April 2023 - We’re nearly half way! ✨ 🍼

[Cuppasoupmonster]

New thread! Hopefully this one will see us through 20 week scans and crossing the halfway point! 💕

As ever if you’re missing from the list give me a shout and I will add you:

Cuppasoupmonster second baby 7th (induction 37w) 💖
Milkandfenty third baby 1st 💛
Searchingtheskies second baby 2nd 💛
Biscuitsplease first baby 2nd 💖
Chocolat first baby 3rd 💛
Bluebubbles12 second baby 4th 💛
Erber third baby 4th 💛
CariadBB first baby 5th 💛
Skylark1990 second baby 7th 💛
Melissa2023 first baby 8th 💙
Tubbytele second baby 14th (CS 39w) 💛
Alwaysseeingstars first baby 9th 💛
Lj2022 first baby 10th 💖
Emeal123 second baby 11th 💙
DBS94 first baby 11th 💙
tattlytote second baby 12th 💛
Bernesemum first baby 12th 💛
Lid88 second baby 13th 💛
Ncbn first baby 14th 💙
Kennadams fourth baby 16th 💛
Margo34 second baby 16th💛
Aliceinslumberland first baby 16th (CS 39w) 💙
Appleandcheese first baby 18th 💛
Xalexandra first baby 20th 💛
Piggybean first baby 20th 💛
Tropicana1 second baby 20th 💛
Puddingbear 27th (CS 39w) 💛
Springblooms08 first baby 21st 💛
Hannah223344 first baby 21st 💙
Gilm0reGirl second baby 21st 💛
Pommy1 first baby 22nd 💖
Deek88 second baby 24th 💛
Marshmallowmountain first baby 25th 💖
LauraA31 first baby 26th 💛
Peachesthecat third baby 26th 💛
Allfurcoatnoknickers second baby 28th 💖
Limoncelloo 29th March second baby 💖
MamaMenna second baby 30th 💖

@OttilieKnackered I did exactly the same for my first, took 9-10 months off as well. It was quite nice actually because other mums I spoke to were actually getting a bit bored of being on maternity leave that long and stopped really doing much as the babies were getting into more of a routine. I still booked holiday for a few days a month so I had things to look forward to and went on really good day trips as I was earning again

@Deek88 Aw yes that all makes sense... gosh it's hard isnt it... I wish there was a more decent statutory system, the Scandi countries do it right! Everyone will muddle through and make it work though - we just need to do what we can... no other option!

I've had some odd symptoms recently. Just noticed I have some blood blisters on my neck. Has anyone else experienced this?

I've booked to visit a friend in Europe for a long weekend when I'll be 22 weeks... will be taking the Eurostar from London and travelling alone. Hoping I've not made a mistake! Will pack light. Anyone else doing any solo travelling while pregnant?

Sorry that previous post was me - it flipped back to an old username!

@Skylark1990 take any pregnancy notes with you just in case!

@Skylark1990 I'll likely be flying with my 2 year old by ourselves after xmas. I did it last week without a pushchair and don't recommend it, but this time I'll be prepared. I think alone would be no problem.

Has anyone had any tight sharp cramps right across the front of their stomach like a band? Just had a few seconds of it there and similar over the weekend! Not sure if it's normal

@Margo34 you're an absolute legend for sharing that info about SPL, thank you. I need to look more into it but if it works it would be amazing. Did you do the same last time and was your HT/HR ok with it?

Thanks everyone for replying about your jabs! Got flu and whopping cough done this morning. Just a sore arm and no other symptoms for now, thankfully!

Sorry to hear about all the mat leave complexities. I've started a new job recently and haven't told them yet. By the time I pass my probation period, it'll be almost time for me to go on mat leave... Suspect I'll have no mat pay from the employer at all.

@Skylark, I think you'll hopefully really enjoy seeing your friend in Europe! The Eurostar is so easy and civilised, it should be a pleasant journey! :)

Hi all! Sorry to find some of you are finding maternity leave options unappealing ☹️ My leave entitlement is good, but I’m due to sit some pretty significant exams in May/June, and if I miss them, it will push my course back a year. I did this when I had DD so it feels like it’s gone on forever 😂 if I can get the exams done then that’s that and I can return to work in 2024 in a much better place. So I’m taking 8 weeks maternity, then DH is taking SPL for 3-4 months, then I’m taking the final 6 months. I’ll be working from home and the hours will be quite flexible so it shouldn’t be too bad, but I am bracing myself. DH is delighted to have 4 months off work however 😆 but I’ve told him I won’t be doing a single night waking in that time, or taking on any ‘mother duties’ in my working hours beyond breastfeeding/pumping.

So all in all, it won’t be a relaxing year of May leave, but I’m trying to think long term. If I did take the year it would be awful when I go back - a 12 month old starting nursery, DD in school, revision to do, DH working full time etc. At least this way it should be a bit calmer.

we can support each other through it! 💪🏻

@DBS94 i get that exact sensation - a sharp momentary pain, in a band shape across the mid/top of the bump! I vaguely remember it from last time, I think it’s the abdominal muscles pulling apart 😱

*mat leave not May leave!

@Margo34 I just read the following on maternityaction.org.uk: Maternity leave can only be taken in one block but shared parental leave can be taken in blocks of leave (within a year from the birth).

So unfortunately I don't think that plan would work unless if your school allowed you to take blocks of mat leave?

@Margo34 I just read through your post again and the link you sent, and I understand it slightly better now (I think😂)

So would your plan work this way:

1. Mat leave from birth to the start of summer hols
2. Return to work during summer hols.
3. SPL for the autumn term.
4. Return to work during xmas hols.
5. SPL for spring term.
6. Return to work during Easter hols.

Is this correct?

@Margo34 I'm a teacher too - I've been thinking about SPL, because if it's possible then the money is too good to turn down!!

I'm only unsure about it for 2 reasons:

1. my husband is self-employed, so not sure whether I'll be allowed to take SPL because of this
2. I don't know how/who has to fund it - if its the school, I'll feel really bad taking more money put of what is an already squeezed budget! I'm sure I shouldn't let that affect me, but it does... its been hard enough accepting that there are days where I'm just not well enough to do my job (having never taken more than a single day off ill in a school year, before getting pregnant!).

@Tubbytele that is my understanding of it, yes. I didn't do it last time because I was only on a one year contract at the time so went straight onto SMP as soon as the contract ended, but in a permanent role now so should be able to do it. One of my colleagues has done it successfully last year so I'm optimistic.

@simplythequest agree the moral side of doing it is a quite weighty and I've never met a teacher that doesn't suffer with massive teacher guilt on a regular basis, this would definitely come under teacher guilt. It would come out of the salary budget as you'd be back on the books 'working' in between the blocks of SPL although it's holidays so not actually at work or working.

Some food for thought and something to consider.

Take the leave! Remember the fact they don't accrue your holiday which isn't fair, they don't have employer guilt over that!

Only just joined from the last thread and already 10 pages in 😂 we are a talkative bunch! Hope everyone is doing ok xxx

Thank you @Margo34 @MamaMenna @SavedByGraceAlone ! I'm looking forward to a weekend away 😊

@simplythequest knock that teacher guilt on the head and take what you deserve 😂💪💪 honestly, mum guilt.im sure is even worse and so good to start shedding the guilt now - it'll be practice for motherhood I promise! So much to feel guilty about as women isn't there... Or in traditionally "women" roles... And yet we do so much... Grow a human, nurture a human, while working , etc. I think we should take the time off we can, baby is only little once. You won't regret it. ❤️

Just caught up on a bit of the convo - some gorgeous name ideas! We had girl names we loved but then found out we are having a boy and can’t agree! My OH does not think it needs to go with my DS name but I think it would be nice if they went together well..

mat leave - urgh stressful! I’m an agency worker so I don’t get mat leave/pay from work so want to work as close to my due date as I can but my job is really stressful so equally I will probably not be that great at it when heavily pregnant either. Safe to say we are saving every penny at the moment to help while im off so I don’t need to rush back to work 🤞🏻

teacher guilt sounds hard!! you teachers work so hard all year round and more than deserve to enjoy the time off with your new babies 😍😍

Haha, @Skylark1990 @Longbin @Emeal123 teacher guilt is so real and so ingrained! There's a lot I've stopped feeling bad about recently, but the money side of things... Although considering how much I've paid for with my own money that's gone to the school, I'm probably owed it anyway 😆

I think I'll talk it through with my headteacher. She isn't one to guilt trip or talk people out of things that are deserved. But, I think I'll wait until January when (fingers crossed) the behaviour at school has settled down a bit. They're blooming feral at the moment and we're all having to pick up the pieces. I've learned so much about parenting (or, how to not parent) from working at my school!

@simplythequest my DH is also self-employed and I don't think we would be eligible for SLP either.

With DS it worked perfectly as he was born in Sept so I took mat leave after the summer hols and returned back after the 50% + SMP finished when DS was 8 months which was timed with the June half term break. So worked for 7 weeks and was then back off for the summer hols. This time I'll do the same by trying to work until the Easter break, start mat leave on the day I have c section and then return back in Jan after the xmas hols once the 50% + SMP finishes again. If we were eligible for SLP like the plan from @Margo34, then could have longed it out to April but doesn't look like it would be possible for us.

Wow, thank you all so much for all your SPL/mat leave tips - definitely food for thought. I work in an educational setting as well and will look into the returning to work for the holidays. I feel the tiniest pang of guilt too, but then if we had decent SMP we wouldn’t have to navigate these things so “sneakily”! It’s just survival. So I don’t think the guilt is ours to bear, it’s a systemic thing.

(And on that note, I’ve been following the Pregnant Then Screwed protests over the past couple of weeks - ashamed to say I knew nothing about it until now! The cost of childcare looks… shocking.)

Agree that as teachers you feel terrible guilt about lots of things, but that it's the way the system is set up and that's not your fault. When you consider the hours you're paid for vs the hours you work and therefore your hourly rate some of the guilt dissipates