn't be looking to see how developed their baby is, would they? As in 'my baby has eyes and ears by now. And is the size of a lentil. I'd be due in November.' ...

I don't know. Maybe I'm looking at it wrong, but I don't want her to do something that she's going to really regret, but I also don't want to push her to make a decision that is obviously so massively life-altering if she doesn't want that alteration. Or if I'll only end up making her feel guilty. I don't know what to do.

yep went to hydro, am in agony once again, i didnt use the hoist this time, getting myself in and out of the pool via the steps was awful and just as painful. the therapist basically got me into a comfy floating position with a couple of noodle floats and left me as there is nothing they can really do apart from give my body a break, but again the getting out of the pool counteracts any good that i get from the pool or so it would seem. My legs are dead and my pelvis/back feels like its been hit with a sledgehammer. boo.

nevermind, i'm safely on my sofa once again and i dont have to think about it for another week at least

Trista, your DS is such a sweetheart. What a brave little man you've got there It makes me want to cry in my hormonal state

Schulte, well done with the HiP - I've just filled mine in. I kept meaning to do it since last Tuesday, but you just reminded me. After the nightmare it was to get hold of it, I'll be damned if I miss the 31 day deadline!

surprise, good call on the cooking - little things like that are the things that may actually remind him how many 'little things' there are!

Puzzle, haha at 'Harry Scrottum'

Oh dear, Nutty I was so hopeful that it'd be a lot better this week. Will you be going back, do you reckon?

you're right springy - she seems to be emotionally attached already.
You don't have to push her to do anything. But for your own and your friends peace of mind, she must have time to consider options carefully. If she feels attached to the baby already she may well regret having a termination, even if it seems what's best for her situation.

nutty I wouldn't go back. If you're coming home in that much pain it's obviously doing your body more harm than good. Sofa sounds like a much better healing aid!

Springy - maybe and maybe not, the hormones and the curiosity may lead her to want and look for more information, but if shes really really set on it probably best not to go there as she will have to deal with it at her own speed.

maybe just best to find out her reasoning for wanting to go down this road and just holding her hand if you can and letting her just outpour (if you can deal with it) and answer her questions as best and as honestly as you can if she has them xx

I told her to take time, but she's determined to just get it done. She has a consultation tomorrow & then the 'treatment' as soon as they can fit her in after that.

She just texted me again:

'I'm glad (DP)'s out of the house for the next few hours. I'm falling apart. I'm glad it's this stage and not 10 weeks or more. I'd inevitably decide the opposite if it were. I think I have to just act as quickly as I can. The longer I think about it, the more cruel I'd be being. I never want to have sex again. Never.'

She really does just think that if she 'sorts it out' quickly that it'll be easier - because she's getting attached. I know I can't push her, but I wish she'd take pause

Poor her, she sounds so down. It does seem like she's just getting it over quickly to avoid having to deal with it IYSWIM.
If only she'd take more time, as you say. Maybe she just have to do this though. Can she talk to her DP about it?

Springy - does her dp know??

Her DP does know, yeah. They've been together for 3 years & have lived together for 2. They intend to get married & have children together one day, but obviously this is earlier than they expected to have to deal with any of that.

He's the sort to just keep quiet & let her make the decision - he could be secretly harbouring desires either way & she doesn't know how he feels because he doesn't want to put any pressure on her. I know that's good in a way, but I think they need to talk about it properly. She disagrees - she has said, though, that if he wanted the baby she'd keep it. But that she's not not keeping it because of his lack of enthusiasm. He will definitely support her with whichever decision she makes.

Which is good, because it's not like I can go & give her a big hug & look after her - I'm bloody huge & not capable of making her feel any better about this

springy this is such a difficult situation for you ((hugs))
In order for their relationship to be able to withstand whatever decision is made, they must sit down and talk openly and honestly about how they each feel. If DP secretly would rather have the baby but isn't saying so for fear of hurting your friend, she may well have the termination and he'll resent her. Or vice versa if she wants the baby and thinks he might want her to have the termination. Without them talking properly about it, this is a huge decision for her to have to make alone.

I know, I told her that, but she sees it all as wasting time instead of just sorting it out

I was quite close to deciding to have an abortion when I found out about this pregnancy. It was so unexpected & the timing was awful - I'd only been with DH for 15 weeks when we found out, never mind uni & stuff! I got it into my head that it was what I 'had' to do & cried & cried & cried about it, until I realised that I couldn't. I'm so scared that she's not going to realise that until it's too late.

Of course she may never realise that. There is absolutely no moral judgement from me at all. I won't think badly of her or anything like that - & I know that sometimes it is the right decision for people. But it's such a huge decision & she's not thinking about it.

Springy - her just knowing that you will be there for her whatever the outcome will be good for her, even just a daily text or something. its a shame that she and her dp havent gone into too much depth about it as i must say when i had a bfp for this baby my initial reaction was "oh god no!! make it go away" and i dragged dh home from work literally crying my eyes out hysterical not knowing what to do, it took both of us a full week of discussion/tears/shouting/laughing/hugs etc to come to a decision.

It's good that she has his support but she does need to take some time and really think and go over things with her dp. She needs to want to do that though.

Springy - there is one small glimmer, if she sees the consultant tommorow the enormity of the decision might hit them both and propel them into talking about it. do you know if her dp is going with her?

it's only a small possibility that she might take stock though, she sounds quite determined that this is the right thing for her

oh chick big ((hugs)) xxx

I don't think he is going with her. I think I'm just going to have to wait & see what happens & support her as best I can.

It's all really complicated, though. She found out because of a threatened miscarriage (odd bleeding & lots of pain) & was sent for a scan at which the sonographer assumed that she wanted the baby & was very reassuring with 'look, it's fine, you can see the baby's heart beating!' & so on

It's also difficult for me (beyond the being massively pregnant thing now) in that this week is the 4th anniversary of my miscarriage which I'm fairly sure I've mentioned on here before. I was going to have an abortion then (very different circumstances!), but didn't get that far before nature took its course. I've been feeling about that anyway this week, so to hear that she's got that decision to make... Oh, it's just horrible I feel so sorry for her.

I'm only part of the way caught up... but I have to say as I step onto the soap box...

Wear helmets when biking please! even if you think 'I'm a better rider then that' or whatever...it's other people you have to worry about too. Just think back really carefully about the last time you saw a cyclist...did you think...oh he's wearing a helmet so I can drive closer to him? Or did you EVEN notice whether or not she was wearing a helmet? Helmets save lives, like seat belts save lives. There are other hazards on the roads too, not just other users, but debris and rocks which can cause you to fall off your bike; it only takes a moment of lack concentration, or not noticing something little which causes a spill and down you go...
(I know because it's happened to me and I've done a good share of bike riding on and off road. I have to say on road riding is far more likely to cause injuries because of the pavement and curbs which one can hit your head on. A helmet saved me from serious injury one ride 5 years ago- almost to the day)
You can get really cool (literally and figuratively) ones now so you need not sweat it(literally or figuratively). And remember, it's not just you that matters, it's saving your children and other loved ones the horrible pain/worry if you do get injured or heaven forbid killed (low blow, I know, but it's the truth). I don't harp about most things... but helmets when biking...that's a big one for me.

Normal Bleu-like conversation now to return...

oh springy love ((hugs)) xxxx

saw this and thought of you lot

at the bj convo and the article was written by 2 women and 1 man!!

Lucky man!

Oh dear Springy...poor you and your friend... When one has a consult for such things over here do they offer counselling? Often times such issues as you're thinking maybe the problem...rushing so not to get attached, support, or not talking with partners, etc. all come to the forefront at such appointments and then gives the woman time to start thinking about things...
Just be as gentle and reassuring as possible and maybe have a talk with her DP too? Is that underhanded? But make sure that if he does have something to say that he does say it... I had friends who desintigrated basically after an abortion because of harbored feelings... it was not good for anyone... Though I know another couple who did alright too but went their separate ways in the long run

They do offer counselling, but you don't have to take it. I hope she does.

I can't really talk to her DP. I don't know him very well - he's very quiet & I tend to see her without him (& I don't see her very often, although we're always in contact). I don't even have a phone number for him or anything, so it would be really tricky. I'm just really aware that anything I say seems like it's coming from a state of mind that you should have the baby because I am having my unexpected baby next month! & it's not at all the case. If she wants an abortion, that's perfectly fine by me. I just want her to be as sure as she can be. I really think I'm just going to have to wait & see.

Bleu - unfortunately talking to someone elses dp about something this personal seems to have a major backfire effect and you end up getting blamed for interfering.

Springy - i think you are doing the right thing by waiting and seeing what happens and just being there for her. doesnt make it any easier for any of you though xx