Due June 08 - As we start nesting will the creme eggs start hatching?

[bitofadramaqueen]

Another new thread! By the time this one runs out we might have some babies!!! Although, we do chat a lot so maybe not...

Now I need your advice/ views about my SIL (she is DH's little sister and is 23). She is a student and has been going off the rails for the past few years (her dad passed away when she was 16 and the minute after he died, MIL came out with her long term lover which everybody knew about but was a bit hard to swallow so close to FIL's death).

Anyway she is studing medicine and I think it is a bit too much for her. She blew a little fuse or two at Xmas and had to be sectioned for 10 days. Basically she was hallucinating etc etc.. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but personally I think there is more to it, possible ADH and a bit of paranoia. She came out and after a week she stopped taking her medication and going to see her councillor. She says doctors are crap and they don 't know anything and she has decided to self medicate with alternative remedies (e.g omega 3 etc).
Yesterday my DH managed to speak to her after trying to contact her for two weeks and it was clear that she was ill again. Thus emergency call to DH's little brother, call to the fireman me doing some research to see how we can get her sectioned again (she is not in england). At midnight the fireman managed to find her and get her back to her appartment. My young BIL jumped in the train this morning to try and get her sectioned as an emergency (we are worried she might harm herself IYSWIM). She is in her apartment and alive but she won't open her door.

Now what would you do now and what would you do after. I personally think she cannot stay on her own anyway and she is screwing her studies so her excuse that she has to stay where she is to finish is just rubbish as she cannot look after herself. The problem is she just won't cooperate. We have to think as to whether she should live with my other SIL or with us. Problem with us is that because she is not english, I don't know if we can make her come to the UK, how to get her the treatment she needs etc..

My MIL doens't care one bit and has just completely abandonned her.

Sorry for the long story but any advice, pearl of wisdom, food for thought would help. You know a problem shared and all that.

Oh and Debs thanks for the contraction timer I was so stressed yesterday that I had loads and was thinking I needed to find one!

Hi Needahand, really sorry about your SIL. Here are a few thoughts but you may get a good response if you start a thread on this topic elsewhere on MN.

If she's not in England, where is she? As I'm sure you know, the law on sectioning is different in different countries - also is English her first language? (= could exacerbate paranoia if in UK and English not first language)

My mother has schizophrenia and it is very common (as I'm sure you know) for people with pyschotic illnesses to refuse treatment. The best thing is to develop a long-term solution which you can keep on trying. It's also good to have a stable family and care environment.

Do you think she is likely to harm herself or others? In England / Wales, you can't be sectioned unless you are at risk of harming yourself or others, but if the fire department have got involved, it sounds like you would have a chance of proving it. What is the law where she is?

Would it exacerbate the illness to come to the UK? Or would that be outweighed by the greater family involvement that you can give her?

[hugs] Needahand. I hope things get sorted out soon. It's so stressful and upsetting.

how awful needahand, sounds like a terribly distressing situation. If she was in the UK I would imagine she'd definately be detainable under the mental health act. Have you contacted her psychiatric care from previously. Here I think that patients tend to have a named community psychiatric nurse who you can access services through?

If she is hallucinating then she definately needs urgent psychiatric assessment and I'm sure your worries about her self-harming should expediate this. Doesn't make it any easier to get her to open the door though.

I hope everything starts to sort itself out asap, it sounds as though you have way too much to deal with.
x

Morning all.
Three days off the thread and I've got seven pages to read to catch up!
Made a start yesterday but am still miles behind, so, in short, the move went really well. As we'd had early access to the house much of our stuff was already put away so now, a few days after the move we are already 90 per cent unpacked. which is FAB.
Move was completely exhausting even though I did v little lifting compared to DH, BIL and DH's pal.
The house is FANTASTIC - better than I remembered and it just feels like we have tons of space. I am SO chuffed!

So, has ernest been on? Does anyone know how her move went? If it's on the last seven pages I apologise, am hoping to catch up on Friday when I'm done with work!

Thanks for all the supportive messages.

Debs, maybe a bit late but I would go with Aidan. Both are nice but Aidan is fab.

Needahand - god what an awful situation. I wish I did have pearls of wisdom but have no experience of such things so can only sympathise and send you hugs. Sorry for being bloody useless but hopefully someone with better advice will be along soon.

Morning all

Hugs to you needahand I done know enough to help you but hope you can get somewhere soon

Glad we are talking weight this morning as drs appointment went well apart from she weighed me and i too have gained 10 kilos 22 pounds, she said ooh we will have to watch that!!
I thought i was doind well seeing that boobs are size of huge melons and i have a bump with a now just over 2 kilo baby (4lbs)!!!!

She was pleased with blood pressure and said that at the moment all is well and i can birth hopefully pretty naturally so far ie not be induced or have to have a ceasearn cause of BP so fingers crossed it all stays well and she stays put! She freaked us out at one point when she said ooh her head is pretty well engaged! My Dp said but she wont come out soon will she and she said I dont think so! hehe

Oh well 5 or 6 weeks to go depending on which due date you pick!

Off to eat healthy brown croissant and jam and a banana and their a walk down to beach! That should move a couple of pounds hehe!!

Oh and debs i like aidan but ethan is lovely too and i like the "an" thing think its nice

U/cake She is a EU citizen. We would section her in France so that she can get emergency treatment but then we'll have to move her somewhere where one of us can look after her. My concern like yours is that english is not her first language. The problem is, apart from us, I am not sure her other sister is keen to take her on. We are all aware that at the best of time she is a handful (a sweet one sometimes but still). I think counselling probably would be a bit difficult in England. I am sure England is far from ideal as far as she is concerned but at least she would be looked after because I am not sure anyone else is willing to look after her(that is if we have the right to legally "import" her. I will need to check that).

Yes we are very worried she might harm herself or commit suicide. Last time she was sectioned by a friend for 10 days so I don't think we'll have too much problem getting her to the same place. The only issue is if she doens't want to open her door/go to hospital. I have researched the law there (I am qualified as a solicitor in her country to although I am a bit rusty) so we won't have problems with the law in that country I don't think. The bit I am not sure about is whether we can get her to come here.

U/cake How did you do to make your mum accept that she need treatment?

Laura would you know where I could find some information as to how to get her to accept she needs help/treatment.

Perhaps you are right, I might start another thread maybe other people will have some experience of this.

Thanks for your thoughts

GF so glad the move went well. Nope no Ernest so far but she must have a handful.

Paro don't worry about head being engaged, for first babies, they usually engage quite soon (around 34-36 weeks I think) doesn't mean it will come early. Glad the BP is ok

Hi Needahand. I'm afraid I don't know if you can get her to come to the UK against her will. It sounds like it would be a long and involved court process, but someone else on MN may be able to help.

Our story is not a positive one - and is different from yours because of the self-harm aspect. My mother has refused to see any mental health professional for the last two years, and has refused treatment for the last five years. While she has hallucinations, hears voices and is mean and verbally vicious, she is not at risk of harming herself or others. She refuses to see or speak to me because I have challenged her about it. Her GP knows what's going on and we keep liaising with him - but he can't force her to accept treatment against her will. Two years ago, we got her to a CPN and then to psychologist, but she walked out the moment they suggested medication.

I think it would be good if your BIL could spend some time in France with her. I really hope this gets resolved for you soon and am sorry you are having such a shitty time in general at the moment.

U/cake I think we would probably get her to come and live with us. The only problem is are we allowed to do that because she is not working in the UK, doens't have NHS etc.

The good news is she has now opened the door and BIL has managed to convince her to take a shower and go to hospital. Apparently she is in a bad way but I don't know what that means as I only got a text.

What I am worried about now is what will happen to her when she comes out of hospital.Yesterday when her friends couldn't find her in her apartment and the firemen were looking for her we were worried for the worst.

My BIL can't look after her. He is 24 and has just started a new job, it would be unfair to ask him to take that on. It was good enough of him to rush and try to get her to hospital (he lives very far from her)

Sorry guys didn't mean to hoggle the thread with my SIL problems

Oh needahand, sounds a terrible situation. My Grandad had mental health issues and when my Nana died he went into sheltered housing, so he kept some independence but there was the support there if needed. Is there anything similar in France?
But I think you have a way to go just getting her to accept the situation and you must feel so far away. I do feel for you and your dh, but you must still put your immediate family first - they are your priority and however much you want to help, having her come to live with you might not be the best solution.

Take care

I realise my last post wasn't very helpful. I do have two friends with bipolar disorder who accept treatment. Both have been sectioned and the counselling at that time enabled them to understand and accept what they needed to do.

My friend P has his medication by depo-injection so that he can't refuse it.

My friend T spends a lot of money during her manic phases so has the bank and credit card company call her parents if anything looks dodgy.

I know debs, but we couldn't forgive ourselves if something happened to her. Her own mum already doesn't give a s--t so it would feel like abandonning her all over again. I know having her living here is probably not the best for her, but at the moment there doesn't seem to be an alternative (other than having her sectioned long term but I really really don't think that would be good for her)

No idea about how to convince her to get help I'm afraid, it's even more difficult when you're in another country I'm sure. Could you contact any support agencies in the UK for hypothetical advice? In my limited experience with psychiatrically unwell patients (once they've reached hospital) there are no easy answers as you can't rationalise or bargain with someone who is ill in this way.

If your BIL is over there, perhaps he can access the french system and get the equivalent of a community pysch nurse out to speak to her through the door??

good luck.

Don't worry about sharing your worries with us, I've done enough of it today Needahand!

Just had Sil on the phone to me about mil, we don't know what to do with her, she'd got herself into such a state about it, was in tears to both of us this morning. Problem is that it's Sil's 2nd marriage, in Mil's eyes she should still be with 1st husband, and she's very jealous of future Bil's family. There is only a small family on dh's side and mil is widowed etc..etc.. I'm boring myself here so I'll stop before you snooze off on your keyboards!!

I think you will learn more from the hospital. Really good luck Needahand. Am thinking of you.

xUpside

glad she's opened the door, hopefully they will be able to help her so that when she's ready to be discharged she's happy to take treatment this time. I would imagine she won't be fit to return to studying anyime soon, but worry about that when the time comes.

Do let us know how she gets on.

Deb, MILs are a pain in the backside aren't they! [empathy emoticon]

Paro was your oncology appt OK?

Thanks Laura. I think BIL will try to speak to the hospital doctors. Re her studies, to be honest I think considering her illness and the fact she had to be sectioned twice and that she took ages to do her first three years, I am pretty sure her uni will fail her now.

Debs MIL hey? We all have problems with them. Don't fall for the emotional blackmail though.

Thanks to all for the support really really appreciated.

Needahand - no advice to give, but huge sympathy.

Debs - again, huge sympathy, but be strong - you really don't want to have a house full when you have a 5 week old baby. Whatever guests say, they still expect to be entertained, fed and watered.

greenfairy - many congrats on the move - well done you.

Morning all-

have been lurking as big on self-pity at the mo...and having a broadband nightmare, but fnd something for Debs in this months Prima Baby and Pregnancy....someone wrote in about attending a wedding this summer whilst breastfeeding.....they recommend this and offer a 20% discount if you quote PRBSA20 when ordering online before the end of June.

PS- have put on 26lbs and have now stopped weighing myself....picture of bloody Nicole Kidman in today's Hello (allegedly 7 months and looking like she overdid the curry lst night) made me want to hide under the duvet...forever.

Hi Makecakes glad to know you are ok, I was wondering this morning where you had gone as you have been unusually quiet I thought perhaps you had your baby. I saw that picture of nicole kidman too. Cleary we are not all equal as far as pregnancy weight is concerned . Then again I am sure I had a team of nutritionist and cook handy, I too would look fab.

SIL update. After her shower she didn't want to go to hospital anymore. Apparently poor BIL had to call the equivalent of 999 1h30mn ago and is painfully to try to contain her (she is kicking screaming and very aggressive apparently) I hope the get there soon and that we can at least breathe for a day or two in the knowledge that she is safe.

I too have put on about 2 stone! Thought I was doing quite well until a few weeks ago. Most important thing is that we have good healthy babies and I did find the weight was quite easy to lose last time, so hopefully I can be in skinny jeans by christmas!

Hi everyone, needahand, that sounds awful, have no practical advice either but couldn't ignore your posts, so just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear about all of that and hope a solution presents itself.

Deb - families, eh?! I hope you can stick to your guns on this one, as others have pointed out, it's your income. If one of your rellies was an accountant, you wouldn't expect them to do your books for free would you?

I like both names btw, so no help there!

Laura - Debbie Bliss stuff is nice isn't it, I also have the Erika Knight books, which are quite easy too.

Was at mw this morning, monster has assumed the exit position, so let's hope he stays that way and doesn't turn back again.

Weight - hate to say it, but I haven't put on very much - maybe about 7lbs - and I have been heavier than I am now without being pregnant. But I have been a right fat heifer in the past, so I doubt I'll be a size zero any time soon. I can still wear my pre-pg jeans too. Can't help comparing bumps with other ladies. Love the Mr Greedy description, but can't remember who said it - there's always a lot of catching up to do on this board!!

Thanks for that link Makecakes, it looks really nice but I wonder of it would be a bit clingy to the extra 10kg, so good of you to think about me though. Sorry you're feeling down, I was wondering where you were. You have to remember with these celebs - they were concave to start with, so baby doesn't take up so much space, anyway I would rather be cuddly than bony(just as well)

Re Mil - she is a lovely person but unfortunately wants everyone to be happy, and you can't always have that can you. when she's here she cooks, irons and is always washing up so she's very helpful, just gone a bit doolally(never typed that before) over this wedding.