Dec19/Jan20 IVF Graduates - Thread 2

[Chooklass]

New thread for us all to keep in touch. Think we're all nearing the end of the first trimester or dipping our toes into the second ... how far we've come since the days of agonising over stims!

Link to old thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/birth_clubs/3812203-Dec19-Jan20-IVF-Graduates

Thank you all for the pram tips! @FlapJackered I saw a youtube comparison video of the uppababy vista and the nuna demi grow and they both came out great and sturdy. Yes, rather pricey, obviously hoping we can convert it into a double soon.... :)

@Viletta for me it's a bit more complex as I do feel so very sad for others if a round fails, our first round worked, but at the same time we are still so far from those who never even have think about IVF or infertility at all as they succeed naturally so I will never feel guilty as we did wait for years to get here and went through so much. In Kgs I gained about 6.5 so far, measuring myself every morning and keeping a record in Ovia app, figured out when I am sleepy and my energy goes down baby is having a growth surge, then energy goes back up, my bump gets a size bigger.

How are your bumps now ladies?

I am having those days now when I can't wait to meet him, but also enjoying my pregnancy being patient and impatient at the same time, such a strange period. :)

@Viletta 4kg so far, I am starting to get spooked by my almost non existent bump, I feel like I just look a little plump around the middle!

I’m sure it will pop at some point soon and know the baby is measuring fine from the scan last week - it’s just that I’d like to start wearing some of the maternity clothes I’ve bought.

On the prams height is also a factor, they all adjust (I imagine) but to find one that works for your height stride and that of your partner is a key consideration. I’m going to test the one we purchased this weekend in a shop, that way I can cancel it if we decide another is better.

Tommee Tippee (I thought was just bottles!) have good offers on Growbag / sleep bags at the moment if anyone needs those, I need to do more reading on what babies should wear for sleeping as I have no clue! Also whenever it was that suggested looking out for integrated scratch mitts, thank you! I’ve been noting lots with them now but only when I take the time to read the product description rather than looking just at the cute pictures!

Oh god the pram thing I'm finding totally overwhelming to be honest. Eg do we even want to buy a straight-up pram, or one of those three way travel set things where you can switch the pram/carry cot and car seat over on the wheels etc? Looks financially sensible and convenient, but pram quality presumably less good etc. It's a minefield!!

But I did order a lovely non rocking nursing chair, thanks @DobbieFreeElf. As much as anything I need it for third trimester as my sofa is extremely low and soft and already getting uncomfortable- that's before I can't get off it 😂

I agree on the partial guilt as have a friend whose third round failed as mine worked and then another whose was cancelled due to Covid, then she got pregnant naturally and the damn pregnancy was ectopic!! 😣 so now she's lost a tube too. @Viletta is right that it's better to feel lucky than guilty, but also I didn't go through as much as you all to get here, mine worked first time!

My weight is still an issue I think. Looking forward to in person midwife on Monday to see if they think it is. I've gained less than 2kg since booking in. I keep being told that's on the lower end but not a problem but, 2kg?! That's just lockdown fat!!!
I guess there is always something. I am lucky on the movements with my placenta position, I feel the kicks throughout the day now, in the evening really quite powerfully, so I know it's growing and getting stronger. So some of you have gained the weight but are worried about softer kicks, I've gained very little but am getting booted around. Think there is an extent to which we are still just pre-disposed to worry....!

Oh god, here goes, I’ve put on... 13.5kg 😳😭 I had a midwife appointment yesterday and I said to her my only concern at the moment was how much weight I have put on. She said she doesn’t weigh me until 28weeks and fat club is cancelled at the moment 🤣 I told her I am very aware of my increase and I’m trying to make good choices and I’ve started switching sandwiches for salads etc so she knows I’m already on it.

The thing is, I gained 6lb between starting treatment and ET already, my exercise dropped from 5 sessions a week to just walking, then I had the SCH so was told not to exercise until that had reabsorbed which didn’t happen until 20weeks and now I can barely walk!!! Add lockdown on top of that, which the midwife said she has definitely taking into consideration!

Anyway, my aim is to try and not gain any more until my next appointment then take it from there... 😭

I'm too scared to weigh myself 🙈🙈🙈!

I've got a friend who got pregnant first month trying naturally and she is actually way more anxious than me about the pregnancy. I surely wouldn't want her to be guilty because I had to do IVF. Life is not equal or fair and we do the best we can.

I read babies sleep in babygrows or sleepsuits. I've got a couple for newborns and 1-3 months. There are really nice ones on Vertbaudet, I got ones lime kimono that can be fully undone.

Oh sorry I didn't mean it that way, I don't think anyone should ever feel guilty, I was just pointing out how everyone's story is different when it comes to getting pregnant.

My friend and her sister in law got pregnant last year in the same month then the SIL lost the baby and now she is having a hard time as my friend's pregnancy is a constant reminder for her where would she be :( . Life can be so cruel sometimes...

Oh the weight! I have put on at least 10kg. I haven't weighed myself in a week or so, so I am sure that has gone up more. 😬

My bump feels huge now and is definitely getting in the way...maybe that is where all the weight is going!
Does anyone else keep spilling stuff on it, it is creating a lot of washing! 😂

Is anyone buying a breast pump, or are you going to wait and see? My sister struggled with the breast feeding and had to pump to increase her supply, so I want to make sure I'm prepared but at the same time you can over prepare for everything!

I keep bumping mine into stuff @FlapJackered as well as regular spillages!

I breastfed DS for nearly a year and once we had that established he wouldn’t take a bottle. I think eventually (and I guess it was 6 months+) he did but bfing was much less faff! I just got a manual tomee tipee one which was super cheap and good enough to get a but in to the freezer for an emergency.

That said, the Evie has really caught my eye but it’s bloody expensive and I won’t buy one unless I know I’ll be using it. To be honest, you can pretty much get anything delivered in a day or 2 now so maybe see how you go? C

Oh my, what is this witchcraft?! happiestbaby.co.uk/products/snoo-smart-bassinet

I was thinking the same about getting everything in advance, had the typical expecting parent-freak out the other day "OMG we have nothing, we are not ready!!" :) Then soon realised nowadays anything gets delivered within days if we forget something DH should be able to sort it.

We have a new issue though, went to see the pram and it doesn't fit in my boot. I drive a hybrid Yaris and I was convinced it's a "not small car", then had to realise it'll only work if I fold the back seat so it's far from ideal for doing shopping etc., but we were told the frame will be roughly the same size for all so choosing a different model probably won't solve this. Anyhow, I guess I just have to keep the back seat down for the time being... :(

@FlapJackered I keep finding bread crumps on my belly, it's so funny :) Also started to notice I am changing everyday things, like the way I am drying my toes after taking a shower or putting on my shoes, not really lady like xD

@Lily999 can you fit the pram underneath the back seat? I heard that although frames might be similar size they all fold differently. I also wonder if my Mothercare one will fit in our car, it doesn't fold very compactly. Also how to fit pram, dog and baby all in one car.. I think we're going to change the car at some point.

@DobbieFreeElf haha the automatic rocking comes with a price tag! Wonder if baby is actually happy with constant movement..

Glad to here I'm not the only one piling on weight! Definitely spilling stuff on my belly and just these couple of days ago started feeling heavy. Today is my last day of 2d trimester! Week 29 starts tomorrow!

I'll probably get a breast pump after birth, not sure which one I'll need if I need one.

@Wimbledon1 I think most weight is gained in 3d trimester, as long as baby is normal size and they are for you it's fine not to gain much weight just now. Your midwife seems not to be concerned. Baby will take what they need and you are probably loosing some of your own weight. It's interesting how everyone's body and bump size is so different.

This is me today

Another food spiller here!! I am generally very clumsy these days. Have broken three things in kitchen in last month - I just don't do that! My job involves handling fragile objects! Hate to think what disasters may have occurred if I wasn't safely stuck at home 🙈.

@DobbieFreeElf that crib is definitely witchcraft, and I guess witchcraft comes at a price! Sitting here thinking 'how ridiculous!' but I bet we'll consider anything once we've had a few sleepless weeks!

I've been given a Nuby 'natural touch' manual breast pump from a friend who never used it. If I end up needing to express lots I'll probably invest in an automatic one. I love the thought of a hands-free one so I can do other things at the same time. Aspirational!

Lovely bump @Viletta !! ❤️

I’m also wondering about if I should be buying a pump. I’m thinking of ordering a cheap manual one in case of an emergency and then figure everything can be delivered within a few days if I need it / someone can run out and get it for me. I hope to BF but also want to introduce a bottle so my husband can have the experience of feeding / to allow me a few hours to myself to get my hair cut / meet a friend for a coffee. I’ve had so many friends who have left it too late to bring in the bottle and then have ended up feeding until they go back to work so want to avoid that if I can. Books seem to have very mixed messaging on this!

What is everyone else decided about when to go on mat leave? I need to confirm to my employers next week and am thinking of going on mat leave a week before EDD but also taking 2 weeks leave before that. I am torn as if I am still WFH at that time rather than commuting to London I maybe happy to keep working on a bit longer. I’m not very good at having lots of time to sit about on my own and think / worry.

@Lily999 I had the exact same panic yesterday! I’ve ordered a load of plain sleep suits / vests etc plus swaddles / sleeping bags and made a list of things we need - now feel a bit calmer as seeing the list written out makes me realise that most of it can probably be found and delivered within a week and aside from the big purchases things are starting to become more readily available now.

Time seems to be flying now, a friend said to me the count down from 20 weeks is far quicker than the count up to 20. So true!

Gorgeous bump @Viletta!

@justkeeprunning5 I was going to go on leave 2 weeks before but now that I'm likely to be WFH until then I think I'll just keep going until my due date. If I'd been commuting through my pregnancy I'd definitely need a break before the baby arrives but actually think I'd be a bit bored and drive myself mad now! Might take a couple of long weekends to do some fun things with DH, if that feels safe by then.

I'm officially on leave from 1st September but I'm a teacher so I break up next week. Haven't been in work since lockdown so feels like the longest maternity leave ever.

We are pretty organised now as I had that "WE HAVE NOTHING SORTED" panic a few weeks ago. Nursery furniture and pram are here. Snuzpod is on order. Have enough clothes for 10 babies as people gave me loads! Just need some vests and hats but otherwise sorted.

It's the fiddly stuff I'm not sorted with... things like nail clippers, breast pump, nappies etc. I've got all the easy and obvious stuff but keep waking up in the night and thinking 'nappy rash cream' or 'hospital bag'!

My anxiety has been really bad this week so I rang the mental health team today. They were great and are going to be in touch more now. It's anxiety about keeping her alive - I'm getting irrationally worked up about accidentally sleeping on my back, driving etc. I know it is irrational but yesterday I had a panic attack on the side of the motorway! Need to get a grip with it.

Well done for contacting the MH team @October2020 please try not to worry too much, they really are quite tough little creatures! Look DS made a rather dramatic attempt on himself and me last week and he bounced! Remember there are cavewomen who managed to be pregnant, give birth and raise children with no healthcare and none of the information we have today! (That’s what I like to remind myself!)

So rewinding the conversation slightly to the chat about feeling guilty about ivf working etc, I’ve just found out my childhood best friend is pregnant and expecting twins. For some irrational reason, I cannot fathom or explain, I felt slightly jealous. She was only trying for 1 month and I don’t know why, it’s stupid, I mean I’m sitting here with a kicking bean in my belly. I think the toll of many years of trying and miscarriages and treatment and everything can have such a big impact that might not ever go away. Do you know what I mean or am I crazy?!

@Chooklass @October2020 I’ve decided on leaving for mat leave 5 days before EDD, preceded by 2 weeks annual leave. If I end up commuting 5 days a week before then I may reconsider the approach... but seems unlikely at this point!

@October2020 well done on contacting the support team, this is exactly why they are there and I’m sure they will be a big help to you. As someone who has suffered panicked attacks before I can fully sympathise. Hope they are in touch soon.

@DobbieFreeElf I think what you are feeling is perfectly natural, not crazy at all! I was listening to the BFN podcast a few weeks back where they discussed this exact thing. I still get a bit miffed when I calculate that someone must have got pregnant on the first few times of trying (obviously nobody ever knows for sure, but when you are told / it follows a few months after their wedding / they have known each other for a few months). I’m not sure it will ever fully leave me but it certainly stings a lot less now than it did when we were TTC / going through IVF. Others that get me are those who say ‘oh it took ages this time, 5 while months’. I know it’s all relative but I can’t help but do an internal eye roll when I hear it. Hopefully these feelings will go as the years go by and we have our own little ones at home, it’s not a side of me that I like very much!

Thanks @justkeeprunning5 glad to know I’m not the only one! I swear the whole last few years has really moulded me into the person I am today (obviously any experience will do that) and I’m not always sure I like the feelings these things ignite in me.

I’d recommend starting your mat leave as late as possible as long as you’re comfortable. The last few weeks of pregnancy are so boring and uncomfortable. If you’re goi big to be uncomfortable at home why not be using those days to add onto the end of your year off when you will have much more fun with them. Also remember, along with holiday accrued we’ll be starting back shortly before Christmas so if you usually have a Christmas break at work it will be a nice way to ease gently back into work (possibly 🤣)!

I’m still bloody worrying about the virus and what I should and shouldn’t be doing. I have friends who are pregnant with their second who have started taking their first kids with friends to playgrounds, zoos and kids attractions and I just don’t feel comfortable doing that yet. I mean kids are gross germ carriers at the best of times, I had to stop DS licking a barrier in argos the other day 🤦🏻‍♀️ I know that I should just do what I’m comfortable with but now I don’t feel I can see those people because whatever their kids pick up DS is sure to catch (when he tries to lick their faces!) 🤷🏻‍♀️ Mind Fuck!