Due Sept '08: Bring on the babies!

[LittleConnie]

Well that was cutting it a bit fine...

She's very special! I'm wondering about writing a handbook for whoever's looking after her!!

Ooops, lost track of time, better go and pack for weekend away

Ladies, can anyone tell me what benefits we're entitled to? My partner works and until I went on maternity leave so did I. I've already looked at tax credits and found out that we'll be eligible for £280 stretched over the whole year, which I'm a bit shocked at, I thought we'd get more than that. Are there any other benefits that I should be looking at?

Hi guys

Sorry I cant help you lolli I really dont understand the systems either. Apparently we are not entitled to anything .
ponymum I definately think you should keep both the hospital and community appointments regarding your cs. Even if they lap over you can be sure you have covered all based and not missed anythink out.
Mustsleep I am sorry you are having money issues at the moment. Your employers definately have alot to answer for!
Thanks for your advice meglet and carrieon I am feeling alot happier about my ds being looked after by my parents for a few days as I know he loves it and they do too. He too has strange habits like taking all his clothes off (including socks) everytime he uses the toilet. Its a nightmare but at least he is using the toilet.
Have a fab baby free weekend carrieon how lovely.
Been to my midwife 36 plus check today. All is well. Due date confirmed as the 15th. Bp great, baby head down but not engaged, urine clear, baby measuring exactly. We talked about my wobble over the delivery but TBH I am feeling so much better thanks to my hynotherapist and ina may .
Oh and guess what its Friday again!. Any bank holiday babies do we think? Have a great weekend girlies xx

hopefully - He's obviously keen!
I was in tears today as well! A bit silly really. My DS was demanding lunch so I thought he'd like some pizza (cold from last night, but nice and easy!) He refused and demanded bread with "something" ( a bit vague!). Anyway, I only had enough energy to stand there and cut a slice of pizza so the idea of slicing the bread, etc was just too much for me. We both ended up crying! And my DH came in to this scene! So he sent me to sit down and rest and did everything for me! Love him. It's amazing what sets me off at the moment! Mad, eh?!
I'm going away for a week to the Lake District tomorrow morning, so please don't write too much while I'm away! Pretty please! I'm sure you'll have started a new thread by the time I get back.

Hello ladies, hope you're all looking forward to the weekend

Another moan I'm afraid. Feel quite frankly like sh*. Have been arguing with dp since last night, even though he's at work today too I have managed to scream, shout, rant and cry down the phone at him for 2 hrs Didn't make me feel any better either

I'm just so tired and I've had enough. I've been looking after ds6, ds4 and dd1 through the holidays basically on my own, dp has had 2 afternoons off in the whole holiday. So I'm exhausted to say the least.Also in that time me and dd caught a sickness bug and my iron was so low I could barely move. Thanks goodness those 2 are sorted now though. Anyway dp has had extra work after normal to help do some kitchen fitting so has been out of house from 8am - 10pm most days since last week. Basically arguement started cos he told me at weekend that he wasn't working late Fri-today- but when I asked him last night he said he IS working late. Well apparently he did tell me I beg to differ. Cue me apparently blowing everything out of proportion and has now escalated into me being crying wreck, telling him to move out and him saying ok I'll go tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!

WRONG ANSWER! Just wanted him to put his arms around me and tell me I'm not a fat insignificant blob, just here as kids slave and that he loves me. He just doesn't get it so don't know where I stand now

On top of that I have my friend her dp and 1yr old coming tomorrow for the weekend and Sunday we're being joined by another 3 friends and their lo's & dp's! I have so much to do but have just been sat here all day like a weeping wreck.

Sorry for the misery but neded to vent somewhere.

On brighter note had mw app yesterday, she took more blood to check to see what my HB is now and also if they can identify these mysterious antibodies I seem to have! Should know by Wednesday. Also measuring spot on for dates, I'm 34 +4 now. Still feels like forever to go. Mw has made another app for 37weeks. She is thinking of sending me for a growth scan as dd was 9lb 4oz and only a 3hr labour from 1st twinge Dp ended up delivering her so they are being slightly cautious this time just incase we end up in same position!! Dd never measured big either, was always a week behind

Anyway I'm off to see what I can rescue from what's left of the day...

xx

womb you poor thing...you must be exhasuted. I had my nephews round yesterday for a few hours and I may well never get over it!! (Of course the water infection and anaemia arent helping!)

mama I am going to be the lone voice of dissent I think re: your parents having your ds after your babys birth....my sister had a section with her second child and her eldest was only 15 months at the time. My mum offered to have the elder boy and, although it helped my sister, my elder nephew suffered. He did not bond AT ALL with the new baby and would actually physically attack him so could not be left on his own with him at any time. His behaviour also really deteriorated and he began head banging to vent his frustration. It is only in the last few months that they have become close (they are now 4 and 3)

I realise your ds is much older and therefore better able to understand, but is there any way they could care for him nearer to you? I.e. take him out for the day for a few days but bring him back at night?

I think the only way to get your child to accept the new baby is for him to be around it as much as possible.

I completely sympathise with the mother/anti breast feeding issue too - my mum thinks I am mad to try again after last time and is not shy about telling me so!

(My son also takes off all his clothes including socks to do a poo - arent they funny? )

mustsleep Sorry to hear of your money worries - you really dont need that at the moment! Cant you complain? Go to the CAB and see what they have to say.

Hope we all have a better night ladies x

Ipanemagirl and hopefully I'm knitting too! When I was pg with DD that was my nesting - much more fun than housework, I made her lots of little cardis despite not having knitted for 16 years! This time round I've worked much later and haven't had time with DD to look after too but finally stopped work a week ago and had a huge urge to make SOMETHING for wee Dougie! So I got down to the knitting shop and picked out a really simple pattern (simple = fewer mistakes so quicker to do given the time limit!) and some wool with lots of different shades of blue in it. I've already done the back, 2 fronts and 1 sleeve and am loving it! I don't think there'll be any floor-scrubbing here......!

Potxola Thanks! I've never seen Pocoyo actually though I've heard of it and I wondered if it was Spanish because of the name. Good price; how much do they charge for delivery to the UK?

Carrieon my DD doesn't even use a fork! She likes those mini Weetabix cos she can eat them with her hands. In fact if she she can eat it with her hands she will, even risotto!

Mustsleep I only had a minute last time I was in the computer and I did not read your post. I am sorry you are going through a hard time. I have been overspending as well and I sort of justify it because I don't spend money on myself, but I also have to be careful. It seems not all of us are wealthy in this thread!!!!!!!!!! Hugs

womb, sympathy from here too. I am finding it hard work looking after 1 toddler during the day and luckily my dh comes home about 5.30 every day so is around in the evenings. Sounds like you are doing an amazing job keeping your family occupied and I hope your dp will realise that. It doesn't sound like you have overreacted at all.

mustsleep I also have my fingers crossed that you can get somethign sorted about your money situation. If I was you I'd be writing a very nasty letter to someone high up in the council telling them how appalingly you've been treated and how this has now had a major impact on your finances. The council have messed you about for months, surely someone should be held accountable.

I'm so glad to hear about the 'odd' toddlers that some of you have (carrieon and becaroo). I have written a little manual for mine with roughly what he does during the day because although he is generally fine about his routine being messed up a bit there are things that he likes to happen in a certain way. His penguin teddy HAS to watch his milk being heated in the microwave in the morning and at bedtime he HAS to put his cup up on the fireplace when he's finished.
But then I guess we all have our little things that we like to do the same all the time. I have to wash my Pooh bear mug if it's not clean in the morning as I only like to have my morning cup of tea from that cup!

There must have been something funny in the air last night as I also had an awful night's sleep. I kept getting very weird feelings 'down there' and then got convinced that something was going to start happening which is didn't. I had a nap on the sofa earlier when ds went for his sleep so feel a bit better now. He's just woken up though so I suppose I should go and get him.

jeaund 14,15 euros

lollipop, I think (please don't quote me) what you are entitled to is:

• child benefit of approx £18 per week
• SMP of approx £115 per week from employer (this is after 90% of pay for 6 weeks) - not sure if you were asking about this though.
• If your joint income is less than £66,000 pa, child tax credit of approx £545 pa - bit more if you're earning less. Income threshold goes down to approx £58,000 once baby is >12 months. If you earn > £66,000 you get nowt. The tax credit should always go to the person working (or if you both are, choose the one earning the least money).

Anything more than that (eg working family tax credit) is based on income and tends only to be paid to people earnining less than approx £15,000 pa (eg if getting child element of working family tax credit, you can reclaim 80% of your child care costs back).

Best thing to do is visit www.entitledto.co.uk (I think - could be .gov.uk)
HTH

Becaroo and Mamamuffin I was wondering about the bonding thing too. Originally my parents, who are local, were to have DD (who'll be 19 months) but then we worried she might feel pushed out so we asked if my mum could come here, which she couldn't (my dad is terrified about looking after himself!). Also they are in their late 70s so it might be a bit much for them, they are usually very tired after having her just for the day! So my MIL (mid-60s) is coming down from Scotland 2 days before the CS and will stay with us until after I'm home. So at least DD will be in her own environment. I'm wondering how she will react to DS's arrival though. She's not a jealous child at all but it's a big change! And although she can come and see me in hospital every day I doubt she'll stay for long, she's very active and would get bored just sitting by the bed. She isn't clingy but she misses me if I have a lie in and DH gets her up, I can hear her calling out for me! So I reckon she will really miss me those few days

Its so hard to know what to do for the best, isnt it?

I am concerned about my ds too, as my dh will only have 4 and half days off - thats all the holiday he has left (I am livid with him over all the days out he has had away this year! ) and we cannot afford for him to take paternity leave as it is only £100 a week

If I am to establish breastfeeding successfully I am assuming my ds will not see much of me and he will need his daddy around as he starts school again on 8th in a new class with new children and new teacher so it is going to be a MASSIVE upheaval for him, poor thing.

I have my PIL and parents each within driving distance and each have offered their services after the birth - which is great, but I would prefer my dh here for longer to be with my ds.

I suppose we just have to do what we think right at the time and hope for the best.......My whole parenting strategy in a nutshell!!!

...I was thnking about doing some sort of spreadsheet for my dh if I am in hospital for a while.

He is great with ds but his version of "getting him ready" is clothes on and thats it! He doesnt realise he needs to wash his face, teeth, brush his hair, put his excema creams on, give him his inhaler etc etc etc....

And as for nighttime routine!.....

He also only likes his milk at bedtime from certain cups and I am the only one who can make weetabix the way he likes it

(....and if you are thinking my ds is spolit rotten you are perfectly right!)

Thanks for your thoughts becaroo. I really am stuck as to what to do. I am really not going to think or plan it too much as at the end of the day I could be home 8 hours after birth and ds can go to nursery and I have plenty of local friends who have offered. However, I hope I dont scare him if I am too poorly/ tired afterwards like last time. TBH I am expecting massive fireworks from him for the first few weeks anyway . I just need to manage it and think of ways to limit it. I do feel that my parents would give him lots of love and attention wheras a friend has said to me "dont worry about him if hes with me, he will just have to get on with it" . I dont want him to just get on with it. I want him to feel supported, loved and understood thru the adjustment of being a big brother. jerund your set up sounds ideal, that is a benefit of having a planned cs date.
I wonder how eandz got ontoday. Also any news from sunshine?

mama Its a hard one....I am also expecting fireworks, in fact I am expecting him to turn around and tell me he wants to go and live with his grandparents!!!!

Over the past few eeeks I have tried explaining to my ds that I will be very tired and sore afterwards and we have been talking about how much attention babys need and how you have to do everything for them etc etc but he is only just 5 so its difficult to know how much he takes on board IYKWIM?

I think I will just see what happens...if he asks to go to his grandparents then that is another thing entirely and I would be happier for him to go if it was his idea and it wasnt sort of forced on him.

It will be interesting to see how we all cope, wont it?

Mustsleep, if you call the ma people and explain your situation they might well rush your application through, they did for me and after the phonecall it was sorted within 5 days. It's worth giving htem a ring.

becaroo you poor thing about the paternity leave. Could he even afford to take a few days of it? Or do you have paid special leave to look after sick relatives, domestic crises etc? DH gets full pay while on paternity leave and is also going to anticipate annual leave from next year so between the two and his shift breaks he should get 6 weeks off (which I'm relieved about with the c-section). Is there any chance of yours anticipating any leave?

I can see we all second time mums are going through the same. I don't know what I would do if I was not having a C-section without any family around. Probably I would have to go to labour alone while my dh would stay with ds. Thank goodness I won't have a normal delivery. That would be hard, not having dh with me.

biglips - I saw your post earlier and am also bulging "down there" - wonder if it is due to already having had one child so pelvic floor is not up to as much. It is worse if I do anything like squatting down to pick something up.

carrieon Jearund, beecaroo Debithescot i'm the same, my ds stayed with mil only overnight and i'd written a 3 page essay of what he likes and what happens at what time etc...i think it must be bacause we do most things for them we know their habbits and what pleases them and thinking things aren't 100% the same isn't good...probably more for us than them but the most scary thing is we've made them like that... OCD!!!!!
i'm really hoping i don't have to stay in this time as i want to be back with him asap.

jearund Sadly not. When I had ds he had saved up 2 weeks holiday to take which was great.

Unfortunately, ds was very poorly and had to be readmitted to hospital at 4 days for a week to be fed via ng tube.

Despite this, his firm rang him and asked him to go in to sort out a problem....

...and he did Leaving me at the hospital with a very tiny poorly baby out of my mind with worry. He also did this when ds had to have an emergency groin repair op when he was 2 and a half. I had to sign the papers alone - it was awful.

If it ever happens again I have made it clear he will be ex mr becaroo!

You are so lucky to have him around for 6 weeks.....am very

mumiyumi I know what you mean ....I woke up in a cold sweat the first time ds stayed at PIL becasue I realised I had forgotten to teach MIL the words to the "goodnight song" from cbeebies!

Guess what? He as fine!