Due November 2008....Mmmmmmmmmmmm....minty Gaviscon, swallowed not stirred

[LackaDAISYcal]

Thanks to Pinkali for the title

I am on for a rant!!
I have the PIL and BIL,SIL and niece up for a visit. (PIL are staying with us BIL in a hotel nearby)
The weekend has been going so well, I could not believe it, norm SIL drives us all insane!
I should have know it could not last. Mind you that was after letting slide, what felt like, an insult on day one, but I think was just her being a bit thoughtless and me sensitive. I served up lasagne and DH gave everyone forks and no knives, so I got everyone knives and SIL says, 'What do you need knives for? I would think there was something wrong with the lasagne if I needed a knife!'
Um, Excuse me? Are you saying my lasagne is not good cos it has a cheesy topping which really needs a knife. Prob only cos you are used to frozen ones! Miaow. ok I did not say that, just wished I had.

So the weekend went well until last night when we were trying to plan today and she throws into the conversation that they will be up again in September (for DD's birthday).
The reason this has annoyed is because she did not ask if it was convenient, she just informed us that they were coming, proceeding to tell me that we wouldn't be having a birthday party with her own friends until she was 3, so it was ok for them to come.
This is the third year in a row that she has informed us that she is coming as opposed to asking if it is ok.
Fact is, yes it probably is ok, but it is manners to ask first, don't you think?

Also, she is wrong. I am going to be having a bit of a party for DD's 2nd Birthday and I hadn't really thought to invite them or the inlaws.
Also DD's Bithday is late September and we are going to see PIL early October so seems silly for them (PIL) to come up just before that??

Then I suggested a visit to an old castle, before lunch tommorrow, and she was extremely rude and dismissive about the idea. Listing playpark things, 'Is there a swing?' no 'Is there a round about?' etc
'oh, so it is just an old wreck, bugs and mud. Sounds great.'
No Neeeeed!

So you are going to arrive, univited, for DD's birthday party, again! and I am meant to be ok about that, I suggest something to do and you mock it to my face!
I was sooooo stressed last year and the year I gave birth because of this woman arriving univited, I really wanted to avoid it this year. Last year I hadn't even intended to do anything for DD's b'day, her being only one, there didn't seem a whole lot of point. But, as SIL had invited herself to my get together I felt I had to do something. Now this year I have to get stressed and have 2 parties!!??
Am I being unreasonable?

Twink i above all people love a good SIl rant i dont think your being unreasonable. The lasagne thing i think she was just being a prat. But to poo-poo your ideas of a day out when she is visiting you is off. And to invite herself over is wrong. The way i am over my SIL i would have a party and not tell her any details. If she asks about it, id be saying im not doing anything as visiting PIl in october. see her there instead? I cant bear my SIL so i go for avoidance techniques! Thats prob not the best way but i just cant face the debate all the time so i prefer hiding out!!!

Of all the fears i have about having a baby by biggest fears are a) how will be SIl try to upstage and ruin my childs christening and b) what if i die, i dont want her getting my child.

I truly think of her to such levels, she makes my blood boil. You have my sympathies, i certainly wouldnt be having my SIL over unless all my inlaws were invited.

Sorry to hear about bad time with ILs twinkling. It's hard to convey all the history on here, I think sometimes that's the problem. To me, it sounds like you are being a little bit unreasonable (though understandable given the hormones), but I don't know this woman and how she can be. I have a VERY weird relationship with my SIL, and I know I get supersensitive to her (she didn't even congratulate me when we thought we were having triplets, and we saw them the weekend after we found out!).

It sounds like she really loves your dd, whic is very nice. My SIL couldn't (apparently) give a monkeys about my ds, and has not made it to either of his parties (to be fair, they were only invitd to his 1st). I think given how pregnant you will be in Sept, you can very easily say that dd is aware of who her friends are now you were only planning on having a kids' party, - she is welcome to come as an adult 'helper' but you are not having a party with loads of other adults and you can have a cake or something with the PIL's when you go down there in Oct. That way she can feel included in dd's party (which is nice that she wants to be) but you also make her role very clear. Maybe she can make lasagne for all the kids !

Anyway, I'm sure there will be people who are more mature and wiser than me to give you some advice, so collect it all up and decide what you feel about, but certainly don't stew in it and let her upset you.

It's ds's last day at nursery. I am petrified of the summer holidays...I won't be contributing a lot to mn

I slept nearly all night through. HURRAH! I was slightly awake for a bit in the wee hours but not enough to get up, so I am well pleased. I actually feel more tired though, it is probably all catching up with me.

I am going to try and monoevre a 74cm stick through my doorway now to see if I can get a mountain buggy through!

If we all have very weird SIL's, do you all have brothers etc? I have a brother and i basically pity the woman who gets him. I'd be supportive of her and their children. But i also appreciate that as a grown man, i dont know him as deeply as when he was a child and so i would respect the relationships he finds in adulthood.

Why cant my SIL? Just wondered why ours seem to behave weird. My MIL is an absolute diamond, i love her, but my SIL seems to think she is DH's mum

LOL with Merry and her stick

Sympathy Twinkling.
I get on very well with dh's family. We went to visit his mum yesterday. She is a sweetie. And his sister was there. She is lovely. But even she said something to me yesterday which really upset me. Which is very rare for her.
Becasue as I said I like all of dh's brothers and sisters. Doesn't mean they all haven't upset me at one stage or another, but generally they are fine.
As DrsWife says, everytone with wierd SIL's, are your brothers wierd aswell ?

Neither of my brothers have ever been married. Or look likely to. But I too have pitied the women that have been their girlfriends. My brothers are lovely, but I would dispare being in a relationship with them. Shudder !!

Morning All,

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend. We went to Brighton to visit my sister and her BF in their new flat (although saying that we had to stay in a hotel cos their flat is too small to accomodate us all). Brighton is a great place but I am soooo pleased to get home. Poor DH wouldn't let go of my hand all the time we were walking the streets (he realised he had a pink shirt on and men were smiling at him why are men so insecure about things like that?)

So what's the news????

x

Thats what i think Oblomov, my brother would be hell to live with, lazy good for nothing so and so...but i love him to bits. But thats why i wonder why my SIL is so ...well, territorial about my DH. It truly is like "he's mine not yours!". when we go out she tells me how he likes this cheese, and he likes shirts from this shop and i think errrm yes i know as we have said cheese in our fridge and i wash his shirts. I would love to say well in bed he likes X & Y and he seems to skid his pants a lot, did you know him to that detail too?? argghhhh.

If my brother gets married, i would be there for his wife if she wanted to vent about him, not educate her on his ways. She's gonna know him far more deeply that i ever will...poor cow.

morning Pink, what are your in laws like and do you have a brother?

Pinkali. I love brighton. My brother lives there.
Those gay men, must have been getting excited seeing your dh, until they saw the pregnant you. And they realised they didn't stand a chance. Ha ha.

Ha ha DrsWife. "And yes, when I give your brother a blow job and he howls with excitemnt ......."
See what she has to say to that

Hello again everyone, sounds like a lovely birthday ChocO, hope your DD is feeling better today Lacka, Your SIL sounds like an awkward customer twinkling, hope the weather is nice in Scarborough for PInky
We had a nice weekend although DS sleep is all messed up. My nephew is lovely, with such soft dark hair, DS is very curious and jumped on the settee to get everyones attention! It was so cute when SIL (who is lovely, no idea what she sees in DB but he's done well for himself!) went upstairs to feed DN who apparently doesn't like an audience and DS signed where's baby! (proud mummy emoticon)
And MIL (who normally does my head in) was well behaved yesterday when we called in on our way South, she'd done me a goody bag as a belated birthday present and was SO apologetic at it containing stretch mark cream!

Ha Ha i would use that except my DH would pipe up, "fat chance of that" and then she would speculate that our love life is shit!! ha ha.

Hoorayyyy Yorky is nice SIL and appreciates the sentiment of the woman who ends up with your brother

Hello Auntie Yorky. Come join the SIL debate

I never bf infront of my inlaws, but then they were never the type to 'pop in unannounced' forunately. I wonder whether I will do it infront of anyone this time.

My SIL is my husband's brother's wife. I don't have a bro. My BIL (ie. my sister's husband), I get on well with most of the time. He can be a bit selfish and I am not like my sis who lets him get away with everything he wants, so we probably wouldn't get on well on holiday,but he is never nasty and is basically a good bloke. My husband's family are okaaaaay, I get on fine with them, though they talk a lot behind people's backs, but the girl dh's brother married is very young, very insecure and as a consequence can be quite nasty.

ohhh thats another thing, would you go on holiday with your in laws? DH says how he cant wait to go on holiday, us and DC, SIL and her clan and his parents. He loved family holidays with his grandparents as a kid and wants to re-live it with our baby. But it feels me with horror. i wouldnt go on holiday with my own side either i dont think. Do you guys with existing DC do family holidays on this scale?

I never bf in front of IL's either! OK with my BIL as he is more like part of our family and is a biologist so that kind of thing never phased him, but not dh's family.

My friend had a baby boy on Fridy night. Went to see her yesterday. Baby is sooooooooo cute, got me all excited! Held him for ages. Can't wait to hold mine. He has a cooooooo-el name too, Linus! Now you don't get many of those. His mum is German and his Dad an Aussie, so they got an 'international' name. It's biblical too - I didn't know that!

Forgot to inform you all the stick doesn't fit . I was just kind of hopinf against hope it would. Ahhhhhhh well...back to the drawing board. I will be making my own buggy at this rate !

Dh has brothers and sisters. Many. So I have BIL's and SIL's and their wifes and husbands aswell. I refer to them all as BIL and SIL.

One of dh's sisters has a caravan. In one of those Haven park thingy's. we have stayed there on our own. And also once, she and her family were there for 3 of our 7 day stay.
But they are so easy going. Ds loves his cousins. And totally adores all his aunties and uncles. She cooked for us. Did our washing. Took ds swimming and gave us a break. Then her two boys, ds's cousins took him to the park.

Is that what you would call holidaying with your in laws.
If so. Bring it on. It was totally fab... What is there not to like.

But actually arranging to go away with any bil or sil to say spain for a week. No thanks. We like to do what we want on holiday. And after a couple of days I would want rid of anyone. No just in-laws.

MM, Linus, like it, is that like from Peanuts, wasn't he Charlie Brown's friend ?
Stick doesn't fit ? Sorry what stick ?

LOL at Merry's stick now not fitting. I have visions of you creating a cradboard box to right dimensions to see if it will turn in your hall next. Hmmm oblomov maybe i will feel differently about holidaying with in laws if there is help on hand for the baby. good point! the help and the break may outweigh the irritation!

Well... Because my DH is 20 years older than me... his mother is 75 and she has had her own problems with certain things and is probably a bit of a nutter btu she only live 4 miles from us but we still only see her once a week (we see my side of the family a lot more)... regarding SIL "Don't even go there"... 1 worked for DH, tried to sue him for unfair dismissal, wouldn't go to our wedding because I was 20 years younger than him (even though she would never and has never met me).. oh and she knew his previous girlfriend. Other SIL is a pyscho (sp!) and has munchowsens (SP...)is obssessed my operations and how ill she is and is totally jealous of DH and our situation so we don't see her anymore so basically they are all nutters and I much prefer my side of the family. My Dh is juts so normal considering where he has come from. Oh and his father died 15 years ago which is sucha shame. DH feels very fortunate to have married into such a loving family. We are young, funny and vbery loving and caring. He gets on so well with my mum (who is only 8 years older than him) and all my aunties and my grandma etc.. we have such fun.. and see each other regularly whereas his family is just difficult and painful...

My god didn't I rant!!!

Ooh... we bought our first baby things at the weekend. If you look on the M & S website under hats, we bought a little bear hat with ears and gloves with paw prints on and matching booties (for cold winter). Also bought a baby grow BUT think I may need to take it back cos it says newborn up to 7lbs... and I just won't know until it's born. Oh and I just can't help looking at the hat it is sooooo cute.

How is the ligament Dr's Wife????

Pinkali, I totally understand.
I am youngest . 2 older brothers, 3 years between all of us. They are loving but not very close. Don't visit often, but would always be there for me if I needed. I am very close to my mum. She is 60'ish.

Dh is 9 yesrs older than me. His mum is nearly 90. She has 7 children all 4 yrs apart. She was childbearing for 28 years !!!
Dh is second youngest.
They are totally into eachother. They have family parties all the time. The food is fantastic. I love their family'ness.
But saying that they aren't that close. They don't discuss personal issues. They phone eachother every week and talk about 'the price of beef' - is what I call it.

I tell my mum everything. And when I do talk to my brothers I tell them how our life really is.

So I understand how your dh feels about being included in loving family. I really appreciate dh's.
Fortunatly I haven't experienced the mental/nastiness/horrible side of a family.
But I did work for my bil and sil and quit in the end, becasue they treated me like dirt.
So I do understand.