Dec19/Jan20 IVF Graduates - Thread 2

[Chooklass]

New thread for us all to keep in touch. Think we're all nearing the end of the first trimester or dipping our toes into the second ... how far we've come since the days of agonising over stims!

Link to old thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/birth_clubs/3812203-Dec19-Jan20-IVF-Graduates

Having a really really anxious day today. Made the mistake of googling about my uterine abnormality and have now convinced myself that I will have a late term miscarriage or preterm labour... and that this is all going to go very badly wrong. Less than 2 weeks until I see the consultant but I'm having a full on sob this evening finding it so hard to break out of the 'infertility fear' - the 'what if it never happens for us' panic is huge.

Sorry for the moany post.

@Lily999 I think that gelatiney stuff is normal. I remember my friend talking about it (she's got a small baby now, but when she was pregnant!).

Sorry to hear that @October2020 - I think most of us get those days. I had a really bad few days last week when I realised I was losing weight and did far too much googling. Weirdly I find it literally never leaves you reassured so I can see why people say not to do it. You have a private appt coming up though don't you so you can talk to a real expert about your fears? And more importantly, all the good stuff they'll be able to do to prevent them being reality 😀

(@justkeeprunning5 sorry I think you asked about this further down and if anyone else had lost weight. I've lost 5 pounds since booking in! I weigh what I did when I got married and I worked much harder for that! Midwife doesn't seem very bothered and I have a definite and firm bump so I'm guessing we've both just got hungry babies who are stealing our calories?!)

Has pretty much everyone now told their work? I'm 16 weeks this week so really should have, but I've felt no need in lockdown and given I'm slightly nervous I'm considering waiting until 20, but I would feel a bit misled if I was the employer there I think. What are others doing?

@Wimbledon1 from memory you don’t actually need to tell them until 15 weeks before your due date (so 25 weeks). It’s not misleading your employer, do what you feel is right. If you don’t need to tell them (because it’s not affecting your job) and you would prefer to wait then I would do that!

We run our own business so obviously work knew straight away 🤣🤣🤣

@October2020 I am so sorry you had a bad day yesterday, I hope you're feeling better this morning. Remember that it is always the worse case scenario on google. Nobody comes on to talk about or ask questions about something that isn't a problem (if you see what I mean) so I am sure for every one you read where something bad has happened there are 100s of uneventful pregnancies where it has all been fine that you don't hear about. Xx

@Lily999 I haven't felt any movements but definitely have a bump forming! See pic!

@Wimbledon1 I am a freelancer so a bit different and have told one client as they have some big projects this year but otherwise I think I will probably wait until 20 weeks. I think that is still giving them a good amount of time to prepare.

Good morning!

@FlapJackered your bump looks exactly like mine and we have the same bed haha! :) DH constantly hits his knee at the edge I was already thinking of ways to babyproof that one and it is quite sharp.
My doubts regarding the bump come from the fact that if I lie on my back it disappears and I thought it wouldn't happen once it's "real".?

@October2020 I can totally relate to you as I had/have the same fears you know I was told due to this low papp-a level I am high risk for premature birth or smaller baby. Obviously the first thing I did was to Google the sxxt out of it. Guess what was the first thing I found? That with low papp-a my chances are higher than normal for miscarriage in the second part of the pregnancy (right after the long desired 12weeks mar passed when I naively assumed I will not have to worry about miscarriage and can relax), and also stillbirth. I think most of us would agree that is one of the most dreaded word anyone can ever use after infertility treatment.
So as anyone else would, I freaked out, then called the midwife back and she talked some sense into me explaining just because you can read all these things online it only means they need to pay closer attention to us and monitor the growth of the baby, making us feel looked after and cared for. Nowadays if a baby comes early it doesn't even mean there will be issues, modern technology helps them grow and develop, they do catch up. My husband was born prematurely and he is a strong, healthy 6ft 3 guy people keep asking him whether he plays basketball. So please try not to worry and enjoy your pregnancy! xxx

@Wimbledon1 my boss knows because he and his wife went through IVF years ago and have a gorgeous girl so they helped us a lot during the process, but nobody else knows and I am planning on keeping it that way then once we go back to the office I will just show up with a big belly to shock them :) Will be so funny, can't wait!

@lily999 I just had a call from the midwife with my test results, they’re happy with the downs and Edwards results but my PAPP-A was borderline low (the cut off is 0.41 and mine is 0.38) she explained that it can just lead to having a slightly smaller baby and that they will check the blood flow through the placenta at the 20 week scan and probably give me more scans following that to check growth. They have also asked me to start taking 150mg of aspirin every day from now on. Do you know what your result was? Did they tell you to take aspirin? I know every hospital is different, some hospitals still don’t check.

Anyway, I mentioned that DS was 2 weeks overdue and only 7lb 6oz (They didn’t test PAPP-A 4 years ago) and I wonder if it was low with him and she said it was very likely because they tend to see if you have it in one pregnancy you tend to have it in every pregnancy. I’m therefore going to assume it was the same with him and he was very late and is now bloody huge for his age, regularly gets mistaken for a 5/ 6 year old!

Try not to worry @October2020 we all have wobbles every now and again, all we can do now is control the controllables and have a little faith in nature 😊

@DobbieFreeElf thanks for letting me know and it's great to hear you already had a healthy pregnancy with the same issue, makes me feel so much better! My level is lower than yours, only 0.24 and they didn't give me aspirin but did say they will be monitoring me and keep a close eye on the growth of he baby. I will have the 16week appt. on the 6th of May when they measure my belly and apparently that will give them a good indication about the growth, but kept saying nothing is expected to be different before the 3rd trimester, so the extra scans will start from week 28.
To be honest the worst part is just to have this in the back of my mind as I was really looking forward to the second trimester and now I wish I didn't know bout this whole PAPP-A issue as there is nothing I can do anyway.

Hi all, I told my manager at ~10w as this was before the lockdown. Planning to tell the team after 20w. Had an appointment with HR already, it was very useful to know how much time I can take off. However now I need to decide when I'm going on my maternity leave. I decided on 18 days before my due date. They employer would need a MAT B1 form that I don't have yet and planning to call my midwife to get it on the 20w scan.

About googling my advice would be not to google anything that's not directly related to you, f.e. random stories of what can be discovered on 20w scan (I've made a mistake of doing it), always make sure to google positive outcome stories as well and patient advice from clinics. If anxious flag it to your midwife and let her calm you down.

@Viletta have you got any holiday left? You can piggy back that up to your mat leave so that you get maximum time with baby. My mat leave with Ds started on my due date but I also had a few days holiday which I took the days leading up to that to make the most of my time 😊

17w tomorrow and here is my gigantic belly! I had lots of lower belly fat before and now it’s not sucked in and won’t go away in the morning! I used to get away with high waisted jeans and it used to look more flat. Not anymore! 🙈

@DobbieFreeElf they said leftover holidays can be added at the beginning or the end of the mat leave. I hope 18 days is not too long.. I just feel like I'll be too huge to bother about work although I could work from home too.

Depends what work you do, I was working in an office and sat at a desk all day! I decided it was as easy doing that as it was sitting around at home! I had friends start leave earlier who were really bored because they couldn’t/ didn’t want to Do anything else! DS was 2 weeks late anyway and I was bored and huge!

@Viletta that's a good question, I didn't know we can add this year's holiday to the end of the maternity leave, assumed they need to be used in 2020, so I was thinking I will have to start maternity leave at the beginning of September (EDD is 20.10.20) as I haven't use any of my days and I have 30... That's a lovely bump, does it stay a bump when you lay on your back?

Also wanted to ask any of you have still a soft belly? Mine is not firm and it concerns me as I thought it should be at 14weeks?

@lily999 it will depend on your company I think, my employer had a use it or lose it policy so I had to take the days left from that year at the beginning. But you will also accrue holiday days whilst you’re on mat leave which you can add on to the end.

@Lily999 I don't have a firm bump at all - I had quite a lot of tummy fat before hand anyway but definitely no hard bump here.

Thank you @DobbieFreeElf for the info, I will check this for sure as I would prefer adding the 6weeks to the end of the maternity leave rather than the beginning.

Thanks @october2020 it's good to hear as I was worried. I am So impatient it's unreal! Can't wait for my next appt at 16week to be here already.11days to go.

My Health Board Exemption Certificate and I am not sure what to use it for, but it's exciting to have :)

Does anyone know whether you can start maternity leave after the due date? I.e. could I finish late September, have three weeks holiday (due date is 9 Oct) and then start my mat leave on 18 Oct or something like that. Or is that illegal?! If not would seem an option for lots of people on here.

Wow @Viletta that's a great bump! Definitely showing there. Mine is still borderline - actually very similar to @Flapjackered's I think (which make sense with the same ET day). See below. @Lily999 in answer to your question mine is firm now but it wasn't at 14 weeks, literally only in the last week to 10 days (I'm 16 weeks tomorrow). After my meltdown about the weight loss I suddenly really noticed things a few days later. Almost like baby is trying to calm neurotic mother down. 😂 So sure you'll get it soon.

I have my 16 week midwife appointment by phone Monday morning so will let you all know what that shapes up like and if it works by phone. No tests, no measurements, no weighing (!) I'd much rather go in really but it is what it is...

@Wimbledon1 I do t think you can do that but the 3w holidays should transferred at the end of your mat leave so you won't loose them. Best to check with your hr though.

@Wimbledon1 awwww I love your belly! Looks so cute! I think mine is approximately the same size underneath all the fat 😂 it definitely grew during week 16!

@Wimbledon1 I looked it up in the Employee's handbook now and it says:

"Note: the law requires a mother to take the first 2weeks as maternity leave following the birth of her child."

Not entirely clear whether it means you can't use your holidays, but I was going to use the holiday days before the due date, however I was also thinking what happens if the baby comes early or later? If I have 6weeks of holidays and must start maternity leave when the baby comes what happens to those days if the baby comes 3weeks early?
Also makes sense what @Viletta is saying that you transfer the weeks to the end, just need to make sure we keep track as the end of the maternity leave is when you don't get paid for 2months, but if you are using your holidays that should be full pay.?

Thank you so much for putting my mind at ease, it's so great to hear you also didn't have a firm belly, but then it changed later on. :)

@Lily999 good point about holidays being paid or not. I think they won't be as the money will be spread over the year we are paid. My HR sent me a complex excel calculator to work out all of this. It's a mind bend so I think it's best to talk to them directly as companies might have different policies on carrying over the holidays. Holidays in my case also included bank holidays! So it's indeed around 30 days. No pay though towards end of my mat leave anyway.

Thanks for the advice girls. Agree the best thing is going to be to speak to HR (it's a small organisation and I've not known anyone be pregnant in the 18 months I've been there so this will give them something to think about). However to do that I'd need to have told my boss and I chickened out yesterday! We had our call but quite a lot on the agenda, and at 2.28pm (when I knew he had another call at 2.30pm) he said "anything else from you". Two minutes seemed wildly insufficient for the bombshell so I went "nope, have a good weekend" 🙈

Maybe next week...! 😂

My emergency bras from Amazon arrived - sooo comfy, can recommend if anyone is looking (pic attached).

Re. work - you've reminded me I need to tell HR still. I had to tell my boss after 7 wk scan because of the nature of my job, and have told most other folk in last week or so.

I am EXHAUSTED today!! Have basically moved from bed to sofa. Even tiring to type this 😂. Not had a day like this for a while. Going to listen to my body and rest.

Hello Ladies, hope the weekend was great! :)

@Viletta I would be surprised if our holidays wasn't paid as that is coming from your employer and your SMP is coming from the government.
I am planning on talking to HR once I had my 16week appointment next week as right now I am still in the phase when I am doubting whether this pregnancy is real and/or happening. I've been here before, it was just prior to my 12weeks scan, it's awful. Belly is still soft, I do feel pregnant, but I wish I had a definitive bump instead of one that looks like one, but doesn't "feel" like one.

@Chooklass I was feeling the same on Saturday, all I wanted to do is sleep and the fact it was gorgeous outside was just killing me as I felt super guilty. So ended up sleeping until 2PM, then we did our first bbq in the garden with DH, it was very nice. :)

Signed up for NCT classes and booked the Harmony test for next Saturday, we are so excited to find out the sex of the baby! Any of you have any "feelings" about yours at all?

Hey @Lily999. It is reassuring me that your stomach is still soft. I got into a real state this morning poking mine!! It feels different I think but definitely not the hard firm ball the apps describe :(

Yay for NCT and harmony- we have a scan next week that will hopefully tell us the sex, I think boy but not sure. ICSI produces slightly more girls and IVF slightly more boys! We were ICSI so we will see...