Due April 2009 - Sod the thread title, we will need a new one in a week.

[PuzzleRocks]

Welcome new joiners, lurkers, occasional updaters, prolific posters, and Nutty and Springy .
I say this one wont last a full 10 days.

By the way, mathsmummy, I realise that my support belt question seems really trivial & flippant! I didn't mean it like that at all - I just meant that it'll possibly help a little bit (in theory, at least) & may be useful in the short-term whilst other things get sorted out. I hope you don't think that I'm underestimating your pain or anything like that!

Support belt helps 3 out of 4 people but it is not usually enough on its own.

You have to get your hips realigned before you use it, and it has to be really low down on your hips. Best if a physio shows you how to put it on. Personally I found the baby hated it and it made my SPD worse.

After a very mini-falling out with DP earlier, in which he already did some lovely face-to-face apologising (it was his fault), I now get a text:

"I'm sorry. You'd think I'd have learned by now that you're the best girlfriend / fiancée / future wife anyone could ever wish for. I'm far too lucky to have you. [blah blah blah]"

[smug] I am wonderful About time he realised it, though

Have marked the rest of the first year essays, and having a MN break and a coffee now. Back to commune idea.

The Boff contribution to the house could be:

Baking
Making huge stews and roasts
Running up inventive outfits on the sewing machine for everyone
Lifelong learning
Organising the house library and board game/DVD/CD/MP3 lending facility
Barrack room lawyer type advocacy
Outrage buddy
First aider
Run the commune school
After dinner cocktail pianist and vocalist
Happy also to muck out horses and look after tack, hips permitting
Giving belly dancing and ballet lessons, again hips permitting
Organise the annual commune ski and beach trips to exchange communes

That sounds great, Springy, I am so glad you are being appreciated.

I really want to be part of this commune, but have little to offer I'll just have to stay here & keep in touch with the power of the internet until I develop some useful skills.

Did anyone else notice the 'leisure' section in the description of the super-posh house?

Golf: There are golf courses at Kedleston, Breadsall Priory Country Club, Mickleover, Uttoxeter, Ashbourne, Burton and Church Broughton.

Hunting: There is some excellent hunting with the Meynell and the Derbyshire High Peak harriers.

Fishing: There is good trout fishing on the Dove, Wye and Derwent rivers while fishing on the nearby Sutton brook is available.

Shooting: The shooting on the Estate is in hand and there are a number of good pheasant shoots in the area.

Racing: At Uttoxeter, Southwell and Nottingham.

It's all so relevant to Joe Average Damn not being a millionaire!

BoffinDad (for there is such a man) could:

Drill things
Do general DIY
Provide legal services
Make home videos of everyone
Cook huge pasta dishes
Run the children's recreation service
Create magnificent outdoor logpiles and deal with all the open fires
Run a conciliation service for pre-menstrual and testosterone-fuelled moments

DD1 can give us all makeovers and organise social events, also run the illegal distillery in the back barn, and bake outstanding brownies. We can put her in charge of the Commune Facebook page as well.

DS1 could entertain us on the saxophone (he knows 3 pieces). He also knows 2 magic tricks and can make tea and toast on demand.

DS2 can play 2 tunes on the guitar, and is very cuddly when people are stressed.

It's not expensive to do all the killing of things if you know the right people. And we could let out our shoot and let carnivores enjoy the slaughter, wantonly living on the proceeds and eating the odd stray pheasant, surely?

My Mum and Dad are actually members of one of those golf clubs . I am a golf orphan ...

I've thought of something! I can bake! I'm actually really good at baking - I have received multiple marriage proposals on the basis of my cakes alone

& I'll do all of the nappy changing. I can't smell them, so it makes sense.

My DP can just stay here & play on his Xbox until he can develop his own skills to make him worthy of our commune - I'm having enough difficulty finding any of my own

Boffin, can I adopt your DSs? They sound so lovely.

A hairdresser would be essential. I can't cut hair to save my life. I tried to do my daughter's once when she was 9 and she accused me of 'hair rape'. She was probably right.

Springy, you can bring youth and humour, and do your PhD while we babysit.

Has anyone actually got a horse? Can we get them to throw some of those in as well with the Chippendales?

Oh Springy, that is magnificent, no sense of smell so ability to do nappies. Can you move in with me now? I can smell a nappy at 100 paces.

Nutty, I can't shoot at all, but I can hang the things and do all the other business (although I am very squeamish about it these days). We had better have a veg patch for any veggie people as they will probably be disturbed at all the slaughter and will need placating.

I am a bit concerned to be paying £5m and not getting a swimming pool. Will this be a problem??

One of my famous cakes The cream on top is rubbish because I didn't have a piping bag & had to improvise my own at the last minute with a freezer bag.

It was huge. It had 6 layers - 2 chocolate, 2 plain, 2 chocolate. With really good strawberry jam in between. Mmmmm.

It was based on this from a game & all done in an awful, very tiny student kitchen over the summer - imagine what I could do in that huge, glam kitchen!

Have I sold myself enough yet?

Ohhh, it has a library & a morning room! A morning room! & a butler's pantry!

& Boffin, I can move in with you for all of your nappy-changing needs, certainly! I'd be honoured

Springy, you were in a long time ago. That cake is brilliant. Did it go well with the Stella???

I imagine we will need to invite someone who knows about chickens, as everyone seems to keep chickens in communes. Perhaps we could lure someone across from one of the chicken keeping threads?

Haha, I wasn't drinking the Stella. I was being brought many lovely cocktails from a portable bar by my dear friend, who happens to be a fairly well-known Burlesque compere in the Midlands.

Those were the days

Burlesque? Everyone seems to be doing that these days. It was even on Women's Hour. Is that the nipple tassle twirling thing? Can your friend move into the commune as well and give lessons?