August 2021 - Heading into the second trimester

[BertieBotts]

Old thread was about to fill up again

I will try to get to the car seat/pram Qs in a bit...

@wimbler - EDD 29 July, having a surprise! 💛
@Champson - EDD 22 August (but really June/July), TBC 💛💛💛
@Jessicapebbles - EDD 5 August (but having C-section at 39 weeks, so really July) 💛
@smurf123 - EDD 5 August (but likely to be July) 💛
@WhatEvenIsSleep EDD 2 August, TBC 💛
@Smushty14 - EDD 6 August, TBC 💛
@Rattyclife - EDD 6 August, TBC 💛
@Biscuitcat - EDD 10 August, having a surprise! 💛
@runnergirl123 - EDD 11 August, TBC 💛
@PurplePansy05 - EDD 12 August, Boy 💙
@BananaHammock23 - EDD 13 August, surprise 💛
@MrsB2019x - EDD 13 August, TBC 💛
@Magik01 - EDD 13 August, TBC 💛
@Carefree1 - EDD 15 August, can't wait to find out 💛
@DressyGerbera - EDD 15 August, surprise 💛
@lucyrp - EDD 16 August, undecided 💛
@BertieBotts - EDD 16 August, want to know! 💛
@Whatshouldbemyusername - EDD 16 August, TBC 💛
@WolfMother326 - EDD 17 August, surprise 💛
@Smallbean27 - EDD 19 August, surprise 💛
@WatermelonKisses - EDD 20 August, surprise 💛
@alittlexmasmagic - EDD 22 August, surprise 💛
@Millymay13 - EDD 22 August, TBC 💛
@Notinthestarsigns - EDD 23 August, TBC 💛
@northernsquirrel- EDD 31 August, surprise 💛

I work for a large American company and it's 13 weeks full pay and then SMP up to 39 weeks. Not the best but not the worst. My American colleagues get 12 weeks off total and that's generous over there. The legal requirement is actually zero. It's shocking! I took the full year last time and hope to do the same this time.

@hopefulB the NHS one sounds pretty generous! That's good it's half pay plus SMP.

All this chat got me digging out my savings/maternity budget spreadsheet from last time, need to get our heads into the saving game while still in lockdown with nothing to do!!

@HopefulB I haven't really decided yet about maternity leave but I'm hoping to take the full year. To an extent it'll depend on when we want a second, as if we'd like a short break between them I might take less, so I can get a decent chunk of work in between mat leaves!

@PurplePansy05 that is interesting about the 3/4am wake ups! I've been waking at that time for a week or so. I assumed it was the awful itching (which luckily the GP has given me stuff for as nothing else touched the sides), but it sounds like that could be contributing too

@Carefree1 I have been looking for a new bra but can't find my size.

Currently wear a 36DD but it's so tight and on the last hook and I'm gaping at the top of the cup but done my measurements on boob or bust and had a look at marks and Spencer's bra fit calculator and they came up with 32G and 34F so tried them both on and a 34 band fit but the F cup was still gaping so suggested a G. but I think I'm w 34E so will have to see. Tried to order some maternity bras but they came far too small and I ordered a medium which is dress size 10-12 so asked for some advice on a facebook page if I should get L or XL and they all were not helpful at all and just said I'm definitely not a XL as that's dress size 20-22 ... but I obvs need either those as the medium was tiny 🤨🤷🏼‍♀️ first world problems

@HopefulB was only going to take 4.5 months as that's all I get full pay but going to take the full 9 months as financially I think we can manage with SMP for the extra 4.5 months as that's just under my monthly wage anyway and my OH will be able to top it up to my normal.

Wish I could save before baby but trying to get debts out the way and spend on baby 🤣 feeling even more huge tonight

NHS is 70% female I don't think they could get away with any less.
They may not give pay rises but their benefits are very good. I'm very lucky to work for them.

Can't believe it's only 12 weeks in USA!!

Thanks all for describing the movements. I still can't decide, it feels like some sort of butterfly wings and possibly as if I had something small swimming/floating in my tummy. Actually struggling to describe this 🙈 I don't think I've had this before and it doesn't seem linked to gas (in a sense of immediate flatulence afterwards).

Re mat leave, I get 12 weeks on full pay and then SMP, and that's only after quite a few years in the business. So could be worse, but could also be much better. Cue a business still 90% ran by men. I will be taking at least 7 months I think if DH takes SPL. If not then possibly 9 months. Then probably one day off a week to use up my leave before moving to consolidated hours, or I'll take payment in lieu if I change jobs. xx

@PurplePansy05 That’s really interesting - I’m often awake at 3am! Then awake for the day at 6:00 (not through choice 😩) How exciting about possible movements! 😁 I’m in the same boat as you I have no idea what I’m looking for 😕

@HopefulB I think I’m going to have to go back after 9 months because that’s when all pay stops ☹️ I am entitled to 12 but I won’t be able to afford those extra 3 months as I earn more than DH

@lucyrp You’ve got a lovely bump!

@lucyrp please let me know if you find a good bra with big cup sizes! I wear a 32G under usual circumstances and they’ve grown what must be at least 2 sizes and I’m told they’re going to get bigger so would like something to accommodate as I grow. All the bras I’ve seen for my cup size tell me to get a big back size which just doesn’t work at all, like molke, whilst the cup may fit and medium back will be loose!As I am at home I wear no bra and when I venture out I wear my biggest bra but it gives me 4 boobs- it looks awful and is uncomfortable!

@PurplePansy05 I described mine as an angry butterfly- fluttering but with force!

@Inmypjsagain have you tried the boob or bust calculator or marks and Spencer bra fit calculator? They're both really good actually I thought I was going to be an even bigger back size as I'm on the last hook on my 36 and it's still tight but on the 34 with bigger cups it was much better! ASOS is actually pretty good for bigger boobs! My 36DD is so high up my back and if you look in the mirror it almost goes up diagonal from the front its that bad. Not comfortable at all. And I was measured this size in a shop!

I’m a civil servant and we get 6 months full and 3 months statutory. I’m going to take 12 months off but including the holiday accumulated if that makes sense (which should be another 6 weeks pay). I’m not always grateful to be in the public sector but definitely am at the moment!

Good tip on the M&S calculator. I worry if I buy now they might keep getting bigger though. Does anyone know when they stop growing?!

@LyraShaeLilly no not quite right. German maternity pay is pretty good though.

It's separated into "Mutterschutz" (maternity protection) and "Elterngeld" (parental allowance) and "Elternzeit" (parental leave) so they are all three separate things which work together.

First you get Mutterschutz which means you aren't allowed to work and you get 100% of your pay - this is through health insurance, which everyone has to have. That starts from 6 weeks before your due date, or as soon as you're pregnant if you work in a role that's considered dangerous during pregnancy - if your company can't offer you alternative work e.g. in an office. They aren't allowed to offer you lower pay, it has to be paid at your current rate. That continues until 8 weeks after you give birth, unless you have a premature baby or twins or more or a severely disabled baby in which case it lasts for 12 weeks.

After Mutterschutz you go into Elternzeit and receive Elterngeld. Elterngeld is different because it can be claimed by either parent, or even both at the same time. You have an entitlement to 14 months between you, but each person can only take a maximum of 12 months, so if the other 2 months are unused they are just wasted. The first 2 (or 3) months of Mutterschutz following the birth count for 2 (or 3) months of Elterngeld, so you can't claim your 12 months on top, it's in total from the time of giving birth. For Elterngeld, you get 67% of your salary for the previous year, but there's a minimum and a maximum cap. This is paid through a government agency.

You can also choose to receive half the rate of Elterngeld, but for twice as many months. You are allowed to work while receiving Elterngeld but only up to a certain amount of hours/pay - after that it starts cutting into your allowance. Last time DH took 3 months fully off work and then did 2 months part time and received an amount which was calculated somehow. It was all very complicated TBH.

Elternzeit unpaid time off to care for children. You can take a total of 3 years off and they have to keep your job or an equivalent role open for you. It makes sense to claim Elterngeld while on Elternzeit, because of it being unpaid (Elterngeld is the pay replacement if that makes sense). But it means you can be more flexible about things - last time for example I chose to have my paid months later on after DH had gone back to work full time.

In theory yes you could take two years off and be paid the whole time, but it would be more like 33% than 90% :)

@LottSE20 I’m a civil servant too and grateful for the maternity package we get for sure!

I work for the NHS too and feel lucky for the generous packages we have.

@inmypjsagain have you tried sports bras from sports direct? They're really cheap, 2 for £13 and the sizes are generous

@BertieBotts was just looking at strollers - between the uppababy vista v2, bugaboo fox2 and nuna Demi grow (yes I know they’re all super expensive) I want most value for money so in 2 years hopefully have baby no 2 and use the same pram to expand.

Do you know which one might be a winner? Sorry I was looking for the post you did but can’t seem to find it (should have screenshot it)! 🤦🏽‍♀️X

And this is what I was talking about, the SMP in the UK in comparison to most EU countries is shockingly low. And then we move on to massively expensive childcare, question is how many of us are actually billionaires? None. So we take a hard hit, but "only" for 3 years, I guess that's a sweetener. Some will say it's choice to have a baby, absolutely, but why we have to be penalised and suffer in a supposedly rich country after having paid tons in taxes is beyond me. Anyway, rant over.

Back to bras - I was a 34E pre-pregnancy, now I have no idea, I got stretchy bras from Jojo Maman Bebe and Asos, I believe they are a 38F and a set in large. I think they'll last me for another few months, maybe even till the end.

I too normally buy from M&S or Bravissimo - they aren't cheap, but they're great quality and used to do a maternity range xx

@Whatshouldbemyusername to be perfectly honest, I'm not familiar enough with them all to be able to say, but I did watch this the other day and they seem to lean towards the Uppababy.

This is why it's a bit frustrating that I can't work at the moment, I wouldn't mind quite so much if I was actually getting paid (OK, I'd be extremely happy to be paid for nothing!) but being stuck in limbo is just really frustrating :(

Ooh actually this one is even better, @Whatshouldbemyusername

@BertieBotts you’re a star! Thank you xx

Wow you guys can really talk! 😂 Just had a quick catch up!

Re bras- currently using the H&M maternity bras, they are comfy and I like them. They are like a sports bra kind of fit.

@PurplePansy05 things always do work out. Both mine and my DH parents all work full time so we have no one either (obviously the same when DS was born). I was also made redundant at 26 weeks pregnant with my first so my SMP kicked in then as the government had to pay it with the company I worked for going bust. 🙈 I had no say in this either, it’s just one of those things.

I purposely didn’t go back to work full time because of childcare costs. We worked out that me working a 40 hour week as a manager I would only have the take home pay as working part time. So I may as well do that instead. ☺️ And our childcare costs don’t seem half as bad compared to everyone else’s! We pay £41.50 for a full day which includes nappies and food. DS will also be entitled to the 30 free hours once baby is around 4 months old which we did plan.

@Magik01 ooo yes I need your help! What size are you in normal bras ? Been wanting to order the h and m bras but unsure of size as I tried a different brand similar style in size M and i was popping out everywhere. I'm thinking I'm a 34E

If I worked my normal 37 hour week and paid childcare for all those hours the childcare would take 55% of my wages so I'd still get money but at the moment all of my wages are currently unavailable for anything else 🙈

@lucyrp I’m normally a 30D or 32C last time I got measured. It that was years ago! But my boobs grow SO much during pregnancy they must be at least an E now. I got a medium in the H&M and they fit pretty well, a lot of reviews did say to size up! It’s a nightmare with shops being closed isn’t it!!

@lucyrp I’ll try boob and bust. I’m dubious of the marks and Spencer one because the size it’s suggesting seems big!

Most of my bras are M&S or Boux avenue so forgot about ASOS and bravissimo. Stupidly forgot baby shops would do bras for expanding boobs too!

@northernsquirrel sports bras also a good shout, why did I not think of this all before!

Anyone got experience as to when the growth spurt ends or is it just continuous? I keep being told they’re bigger after birth too? I’m beginning to worry what they’ll look like when they return to normal after being so pumped up 😥

@Inmypjsagain if you think the marks one is suggesting big then boob or bust will suggest even bigger ! I'm currently wearing a 36DD and its suggested a 34F or 32G and actually the 34F fits much better than my current bra! Worth a try! My bras are either ASOS, Victoria's Secret or Ann summers 🙈Also your boobs probably will go tiny after you've breastfed. My boobs after I finished feeding went to pancakes last time they honestly disappeared and they didn't really come back until a couple of years later from what I remember but everyone is different 🙈😅

@Magik01 yeah well last time I was measured I was a 36DD but after being told high street shops +4 to the band so they can sell you what bras they have in stock. They find the sister size so a 36DD is the same as a 34E but because shops don't tend to have an E cup in store they'd pick the bigger band and smaller cup size. And people who are 28 band tend to be told they are a 32 because most shops don't stock smaller than a 32 so again you're more likely to buy their stock ! Mind blowing since I've looked into it

@lucyrp I would go for a large in the H&M, I went for the medium and the band fits fine but my boobs pop out. Hopefully the band won't be too bad as you grow. I'm usually a 28 FF but god knows what I am now!

I also use boob or bust, it's crazy the high st adding +4, since I started using that my bras fit so much better although I'm all over the place now with pregnancy, breastfeeding, two months off now pregnancy again.