Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Birth clubs

Connect with mums-to-be with similar due dates to share experiences and support.

Due April 2009: Episode 20 - Angst Ridden Fruity Fornication

1022 replies

SmuttyNuttyTaff · 13/03/2009 22:31

sorry couldnt help myself

on the last episode of april 2009 mums to be ..........

OddEyes & Babypringle are possibly going into labour Very Exciting!

Kaz & Skiingone - posted birth stories

lots of Fruity Smut, I was caught by the Fruit Fuzz and restrained

Lots more smut.......smutt...smutt

BB & WFH still havent popped (though we now have a birthing ticket system) We have to wait our turn

Boffin's AP causes more greif, beatings were handed out to a soundtrack

More commune talk

Morphine chasers with lots of soundtracks that take you back to the good ol' days

Springy & Suprise have gone to Brum for the weekend.

contractions/BH's/ movement/ailments aplenty

sorry if i have missed anything out ....

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
BabyBolat · 15/03/2009 14:51

Afternoon

Just popping in, DH and I back from cleaning the car, DH is in shower and I am about to attempt to install the car seat - hmmm, not sure that is such a good idea!!!

Honestly this weekend has flown by - I can't believe it is almost three already!

Bronze - ok I packed (trying to remember it all)

hairbrush, hair ties, shampoo, conditioner, showergel, moisturiser, deoderant, toothbrush, toothpaste, face wipes, anti-bacterial cream, paper pants, big old pants, maternity bra's, maternity pads, breast pads, easy applicable make up (tinted moisturiser, pressed powder, cream blusher and lip gloss etc) 2 changes of clothes, birkenstocks (I am not a slipper person), night clothes (x2 just in case), a book, some cards / games, loose change, a change of underwear/socks for DH, towel and have probably missed other bits off but that is generally it!

Baby has nappies, many changes of clothes, socks, scratch mits, hat etc, towel, some muslins and that is about it I think - really doesn't seem that much when you look at it all in the bags!!

frekkles · 15/03/2009 14:52

ok, don't quite dare start an AIBU thread, but AIBU?

Boyfriend has had planned for ages that yesterday he was going out for a steak dinner with his dad and brother and then to the rugby. There is also a cup final football match on this afternoon.

He told me a couple of weeks ago that this was "a rugby and football weekend" and I protested saying fair enough the rugby with his family, but that sunday was the only day we both weren't working and it'd surely be nice to either spend time together doing nice stuff or to be together trying to get the flat sorted and baby stuff sorted. He still wouldn't budge on wanted to watch the football though, so I compromised (a hell of a lot I think) in saying that i'd come and watch it in the pub with him as part of a day together.

So yesterday morning I felt really poorly, got a virus thing. Had to phone on sick for work and felt rubbish. He left at 11 to meet his dad in the pub before steak dinner. The rugby was on from 3pm. I try and ring him 6 ish to see how he is and what he's up to? no reply. no reply to any texts. Me feeling a bit fed up that I can't get in touch with him when I'm ill and 34 weeks pregnant. about 9 a friend of his rings me looking for him. I ask him that if he finds him to get him to call me. Hear nothing for another hour, so i text friend and boyfriend rings me back from friend's phone really pissed saying his phone's ran out of battery, having a couple more beers, do i want to go and join them. I say no, I'm ill and pregnant remember?

He comes back at 130am, completely trashed, wakes me up by sitting on me, gets into bed next to me fully dressed smelling of whisky and starts snoring. after a hour or something I manage to calm down and get back to sleep. He then wakes me up an hour or so later by kicking me several times, still completely pissed and passed out. I don't really get back to sleep after this, get up for a bath about 5am, then go and doze on the sofa till 8 when I go through and give him a hug and ask what we're going to do today, and he mumbles that he feels like shit and needs to sleep before the football.

I get upset then and go back through to the sofa and get angry that he turns a day at the rugby with his family into a bender when I can't contact him and a morning in bed. I come back through about 1030am and wake him up by saying " Please wake up and be nice. I feel angry and upset with you and I don't want to, please prove me wrong".He says he needs to sleep still and is still going to watch the football in the afternoon. He's sorry that his phone is shit and ran out of battery, he's sorry he got so pissed, he's sorry I'm not feeling well, but he did have it all planned for weeks that this was a rugby and football weekend and that I'm trying to control him and stop him doing what he likes doing.

Then I get upset so he starts offering to get up and do something, like go out for breakfast or go for a walk before the football. I remind him that I'm poorly. And then we start rowing all day, with us both being stubborn and refusing to back down. He's just left to go and watch the football in the pub. He said it's my fault, if I hadn't woken him up by complaining at him we would have had a nice day together, and that he's already compromised by not making a whole day of the football and not going through to glasgow to get pissed and watch it with his friends. But he's not missing a cup final. I can't believe he's left me in tears.

Have I been unreasonable? i think he's a selfish cunt

frekkles · 15/03/2009 15:06

he says he's never lied, i've always known he's into football and that he'll always want to watch it. He says he's compromised so much for me all the time, by waiting for me to move out of my flat with my ex, by moving thru to edinburgh, by being patient. he says he's not going to stop doing the things he likes and football is one of them. I said that this is one period in his life that never happen again and that there's football on every week year in year out. He says it's just 90 min out of day. am i unreasonable to think though that those ninety minutes in the middle of the day make it unlikely that you'll be able to have a day out together?

frekkles · 15/03/2009 15:07

i fucking hate football btw. should probably make that clear. and hate the whole bloody cliche.

and hate the fact that I can't just go and get pissed all night and be selfish. I'm in pain and knackered and ill and have a head full of preparation and worry. i want my life back.

frekkles · 15/03/2009 15:28

damn killed the thread with my whinging

minush · 15/03/2009 16:12

Frekkles you poor thing

minush · 15/03/2009 16:26

I do not think YABU to feel pissed off and miserable. Your DP sounds like he's being a little bit selfish too, perhaps even a little childish. Although, on the other hand the football and Rugby weekend was clearly important to him and he did give you advanced warning.
But still, his behaviour seems a little off, particularly in combination with the comments about having given up so much for you. Perhaps he is resentful (albeit subconciously) about becomming a Dad and having his scope to behave like a little boy himself.
I can also imagine that in his head he is completely justified. You are right to be angry, but, and I say this as someone who has spent large parts of the last few days effing and blinding and stomping and slamming about the lack of sympathy, and any attempt at empathy from my DH, I guess it is worth remembering that SOME at least of their sometimes shite behaviour is down to being scared for us, and really not being able to imagine how pregnancy is.
So, No, not unreasonable at all. I would be nailing his balls to the wall probably (that's not practical advice BTY , in fact, can only suggest doing something RIGTH NOW, in the short term, completely unconnected with him, or your apt to make YOU feel better. Difficult when you're sick, I know. How about buying something decadent and un baby related on internet, or laying in a stockpile of booze for after birth, or making a really expensive long distance phone call to a friend you haven't spoken to for ages? Or if you're up to it getting out of the house?
Know it's not much help but GOOD LUCK.

minush · 15/03/2009 16:36

I realise that my punctuatiton is shot BTW, but I'm trying to type quickly as I have an impatient DH waiting for something (probably to know where his socks are - suffers from male selective blindness disease). I've had a fairly avereage WE assembling IKEA furniture and getting furious with DH (think I probably was being ABU at times TBH ), he just doesn't seem to actually believe how exhausted I am or that I really haven't slept for more than 45 minutes consecutively for the last three bloomin' months, generally however, he's pretty good and I don't have much to moan about (not that I let that stop me .
I haven't had a chance to catch up on the thread yet, just checked in. Am excited to see if there have been any early arrivals.
His to everyone, and hope you're all well, or as well as can be expected at 8s plus months preggers

SmuttyNuttyTaff · 15/03/2009 16:38

Frekkles - hes bing a tad selfish again. but you know that right?!? he may have given up all those things but you have given up your body and your lifestyle for a whole 9 months. Here's the thing, does he actually realise that he will need to curb his going out to an extent when the baby arrives?, that weekend benders will not be possible? one day for the rugby yes but not the whole weekend?, also what is he going to do when you want to go out and get wrecked once the baby is here? will he deny you because he has to watch the football?

he needs to look at his behavior now and look at the future and start adjusting NOW. you will not always be pregnant and you will not always be restricted in what you do. You are the mother of his child at the end of the day and your (both of your child) will be here soon. He needs to start waking up and smelling the coffee and accepting some responsibility for you and your unborn child. You will both have to come to an arrangement about who goes out when, possibly take turns and make time for each other and time for your child in the very near future and you both need to start sorting out the groundrules otherwise things will become a bit of a nightmare and the arguments will continue.

in a word YANBU.

OP posts:
minush · 15/03/2009 16:38

I vow, right here, right now, that if I can afford it I will never, never, never buy IKEA furniture again.

brettgirl2 · 15/03/2009 16:42

Frekkles - it doesn't sound to me like this is anything to do with sport. It's to do with being in the pub getting pissed all weekend. You are absolutely not being unreasonable, his behaviour is appalling.

Juwesm · 15/03/2009 16:44

Hi Frekkles, YANBU. I'm afraid I'm not very good at giving useful advice and sympathy and so on - one of the others will be on soon, I'm sure, with far more helpful words. So for the time being, rest-assured I'm lurking around here, completely on your side! He is a selfish C U Next Tuesday, you are not being at all unreasonable, and I completely agree about football - really don't understand the fascination! I agree with Minush - take the rest of the day to do completely selfish things - have nice bath with smellies, sleep, read, eat all the chocolate and biscuits you can find. Order take-away for yourself - leave him to fend for his own dinner, watch all the stuff on the telly he hates you watching (I find America's Next Top Model, and the like, work well!), buy yourself something nice, have an early night etc....

He probably knows he's been an arse, and hopefully he'll make up for it later.

((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

Juwesm · 15/03/2009 16:46

See, they're already here - I type so slowly all the April Mums are back before I've even finished my message!

minush · 15/03/2009 16:47

Frekkles, One thing that sometimes pisses me off is I think expectant Dads are selfish and childish and resentful BECAUSE THEY CAN BE, and a part of them knows this. Whereas the vast vast vast majority of expectant Mum's know that when push comes to shove (boom boom) we cannot walk away, nor would we, we are soon to bear ultimate responsibility for a new life. This is a huge amont of pressure, made worse by prickish behaviour.

minush · 15/03/2009 16:55

My WE just gets better and better! We were going to go out for some grub, nothing glamourous, think chips and slab of meat (ymmmmmmmmmmmm); MIL has just phoned, she is going away tomorrow and needs to come here to pick up plane tickets, so she told us not to waste our money going out, she would bring us food [hmmmmmmmm]; She is actually a lovely caring woman, who doesn't intend a slight on my domestic skills by doing this, nor a monopolisation of our time. But I wanted to go out, hmph, and, and, and I sometimes wish she wasn't such a domestic goddess.
Right, apparently we have to go out now to buy some lightbulbs! Will try to catch up later (in between chocking on my MIL's generosity - and lovely food -)

SmuttyNuttyTaff · 15/03/2009 16:56

Frekkles - you really need to start getting him to think about the future and his current behavior. Whats more important to him? you and his new family? or his friends and alcohol etc?.

now we all like a good drink, dont get me wrong (me more than most lol ) but this isnt the first time he's been a bit of a cock, he really needs to start incorporating your needs into his lifestyle. What would he do if you went off and left him holding the baby to go for a bender (planned or not) which is essentially what hes doing to you now!! he wouldnt be best pleased, i'm guessing, and would probably start lobbing ""bad mother"" comments over the place.

OP posts:
SmuttyNuttyTaff · 15/03/2009 16:58

FRekkles - ((hugs)) as always my Frekkley Friend xxx

OP posts:
BabyBolat · 15/03/2009 17:00

Frekkles - I am kind of torn

YABU slightly as he had warned you about the weekend in advance so you kind of knew it was coming up (sorry) so think he is entitled to spend the weekend with his dad etc for rugby and football and had you not been ill, you would have been with him today (even if not on your terms)

HOWEVER YANBU to be angry with him for many reasons!

  1. There is no need for him to be out the entire weekend getting lashed
  2. There is no need for him to come in complete wasted, smelling and snoring when you are 8 months pregnant and he knows you are feeling poorly!
  3. Agree with nutty, he has to start calming this side of his life down slightly - am not saying completely as that is, as you have said before, something you both enjoy but you can't maintain it at this level with a baby
  4. He needs to start growing up slightly and taking responsibility for the two new people in his life!
  5. Yes he has done a lot for you to be together but so have you and if he didn't want to do it and wasn't committed to you, he shouldn't have bothered (I think he is committed fwiw but is just having a toddler day!)
  6. He shouldn't have got so drunk last night to ruin today - yes you are grumpy but he is sleeping and hungover and he is the one that has ultimately ruined it!

On the whole YANBU, I think it is fair enough for him to want to do those things on a planned weekend but I think he really really needs to learn to compromise a bit more. It's not good for you to be up and down so much!

Anyway, hope you sort it out ((hugs)) and he comes home full of apology and you can make up!

Minush - Oh dear! what are you creating? I never do that stuff myself, I observe DH or dad!! Was bad enough putting the car seat in (resulting in much swearing and arguing between me and DH!!!)

SmuttyNuttyTaff · 15/03/2009 17:02

BB - is the car seat in now?

OP posts:
bronze · 15/03/2009 17:06

I'm with BB
in everything she said and will even add a point in his favour as hes had such a beating

"am i unreasonable to think though that those ninety minutes in the middle of the day make it unlikely that you'll be able to have a day out together?"

yet you turned down doing something togethrr (breakfast etc) because you were poorly

NOw don't take this as me taking his side because theres onl ya couple of points in his favour and loads against I just can't be bohered to repeat what others have said so well.

Juwesm · 15/03/2009 17:08

I really, really regret having spring onions at lunchtime. Not a wise move.

I find with Ikea furniture and the like, it is best to play a supervisory role, counting the screws, reading the instructions etc, and doing an occasional bit of holding something in place while tab A is inserted into slot B

BabyBolat · 15/03/2009 17:09

Yes, not saying that the baby isn't going to fly out of it tho! and I personally can't get the thing off and off the base but DH can and my sister so one of them will have to be around permanently me thinks!!

How has your day been - how is the pain?

DH is snoring on me at the moment and am trying not to be a grumpy wife as he has worked his little tush of this week x

SmuttyNuttyTaff · 15/03/2009 17:16
OP posts:
Juwesm · 15/03/2009 17:18

I find it prevents any confusion Xmas Grin!

Juwesm · 15/03/2009 17:18

Oh for goodness sake. Bloody smileys.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread